Oh guys, I don't even know where to begin truthfully. Bare with me guys, this will be a long one.
My family life has always been rocky and never, ever normal. Growing up my Mom had one abusive relationship after another. I never knew my father who took off when I was a baby. Eventually she put herself through nursing school and ended up marrying the father of my 2 brothers.
This man was pure evil. He abused us all, and I basically had to protect the family. I never had a childhood and I never had a chance to be a normal teenager. I basically raised my brothers and did my best to protect them. Mom was always in denial, hoping things would get better. They never did. She finally left this man, who raped her and tried to kill her. He went to jail for less than 2 years.
My younger brother has Down Syndrome. Mom clings to him. Because of the abuse of her past, she refuses to date or have anything to do with men. She has a nasty attitude and has pushed anyone she ever has had as a friend away. She doesn't get out, doesn't socialize and generally is a loner. She has crazy mood swings and desperately needs medication/councelling but has refused to ever do anything. Where she IS a single mom and full time nurse, she decided to start working nights so that I could watch my little brother when she works. It was never really asked of me, it was just assumed I would do it. My brother is 17 and not hard to care for, but I have ALWAYS had to revolve my life around my mother's schedule. No one else in the family will step up to help. Whenever I want to make other plans, I have to be the one to make alternate arrangements or I get major guilt trips from mom. I always have, she is the queen of guilt trips. Whenever I try to talk about feeling obligated to the rest of the family like "Oh you're such an ungrateful daughter, you're Mom needs your help, etc." but yet NO ONE else helps. There are so many times I have had to hold back in life because of this "obligation" and I swear guys, it is killing me!
It's not that I mind helping Mom, I don't. I hate feeling like I HAVE to, like I have no choice. I can't live my own life, I have to live it for them. If I talk to Mom, I walk on glass, never knowing if she is in one of her "moods" where I'll be told off or made to feel like nothing.
So then yesterday happened... My OTHER brother, 23 year old Tyler, the tattoo artist, wrote something on Facebook about how he wasn't doing too well, etc. In August he broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years and the mother of his child. She NEVER made him happy. On top of this, during that time I could never have a real relationship with my brother because she treated me horribly, talked down to me, condescended me, as WELL as my brother. No one in the family liked her, but tolerated her for my nephews sake. Well I refused to have anything to do with her because of how she made me feel. One day she was at school and I went to visit my brother and nephew. She found out and sent me the NASTIEST email saying how dare I go into her home, and I better stay the hell away, etc. etc.
I can get along with ANYONE guys, I'm not hard to get along with, but after numerous chances, I couldn't be around her. Needless to say, I was thrilled when he told me he broke up with her and was moving on with his life.
It wasn't long after that when Tyler started seeing another girl, a girl I REALLY liked. Even though I knew it was kind of a rebound relationship, I was happy for him! I was rebuilding my relationship with him, we were seeing a lot more of each other, we were talking about the past and everything was going SO WELL.
Then as I said, yesterday Tyler starts posting weird messages on Facebook and then I see his new girlfriend posting about how her world is crumbling before her eyes and how her heart is being broken. I immediately called Mom to ask her if she talked to Tyler and to ask what was going on. Mom instantly gets huffy and defensive, saying Tyler has been miserable and has been talking about trying to work things out with his ex, that the ex has been getting help and so on. I said they have been "trying to work it out" for years and nothing ever changed! Then she started going on about my nephew, and I asked is it REALLY better for my nephew to be around them fighting and arguing all the time, being even MORE confused with Tyler going in and out?!? I started crying, and said "Wow, and here I thought I was going to get my brother back."
Mom hung up in my ear! I was so upset guys, I started sobbing... See Tyler has always been her "prince". He can do no wrong. I snapped. I had enough of her attitude, enough of her bullying and enough of her guilt. I called her back and when she answered, I said "If you want to act like a child and hang up on me, never listen to me and never really give a #$%^ then you can find someone else to watch your child and be your guilt trip because I am DONE". and then I hung up myself.
It was the straw that broke the camels back. I am done with the toxicity, I am done with the drama and I want nothing to do with any of it anymore. I deserve to be happy...and it felt GOOD to stand up for myself. Right now though I feel super broken...and kind of empty. I cried all night and people here at work tell me I look like hell. I don't really need advice, I just needed to get it all out there. Just so you know I have tried to talk to Mom about the whole situation many time and all I have ever gotten was huffiness and guilt. I talk to my brother and it goes in one ear and out the other.
