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She's gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

post #1 of 52
Thread Starter 
To a new nursing home! Ted's mom that is. It is 1 1/2 hour's away! yes she cannot call us,only staff can,and if it is not a (er).they won't.It is really a nice place,in her home town,where she always said she want's to be when she dies. And it is not so far away,to visit a time or two. I am so happy,now if Ted & I could just find work we would be even happier!
post #2 of 52
Congrats are in order that you and Ted can now lead a peaceful life without Mom being a real bear. At least now she can't call and harrass you both.
post #3 of 52
You're a good woman to make sure she's taken care of, in spite of the way she's treated you. I'm glad you'll have some peace now. Best wishes for the job thing, & keep us posted!
post #4 of 52
:rainbow: :kitty5: :rainbow: :kitty5: Whoooooo hooooo!
post #5 of 52
I hope you have some peace now. It is so sad when parents lose their minds...I know...it happened to my mother before she died. I guess we must always remember that no matter how big of a pain it seems like they are....they are the ones who rocked us to sleep when we fussed and spit up, changed endless diapers, and were there for us when we needed them most. I pray that someday if and when my mind goes and I am calling my child in the middle of the night and being a terrible bother, that they will remember this.

post #6 of 52
Thread Starter 
she did get one last slam in before we left,Ted had gone to sign the papers,I had on a pair short's about 4 or 5 inches above the knee,she looked at me and said you look like a slut! I just walked away and didn't tell Ted,he did,t need that . They were not short, my butt and part of my leg was covered! I have seen women my age wear short's so short,there butt cheecks showed! But I guess at her age she never wore shorts above the knee! I stopped wearing short shorts after my frist kid! (fat legs,you know)
post #7 of 52

post #8 of 52
Originally posted by Debby
I hope you have some peace now. It is so sad when parents lose their minds...I know...it happened to my mother before she died. I guess we must always remember that no matter how big of a pain it seems like they are....they are the ones who rocked us to sleep when we fussed and spit up, changed endless diapers, and were there for us when we needed them most. I pray that someday if and when my mind goes and I am calling my child in the middle of the night and being a terrible bother, that they will remember this.

Like I said...her mind is gone...she realy cannot be held accountable. I'm sure she didn't really think you looked like a slut.
post #9 of 52
Originally posted by Debby
I hope you have some peace now. It is so sad when parents lose their minds...I know...it happened to my mother before she died. I guess we must always remember that no matter how big of a pain it seems like they are....they are the ones who rocked us to sleep when we fussed and spit up, changed endless diapers, and were there for us when we needed them most. I pray that someday if and when my mind goes and I am calling my child in the middle of the night and being a terrible bother, that they will remember this.

With all due respect Sherral, you seem like you are happy this woman is in a nursing home? Its not her fault that she has lost her mind. And I certainly would never speak of my mother or mother in law with such scorn, and excitement that she is gone. That is quite sad. Debby's post says it all, mothers are who took care of us when we were helpless, the least we can do is take care of them and not celebrate when we get rid of them.
post #10 of 52
Daniela, whether it is her MIL's fault or not (due to mental decline), her MIL has been pretty much unbearable for a while now. Sherral and her husband have shouldered this responsibility pretty much themselves, and having seen my parents go through this with my grandmother, I know what kind of a strain it puts on you. It is a relief to let go of the stress.
post #11 of 52
Speaking as someone who is living through this type of hell right now with my mother-in-law. I have to say that the only relief I will ever feel is when my mother-in-law is released from her hell (dementia)and finally sent to the angels. This woman has put both Mike and I through all sorts of hell of her own making, including running me off her property with a shot gun when I was attempting to trap the multitude of ferals she fed there. She has slapped me, ran me behind the door and tried to slam me into it. She has said dirty, vile things about her son and about me.

Some would say that this dementia she is now in is payback, but all I can feel for her is an immense sadness that this mental instability is now what makes up her entire existence. She was a bright, educated woman at one time, and I refuse to believe that she does these things with intent to harm. For over 7 years she lived in a pee infested house because she cut a hole in the screen of one of her windows allowing the wild cats access to her home. She put litter in her bathtub and never scooped and cleaned, and the males would spray everywhere. She lived in this filth while we tried to get someone in the family to do something about it. She breathed in those fumes and never cleaned. To say her house was nasty is an understatement.

But to take delight and scream and shout that this bitter old lady is now suffering and in a home where if she is lucky she gets human interaction about a half an hour a day? No, that I can't and won't do. I will just pray that as my time approaches and things might get bad for me, that I can just skip this part of growing old and die instead. I wouldn't wish what mike's mom is going through on anyone, not anyone at all.

