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She's gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Page 2

post #31 of 52
Thread Starter 
Thanks,Hissy,I try real hard to forget some of the things she did,because I know she did not know all she was doing.
post #32 of 52
Sherral, my heart goes out to you. It is such a difficult thing to go through, caring for an aging parent with any kind of medical problems, and to have dementia added to the mix just makes this an emotional minefield.

I understood your first post to be not delight that you had finally shipped her away, but rather relief that you finally had a solution to a situation that had become unbearable.

The most valuable advice we received with the care of my mother was, once she moved to a hospice, we could stop being caregivers, which is emotionally and physically draining, and go back to being a loving supportive family.

The stress of caregiving sometimes takes over your whole life, and can make you physically and emotionally unwell. If you have a healthy body and a healthy heart, then you can survive the difficult things that she does with love and kind memories of times past that were not so difficult.
post #33 of 52
(((((((((((((((Big Hugs to Sherral & Ted))))))))))))))))))))
post #34 of 52
Quote:
Originally posted by sherral46
Thanks,Hissy,I try real hard to forget some of the things she did,because I know she did not know all she was doing.
Hey Sherral - I'm sorry she frightened you, too. You know, the sicker dad became, the more physical he became and it was scary as heck.

At our local Alzheimer's Support Group just about everyone has a scary story to tell... My dad gave my mom a black eye when she was sleeping... he thought he was in Japan and thought mom was an enemy! Eventually he calmed down but obviously he became more than my mother could handle.

We had to be careful about leaving the grand kids alone with him because of these outbursts. The doctors call it "Sun Downing" - It's typical that dementia sufferers get more agitated in the evenings and act out…
post #35 of 52
Quote:
Originally posted by Tybalt
Two Great Grandmothers, my Grandfather, and two years working in convalescent homes and terminal hospices. Do I qualify to have an opinion now?

Perhaps clueless was too mild a term. I'm looking for a word that combines a shallow vacancy of humanity with the quality of taking pleasure in deliberately inflicting emotional pain on someone who is already obviously suffering. That would be how I would describe those slamming Sherral in this thread.

Tybalt-I've only really seen one post that MIGHT be considered slamming. Calling other people clueless could also be considered slamming by some. I myself am not clueless. I hear the stories my husband brings home every day and i've visited there on a reg basis as well. Your right Dementia is a very sad thing,90% of the people who are in my dh care home have it. They've pretty much lost their minds. They turn from gentle caring people to people who are abusive and are always so lost. Very sad I just hope that in my old age i never have to go through that.
post #36 of 52
When parents get old they are a burden but to be happy and cheering thats is just mean and sad. when you were little who took care of you your parents. When parents get old it is our turn to take care of them. Thats how it goes the stuff she says she dosent mean it. I was very upset and angry when i read this post. That grownups are excited about this that isnt right at all im so discusted
post #37 of 52
Quote:
Originally posted by lau77
When parents get old they are a burden but to be happy and cheering thats is just mean and sad. when you were little who took care of you your parents. When parents get old it is our turn to take care of them. Thats how it goes the stuff she says she dosent mean it. I was very upset and angry when i read this post. That grownups are excited about this that isnt right at all im so discusted
WHOA Wendy ! What exactly are you disgusted by?
Nursing Homes?
post #38 of 52
No i am disgusted by people being happy and cheering that the poor women is in the nursing home. Thats not right
post #39 of 52
Quote:
Originally posted by lau77
No i am disgusted by people being happy and cheering that the poor women is in the nursing home. Thats not right
Um, If you go back and read this thread carefully, it's clear that no one is happy and cheering about this.

post #40 of 52
Quote:
Originally posted by DragonLady
:rainbow: :kitty5: :rainbow: :kitty5: Whoooooo hooooo!
oh no peopl arent happy what is this and the first post she says yes yes yes she is gone i know it is hard but dont post it and have people cheer and be happy for you.
post #41 of 52
First of all, my guess would be that Teresa and Sherral have a friendship beyond the board, and Sherral has shared with DragonLady some of the heartache that she had to endure while taking care of her mother-in-law for over 2 years. I think that is why the elation in this thread happened. Because most here did not know the whole scoop of what Sherral had to endure, we took it to mean that she was glad her mother in law was suffering.

In actuality (now that I know more than I did earlier), Sherral was having a release of endorphins at the relief of not having to worry about her safety or her families safety any longer. Plus in the last home where her MIL was at, she had access to a phone and she would call all hours of the night and day and upset everyone as well. Now this is just one less thing Sherral has to deal with.

And no one was slamming Sherral, they were responding without knowing the rest of the story.
post #42 of 52
Ok listen im sry but what i read it just sounded mean.
post #43 of 52
Dealing with an Alzheimer's patient is difficult and frustrating. As Sherral and Hissy have pointed out, it can also be dangerous and potentially life-threatening. Caregivers and family members frequently crack under the strain.

