Annoyed at the neighbor, don't know what to do :( help, suggestions?

Originally Posted by Carolina

I think I am going to talk to her tomorrow, ask her if she minds me taking her to the vet and taking care of her medication... Start from there... Then keep topping off her food and water... I will also buy her a shelter, and put it outside...

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That is great. I understand your feeling that you have to get her okay even though she seems to be disowning the cat. At least this cat will know you care. I feel sorry for the woman too. I think it is sad when a person loses their mind. My dad spent the last year and a half of his life in the nursing home. There were old people there who just didn't know anything. It is so sad. I hope the woman has some family who cares about her. You have a lot to do trying to help her and now even more trying to make sure her cat doesn't starve.

Originally Posted by Carolina

I think I am going to talk to her tomorrow, ask her if she minds me taking her to the vet and taking care of her medication... Start from there... Then keep topping off her food and water... I will also buy her a shelter, and put it outside...

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Sounds like a good plan.

Gracie

Please keep us posted Carolina. Gracie has become one of ours already, I think.

It's a tough situation. I honestly don't think it is a conscious choice on her part. I knew a woman with Alzheimer's, she was the world's most devoted mother, then she got sick and started to decline into the clutches of this awful disease.

She had identical twins, I had trouble telling them apart and half the time messed up who was who. Well, as their mother, she could tell them apart and all of a sudden one was her child and the other was a stranger. She called the cops a few times due to a burglar/intruder at her house, which was in fact her son. It got to the point where they could only visit together or he had to be with another family member because his mom was adamant that he was a stranger and certainly not her child. This was years before she had to go into a nursing home. This was something she would never consciously do. Sometimes this disease does strange things.

Take care of the cat as well as you can, whether she is doing this purposely or not(and I honestly believe it isn't intentional) she has decided this cat is no longer hers.

Please keep us posted. It's a horrible thing, both what has happened to the cat and that this disease is robbing your neighbor of who she is.

Also, adult social services needs to get involved in this to keep an eye on this situation and step in if necessary. It doesn't sound like she has much of a family support system at all.

It also doesn't really get that cold in Dallas compared to here(or for as long) and my outside cats are perfectly fine. Just make sure she has food water and shelter. Put a pillow case with cedar chips or some other insulated bedding in the shelter so she isn't on the cold ground. That is what I do with mine even though I'll look outside and sometimes find cats laying in the snow(Mama did that last year with her butt shaved bare) or on the cold concrete. When it snows there(and I know it does about once or twice a year) or gets below freezing keep an eye on her water so you can try to replace it when it freezes since the cat is older. Mine know in the winter to drink up when they can before the water freezes(they have several hours usually) because I can't replace their water 50 times a day for the entire winter because it froze again. My neighbor also has a pond which never freezes so if they are desperate they can go next door and drink from Mitzi's pond(which they have never done as far as I know.) I also try to give them unfrozen water when I notice they have an ice cube instead of a water bowl. Like I said it takes at a minimum a few hours for it to freeze to the point where they can't drink. I also stuck my hand in freezing water to get all the slush out of the bowl once for Half-tail because she demanded I do so(I had replaced the water maybe an hour earlier, it was freezing cold and in the middle of a blizzard so there was nothing I could do about their water freezing so quickly.) My hands were well frozen before this despite my well lined warm gloves which i had to remove to scoop slush out of the water.

Try to get her to gain weight before it gets really(well really by Dallas standards) cold since she is used to being a house cat but I have never heard mine say a peep about being cold. Mama had a rectal prolapse in Dec and refused to stay inside longer than a week before she let herself outside and as I said her rear end was shaved bare and I would find her lounging around in the snow. She was also THIN when she came back, they only fed her one can of food a day at the vet so she was starving and I could feel every bone in her body and she made it through(and quickly gained back weight once I started actually feeding her as much as she wanted.) I'm not sure if she is a long hair or a short hair, Mama looks like a Maine Coon mix but as I said almost half of her was bare and she was fine.

Just make sure she has a good checkup before winter and ask the vet for any suggestions on making her more comfortable this winter. As I said, it is a lot colder, and windier and snowier and icy here and mine were all fine last year and will be this year, they have shelter and bedding that keeps them off the ground when they need it and food and I try to make sure their water isn't frozen but that is honestly an impossible task, you shouldn't have that much a of a problem(or a problem at all) with frozen water that is the biggest obstacle to me with the outsiders over the winter, trying to keep their water unfrozen. Use on of those outside 'automatic' waterer things they keep the water from freezing longer than a regular water bowl. I use a small one and it really helps me out.