Thank god I have Dana, because if it weren't for him, I'd seriously be in a nuthouse right now.
My family life has always been rocky and never, ever normal. Growing up my Mom had one abusive relationship after another. I never knew my father who took off when I was a baby. Eventually she put herself through nursing school and ended up marrying the father of my 2 brothers.
This man was pure evil. He abused us all, and I basically had to protect the family. I never had a childhood and I never had a chance to be a normal teenager. I basically raised my brothers and did my best to protect them. Mom was always in denial, hoping things would get better. They never did. She finally left this man, who raped her and tried to kill her. He went to jail for less than 2 years.
My younger brother has Down Syndrome. Mom clings to him. Because of the abuse of her past, she refuses to date or have anything to do with men. She has a nasty attitude and has pushed anyone she ever has had as a friend away. She doesn't get out, doesn't socialize and generally is a loner. She has crazy mood swings and desperately needs medication/councelling but has refused to ever do anything. Where she IS a single mom and full time nurse, she decided to start working nights so that I could watch my little brother when she works. It was never really asked of me, it was just assumed I would do it. My brother is 17 and not hard to care for, but I have ALWAYS had to revolve my life around my mother's schedule. No one else in the family will step up to help. Whenever I want to make other plans, I have to be the one to make alternate arrangements or I get major guilt trips from mom. I always have, she is the queen of guilt trips. Whenever I try to talk about feeling obligated to the rest of the family like "Oh you're such an ungrateful daughter, you're Mom needs your help, etc." but yet NO ONE else helps. There are so many times I have had to hold back in life because of this "obligation" and I swear guys, it is killing me!
It's not that I mind helping Mom, I don't. I hate feeling like I HAVE to, like I have no choice. I can't live my own life, I have to live it for them. If I talk to Mom, I walk on glass, never knowing if she is in one of her "moods" where I'll be told off or made to feel like nothing.
So then yesterday happened... My OTHER brother, 23 year old Tyler, the tattoo artist, wrote something on Facebook about how he wasn't doing too well, etc. In August he broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years and the mother of his child. She NEVER made him happy. On top of this, during that time I could never have a real relationship with my brother because she treated me horribly, talked down to me, condescended me, as WELL as my brother. No one in the family liked her, but tolerated her for my nephews sake. Well I refused to have anything to do with her because of how she made me feel. One day she was at school and I went to visit my brother and nephew. She found out and sent me the NASTIEST email saying how dare I go into her home, and I better stay the hell away, etc. etc.
It wasn't long after that when Tyler started seeing another girl, a girl I REALLY liked. Even though I knew it was kind of a rebound relationship, I was happy for him! I was rebuilding my relationship with him, we were seeing a lot more of each other, we were talking about the past and everything was going SO WELL.
Then as I said, yesterday Tyler starts posting weird messages on Facebook and then I see his new girlfriend posting about how her world is crumbling before her eyes and how her heart is being broken. I immediately called Mom to ask her if she talked to Tyler and to ask what was going on. Mom instantly gets huffy and defensive, saying Tyler has been miserable and has been talking about trying to work things out with his ex, that the ex has been getting help and so on. I said they have been "trying to work it out" for years and nothing ever changed! Then she started going on about my nephew, and I asked is it REALLY better for my nephew to be around them fighting and arguing all the time, being even MORE confused with Tyler going in and out?!? I started crying, and said "Wow, and here I thought I was going to get my brother back."
Mom hung up in my ear! I was so upset guys, I started sobbing... See Tyler has always been her "prince". He can do no wrong. I snapped. I had enough of her attitude, enough of her bullying and enough of her guilt. I called her back and when she answered, I said "If you want to act like a child and hang up on me, never listen to me and never really give a #$%^ then you can find someone else to watch your child and be your guilt trip because I am DONE". and then I hung up myself.
It was the straw that broke the camels back. I am done with the toxicity, I am done with the drama and I want nothing to do with any of it anymore. I deserve to be happy...and it felt GOOD to stand up for myself. Right now though I feel super broken...and kind of empty. I cried all night and people here at work tell me I look like hell. I don't really need advice, I just needed to get it all out there. Just so you know I have tried to talk to Mom about the whole situation many time and all I have ever gotten was huffiness and guilt. I talk to my brother and it goes in one ear and out the other.
Thank god I have Dana, because if it weren't for him, I'd seriously be in a nuthouse right now.