I went through this with my grandmother right before she died. I still have the scars on my arm where she attacked me with a pickle jar in her kitchen, and I was her favorite grand-daughter.
post #12 of 52
This post made me kinda sad. My dh works as a Heath Care Aide in a nursing home and so many people drop off their parents and show up once in a blue moon to visit. These seniors usually have Dementia,Alzheimers and many other issues. I'm not saying that this applies to you Sherral. If your mil needs special care that she can't get with family then yes a nursing home is the right way to go. I just really hope that you will visit her and if not that another family member will visit her. I'm really not trying to offend you so please don't take this personally.
post #13 of 52
Thread Starter 
I did not post this to be slamed, I have lived with this women for 2 year,in fear for most of it! Yes I am glad she is in a nursing home away from me and Ted.and my six grandchildern,and her demimta (sp) just started in the last 3 months!And most of the time she just fine,she knows what she is doing,and saying,even the dr.have said so.I never said is but we woke up one night and she was standing over us with a knife (sharp one) telling us to get our lazy butts up and be with her she was lonely,at 2 Am. She is getting the help she need.which we could not give her. So do not judge me when you do not know all the fact's!
post #14 of 52
When you post to a public message board, you are going to have a lot of different opinions on what you posted because the people there all have their own ideas, thoughts and opinions. Not everyone is going to agree with you all the time.
post #15 of 52
Thread Starter 
And I never said we would't visit her and take her places and spend hoildays with her,I just said we could live in peace!
post #16 of 52
Thread Starter 
And let me make this clear Ted is haveing a hard time with this and he loves his mom,and we wish things could have been different! It is something we have to live with. And yes some day she will be gone and out of pain.
post #17 of 52
Sherral-I apolgize. The part in your first post "that we could visit a time or two" gave me the impression that you weren't planning on visiting her much. As i said in my op i didn't mean to offend you. I hope your mil is happy in her new home.
post #18 of 52
Wow...this thread breaks me up.

My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 10 years ago. My mother was Dad's primary caregiver for 8 of those 10 years. It became difficult for my mom to care for Dad as his disease progressed so, we kids helped my mother every single day and night.

Dad became more aggressive in many ways. He had delusions that someone was after him, that mom was having an affair with another man he saw in the house... What dad saw was his own reflection in the mirror—we literally had to cover our mirrors or dad would fly off the handle and call the police or run outside with a crescent wrench and chase the male neighbors. I admit, at times, it got crazy but we worked through it.

In public, Dad will shout expletives to strangers. My mother and I had to help Dad (against his will) to use the toilet otherwise he would go all over himself. He cursed and swore at all of us but we knew that it wasn't Dad talking - it was the disease.

Yes it was a difficult caring for Dad at home and in public but I am glad we did. Two years ago, Dad was placed in a nursing home that specialized in working with Alzheimer's Disease. To this day, it breaks my heart that he is there. We have never been happy that he had to go a nursing home. Ironically, dad built this nursing 20 years ago - how depressing is that?

I look at it this way. Here's a man who raised five kids on a carpenter's salary. We kids never wanted for more because Dad always made sure we had what we needed and loved us and taught us so much.

I keep this visual to remind me who he was....Here's my Dad holding me:

Here's the same wonderful man with Alzheimer's Disease:

My father is in the final stages of the disease right now and he is dying slow. Hospice has been working with us for months now. He sleeps for days on end, he can no longer move from his chair. He cannot speak, he cannot chew food anymore and has a feeding tube. Dad has no idea who I am or who is own wife is anymore. Yes, we needed help caring for him but again, I will never be happy where he ended up. This may sound harsh to some, but I pray every night that God will give my Dad peace and take him from his diseased body that he is suffering in. I say that with love because although he is physically alive, I miss him and love him so much.

OK..enough of my rambling.....
post #19 of 52
Oh Kim, my heart goes out to you - I am so sorry about your dad.

post #20 of 52
Thread Starter 
Dear dtolle,
Please understand I am Sherral's husband and it is my mother she was writting of. You have know idea the love my wife has for my mother and YOU never will. Sherral held her hand when she was sick, cried with her when she cried, and rejoiced when she rejoiced. You may think that Sherral didn't but she loved her more then one can love. She went through things that would make anyone have sleepless nights. Now at she has read your post I have to wipe the tears from her eyes. And try to get the sadness from her heart. I would like to thank you for making my life harder as well as her's. We are doing our best we can for a woman we both love and mourn her loss. Thank you.
post #21 of 52
Oh Sweetie, my heart aches for you as well. You and I have talked about this all before. When my uncle was dying of AIDS no one in the family would go to him (to ashamed) I went to him and saw him in the last stages of this horrible disease. The disease had ate away most of his flesh, the nurses were afraid of him, he was in a coma. Like you, now pray for your dad's release, I prayed nightly for my uncle to die.