Taryn

because you neighbor is sick maybe you should try to talk to some of her relatives maybe someone can take the cat or maybe they can hire you to feed the cat and try to make sure she is inside if this can not be done maybe you should call your local animal control if you don't do something this cat is going to die please help her

My mom passed away from Alzheimers in 07. During this awful time, I gave her a picture of her kitty to hang in her room at the assisted living facility.

She insisted it wasn't her cat. I had taken her cat when she was admitted. So, I would take the cat to visit her there. Her remarks, "oh that's a pretty cat. But she isn't mine."

She loved that cat for 10 years at that point. It was just my mom and Little Girl. She would always have four or five different kinds of food put out for her in case she didn't like one. If she went out of town, I always had to visit Little Girl twice a day. Those were my orders.

It's an awful disease. Sometimes she was more lucid than me, then others it was like she had just landed on earth and was totally confused.

I would just take the kitty in. This lady is really not responsible mentally. You sure have a good heart.

Poor Gracie. I think it is great she has you.

Alzheimer’s disease does not have logic. What you are observing might very well be true. Your neighbour can still be functioning on fairly high level on many levels, at many moments. Or she might appear to be. She might very well have made a conscious decision to abandon Gracie even. The fact remains it probably is not “her” who made it.

I can relate to your anger about the way Gracie was dumped. The tricky nature of Alzheimer’s is that even if your neighbour’s memory is still somewhat OK re: Gracie’s history etc, the disease most likely is impairing her higher cognitive functions. Those tend to go first and some of those are even finer and harder to pin point than memory and reasoning. When before she might have just as much disliked Gracie for not being a lap cat, her judgment and moral fibre was there not to just dump her outside. She would not have been able to just deny eg the guilt feelings relating to it. Right now she is obviously changed and regressed as she is acting like a little child who can just say “no” and walk away.

I am sure all of us who have had demented family members know of some of the disinhibition that seems to come with it. Things people tend to do and say and seemingly have no shame. That’s one common thing that comes with brain that is going and allows these things to happen. For some people it is talking about naughty things, for some it is doing things they would have never done in their right mind. I think hard part of it is when one doubts it must be willful because it does not happen 100% time but that’s the nature of the game. Sometimes the very emotional and charged things are where the extreme reactions or blind spots happen first. Sounds like Gracie was something that bothered her for a long time.

You are so very generous of jumping in and trying to help poor little Gracie. I don’t understand this law about 3 animals – it’s not a building law but a county/state law??

Just thought I'd share another story. When I was a home health aide I worked for 3 alz clients. One was immobile due to age and other issues. Fairly sweet lady took care of dog better then her family(brushed its hair with her brush, fed it what she was eating...) the next one had 2 dogs one was a few years other was a senior. She liked the older one as "he sleeps better at night"

And the last guy....
So I show up to work with a cop car outside. family fighting over the stray he claims to not own. His dog for 8 years or so. Next day he gives me the play by play. the dog doesnt like it here and runs away. and some other random "facts" This same guy drove WAY past when he should have till they started locking up the keys after he ended up hours from home looking for a long gone store.

I wonder if she knows how much trouble shes in and is tryinig to help out by having one cat.
Do what you can dont worry about the city to much just yet. I would probably try to put it in someone elses name just in case she trys to surrender it. If possible chip the cat or change it over if already done.

I think the lady needs social services in to assess the issues she maybe having and to see if anything can be done to improve her life. I believe in all stages it must be scary to know your slipping. See if any drugs are programs can help her live a better life a bit longer.

May want to pull up another blood sample to be sure thats all your dealing with if shes gone without water for some periods.

piikki
we had a law at one place I lived in-city had a hoarder-110 cats or so, and to many cats/kittens being turned over as "strays to the animal control. Basically where I saw it unless you made a scene of I have 7 cats(or whatever is one more then limit) no one cared if you weren't turning any in to AC.

I TOLD the AC guy once I had 7(before i knew it was law) he just looked at me and said 6-city law...and left it at that. Never came back bothering me about the rabies shots either,mine were all inside and never out when city came by. For the majority the laws are set in place to make it easier to get the ppl who are way over head

Originally Posted by catsallaround

I wonder if she knows how much trouble shes in and is tryinig to help out by having one cat.

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I was wondering the same thing, because sometimes there seems to be a weird kind of logic behind the irrationality.

My mom used to steal my shoes when I was visiting, and accuse my niece of stealing her shoes. We couldn't get her to accept new shoes, so I'd buy some, wear them a week or so, and then "accidentally" leave them where it was pretty certain she'd take them.

