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May I have some vibes please?

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
I had mentioned on a Thanksgiving thread about my father. He's been suffering from emphysema and it's not good. Hospice is bringing a bed for their living room this morning. It won't be there very long as the nurse told me last Wednesday night that it may be a week before we'll lose him. I love my dad...I just dearly love my dad.

My aunt (Dad's sister) is also in her last days. She was admitted to hospital on Thanksgiving morning with a raging urinary tract infection and she's not responding to antibiotics. She had been in a nursing home for the last several months; she has dementia. She fell and broke her hip a few months back. Recently, she fell again and now has two pelvic fractures. She's pretty much unresponsive, although when I was in on Saturday, I leaned down and told her who I was. She reached up, took my hands and pressed my hands to her chest. But she never opened her eyes.

The doctor called my sister yesterday and asked if we wanted a feeding tube inserted. After talking to me, we agreed that no feeding tube was necessary, that she should be allowed to pass on. In our opinion, the quality of her life has taken a drastic turn and we want her to die in peace.

Last night, I received a phone call from a friend I met a few years ago when I was walking over lunch. I met their dog first, a beautiful yellow lab, named Molly. The couple is elderly, but she and I got to be pretty close friends and her husband always waited in his chair for me to walk by at lunch. Molly would walk out the driveway, tail wagging, and I'd always talk to her; she was my little canine girl. Bill and I would chat for about 10 minutes or so, then I'd go out in back and chat with Anita, who was always gardening in her flower beds. They had the most beautiful yard in town. Anyway, Bill called me last night; his wife is dying from stomach cancer. I knew she was bad and I had just been in to see them about two weeks ago. She, too, took a drastic turn for the worse; Bill says she probably won't last another week or so.

It's too much. It's just too much right now. Honestly, I'm to the point where I don't know whether I'm coming or going. On Friday night, I think everything just hit me...the reality of losing both my dad and my aunt and I just sat down and cried and cried. DH wasn't home; he and my brother had gone to a football play-off game for our old alma mater. Which was probably a good thing; I don't like to cry in front of anyone.

And then on Sunday, DH started putting the lights on the tree and I broke down again. Dad just loves Christmas and he loved to decorate their house and yard. It was always the neatest house in the neighborhood with a big old Santa on the roof. He loved to work with wood and he was always making something for the yard for Christmas for us.

May I please have good thoughts for my father and my aunt and my friend, that they can all pass on in peace? No more pain for any of them. They've been through so much and they need to be at rest now. Thank you. (And thank you for reading.)
post #2 of 17
Oh sweetheart, I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through right now. You are VERY much in my thoughts, and lots of vibes coming from me!
post #3 of 17
Oh my goodness. Of course you have all the good thoughts I can muster for you and for the loved ones you who are facing such dire challenges. I wish them all peace in the coming weeks.

All I can advise is that you just take things moment by moment. This is one of those situations where you have so little control, so just "go along for the ride" and lend a hand when and where you can. Lean on others for strength. I've found this site to be invaluable in the last weeks with my health issues.

I am sorry you are going through this. Just know you don't have to do it alone.

Hugs,

Cally
post #4 of 17
Absolutely! all my prayers and vibes are going with you through this terrible time. The fact that you want them to have a peaceful end shows how dearly you love them. You just want the pain to end. Having it all happening during the holidays is extra stressful, I'm sure. I loved my mom more than my life, but after watching her suffer for so long I began praying for it to all end--regardless of how much it was going to break my heart. My suffering was nothing compared to hers. Please know, we're here for you.
post #5 of 17
What an extremely difficult time you're going through - dreading the end, but hoping it will be quick and painless for those who are leaving. My thoughts are with you, your father, aunt and friend.
post #6 of 17
Oh honey, I'm so very sorry! I truly can't imagine what you're going thru. Sending many, many that these special people have a peaceful transition when the time comes.
You and your sister made a very courageous and loving decision regarding your aunt.
Treasure the time you have left with your loved ones. Your family will be in my prayers.
post #7 of 17
post #8 of 17
I'm so sorry. Please try to take care of yourself.
post #9 of 17
Sometimes thing seem to happen all at once. Sending many and good thoughts that you and your loved ones get thru this
post #10 of 17
Ill send you some huge vibes and hugs from across the susquehanna. I'm sorry your going thru all of this.
post #11 of 17
Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry! It's especially hard during the holidays, and I'm sorry this is all happening at once - and now. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family, and your friend.
post #12 of 17
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much for your thoughts and words! I'm going to see Bill tonight after work. Then I'm going to the hospital to see my aunt. Then after dinner, DH and I are going up to see my parents before going to my aunt's apartment to clean a bit more; that's an incredible job as my aunt was quite the packrat. We finally finished cleaning the kitchen the other night and am working on packing away the dining room.

Dad is being Dad. After he finally agreed to the bed this morning, Hospice brought the bed to the house. And he refused it. The nurse said he'd have to go back to the nursing home and Dad said he'd do that. He can be cantankerous when he wants; it's a Dad thing. Mom disagreed and said that he needed the bed and that he was staying in the house where he belongs. Parents!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
post #13 of 17
So so sorry to hear about all this happening at once to the people your love. I know it makes it even harder, being around the holidays. I don't even really know you or your family and I am having to take a deep breath not to start bawling. I guess it's kind of reminding me of my dad too. Hospice kept telling my stepmom he probably wouldn't last the night, I got a last minute flight home to see him and ended up there for almost a month. Not that it was necessarily better, he wasn't really with it, when he was awake, oh I don't know, there's no right thing to say here, so I will stop. Enjoy your time with your dad, and your aunt and your friend. Cry in front people, or just in front of the cats. Do what you need to do. And keep in touch with us here, posting or PMing. You and your family and friends are in my thoughts.
post #14 of 17
I'm so sorry Pam hearing all of this. It would get to me too. I'm sending best wishes to your Dad, Aunt and Molly's Mom. I know you were always closer to your Dad and love him very much. I know the sadness of losing a parent and it's always tough. Though you know they are suffering, it's still tragic when they leave us. Again I'm very sorry to hear this.
post #15 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellaandme View Post
Absolutely! all my prayers and vibes are going with you through this terrible time. The fact that you want them to have a peaceful end shows how dearly you love them. You just want the pain to end. Having it all happening during the holidays is extra stressful, I'm sure. I loved my mom more than my life, but after watching her suffer for so long I began praying for it to all end--regardless of how much it was going to break my heart. My suffering was nothing compared to hers. Please know, we're here for you.
I felt the same way while my Mom was suffering in the hospital during the holidays many years ago. I prayed He would take her so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. My Mom loved Christmas so much, and she left us on Christmas Eve which was and still is devastating to our family. We were opening her gifts on Christmas Day, she would have wanted us too. Yes losing a loved one around the holidays just seems more tragic.
post #16 of 17
I'm terrible at knowing what to say in situations like this, so....

post #17 of 17
I'm soo sorry to hear that all of this is going on right now; what a tough time You and your family are in my prayers!
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