I just want to cry

Laurie, that is so hard with everything you and Gary have had thrown at you over the last few years. She probably didn't mean it to come out the way it sounded, but people don't always have tact. My Mom used to say the same to me, and when I got Tasha on top of the cats she thought I was totally crazy. But then she came to stay, saw and appreciated the cats not as 'just cats' but as individual personalities who were all part of a large family, and actually fell in love with Tasha, the last thing I expected. And she admitted she was wrong about me and my life-style. So there is always hope for change.

If I had a dime for everytime someone suggested to me that I "get rid" of some of my cats it's been especially rampant now that I'm facing unemployment. People just don't understand, and yes, even my mom, who I know dearly loves the grandkitties and has gotten a new appreciation for them in the last year, has suggested it. My cats have no where to go, that's why I have them. My cats are my children and they bring me much joy and happiness (and frustration, but they're cats, that's what they do ) so everyone else can just go to h e double hockey sticks!

I hope your mom understands a little better now what your babies mean to you and Gary

Laurie, I'm sorry. I do think your mother cares about you and Gary and she's just so concerned about your well-being. Many people don't understand how attached we can get to our furkids. Really....our cats become our children and we love them as much as others love their human kids. Many people don't have human kids, so they love their cats. As for us, we have our son, but he's now an adult with a family of his own. Our cats are our family and we love and cherish them. A lot of people don't understand that way of thinking.

My parents have never said anything like that, but it would be difficult for them to do so. You see, my sister has four cats and my brother and SIL had six cats several years ago....all but one passed away from old age and illnesses. Their sole remaining baby is Minners, who, at 15, is now in ill health as well. And my brother and SIL are in our will as our cats' caregivers should anything happen to us.

When Da Pumpkin-Boy died several years ago, one of my co-workers at that time emailed me at home (and at work, FWIW; I guess she wanted to make sure I got the email) and said, "For god's sake, it's just a cat! Get over it!" I was crushed. My heart was already broken and then to read that in an email. It was horrible for me. You know, to this day, I don't like that woman.

Only you and Gary know what you can do. And you don't owe anybody any kind of explanation whatsoever. So, just say, "Thanks for caring about us, Mom" and then live your life.

You are all SO right. The intention comes from the right place, and intellectually I do know and understand that. I just felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart when I read that last night. But especially gven what some of you have had to hear and deal with, this seems like nothing in comparison.

I'm so glad I have TCS, and I can't thank you enough! It's not just that ALL of you understand, you help me put it back into perspective.

It just really threw me for a loop, because my parents are the people that were my role models to become the compassionate person I am, that treated our dog (and their current dog) like a family member, not a pet, and are the people that literally told me on numerous occassions to follow my heart, and "taught" me to walk to the beat of my own drummer.

But they don't live nearby, and I'm sure they feel helpless given our (Gary's) situation. As my mom also said in her note,

"We do love you both so much and wish we had some kind of magic wand that would make Gary whole again. I don't really believe in a Christian God, but if any kind of prayer worked, Gary would be well."

So yes, her heart is in the right place.

I hope knowing how much the cats don't cost us these days - and how much joy they bring us - will help ease her mind.

Originally Posted by LDG

You are all SO right. The intention comes from the right place, and intellectually I do know and understand that. I just felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart when I read that last night. .

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I know what you mean. I was once told in a vicious PM (not this forum) that the writer wished I would poison all my cats so she didn't have to hear about them in the forum any more.

Even considering the source I was so shocked and hurt by that, just the idea of any kind of violence coming to my cats, I don't think I've gotten over it yet.

{{hugs}}

Originally Posted by LDG

You are all SO right. The intention comes from the right place, and intellectually I do know and understand that. I just felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart when I read that last night. But especially gven what some of you have had to hear and deal with, this seems like nothing in comparison.

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I truly believe this Laurie. I don't think that the majority of non-cat people or non-obsessive cat people don't understand that they are our kids. But it still freakin hurts when we hear something like that!

Laurie I think the way you concluded the email to your mom was very moving and to the point. I'm sure she means well in her own way, but sometimes non-cat people just don't understand how much joy our pets bring into our lives. When we wake up in the morning, they're there to help us make our coffee, when we have a tough day- they greet us with happy tails and purr, when we need a friend- they're there to snuggle...and the list goes on. Our animals are our "children" so to speak and I hope someday she understand just how much yours mean to you.

Try not to let her negativity get you down love

Unless someone else is paying bills for you, then as I see it, they have no right to ask you to get rid of cats. My son had to close his business this year. I love him, his wife and the children very much. I would gladly help them if they needed help. I would draw the line at feeding their animals. Sorry, but I believe it is okay to have pets when onr can provide for them. Don't expect someone else to do that for you.

My parents aren't supporting us, I think I made that clear in my initial post, but that's really neither here nor there IMO. I see no difference between pets and children, natural or adopted, and I THOUGHT that was part of the way I was raised - which is why this kind of blind-sided me. Both are commitments for life. I have an adopted daughter. I wouldn't put her up for adoption to someone else because I can't afford her care.

