I was just slapped in the face

Originally Posted by otto

I see variations of this comment all through this thread, and others like it.

It makes no sense to me. If these kids are so well behaved why are they getting hit in the first place?

Why do they need to be hit, if they are so good from being hit?

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They are more well-behaved overall, versus those that get zero discipline. Because the ones with zero discipline are continually doing things they shouldn't be, without any type of correction. For the most part, my friend's daughter is very good the majority of the time. She goes to animal shelters to play with the kitties, and respects the fosters that come home with them as well as her dogs. She respects other people's property, homes, has manners, and listens to her elders. If she does something bad after being told not to do it more than once, she gets popped. It doesn't mean she's constantly being hit for things at all. I've only ever seen my friend do it once. Sometimes all she has to do is raise her voice a little, and it keeps the kid in line if she starts venturing to a path she shouldn't be going down.

The others who don't get anything done find it okay to disrespect adults, break things in people's homes because they won't get in trouble for messing with it (mine wasn't the only one it happened in), hit their pets (I really wish Nero would have bit or scratched her, with the way she flung him around, dragged him by his legs or tail, etc. It was all I could do to not repeat the same handling on her). I even told her that's not how you handle a cat properly, and she basically told me she didn't care, it's how she wanted to handle the cat.

I was spanked growing up, but not very often because I knew what was right and wrong. I knew if I didn't want it, I should behave. My mom usually had used her hand, but also had a wooden spoon she used a couple times when I purposefully disobeyed her, knowing full well that I was. My grandmother had a wooden spanking paddle at her house, though I never put myself in a situation to receive any spankings there.

I'm not advocating for 'zero discipline'. There are other, better in my opinion, ways to teach children, than hitting.

By example, for one thing.

If she does something bad after being told not to do it more than once, she gets popped.

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See, now to me that's just teaching the child that she can get away with it x number of times before the parent loses control of the situation and hits. Kid knows mom says don't do it a couple times first. It's fun to see how far I can push mom before she "pops" me.

"Do it again and you lose texting/computer/TV/favorite toy privileges for xx days" and then following through with those lost privileges is going to teach a more lasting lesson.

Sure it's hard work to follow through with grounding a sullen kid. But raising healthy well adjusted children who will contribute something to the world is hard work. Popping is the easy way out and teaches the child nothing about how to live in the world.

Teach that misbehavior brings unpleasant consequences, rather than teaching how far to push mom's buttons.

Popped, swatted, tapped, smacked, whatever you want to call it, it's all the same, it's hitting and it just means the parent can't or doesn't want to be bothered to control the situation in any other, more civilized, way.

Originally Posted by otto

As I work with young people, I see a lot of self discipline in them every day. There are brats in every generation. some are born that way, some are made. There is nothing new.

Did anyone actually READ the posts that tell about how this child is being raised to think hitting is entertainment? Spanking her is not going to teach her a thing except next time to hit things that are weaker than she is and can't retaliate. Violence breeds violence. How did this four year old learn to slap her aunt in the first place?

I was raised with hitting and verbal abusing (such as what happened here when the kid was told she was being ugly). And I am not okay.

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Children are not BORN brats. Children are taught to behave badly, by watching others behave that way, or simply from people not correcting them. I am not big on spanking, but I admit I have spanked each of my children at least once. There is a hugh difference between someone who swats their child all the time, and one who uses it as the severest form of punishment. My neighbour spanks and screams at her 5 boys all the time. They are absolute brats. A spanking means nothing, her yelling means nothing. When I raise my voice my kid stop dead in their tracks, when I have spanked them, they know it is serious business. My children do not hit each other or anyone else. There is a hugh difference.

Originally Posted by mbjerkness

Children are not BORN brats. Children are taught to behave badly, by watching others behave that way, or simply from people not correcting them. I am not big on spanking, but I admit I have spanked each of my children at least once. There is a hugh difference between someone who swats their child all the time, and one who uses it as the severest form of punishment. My neighbour spanks and screams at her 5 boys all the time. They are absolute brats. A spanking means nothing, her yelling means nothing. When I raise my voice my kid stop dead in their tracks, when I have spanked them, they know it is serious business. My children do not hit each other or anyone else. There is a hugh difference.

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Good post. yes, brats are made, for the most part. And yes your methods are different from what is generally being promoted here, in my opinion.

