i dont know what to do

This weekend is my brothers wedding. I am feeling utterly depressed right now. I made a post awhile back about how DH and I were having issues bc of the wedding and now that it is coming up I just don't know what to do.
I am doing a reading in the wedding. My brother called me about a month and a half ago and asked if I would. I said yes even though it is the last thing I wanted to do. It actually caught me off guard completely, and I dind't know what to say. I am terrified of public speaking and hate getting infront of people.
Anyway, this weekend I am driving 6 hours, going to a wedding for an hour and driving home. I have to get a rental car because we have had issues with our cars and none will make it. I am worried about having the money for it but overall I am not looking forward to being at the wedding.
I have not seen most of my family in a long time. I am still incredibly hurt by the things a lot of them did to me. I had family members refuse to come to my own wedding reception because my parents were not invited (parents not invited bc they didn't want me to marry my DH and did a bunch of other stuff). So I was hurt that grandparents and aunts/uncles chose to not support my marriage because I didn't invite my parents. The ones who did come were kind of weird....didn't seem to want to be there, wouldn't interact with anyone but our own family, never even tried to speak to my DH, his family or friends.... nothing. They left within an hour of arriving.
Via facebook I have seen family members of mine post to my brother how excited they are for him, for his wedding and reception etc. I am happy for him...but at the same time I am not looking forward to going. To seeing everyone so happy for him when no one was happy for me.
IDK. This is mostly senseless rambling. If I wasn't doing a reading, I think I would end up not going. I already declined the reception but said I would be at the ceremony...and now I wish I hadn't said so.
I started feeling this was last month when DH and I had our one year wedding anniversary. Not one person in my family called, texted, emailed, anything to say congratulations....or anything. I know I know...I shouldn't care, especially since I knew people were not happy when we were married. But it still hurt. My brothers and I used to be so close and we have grown so far apart because they want me to forgive my parents and pretend nothing happened. They both live out of town and come into town all the time and never even try to call me. I never know they are in town until I see it later usually via facebook. They don't call me/contact me...IDK part of me just thinks the whole thing sucks and I wish I didn't feel obligated to go to it.
Someone please slap me out of it. Sorry for the vent, I just don't know what to do. IDK if my feelings are normal or if I sound like a huge jerk for thinking these things and not wanting to go...

I am obviously a noobie around here, but my suggestion is that the best "revenge" (that's not what this is) is to live well. I know it's easy to say to live well, but you are setting yourself up for a self fulfilling prophesy. The best thing to do is remember why you are going, and that is to support your brother. The rest is just background noise. It sounds like your other family members are expecting you to "fail" by not showing, so prove them wrong.

There is a lot of history that I obviously don't know anything about, so take what I say with a grain of salt. But try to use this as an opportunity to create some positive memories with your brother and his soon-to-be wife. Who knows, maybe being there will cause your other family members to think differently of you??

Good luck, I am sure you'll do great.

Oh hun, do I EVER know how you feel... As you know, I know all too well about family drama, AND about family members taking sides, etc. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down right now. Are you quite close with your brother? If so hun, do this for no one else but him. You don't have to go there and be all friendly with anyone other than him and his wife to be. Show YOUR love and support of him, be the bigger person and leave with your head held high. Whatever you do decide, you know we'll be here for you.

See hun I can remember your previous post I understand you being standoffish but you go and show your the bigger person! It's heartbreaking they didn't turn up to your wedding but I would be going head held high to support my brother

Originally Posted by -_aj_-

I understand you being standoffish but you go and show your the bigger person! It's heartbreaking they didn't turn up to your wedding but I would be going head held high to support my brother

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I agree. Be the bigger person. I just went through something similar with my sister, and it came down to the day before deciding if I still wanted to be in her wedding. In the end I decided that it was her day and it was about her not me, and I showed up to prove that I AM the bigger person and can put my feelings aside in order to support my sister on her big day...be damned all the other people there and what they thought of me. I figured if my sister and my family continued to behave the way they were after the wedding, THEN I could step aside and pull myself out. It turned out that we apologized to one another and things are okay now, but still not perfect. My situation was similar, but not exactly like yours, so the outcome could be completely different. I'm sure this is a hard decision for you (as it was for me), so I wish you good luck. I'm sure you'll make the right choice for YOU. (((hug)))

You do what you would want your own brother to do for your own big day. It is about being there as a sister for your brother.

