Hard decision

Taryn,

Thanks so much for the nice words, and I hope you are doing well too. I had that thought today - that there are thousands of others today having to make the same decision. I was glad to have it done in my home, rather than dropping the cat off at the vet.

Here are a few images, including the first one of Mt. Kitchen Cabinet (you can't tell how high up she is, but she's between the ceiling and the top of the cabinet.

Luvmyparker and LDG, thanks for the nice words and encouragement, I appreciate it!

Thank you for doing it sooner than later. I know you will see her again someday and never be parted again.

What a beautiful cat. I am so sorry for your loss. I know in time your memories will be sweet. For now, hugs. We all feel your loss, having been there ourselves. We are here for you. Precious kitty, you are loved and missed. Rest in peace, with no pain ever again.

Thank you Hissy. Yes, today it was pretty clear that it was time.

Thanks Blueyed, I appreciate it. She was beautiful inside and out, sweet, and unbelievably gentle and considerate. Even non-cat people fell in love with her. She will be missed terribly, but it was her time and she was no longer herself the last day...

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beautiful girl. You did well by her right to the end, and listened to what she wanted and needed. 18 years is a good long life and a testament to your loving care.

Thanks Otto, that was very generous of you to say, and it is appreciated!

Oh, this story made me cry, too!
Thank you so much for doing the right thing, though.
Your kitty is so much better off (in Mt. Kitchen Cabinet) than suffering here.
I am so glad she let you know and that you were open to knowing.
And so glad that you got to see that pain leave her - I had that relief once, too, and although my heart was broken, I knew what I did was right for my angel.
We are here for you!

Thanks Nekoha, and everyone!

I am still strangely feeling at peace. I cried really hard the last night, and as we were saying goodbye, and expect that the emotions will come back. But right now it's almost as if Shin Shin (pronounced Sheen Sheen) is still taking care of me, sending me calm energy. I can now see how she was at her end.

I marvel at how she rallied to be mostly okay for two weeks between when she had her seizure, and when her red blood cells started to drop to very low levels. After she had the seizure, she was so weak, but got back her strength. When she gained her strength back, I even then looked at it as a bonus, as extra time we got to spend together.

And the odd thing is this: my girlfriend and I are together for about 9 months out of the year (we split time between two cities). Just after the seizure, and just as Shin Shin was recovering, Linda came here for two weeks. Shin Shin was fine the whole time, warm, affectionate, spending time with both of us, sleeping on top of each of our hips, etc. I really think she wanted to stay around for Linda, and to give both of us one last great memory.

Those last two weeks, she still had that determined look that I loved: I have to come see you. Even though her jumping ability had been diminished, and she had lost her eyesight, she still found a way. She also continued to do what I always called "Shin Shin on our Shoulders": Perch two paws on left shoulder, and wrap around back of neck and perch the other paws on the right shoulder. You could walk around the house for several minutes with her perched like that.

I look back at her last year and marvel. She started roaming around outside like she had been in her younger days, exploring up and down the block. It was comical to watch her try to hunt squirrels, but she tried! When she was a young cat, she loved "hunting" the feather duster. She'd continually jump four, five feet in the air trying to get at it.

The last couple of years, she would walk with me up and down the block sometimes. Or see me from a distance and coming running toward me.

I loved her hiding spots. I found an old photo of her hiding inside the washing machine. Not really hiding spots, but she curled up into a bowl, in a box, or on top of a laptop computers. Of course, the favored place was inside a paper bag.

One day I went looking for her, and couldn't find her anywhere. I looked on the neighbors porch, and she was there making friends with the neighbor and her boyfriend, sitting on their laps.

She had always made friends with strangers. I used to always hear commotion out the front door, and I'd look and see her squirming happily on her back while a passerby was petting her.

I learned about unconditional love and trust from her. One time I put her collar on way too tightly, and she started choking. I feverishly fixed the mistake and she jumped down and scampered off. Not even five minutes later she hopped back into my lap like nothing had happened.

I also remember her gracefulness...like when I closed a formerly propped open basement window that she used to get outside during the warmer weather. She looked at it quizzically, didn't complain, and went off to do something else.


A few memories from her last years:

We heard a crash in the early morning. She had knocked over a chocolate cake that was inside a (fortunately) secured plastic container in an attempt to get at it. I also remember her nibbling on the roses, not because it was unique but because she looked so funny doing it.

I adopted a Beagle about four years ago. While never happy about that, she did gracefully accept the (initially) overly boisterous dog who had invaded her space. Toward the end, they would share nearby patches of sun, and area in front of the gas fireplace.

I really think if there's one thing I'll never forget, it is Mount Kitchen Cabinet. Shin Shin had always loved going inside cabinets and exploring the kitchen (and had been trapped a time or two inside a cabinet by accident!). When I moved into a new condo, our second home, she had to adapt.

I should back up here: she had to also adapt to long car rides (15 hours or so). She never liked car travel, but she learned and had few complaints. I still remember the overnights at motel rooms fondly, where she'd adapt almost immediately, finding new tables and other perches, and hopping into bed with me.

Anyway, at the new condo, Shin Shin had to find her territory, and hiding spots from the dog. I think panic may have set in when I couldn't find her: had she slipped out somewhere and ended up in the open space?

