Another turkey day dillema

OK, hereâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s my Thanksgiving dillema.

My husband is my 2nd marriage. Step-dau. & her family live in southern California. My son and his family also live in southern California. They have newborn triplet girls that canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t be exposed to a lot of people for the first few months. They were seriously premature, but are doing well.

I also have a daughter and grandchildren that live in our town.

My husband wants to spend turkey day at his daughterâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s house. She has a good sized home, but also a good sized family of 3 kids and a husband. All her inlaws will be there – add 8 more. Also included is her mother – my husbandâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s ex-wife, who will be doing most of the cooking. Probably also there will be my step-son and his family which also includes 2 newborn twins. Currently Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m at odds with this step-son, and donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t feel comfortable with attending a family function that includes him and my hubbyâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s ex along with a total of 20 or more people.

I have two other options. I can either stay at my sonâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s house and cook them dinner, or I can be with my daughter and other 2 grandkids. In other words at home with a TV dinner is preferable to being in the zoo at the step-daughterâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s. I know I should probably go with the hubby, but I just canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t bring myself to do this. I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t think my husband cares much whether Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m there or not, and I prefer not. Am I being unreasonable?

I would go spend it with the son/triplets. They probably would welcome a meal for the season and it will keep her spirits up far as if she cant cook/to busy and was raised with a traditional meal. If that dont seem to be an issue maybe the intown person..I would stay home alone before Id go into the other scene tho!

Go cook for the son who probably would love a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Ask hubby to come with you there since your son needs help the most.

Tell your husband to man-up and stand up for you regarding the family fiasco. Either celebrate at home and invite whoever you want or go to your son's.

LOL, Stephanie, I couldn't have said it better!

Thanks everyone! I told him that if he wants to sit next to his ex that is fine by me, but don't expect me to. I have been with her on several grandkid functions, which is fine, but I don't want to spend special holidays with her and not spend those days with my family. But I would never stand in the way of him seeing his kids, nor should he resent it when I want to spend time with mine. So if we have separate holidays, that is ok too.

I say go where your heart tells you to go. With blended families, it's not always possible to all be together at one time. So it's becoming a trend that some holidays are spent apart.

Some people will do thanksgiving at one house and christmas at another, and then switch the next year. For example, Thanksgiving with your family this year, and Christmas with his, and vice versa next year.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

I say go where your heart tells you to go. With blended families, it's not always possible to all be together at one time. So it's becoming a trend that some holidays are spent apart.

Some people will do thanksgiving at one house and christmas at another, and then switch the next year. For example, Thanksgiving with your family this year, and Christmas with his, and vice versa next year.

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That's exactly what my family does.

I'd go be with your son! I understand him wanting to be with his children but you not wanting to be with his ex! But either way, when it comes down to it, YOU are his family now. Spouse before kids is what my parents taught me and it only made me respect them more. (Saying this as a kid from a blended family.)

Originally Posted by Dusty's Mom

I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t think my husband cares much whether Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m there or not, and I prefer not. Am I being unreasonable?

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You are not being unreasonable. I don't remember the last time DH and I spent Thanksgiving together. He always went to his brother in New York State and I stopped going there a long time ago. (His brother is an alcoholic.) Now he goes to a friend's house in New York State. I have zero interest in driving 4-5 hours for a turkey meal, which I couldn't eat since I don't eat meat.

I think the classy thing would be for both of you to visit the step-daughter sometime over that holiday weekend, but not for Thanksgiving dinner. It's just not cool to ask your wife to spend a holiday dinner with your ex-wife. She must be the ex-wife for some reason.

Sounds like you don't have the problem - he does. I think Stephanie said it best.

Originally Posted by threecatowner

I think the classy thing would be for both of you to visit the step-daughter sometime over that holiday weekend, but not for Thanksgiving dinner. It's just not cool to ask your wife to spend a holiday dinner with your ex-wife. She must be the ex-wife for some reason.

Sounds like you don't have the problem - he does. I think Stephanie said it best.

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This sounds like an excellent option. But it bothers me that you don't think your husband cares one way or the other, whether you go with him or not.

We used to spend Thanksgiving with our son and his family. But her family also came for dinner and her mom is a witch. It's always her way or the wrong way. (For example, DS asked me to mash the potatoes.....during dinner, DIL's mom said that she preferred lumps in her potatoes; that way she knew they were real potatoes. DS always asked me to make the gravy....she wondered why on earth make gravy when you can buy it in the jar? I brought a gorgeous tray of Christmas cookies to have with our dessert. She wondered who had time to bake cookies? What the ....? Just because she can't or won't cook, nobody is supposed to cook? That gets old quickly. And boring, listening to the constant blah, blah, blah.) After three years of it, we got really tired of dealing with her and DH and I decided to stay home.

This year, we're all going to my parents for dinner. It will be the last Thanksgiving we'll have with my father and we're all going to be there. My sister and I will do all the cooking and cleaning afterward. And then that Saturday, we'll going to my niece's for another dinner....she just got married and she wants to make a traditional dinner. My sister and I will be driving down Friday night to help her with the preparations. My niece just loves to cook and she's doing a great job. But with 20 people coming for her dinner, she's a little nervous.

I'm with you Winchester. That's another reason I don't want to go to the "zoo". I don't do instant mashed and I make my own gravy and dressing. There is a difference in taste. I don't do shortcuts! And knowing my step-dau, they will probably have turkey burritos for dinner. No, neither she nor her husband are Mexican, but they just love Mexican food and would rather do that than the traditional turkey feast!

Originally Posted by stephanietx

Tell your husband to man-up and stand up for you regarding the family fiasco. Either celebrate at home and invite whoever you want or go to your son's.

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I agree with this!

Whenever we have a function at our house, my family cant be bothered to visit us. We just go alternate and visit them for the next year (ie: Last year was Xmas in SC, so we went to Thanksgiving at their house. Hubby and I have done that since we started dating nearly 6 years ago. I WILL say my family DID come for Xmas last year because it was our first Xmas in our new home, but they basically refuse to come down any other holidays even if we pay for their fuel and hotel room ) This year is Thanksgiving at our house (since in-laws live behind us, they walk over I haven't bothered asking my fam yet, because I know the answer), and we'll have Xmas at my parents' house.