Originally Posted by -_aj_-

See hun I can remember your previous post

I understand you being standoffish but you go and show your the bigger person! It's heartbreaking they didn't turn up to your wedding but I would be going head held high to support my brother

Click to expand...

I would consider doing that as well. Whatever you decide, just know you have a lot of friends here on TCS if you ever need to vent

Originally Posted by frankthetank

Someone please slap me out of it. Sorry for the vent, I just don't know what to do. IDK if my feelings are normal or if I sound like a huge jerk for thinking these things and not wanting to go...

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As someone who has gone through a similar situation, I can tell you that your feelings are totally normal! I agree with what everyone else seems to be saying - GO! I think if you don't go, you may regret it. Of course, if you DO go, you may regret it but at least you know you will have done the best you could.
Write and tell us how it went!

Thanks everyone for reading my vent and adding some support. I really appreciate it. I have been going crazy this week and just needed to get it out. I feel like a horrible person but I am going to be the bigger person. I told my husband last night that even though I feel like crap about it and will probably cry when I leave the wedding, I am going to go and show them all that my life has gone on and I am happy and can be happy for my brother.
I used to be SO close to my brothers, but he went to college and really never came back. He was always so shy and reserved and "didn't fit in" and when he got to college that changed. He found some close friends, went to college a couple hours away and then grad school even farther away. He found his niche and made some great friends and I am have always been very happy and very proud of him for the things he has done. I know I need to support him so I am trying to put my feelings aside and just show up for him! I have only met his future wife maybe 4-5 times but she seems nice and he is very happy with her. I guess it also kinda bothers me that my parents decided to investigate my husband just because we had been together only 4 months when we got engaged....but is fine with my brothers fiance bc they have been together 2 years even though my parents had only met her about 6 times before they were engaged. It's really just whatever I guess, the past is the past!

Family dramas suck....it takes so much out of us. I have them, too, from time to time.

Take the high road.....just go and do your best at the wedding. You're right in that the past is the past. And you know what? This could be a new beginning for you and your brother. You never know.

And if it's not, well then you've done what you could.

My family wasn't in support of my wedding this spring either. My parents finally came but my brother and sister both didn't. My brother just didn't care, my sister had scheduling issues with work. When both of them got married I was there the whole time helping plan and handle things to show my support even when other family members were unsupportive. I wasn't sure the people they were marrying were right for them, but it wasn't my decision. So I looked at it as I was supporting their decision and happiness. One marriage has worked the other ended in divorce but it. Was their choice. I was just there to support. Sometimes family members still say to me that I made a mistake marrrying my husband and I tell them it was and is my decision, and they can either respect that or stay out of our life.

I know it will be hard for you to go to this wedding but I doubt anyone has bad taste enough to confront you at a wedding. Your brother obviously wants you there, so go support him. I know how much it hurts that your family is celebrating his wedding and barely tolerable of your own, my family is the same way. The best way to deal with it is simply to stick it to them by proving them wrong. You are happy, you know you made the right choice. So everyday you are happy with it proves them wrong!

Good luck with the wedding. I'm sure you'll do great!

I wouldn't go to the wedding at all. Call your brother and tell him you're not going after all. At least you're giving him enough time to have someone else do a reading. Why should you go after the way your family has treated you in the past. The long trip itself is ridiculous and you'll probably be nervous the whole way. I myself would not go and put myself through that, IMO.

I think I understand how you feel. I probably would feel the same; but at the end of the day...it's about your brother and his new wife-to-be. Don't let them ruin the day for you. Enjoy your brother and try not to think about how they have wronged you. It's his day but you can save your hurt for our ears. Try to enjoy the day as you would if they'd all treated you the way you wanted with your wedding.