She was instead on top of the kitchen cabinet, in the 18 inches or so between the ceiling and top of the cabinet. Eventually I put a paper grocery bag up there for her, where she made her second home. To get to Mount Kitchen Cabinet, a cat would first get to the bar table chair, jump on the counter, walk around the U shaped counter, climb on top of the refrigerator and jump from the fridge to the cabinet.

I will miss all of this very much. But I know that she was no longer going to be able to do all these fun things that she had been able to do in better health. I learned a lot about grace, humility, unconditional love, acceptance, and kindness from Shin Shin. Even in death, even in pain, she had those qualities, struggling to climb onto my lap, accepting her circumstances, and only hiding away when the pain was far too acute.

Thank you again for your support, and I will continue to come here

We're so-o-o sorry to hear about your beautiful girl. You are in our thoughts and have our deepest sympathies. Hang in there, spend time with supportive people and take care of yourself.

Thanks,

That was kind of you. I'm doing fine right now - at peace with things. I do have supportive friends and all that, but right now I'm actually doing a lot better than I imagined I would be.

Maybe it was the in home euthanasia service I used that really helped with this: I got to see the cat go from being in pain, and had a chance to spend time with her as she received a painkiller and was no longer in pain. Then I got to have her on my lap as she had the anesthesia, and see her curl up into her comfortable sleeping position.

I think this helped me a lot, rather than dropping the cat off at a vet and coming home without her... Even though it was expensive, I highly recommend this kind of a service (and not just a mobile vet, who handles the situation the same way as an office vet).

Originally Posted by Petfindergal

We're so-o-o sorry to hear about your beautiful girl. You are in our thoughts and have our deepest sympathies. Hang in there, spend time with supportive people and take care of yourself.

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Attitude came home with me. I was there with her and held her in my arms until she passed and then I took her home to be buried in the outside cats' favorite basking spot.

I could see in home being a lot more comfortable but I was ok with it being at the vet's office.

Taryn

Originally Posted by jay045

Thanks,

That was kind of you. I'm doing fine right now - at peace with things. I do have supportive friends and all that, but right now I'm actually doing a lot better than I imagined I would be.

Maybe it was the in home euthanasia service I used that really helped with this: I got to see the cat go from being in pain, and had a chance to spend time with her as she received a painkiller and was no longer in pain. Then I got to have her on my lap as she had the anesthesia, and see her curl up into her comfortable sleeping position.

I think this helped me a lot, rather than dropping the cat off at a vet and coming home without her... Even though it was expensive, I highly recommend this kind of a service (and not just a mobile vet, who handles the situation the same way as an office vet).

Click to expand...

You clearly had a wonderful cat. Well, they are all wonderful but every now and then one comes along who is your soul mate, the cat of your heart.

It's never easy. Yet somehow, when it is time, they have a way of letting us know.

Last month was our turn. Fog just looked at me with this piteous air of "what's happening to me, why am I still here?"

We went to the ER vet hospital. I was holding him in my lap and the vet quietly asked if that's how I wanted it. I said yes. She knelt on the floor for the euthanasia, no hesitation. First shot, his head dropped onto my arm. Second injection, he was gone, in just seconds.

We get so torn up about making this decision for our cats I don't see how anyone could make a decision for a person.

Taryn, I'm glad you found something that worked well! My girlfriend basically just dropped off her cat and then went home - it really hurt her to do that. It sounds like you got a very similar experience to mine. I also buried my cat in the yard, and stuck a cat weather vane as a marker.

Having my cat on my lap, and seeing her curl up to sleep is something I will never forget, and I am so glad I did that.

Hope you are doing well with your loss: I am still at peace myself, but terribly miss my sweet cat...

Originally Posted by Taryn

Attitude came home with me. I was there with her and held her in my arms until she passed and then I took her home to be buried in the outside cats' favorite basking spot.

I could see in home being a lot more comfortable but I was ok with it being at the vet's office.

Taryn

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What a beautiful tribute to a truly beautiful cat - inside and out.

Catapault,

Thank you for the nice words. I am sorry for your loss, too.

I also had that thought about making decisions for a person. I know that happens every day, and I can't imagine it. I made a living will a few years ago, and I think that helps a little. Cats can't make living wills , but they do tell us when they are ready to leave.

It is hard to lose that unconditional love that cats give us, as it's really hard to find that anywhere else I think.

Originally Posted by Catapault

You clearly had a wonderful cat. Well, they are all wonderful but every now and then one comes along who is your soul mate, the cat of your heart.

It's never easy. Yet somehow, when it is time, they have a way of letting us know.

Last month was our turn. Fog just looked at me with this piteous air of "what's happening to me, why am I still here?"

We went to the ER vet hospital. I was holding him in my lap and the vet quietly asked if that's how I wanted it. I said yes. She knelt on the floor for the euthanasia, no hesitation. First shot, his head dropped onto my arm. Second injection, he was gone, in just seconds.

We get so torn up about making this decision for our cats I don't see how anyone could make a decision for a person.

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Thanks Darlili! I think they stay with us, and I hope so. My girlfriend told me that Shin Shin came to her in a vivid dream a few nights back...and Shin Shin was petting her in the dream. Coincidentally or not, that was when she got really sick the last time. I'm hoping that my dreams have her too, but even if not she already gave me a lot of comfort...

Originally Posted by darlili

What a beautiful tribute to a truly beautiful cat - inside and out.

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