I would rather see Sherral exorcise her frustration and anger here, rather than take it out on MIL, physically. It appears that everyone in this situation is better off: both MIL and Sherral's family can live in peace and safety.
post #44 of 52
Sherral and Ted:

I am sorry if I offended you with my posts, but I was offended by Sherrals post in which she expresses utter GLEE that her MIL is gone off to a nursing home. She could have, and should have, expressed sorrow that it came down to this, not celebrating it. You are so right when you say I don't know the facts, because I don't. What I do know is that there was a post saying 'she's gone' with exclamation points galore, and a pure joy in tone. And no matter what MIL did in the past, the fact is she is a mother and deserves respect. RESPECT, even in her altered condition. And I won't falter on that.

To everyone else:

I am very familiar w/ dimentia. My grandmother spent 7 years w/ it before she passed on and I watched every minute of it. It was difficult and trying at times. She too was out of control and mean and cruel. But I never once rejoiced that she was moved to a facility. I cried to think that she had deteriorated to that state. I cried to think that somewhere deep inside her soul she really did know that we had sent her to a place that wasn't home.

I don't post to things in these forums for just the chance to type. I post to things that hit me in the heart, to things I care about. And I won't apologize for it.


Edit: As an added note, I certainly didn't come into this thread to cause a problem. I am a moderator here, and I know how to 'not flame' other members. And I don't think that I flamed anyone. I saw a post ( from a members point of view, not a mods ), and I wanted to reply because I felt that the emotion and joy that was being expressed was distasteful and rude. I would never post to a subject that I wasn't knowledged on, and I feel that having had a family member w/ dimentia, I had the 'right' to voice how I felt. Just like everyone else did. For those of you who don't know me well, I am a very blunt and straight forward person. And if I see something posted that I dont' agree with ( or agree with for that matter ) I say so with no apologies. This wasn't a hit at Sherral per se, it was a hit at the idea of being overjoyed that someone's mother in law just got sent off to an institution.
post #45 of 52
I think everyone needs to step back and breath for a minute. We are all friends here. People deal with things differently. No one has any right to judge anyone. yes it is sad that this person is in a nursing home now, but it sounds like it is the best and safest place for her.

I personally would be happier then hell if my mother in law was in jail right now. Now before anyone says anything you don't even know half of the story. And trust me she should be in jail but everything has been tied up in court for almost three years.

Don't judge people, i'm sure she is feeling alot of emotions right now and after everything settles down she may feel alittle different.
post #46 of 52
Thread Starter 
Ted & I were brought up to take care of your own,when they get old and sick,In Ted's mom's case,she is 90 and in good health,but we could not go to work and leave her alone,she would start to cook something and forget about it,leaving it on the stove and the gas on.Or not eat at all,she she had fallen and broke her hip and it never healed right,she will allways have some pain,and has to use a walker,which she sometimes forgets to use and falls.Even in the nursing home.I have 6 grandchildern and she would scream at them
post #47 of 52
Awww, Sherral, don't feel you are on trial or have to defend your relief of putting your mother n law in a nursing home. I think all of us understand and feel what you were going through. We are all here for each other and I really think we need to give Sherral a cyber hug because it is very tough to take care of loved ones, whether related or not, when their mentality deteriates, it takes a toll on everyone, even the animals in the house. It is not an easy job to take care of someone who is doing things that is beyond their faculties nor is it easy to make the decision of putting them in a nursing home. In other countries they don't have opportunities like this, they are stuck without any help of any kind from outside the family. Not all nursing homes are bad as the ones that I have volunteered at. Think about the care takers there, that aren't even blood related, there were times that I wonder how on earth did the relatives deal with their grandmother, mother, etc because it does take a toll on you. Lets just end this thread and give Sherral a hug and each other a hug. I'll start first (((Huuuuggg)))
post #48 of 52
Thread Starter 
I agree,someone please close this thread.
post #49 of 52
Sherral, maybe you should contact one of the Mods or Anne asking to close this thread for you.

Once again, sending you hugs!
((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
post #50 of 52
Hugs, Sherral. I'm sure you've been through a whole range of emotions in this difficult time, and have every right to feel the way you do. Peace.
post #51 of 52
I see it has been brought up here to have the thread closed. We don't normally close a thread unless the topic has gotten out of hand, which in this case it hasn't. We see there is some opinions here, strong ones at times, but everyone is handling themselves in an appropriate manner. The thread will fall off of the pages in a natural way once people stop posting to it. If anyone has any concerns, please PM one of the lounge mods and we can discuss it further.

Thanks!
post #52 of 52
Sherral - I'm sorry your Mother In Law got Dementia and I know all the nasty stuff she's been doing, I'm happy for you , you can now know that you wont get hassled like that again.

Sending lots of love to both you and Ted
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