I think Half-tail's dying

She keeps dropping weight, she is already skin and bones. The FeLV has ravaged her so I think she doesn't have much time left. She will be the first we lose, everyone else is fine and we even have a few fat ones. She never grew much, she is tiny, she was 4 lbs and at the perfect weight for her when she got spayed. Nuts was bigger than that at 3 or 4 months old.

This sucks, I just hope she doesn't go off some where to die so I can give her a proper burial. I think bringing her inside would make her final days miserable and stress her out, the 6 hate being inside and it scares them.

She is eating and drinking but she keeps dropping weight. F*** FeLV!!!!!!!!!! I'm not freaking ready to freaking lose one. She is the same age as Attitude and Nuts and the second I got Attitude's test results back I knew what I was getting into but I'm just not ready. It's so unfair. I hate this disease, it takes them too soon.

Taryn

So sorry. I'll keep a good thought.

Oh, that is awful to watch the little one fade away. Is it possible to take her in for the "ultimate kindness"?

Prayers going up for all.

I am so, so sorry hun. It is never easy to let go of one we love so much. Sending vibes.

And a hug for you.

Thank you.

She isn't suffering, or I don't think she is. She was at the door when I left to go home this morning and the second she saw me she started screaming at me through the door to get my butt outside and feed her(and everyone else, if I felt like it, but definitely her.) She attacked the food like she hadn't had anything in a year. She is also the water monitor and will scream at you until you fix whatever it is that isn't up to her standards. She is the one who demanded I remove all the slush from the water bowl last year, in the middle of a blizzard when my hands were already frozen even with my gloves on, before she would drink. I did do it though so she has me well trained.

She is spending most of her time inside the cat house on the cedar pillow but I think it's just because she's cold because the second someone comes outside she is out of there and at your feet. Like I said I wish I could take her inside and see if I could bulk her up but she is afraid of being inside and all it would do is stress her, the outside cats, Attitude & Nuts, plus Paul and I. I also don't think she gets the concept of a litter box(when she was going to get spayed and had to keep her for 3 days in a dog kennel I think she pooped everywhere but in the litter box and I'm not willing to deal with that, and if I have to restrict her to one room(I can't let a cat that isn't litter trained loose in the house) that would be even more cruel. I offer to let her in but she doesn't want to come inside.

I feed them Cat Chow and I know that isn't helping her but it's all I can afford. I have a rule that no cat inside my house is fed crap so if she was inside I would feed her Attitude & Nuts' Solid Gold, but I can't afford to feed 6 outside cats Solid Gold or anything better than Cat Chow, I would go broke.

It's just hard because she was the shyest and most 'feral' out of all the kittens and just about took off my arms when I put her in the carrier to get her spayed. When she came back I put the carrier outside with her obviously still in it, I do this for all the outside ones when they get done, it's easier for them to stay with their group. Well, it seemed to get a little chilly outside so I took her and the carrier into the bathroom. I opened it and she was all doped up from the pain meds. I just held her and stroked her and talked to her, she was just so tiny, as I said she was 4 lbs and at a great weight for her size. After that she became the world's friendliest cat, she loves to be picked up and loved on and even let Mitzi hold her(I wanted her to see what I meant last week when I said she weighed nothing.) Big difference from the wild cat that wanted to take my arm off when I tried to get her in the carrier for her spay. I feel like I 'fixed' her and showed her that people are good and nice and that she doesn't need to be afraid of us and that is why she is now so friendly, just the small amount of time I spent in the bathroom holding her and petting her and talking to her. Those who have done it know what I mean.

It just sucks, and it's so unfair. She doesn't deserve this, we don't deserve this and the colony doesn't deserve it. She's too damn young for this s***. Mitzi told me that everything the cats have and the fun they have playing and running around and just being cats is because of me, that I have given the cats an easy, happy, healthy life and no matter what happens to remember that. I know none of them prolly would have lasted this long without Paul and I(mainly me) since they are all FeLV+. Like I said she'll be our first loss. I thought it was going to be Mama over the winter with her rectal prolapse but the vet fixed her up, then Attitude with a severe URI but somehow she survived. I know some of the others have looked like walking skeletons and recovered but those were 2 of the boys after they disappeared for several days to 2 weeks, Half-tail never goes anywhere, and if she does she's back by nightfall.

It's just hard and I don't want to accept it. I want to deny it's happening but I can't, it's too obvious. I also know it's the leukemia, she looks like she escaped from a Nazi concentration camp and that's what leukemia positive cats look like when it has ravaged the cat. There are 8 of them counting Attitude and Nuts so she will be the first and then 7 more will follow her to the bridge when it's their time.

I still hold out hope that she will get better and out on weight but I'm a realist and know that it isn't going to happen. She hasn't given up fighting so I'm not going to give up hope. She'll let me know if it gets to be too much for her, she just doesn't appear to be there yet and she might never be, she'll just go.

Taryn

I'm so sorry, Taryn
It's never something that's easy to watch or accept. Lots of going out to you and Half-tail

I am so sorry hun

She's still here. Nothing but bones(she hasn't lost or gained any weight) but her normal self, she has energy and she seems happy. The vet is going to give me a can of a/d tomorrow because Attitude wouldn't eat all day. Well, Attitude finally decided she was hungry and ate some so when I get it tomorrow I'm giving it to Half-Tail, she needs it more than Attitude ever could. Can't hurt, might help.

Taryn

Taryn, I'm so sorry about your sick cats. It is hard to watch them go downhill and you feel helpless to stop it from happening. You are such a good person for helping these cats, and who knows how much suffering Half tail would be going through without the care you give her and the others.

Sending prayers for Half tail and the other kitties with FeLV.

that when it's time for her to go, her passing will be easy, and that you find your inner strength to deal with it.