I find your position on this really sad.

Sorry to be late to this thread, Laurie. For what it's worth, I think your response to your mother was right on the mark. Hopefully, she'll realize how much joy the kitties bring you and Gary and how much they mean to you. If not, there's probably not a lot you can choose to change her thinking. Please know of all the support you have here and that we do understand.

I'll be thinking of you guys.

Originally Posted by LDG

My parents aren't supporting us, I think I made that clear in my initial post, but that's really neither here nor there IMO. I see no difference between pets and children, natural or adopted, and I THOUGHT that was part of the way I was raised - which is why this kind of blind-sided me. Both are commitments for life. I have an adopted daughter. I wouldn't put her up for adoption to someone else because I can't afford her care.

I find your position on this really sad.

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I did know from your post that your parents were not supporting you. For that reason I felt your mother was out of line to say what she did. I understand how you feel about your cats. I love mine too, but I don't put them in the same category as I do my grandchildren. I would never want to give my cats up, but I wouldn't expect someone else to volunteer to feed them for me. That is all I meant.

Blueyed girl, I understand what you meant. You don't put pets in the same category as children or grandchildren. If your children need help, you're willing to help them and your grandchildren - but not their pets. You're willing to help people through hard times, not animals. You draw the line there. I understand that. Many people feel this way. I find it very sad.

Originally Posted by otto

I know what you mean. I was once told in a vicious PM (not this forum) that the writer wished I would poison all my cats so she didn't have to hear about them in the forum any more.

Even considering the source I was so shocked and hurt by that, just the idea of any kind of violence coming to my cats, I don't think I've gotten over it yet.

{{hugs}}

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I totally understand! How horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I should write to tell her thank goodness we didn't decide to have eight human children - how much would THAT be costing?

Originally Posted by nekkiddoglady

Your mom perhaps had her heart in the right place.. thinking that a few less mouths to feed would be less of a strain on your finances. While the cats are important to you, she was more concerned about your welfare.

She may have thought that you've managed to get other cats rescued and adopted out, that you should have no problems getting a few of your own adopted out.

Perhaps she did not think or consider all of the luxuries that you are no longer able to do. You pointed that out to her, and hopefully she will have a new perspective on it.

Dont let her suggestion bother you. Only you and your husband can decide whats best for your situation. Everyone has their own opinions and ideas.. but they dont know everything that goes on in your life.

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Very well said!

Originally Posted by LDG

Blueyed girl, I understand what you meant. You don't put pets in the same category as children or grandchildren. If your children need help, you're willing to help them and your grandchildren - but not their pets. You're willing to help people through hard times, not animals. You draw the line there. I understand that. Many people feel this way. I find it very sad.

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Goodness gracious I think it's terribly sad too. I don't want to get too much into the discussion on that but my pets come first, they are entirely dependent on me so why wouldn't they be first?

Hmm Laurie I just had a vision of you, Gary, 8 kids and all the cats in the RV....

Originally Posted by WellingtonCats

Hmm Laurie I just had a vision of you, Gary, 8 kids and all the cats in the RV....

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NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Thankfully we lived in a house when we adopted Naomi.

I am sorry for your hard times.

Originally Posted by LDG

You're willing to help people through hard times, not animals. You draw the line there. I understand that. Many people feel this way.

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And this is another reason why shelters are full. When times get tough, animals are the first beings to be neglected by most of society.
My DH and I lost our jobs at one point when the companies went totally under and so big changes had to happen, we cut our own food bill by well over half, lost the cable, sold a lot of stuff, basically made drastic changes in all areas, but never once did we consider abandoning our animals, feeding them a lesser food, or neglecting their care. I understand that is not the norm.

Originally Posted by cococat

And this is another reason why shelters are full. When times get tough, animals are the first beings to be neglected by most of society.

My DH and I lost our jobs at one point when the companies went totally under and so big changes had to happen, we cut our own food bill by well over half, lost the cable, sold a lot of stuff, basically made drastic changes in all areas, but never once did we consider abandoning our animals, feeding them a lesser food, or neglecting their care. I understand that is not the norm.

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I figure most of us here at TCS aren't the norm.

Yup, before we made the decision to move back into the RV, we did the same. In fact, moving back into the RV was partly a financial decision, and partly one due to Gary's health issues (much easier to care for than a house on several acres!!!).

I did hear back from my mom. She did say that just how much we've given up because of Gary's health issues hadn't occurred to her - at least not when looking at it like that. She was under the impression we're still struggling with kitty health issues, and was looking at it more from a stress perspective than a financial one.

I do have to chuckle to myself at that one - like rehoming an 8 year old cat with health and/or behavior issues is even possible. Chum's here because the only other option was death.

Her heart's in the right place, and I do appreciate that.

Thank you all for listening, for sharing, and for understanding!

Originally Posted by LDG

I did hear back from my mom.

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Your mom sounds so special, you are so lucky