I'm Going To Lose A Family Member

One of our German Shepherds was diagnosed with bone cancer. She was a rescue from Animal Control about 11 years ago. At the time we had another one named "Casey" and wanted to have playmates.

Well, the new dog followed Casey everywhere, so we called her "Shadow". We lost Casey to liver cancer about 4 years ago. Within a week I rescued another GSD that was already named Katey.

Shadow, now about 12 years old has been a medical nemesis. She has had a tumor removed from her right front ankle three different times @ about $600 each time.

She had TPLO surgery (Tibial Leveling Plateau Osteotomy) on a rear leg @ $3200. She has torn the other front ankle ligament. So, she has only one good leg, manages to get around, and has high spirits. The medication for her cancer symptoms costs $56 for 10 days. We were told she has about 4 months or less to live. We keep her as comfortable as possible.

What was a coincidence was our getting a new puppy a week or so ago that we named "Heidi". I can't say that Shadow sees Heidi as her replacement, but the new dog gives new life to the other two. Heidi will be a distraction for Katey when Shadow is no longer with us. They were very close. We will miss her.

It was an omen. Last night about 5 P.M., we lost power in our neighborhood. So, LOML and I played scrabble by candlelight. It was so quiet in the house, that the only real sounds we heard were the dogs breathing near our feet.

It was an eerie kind of quiet. It was also the third night that Shadow refused her food. She had only a few drinks of water for a few days. We've had to administer her meds jammed in a cut piece of hot dog, or peanut butter for her to accept it.

It was during this silent time we both decided that it's time to give her up. I dreaded the thought of making that kind of decision. It makes me wonder that in having her treated since she was diagnosed to be terminal, was to keep her as long as possible for our good or hers. We both thought that we would allow her to be as comfortable as possible until the time came.

Well, the time came, and I almost wish she would have died on her own. This morning I made the appointment. I took her outside one last time before driving her to the Vet. She hobbled out in the yard and did her business. I sat down and she came and lay next to me on the grass. It was cold out there, about mid 40's, but the sun was shining, and there was a brisk wind. I sat there with her for about an hour just petting her head, and rubbing her ears. She was sniffing the air. We made a pretty sight. It would have been a great photograph...a man and his dog.

I got teary eyed knowing this would be her last time in her yard. By the time we came inside she was ready. I stayed with her in the treatment room and held her head. She dozed off quietly and quickly. She was no longer in any discomfort. I've always asked myself why do we set ourselves up for times like this. Having gone through this several times, it's for the unselfish love that they have for us.

A heartfelt THANK YOU to all that responded offering their condolences. Although Shadow is not with us in a physical sense, she will remain with us in memories. I'm thinking it's like a soul that remains. The quality of that being indicative of her love and interaction with us while she was alive. It's no different to us than when a human leaves us. We remember what they were like in life and what kind of animal or person they were. That's how they will be remembered.

In our talking about that interaction, we bring them back so to speak. That could be their soul. That we can do anytime, and love doing it.