help cheat or stay strong

This is the only place I know a handful of quitters (smoking).
Mom had surgery Monday b/c she had 80% clogged artery and she had a stroke before this. She hasn't smoked since Monday. Doctors orders were to quit and she was away from them for 2 days at the hospital. I hid her pack and she is begging for me to give her just one. She plans to talk to her family doctor next week and they already discussed Chantix.

Should I give her one smoke or let her keep searching?

If you give her one what happens when she wants another one? And one after that? Do you let her talk you into just handing over the whole pack?
No offense meant to your mother, but once people know they can talk you into things they tend to try doing it again.

But what you ultimately do is up to you.

If it were me I simply would have thrown them out. End of story on that bit.

My mother died of lung cancer, mainly caused by smoking. It's my experience that if someone wants a smoke bad enough, they'll find the cigs. However, if it were me, I wouldn't enable her behavior. Know though, that most people are ferocious when they go off nicotine. My mom "stopped" several times and she was a witch for the first 2 weeks.

Originally Posted by stephanietx

My mother died of lung cancer, mainly caused by smoking. It's my experience that if someone wants a smoke bad enough, they'll find the cigs. However, if it were me, I wouldn't enable her behavior. Know though, that most people are ferocious when they go off nicotine. My mom "stopped" several times and she was a witch for the first 2 weeks.

Click to expand...

Definitely in the witch stage.

Well, at least you know it's normal and you know to expect it.

I would not do it if I were you.

You can't make someone quit if they don't want to quit.

She is an adult and knows the consequences of her actions. If she wants to smoke, she wills smoke, whether you give her the cigarettes or not. It's her choice.

The doctor told her that she needs to quit. She had surgery because smoking contributed to her cardiac issues.

While smoking is an addiction, she has to want to quit smoking, and not be because she is being denied her habit by you.

Tell her again the consequences. Repeat what the doctor told her. Tell her that you love her and want her to be around a long, long time yet, and that you fear if she continues to smoke, that she won't be so lucky the next time and instead of just needing surgery and to stop smoking, she will have a heart attack and drop dead. (yes, use that term...."Drop dead!"). Then give her the cigarettes and let her make her own choice.

I wouldn't encourage it.

My mom used to smoke while she was on the patch.

Linda is right, someone won't quit unless they want to

I too agree with everything Linda said. Try hard to convince her NOT to have one, but if she really wants one, there isn't much you can do. I couldn't quit until I was ready, even with a bunch of people telling me I should. I did it in my own time, but I DID do it. I REALLY hope that your mom can too hun, for the sake of her health.

You know, this kind of reminds me of a situation I had at work back in the late 1990's. I was working on a medical ward.

There was this one lady who was on a very strict fluid restriction. I can't remember what was wrong with her, but I know that she was constantly going into severe respiratory distress due to fluid over load. So because of that she was on a strict fluid restriction and had to wear an oxygen mask because she required more oxygen than could be delivered with the prongs that fit into the nose.

Typically the fluid restriction sheets are taped to the door. However, she was freaking out because we were writing down everything she consumed and she didn't like that.

She was in my assignment for 7 day shifts in a row, and almost every morning I would come to work to find out that she had been sneaking fluids and that a code had to be called for her because she was drowning in fluid in her lungs.

The doctor said to move the sheet to the desk across from her room, and we did that. But it didn't help.

She was a real manipulator. She would get up out of bed, rip off her oxygen mask and huff and puff while moving around the room yelling that she was going home.

Everyone would run in and try and calm her down and encourage her to get back into bed and explain repeatedly again and again why she needed the mask and why she was on a fluid restriction.

After 5 or 6 days of this crap, I was fed up. She wasn't an old lady and she wasn't confused. She was in her 40's and totally with it cognitively.

One day I denied her a glass of juice because she had met her fluid restricted amount for breakfast and lunch. She still had dinner and the evening to get through. If I had given her anything more it would have eaten into her fluid allowance for the next 8 hours.

