When is it time to let go?

seulf

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My girl Diamond is roughly 14 years old now, and has been in renal failure for the past year. She's not eating or drinking much, and I am starting to think it will be time to have her put down soon so she won't suffer. I am just having trouble figuring out when that will be.

Some background: We got Diamond when she was about 2 years old (they estimated), the night we brought her home she got sick and we had to rush her to the vet. I was a kid back then (8 years old) so I don't remember what was wrong, but I do know the vet told us to fatten her up because she was very skinny. He said for us to let her eat as much as she wanted, so we did. Since then, she has been overweight, but healthy otherwise. We tried for years to get her to play or run or do something to shed some pounds, but she was LAZY, all she did each and every day was lay in her bed and watch the world pass. Since she was happy, we let her.

Now: She has shrunk from her former 15 pounds down to about 6-7 within the past year. I can't get an accurate weight because she is such a wiggle-worm when I hold her and get on a scale. She's eating about an eighth of a cup of dry food every day. We tried to switch her to a renal diet recommended wet food, and she threw it up and wouldn't try any other wet food afterwards, so we're giving her what she'll eat. She drinks every day, but I am noticing it is getting less and less overnight, if I had to estimate I would say it is about an eighth of a cup of water as well. I know for sure she has a UTI by the way her urine smells when I scoop it, she had one about six months ago and we gave her medicine for it, she threw that up. We took her back in, they gave her a shot, and it made her horribly sick and she wouldn't eat or drink for three days. I thought for sure we were going to have to put her down at the end of that third day, but she finally got up and drank and let us breathe a sigh of relief.

We also have had to have her shaved and bathed the whole time we have had her, because of how thick her fur is. She wouldn't clean herself properly because of her weight, she wasn't 'filthy', but she would get very oily. We got her shaved on her last vet visit, which was the day before we found out she had a UTI and took her in for the oral medication. Her fur still has not grown in properly from the last shaving, whereas usually it is back within the month.

From all of the above, you are probably sitting and thinking, "Why in the world hasn't this poor animal been put down yet?!" Here is where I am torn. While she was overweight, she hardly moved from her spot. Now that she has lost weight, she is up about three times a day, rubbing on us, rolling around on the floor so we can rub her belly, letting us play with her paws, etc etc. And she seems genuinely happy, happier than we've ever seen her be in her entire 12 years with us. Because her fur is still partially shaved down, she feels better, she isn't oily, and when we have visitors they will actually pet her instead of wrinkling their noses, which in turn makes her happy.

I have only had to have one animal put down before. That was Lucy, she had lymphoma and I was a horrible owner and waited too long. She stopped drinking, I didn't notice because she used a communal bowl, and then she seized up and we had to rush her in to have her put down so she wouldn't suffer. That was a terrible experience, both for me and for Lucy (and my poor mother that had to drive her sobbing daughter and seizing pet to the vet), and I never want it to happen again.

So I guess at this point, I am looking for some guidance. Diamond normally drinks at night, and our dog is the only one who uses that communal bowl, he sleeps with me at night and doesn't get up to eat or drink, so I can tell how much she drinks pretty easily. (Indiana has a water fountain in my room, he is horribly stuck up and won't drink unless the water is running!) Indy will occasionally munch from her food bowl, but he likes his own food better, so he never has more than a nibble. That makes it pretty easy for me to guess how much she's eaten throughout the day as well. Should I just be waiting until she decides she doesn't want to eat/drink anymore? I figure at that point her pain will outweigh her happiness, but it seems horrible to wait for her to be in pain...

I am not afraid of losing her, I have the tools to cope and she has had a comfy and carefree life. I definitely do not want her to be in pain, but I don't want to have her go too soon either if she is still enjoying herself.
 

catbehaviors

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I personally don't think that you should put her down. If I was sick, I believe that I would rather die in pain, than have my family kill me. Maybe I would change my mind in that situation, but that is just my opinion now. If she seems happy, then I don't think you should. I mean, to have someone controlling if you live or not, seems kind of scary to me. If you were a happy cat, and then your owner took you in and got you put down, wouldn't you feel bad? Anyway, as you can see, I am thinking that the time isn't right.