But everyone is born with certain character traits and some children are more biddable than others. My one sister's kids were just rotten from the day they came out of her. My sister is a wonderful caring woman and never hit anything in her life. She has worked herself to a frazzle to raise those children to be nice people. And they are. Mostly. As much as any teen can be called nice

She sets limits, disciplines, she talks to them, she shows them how to behave by the way she behaves, she follows through. It's been an uphill battle, but then, my sister hikes the high peaks too, so I guess she is equal to the challenge.

My cousin's daughter (is she my niece too?) is like that too. She's three years old, she's a total mess, if you said "no" she will just ignore you and will still do something that is not allowed, like one day, she was going to pick up my mother's eye glasses, I said "no" what she did was that she hold it tightly until she broke the frame of the eye glass. Her saw everything and did nothing, my cousin said that she's just a kid and doesn't what she's doing. I said to myself that how that child will know the difference between what is good and bad if she will just tolerate it.

I certainly see nothing wrong with spanking a child when it is needed. There is a big difference in abuse and getting a child's attention with a butt spanking. Sometimes it is the only way you can get their attention. I believe it should only be done as a last resort. Sometimes talking to them and trying to explain things works, sometimes it doesn't and something else is needed. Also this might come as a shock but there are some Bible scriptures to back up this kind of disipline. I see the worst behaved children everywhere I look and I believe it results from parents who fail to disipline their children.

Originally Posted by blueyedgirl5946

Also this might come as a shock but there are some Bible scriptures to back up this kind of disipline.

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There is exactly ONE scripture explicitly endorsing physical punishment. And thousands endorsing love, kindness, patience, peace, mildness, and self control, all of which I find sadly lacking in the vast majority of parents who use physical punishment. Not to mention the warnings against being hypocritical, which is also something that would come up if you hit your kid for hitting someone.

Certainly children need firm and consistent discipline, but this can definitely be done without hitting. Most parents aren't willing to inconvenience themselves and prefer to take the easy way either out by hitting or doing nothing, unfortunately.

Since I feel I was badly emotionally damaged by "normal" spanking I simply can't agree with it at all. I don't think anyone should be subjected to this kind of damage.

To me, there is a difference between spanking and hitting. Spanking to me means a swat to the clothed behind, not a pull the pants down and slap bare skin until it is red.

I usually have to give the evil mommy look. I have perfected that art and usually all I have to do is give that look.

Hitting is hitting, regardless of how it is done. Hitting something smaller and defenseless is bullying not disciplining.

That you can correct your children with a look says a lot about your parenting skills. Obviously you have taught them boundaries and how to behave and followed through.

Originally Posted by zohdee

I usually have to give the evil mommy look. I have perfected that art and usually all I have to do is give that look.

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Around here, it's called the "Hairy Eyeball" look and. believe me, I'm the expert. When my son was a child and I gave him that look, my son calmed right down....I didn't even have to speak. He just turned 39 years old and he still remembers that look....he's trying to perfect it on his son and daughter, but doesn't have it quite down yet.

One time when we were visiting the kids, our DGS wanted to go into the garage. DS kept saying No, but our GS was determined. Frankly, I got tiring of hearing it. I went over to our GS and said, "OK, look. You can either walk back into the playroom on your own or I can carry you. It's up to you what we're going to do." He walked into the playroom with me and asked me to play with him with his cars. And that was that. Our son just looked at me...he was amazed.

Our grandchildren were visiting about two weeks ago. DGS got a little rambuctious with the cats....DS kept telling him to knock it off (and I don't get that; why tell a child multiple times to stop? Make him stop already; you're the parent....do something!). I finally said our DGS's name and looked right at him. He stopped. DS said that I still have the perfect "Hairy Eyeball."

There is no way that anybody should have to deal with being slapped in the face by a 4-year old. That child is going to be in big trouble.

Its all in the eyes. I have a very evil glare and that is all the is necessary to diffuse any type of negative behavior.

Originally Posted by Bellaandme

I just wish you'd get out of there and away from those people!! None of them sound like they're supportive or decent to you. I can't stand how they disrespect you and are just plain mean to you!!

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I think Tavia's Mom did the best she could under the circumstances. This child has no discipline, and this child's mom obviously has no intent to do anything about it. WHATEVER Tavia's Mom did will likely have no lasting impact, but may have her niece thinking twice about slapping her again.

Sweetie, you need to get out of there! I know you're working on it, but that place is toxic.



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I can remember being spanked twice as a child. My parents normally used other methods of discipline, and mom definitely had "the look" - but she wasn't always around to give it when I was causing trouble. Spanking sure can be used as a lazy method of parenting, but I think it has its place, just not something that should be relied upon.