She freaked out and got up and ripped her mask off and was turning blue while shrieking that she was going to go home and trying to get her suitcase out of the closet.

I casually walked out of the room. Went to the kitchen, grabbed a litre jug of cranberry juice (what she was demanding), and a litre of water. I put the jugs on the counter of the nurses desk, and grabbed a "Discharge against medical advice" sheet.

The charge nurse looked at me completely horrified and told me that I "can't do that!" And I replied, "Watch me!!"

I walked into the woman's room, she was throwing her stuff into bags, and gasping for air.

I put the jugs on the over bed table, and told her that I was tired of it. I told her that she is an adult and could make her own decisions and that I was tired of policing her. I told her the consequences of what would happen to her physically if she drank any of that fluid and ended with the term "you will suffocate and drop dead."

I then handed her the form and a pen and told her to sign it because I was sending her home due to non-compliance and pushed the jugs closer to her.

She looked at me with the most shocked expression. She had been able to manipulate her way into getting her way by making threats to leave the hospital if she didn't get her way. I called her bluff.

She was more than compliant after that.

You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. All you can do is educate them, explain the consequences, and if they still want to do it, let them do it. Your Mom is an adult and knows the consequences.

Give her her cigarettes and let her make her own decision.

I think the question is how does your mother feel about it? Does she understand the consequences and expressed that she would like to quit, or is she in complete denial and doesn't care, just want's her cigarettes!?
My grandmother died of lung cancer with her bedside nurse, oxygen, and cigarettes by her side.

I wouldnt give them to her.

I smoke, and both Bf and I are basically working up the nerve to quit. Today we are officially out of tabacco and down to the last row of tubes (we roll our own). We really would only be saving about $35 a month but its more in the fact that we are just bored with smoking. That kinda seems to be the proper phrase. I would just try and support her with trying to quit and working thru it. A Quit Smoking counselor told me once that if you can find something to do for 5 minutes once the craving hits it will pass after that. Hard candy and gum helps with the oral fixation. I have been slowly cutting back and have been allowing myself one cigarrete an hour and from about 11-4 I may have one in that span of time. Its a pain but even just getting up and walking around the house or taking Franklin outside has helped cut down my "OMG need a smoke" fits.

I am not a smoker myself but from what I've read quitting "cold turkey" is unsuccesful in the majority of cases. Help while quitting is very much encouraged.

I would not give her the cigarettes (just throw them out) but in stead something else to help her. Either nicotine gum/patches (after you checked with her doctor of course) and/or reading material about quitting and/or one of those electronic "cigarettes" that are on the market now ?

My mother was in the hospital for 2 months over the summer and she hasn't smoked since... She says that after all that she went through she never wants to smoke again... I keep telling her the reason she was in the hospital was because of the smoking (even tho it wasnt) but it seems to work... LOL

Don't give her one... she'll eventually go through the withdrawal and not even want one...

I would not be able to give cigarettes to someone I loved, especially in the hospital when they are doing so poorly. No way. No how. I couldn't live with myself. Research the link between smoking and stroke. And blood clots. And blockage. Research about what smoking does to a person and their health.

I have a loved one who is undergoing serious treatments and is in the hospital weekly for various reasons on and off for two years now. I can't even really understanding bringing them "bad" food and/or drink, much less consider giving them cigarettes.
She needs to get help. Smoking IMO is a game of roulette, with your health and the mental health of those who love you the most.

You're mom is an adult and in sound mind. It's her decision. I would see if you could make a deal with her though, maybe one cigarette every few hours and try to keep her occupied in between that time, at least until she sees her own doctor. Cutting back is better than nothing, and it's a compromise for now. What I'm worried about is the stress of quitting may be harder on her system after the stroke then cutting back gradually.

When I was pregnant, the doctor told me to wean myself off of cigarettes rather than quitting cold turkey. I don't know if the same thing might apply here or not.