Hope this helps,
Eileen
 

darlili

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Have you had this talk with your vet? She can probably give you guidance as to what to look for as indications of pain, and if it truly is time to offer release. If you think she has a UTI, I do urge you to see the vet - that's very uncomfortable (I speak from human experience as well!)

From that you're saying, I'm not sure you're quite at the end stage, but I would urge you to have her examined - I know you're worried because you don't want to wait that day too long, and you want to do the right thing from your love for her, but I think you may need some professional guidance from the vet regarding Diamond's quality of life right now.
 
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seulf

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Originally Posted by darlili

Have you had this talk with your vet? She can probably give you guidance as to what to look for as indications of pain, and if it truly is time to offer release. If you think she has a UTI, I do urge you to see the vet - that's very uncomfortable (I speak from human experience as well!)

From that you're saying, I'm not sure you're quite at the end stage, but I would urge you to have her examined - I know you're worried because you don't want to wait that day too long, and you want to do the right thing from your love for her, but I think you may need some professional guidance from the vet regarding Diamond's quality of life right now.
Our vet has been horrible thus far, I am going to take her to a vet that's about an hour's drive away instead of this terrible one near us. Hopefully they will have more to say about it. Our vet right now was under the impression that all we could do for her is put her on Science Diet's renal food and try to make her comfortable... and neglected to tell us anything else useful! I will certainly inquire about more UTI treatments at the new vet, but I would hate for her to go without eating/drinking again when she's already so skinning. Maybe it was just that specific type of medicine that got her upset.

I will definitely take her in to someone competent and see what they think.
 

bunnelina

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Originally Posted by catbehaviors

I personally don't think that you should put her down. If I was sick, I believe that I would rather die in pain, than have my family kill me. Maybe I would change my mind in that situation, but that is just my opinion now. If she seems happy, then I don't think you should. I mean, to have someone controlling if you live or not, seems kind of scary to me. If you were a happy cat, and then your owner took you in and got you put down, wouldn't you feel bad? Anyway, as you can see, I am thinking that the time isn't right.


Hope this helps,
Eileen
Animals don't fear death, they fear pain and suffering. I think that putting a terminally ill cat out of its misery is one of the greatest gifts we can give — although it takes an enormous toll on us because "killing" that beloved cat goes against everything in our nature that says, "Care, heal, love, nurture." But euthanasia is a great and powerful final gift to a cat who is in pain.

I've watched people suffering while dying, and I wish we could offer it to them. I have no wish whatsoever to suffer before I die. And I don't think any cat ever wants to suffer on and on, when there's nothing left for them to enjoy in life. We can spare them agony, at least, if not our beloved humans.

Finding the proper time to do it is very tricky. Some people say "Your cat will tell you," but you need to be really good at interpreting your cats behavior if you're going to go that way. Other people say, "You just know." I think that's true in some cases, but for the rest of us, we're confused and ambivalent and can't figure it out.

A young vet helped me out with this once by telling me to make a list of all the things my cat enjoyed when she was healthy, and compare that list to what she was capable of appreciating when she was very ill with lymphoma and heart disease. That made my cat's situation very clear to me. And so I put her down. I felt absolutely horrible about it then. But I feel glad now, looking back, that I gave her a good life AND an easy death. The people here on thecatsite helped me find some perspective.

But I didn't really need to YOU any of this, SEULF. You've been there and you know. My regular vet says that in all her years of practicing, it's still very difficult to get it right no matter how careful you are. All you can do is try your best.

Right now you cat likes your attention and she's active. Take her to the new vet and find out everything you can about palliative care. Maybe IV fluids can work for her; they've given many cats with kidney failure a new lease on life. I do it for my 15-year-old Persian every other day. I warm the water so it feels good going in, and he purrs loudly through the whole thing.

Find food she enjoys, even if it's not great for her kidneys. The key is to let her have her little pleasures for as long as she can, no try to prolong things for your own sake. But you know that, too.

Keep your cat's quality-of-life list in mind, and you will know. Best of luck to you.
 
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