LDG;2950748******************** I can remember being spanked twice as a child. My parents normally used other methods of discipline said:

https://statich.thecatsite.com/images/smilies/laughing02.gif[/img] Spanking sure can be used as a lazy method of parenting, but I think it has its place, just not something that should be relied upon.

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I agree. I had one spanking. I was 5, I can still remember it. I learned my lessen and so did my brother and sisters. None of us ever threw rocks at the living room window again.

I refuse to get into the spanking debate as that belongs in IMO, and I do believe that it has been addressed.

I do think this child needs to be taught some manners, at 4yrs old they do know what they are doing, they know right from wrong, and smacking an adult in inappropriate behaviour which should incur disciplinary action however that may be in the household.

I would be appalled if a child smacked me, though I wouldn't spank someone's child that isn't my own or that I don't know their acceptable disciplinary measures, I would be extremely offended, and tell the child it was inappropriate and inform the parent so that the child can be disciplined.

The sad thing I see, is that some children see nothing wrong with this type of behaviour. More and more I see children who don't respect anything/anyone, not parents, not authority, not themselves. I can't help but wonder what exactly are their parents teaching them.

Originally Posted by mbjerkness

I agree. I had one spanking. I was 5, I can still remember it. I learned my lessen and so did my brother and sisters. None of us ever threw rocks at the living room window again.

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Originally Posted by Snake_Lady

The sad thing I see, is that some children see nothing wrong with this type of behaviour.

More and more I see children who don't respect anything/anyone, not parents, not authority, not themselves. I can't help but wonder what exactly are their parents teaching them.

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Lazy parents. My (former) step kids were like that. And that was 20 years ago. My then husband, their father, said he "didn't believe in forcing his values on his kids". Not that he had any manners to speak of. But he didn't even believe in making them brush their teeth or bathe.

And both parents would stand there and discuss the boy's trouble making at school and laugh, and the little monster would stand there smiling smugly because he was a (word not allowed) and proud of it.

They couldn't be bothered to teach the children anything about how to be civilized. I did my best, and when they were smal, I did have some influence, but once they became old enough to not need child care (namely me) he told them that they didn't have to listen to me or do anything I said.

So yeah, there will always be parents like that.

I have swatted my kid's butts and slapped their hands when they were doing something that would endanger them and a horrified scream didn't do the trick. The big one is running in a parking lot. My daughter, one time, broke free from my hand and took off running in the parking lot, she got a swat on her diapered butt. To this day, at age 7, she still holds my hand in parking lots.

IMO, IF (big IF) spanking is to be done, it should be limited to ones parents. A family friend spanked me when I was about 5. I'm 51 now and that is how I remember him. It was once, with clothes on. My Mom was there. I was being a brat. I may have even deserved to be spanked --- but not by him.

Originally Posted by Rockcat

IMO, IF (big IF) spanking is to be done, it should be limited to ones parents. A family friend spanked me when I was about 5. I'm 51 now and that is how I remember him. It was once, with clothes on. My Mom was there. I was being a brat. I may have even deserved to be spanked --- but not by him.

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As I said, I can't agree with spanking at all--but especially by someone not a parent. I think that's outright dangerous to allow, and extremely damaging to the child. I think a parent who allows others to spank their kids is, at best, naive.

Originally Posted by Willowy

As I said, I can't agree with spanking at all--but especially by someone not a parent. I think that's outright dangerous to allow, and extremely damaging to the child. I think a parent who allows others to spank their kids is, at best, naive.

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Agreed. I don't agree with spanking for any reason. Others have already used the argument I use - what good does it do to hit someone to teach them that hitting is wrong? I was spanked as a child, and I can easily say that I turned out fine. I also rode my bike without a helmet, rode in the back of a pickup truck on the highway, rode in the car without a seatbelt (before there were laws), ate my Halloween candy before my parents checked it, etc... so it's easier to say that I am lucky.

I don't have kids and don't plan to, but I do have 6 nieces and nephews, 3 of whom I am almost a "second mom" to. Their parents spank them, and they are out of control a LOT of the time. I love my sister and BIL, but they can be lazy parents. They aren't consistent with punishment, they don't follow through, they bribe, they give in when a kid throws a tantrum, etc. OTOH, my brother and SIL have two kids who have NEVER been spanked, and they are well-behaved and respectful. It's because their parents agree on method of punishment, they follow through, they are consistent.

Just my $0.02.