Your post brought tears to my eyes and recollections flooding past. I too pray that soon your father will be released from the disease that has robbed him of a life and you of a father.

I love you Kim- Hugs (((((())))))))))
post #22 of 52
Kim-I'm so sorry your dad is ill. My father is also ill. He has Prostate Cancer which has spread to his bones. We will find out on August 8 if the cancer is still spreading. I pray that it isn't. My dad is only 62 and to my 3 year old daughter her grandpa is everything to her. If he passes away how do i explain that...? I don't know. Because i know what these homes Are like i could never put my dad there. My sister and her fiancee are buying a house and it will be one with a basement suite so my parents can move in.They can't afford where they are now because my dad is unable to work. All this is a 3 month span. I'm praying for a miracle.
post #23 of 52
Hey Kellye - Thank you! I needed that virtual hug.

Danielle - I am sorry to hear that your dad is so ill, too. I totally understand your concern for you daughter. Believe it or not...my son is taking everything well. As a matter of fact, all of the grandchildren are. I have learned that the best thing to do is so be honest with them... tell them as much as they can understand for their age. It's amazing really, kids seem to handle this sort of thing better than the adults .......

post #24 of 52
Maryanne - Thank you. I know I have wore your ear out the past year over Dad and you have been very patient, understanding and supportive everytime I blubber about it. You are a life saver, my friend!

post #25 of 52

this thread is so depressing, I feel for all of you and what you had to or currently going through with your parents and or inlaws. Sherral I do understand what you went through, I had to go through the same with my mother in-law and it is very tough but in the end all of these experiences makes us stronger. Hugs to you and Kim and everyone else who is suffering emotionally from these situations.
post #26 of 52
Thread Starter 
If we could afford a full time home nursing care we would.But we can't,she is 90,and healthy(except the dememtia).for some reason,we can't get it.I am happy some of you can afford to keep your love ones at home,just because we can't don't judge us.Tted has 2 older brothers who could and they won't,at least for 2 years we tried.
post #27 of 52
It is a part of life to accept death and dying. Never is it easy and going through the grief process is long and tedious. Hopefully one day there will be pill that you can take that will just put you to sleep like in the Sci-Fi flick Soylent Green- although what they did afterwards was a bit distasteful!
post #28 of 52
Originally posted by Tybalt
Sherral, you must forgive the clueless ones who have no idea what senile dementia does to a person. I have no family to become a burden on, and I will end my own life before I slip into that living hell of madness.
No offense but Tybalt, that means she needs to forgive you, too.
post #29 of 52
Tybalt - I'll start off by saying sorry for my sarcasm - I reacted to the first line in your post. IMO - I don't think calling people "Clueless" is necessary in such a sensitive thread. There's obviously enough pain in here. Have you lived through the kind of pain that's being discussed in here?

I have lived through caring for both of my parents. Two years ago, my father died at the age of 100 - he had pancreatic and liver cancer and seven months later, my mother (86 years old) died of the long term effect of having MS for 40 years.

Reading through this thread, it appears that the members who bothered to post DO understand dementia and/or other illnessess that come with aging. It seems they have dealt with hardship of caring for their aging loved ones or they work in an environment where they see it first hand. Again, IMO, I do not see anyone clueless in here...

You ask Sherral to forgive the "clueless," while admitting that you have no family ... (Sorry to hear that) So before you refer to people as "Clueless" what is your experience with aging loved ones and dementia?

post #30 of 52
This is an important albiet very sad and distressing thread. Please try and keep your replies civil and respectful. There is a lot to be learned here and we are all adults. This is a part of life all of us are going to face at one moment in time when we wish we could turn the clock back. There is nothing to be gained by being disrespectful or snide in a thread of this nature.

And Sherral I am sorry that you had to be frightened so by your mother-in-law while she was living with you. Most of us did not know the particulars of what happened while you were caring for her. I answered you the way I did, going only on what you put out on the boards about her. I did not know the rest of the story. I am sorry if I caused you any further pain.
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