After I'd thought about it, I remembered that two decades before, she'd broken a toe right before visiting us. She really wanted to go sightseeing, despite her sore foot, so I gave her a pair of sneakers I had that were soft and broken in. I think that was still somewhere in the back of her mind.

Carolina's neighbor may at some level realize that she can't take care of Gracie, i.e., remember to bring her in and give her her thyroid pill, but isn't "consciously" rejecting her. It's a bad situation all around.

Carolina, do you ever see your neighbor's husband, or do you have his number? He'd be the one to give you written permission to get vet care, as needed, if your neighbor can't.

Ok, let's go by parts...
Yes, she does have Alzheimers... She does get forgetful in many ways, and in other ways she is very much together. She lives on her own, she shops (on a small scale), she drives (short distances, of course), she does her hair (in the salon), she buy her own food at the 7-11, she goes out to dinners, lunches, etc., she is politically involved, is capable of making decisions about her life, etc. She does have some trouble communicating, where she forgets words mid-sentence, but she can complete her thoughts.... She IS still capable of living on her own, as long as we, neighbors keep an eye out, and we do.
I have been here, close to her for the last 3 1/2 years, I visit with her every day... I like her very much...
When she moved to the building 10 something years ago, Gracie was a kitten, and she took ownership of her - she became an inside outside cat. She always slept and ate inside, and spent most of the time inside too, going outside to enjoy the sun and fresh air. My building has a nice courtyard, and she generally stays in it; she also goes to the front of the building, but we have never seen Gracie going out on the streets.
For the longest time she has been complaining about Gracie being mean to the other cat, who is very very sweet... a true lap cat. I have NEVER seen her being mean. I think because they didn't play, she assumed she didn't like him. She has said many many times she wanted to let her go, to get rid of her, to put her back outside because of this.
Time and time again, I kept saying that both were fine and that was normal behavior, but my impression was that she was just very protective of the other cat, and didn't really love Gracie as much.
One day I went on a trip, and when I got back, I noticed that Gracie's food was outside, and asked why? She told me that she was going to be outside from that time on... She had taken her to the vet, she was sick, and she thought she was not going to last long anyways. Then she said well, she is not my cat, I didn't choose her, she just came in one day, she was already in the building when I moved in, so she is the building's cat.
Yesterday when I went outside to check my mailbox and noticed there was no food or water for Gracie, I made the comment that she needed her medication... And she said that taking care of her was just too much for her mind; she just couldn't deal with it anymore, her mind couldn't deal with it... She the threw hints at me if I could take a fourth cat in, if I wanted another one... I am not sure if she was talking about Gracie or not...
For those who think this was not a decision, I am sorry to say, it was a decision, one that I have seen coming for a long long time... unfortunately...
I do think however it might be for the fact that it might be too much for her to deal with it; she might not be able to process/remember the medications and care, or take responsibility for it.... but it doesn't make it right though... It is not right to just all of the sudden to abandon a cat to die with no medication and find an excuse because you can not deal with the situation... I am sorry, but for more that I sympathize with her situation, I do not agree with this... I just can't...
I just went outside to check on Gracie, and there is food and water by my neighbor's door. She is not home, so I can't talk to her yet.
I plan to ask her to authorize me to take her to the vet to run a full senior panel and see what can be done.
Last night my neighbor agreed to keep her in for the winter, so that is good... I will still be going in every day to give her the meds...
I will keep you all posted.

Hi, I'm so sorry that you are going through this, thankyou for helping I worked at a care home for many years and I studied and got a degree in understanding alzheimers and demantia. This sounds to me like your neighbour is only in the early stages, I am sorry but anyone with full blown alzheimers would not be able to drive, she would not be allowed. You live next door to her so you know her better than anyone, I will agree with you Carolina, she may have just decided to keep the one kitty. Please everyone do not take this the wrong way but some people know how to work it and "play" on it. From the studies that I did, anybody with alzheimers has phases where they can remember and then they can't and most can remember things from the past more than anything. I have worked with over 100+ people with alzheimers on a daily basis.x

Definitely keep an eye on Gracie this winter. It sounds like your neighbor could easily forget again and go back to keeping her outside, oblivious to the cold weather.

The bottom line: Thank God for you, Carolina. You will not let Gracie starve, dehydrate or be without her medications. You are an Angel.

It doesn't really matter what the woman's motivation is, aside from it makes an interesting debate. What matters is she no longer wants to have anything to do with Gracie's care.

So again I say, Thank you God, for providing Carolina to care about Gracie.

Ok.... I literally grabbed the Bull by the horn today
I have been working for the last 3 1/2 hours on "Project Gracie", and it sounds like we got it working now!
I went to my neighbors house, and asked her if she minded me taking her to the vet... she said no, I could take her... So I told her - let's call the vet now, since I am here, to find out about her medication. Got the vet on the phone, and as I already knew, she is supposed to be on Methimazole for life, in the am and pm; she hasn't taken since April. She is also overdue on her Senior Panel since last month. On her last Senior Panel, the only health problem was hyperthyroid, hopefully that is still the case... I went to the vet, picked up her prescription, some pill pockets, and gave it to her - she ate it like a good girl!
The vet told me I can only take her in with the husband's authorization, so my neighbor called her husband, but he didn't want to discuss the situation in front of her and told me to call him in private, tomorrow on his cell phone - I will do so.
Also, in discussing the situation with my neighbor, I explained to her how Gracie really needs to be inside, how it is better for her, healthier, etc... And I made a deal with her - if she lets her be inside at ALL TIMES, I will come 2x a day and give her the medication and feed both of them... So, in the morning and at night I will be feeding my cats and make a neighbor run to feed and tend to her cats too, so that way she is not overwhelmed...
I also found out they are both eating Cat Chow, and out of wet food. Also, The other kitty has been pooping on the floor. There is only one litter box, inside of a closet...
I then took my neighbor to the pet store, bought a bag of Chicken Soup to the Cat Lover's Soul Senior food, to which I am already slowly transitioning them, and some good senior canned food for one kitty and kitten canned food for Gracie, who is sooooo skinny...
I also got a second litterbox, and Cat attract litter. Got home, got a Feliway diffuser and refill... Went to her house, cleaned and disinfected her old litterbox, switched the litter, setup the new litterbox, and fed the kitties.
The other kitty immediately went to the second box, which I placed outside of the closet; hopefully this was the problem...
She looked overwhelmed with the two kitties in her house, and when she asked me what to do, I told her: Nothing - tomorrow you just open the door for me in the morning... and then at night... You just keep loving them and no matter what, do NOT let her outside again, EVER!
She promised me she is going to stay in now at all times!
I am SO happy!!!

Bless you, Carolina! I REALLY hope she remembers to keep her inside! But no matter WHAT happens, you are Gracie's angel!

You dear darling woman, you.

I am giving you a HUGE virtual

Wow! What can be said? That is just a wonderful thing you are doing.

Maybe when you are over there, you can put up a sticky note reminding her not to let the kitty out. We found those helped us with my mom.

You are a true advocate for the cats.

I went there this morning to feed the kitties, and Gracie was still inside... This is the good news... The bad news is that my neighbor said she doesn't know if she wants to do this anymore... She said she doesn't know if she can keep her inside... She sounded SO overwhelmed...
I asked her why, she didn't know how to explain... So I explained to her that if she stayed outside, in the cold, with no medicine, the worst would probably happen, and if she didn't want her, we needed to find her a home.
I calmed her down, and asked her... do you remember I am coming here everyday to feed and take care of them? Yes... Did they fight? no... How were them at night? Fine... Did they give you trouble? no...
So I started discussing solutions with her... Shelter - she is aware she would be killed, and she would never let that happen. She doesn't want to put her to sleep either. Her husband taking her to the office; she will ask... I told her that WORST case scenario, I will bring her in, but she will have to be kept legally under her name, as I can not have 4 cats. I told her she will have to keep giving her the shots, and the vet will be still under her name (it goes to the city, and it is against the law).
I asked her if it was ok with her for me to go ahead and look for rescues to find her a home - if she could stay in until we find her a place... She said to wait some days to see how she (my neighbor) adapts to the situation... She wants to think about it better... She doesn't want to put her out anymore or give her away... My goodness!
God... the poor thing... I told her I will make it really easy for her... But am I making it easy?
I am really thinking about bringing Gracie in at thin point...

One of the first symptoms my mother had was a disinterest in her pet dog and refusal to pay for basic medical care ("too expensive"). My sister eventually took complete care of the dog. Being overwhelmed at what use to be no big deal is another symptom. First, taking care of a pet; next, taking care of herself. The only constant about Alzheimer's is the inconsistency; assume your friend will change her mind several times. If your friend says Gracie isn't her cat, agree with her maybe, and say how wonderful it is that she is taking care of her. Or agree with her and foster the cat.
If the husband can't or won't help, then social services (Department of Aging of what ever county you live in) needs to be called NOW. It may take several weeks/months for them to get to your friend, what with budget cuts and supply/demand of case workers.
www.alz.org has a message board which may help you deal with your friend and Gracie. Some assisted living facilities allow (indeed, encourage) residents to have pets; perhaps Gracie could be placed at such a facility.