How do you deal with

tavia'smom

tavia'smom

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anger and depression? I am having a very hard time dealing with my anger and even depression associated with my family. As I have said my dad has pretty basically made it clear that I don't matter to him and my sister I feel is one of the reasons why. And mom well she left a long time ago although I am starting to wonder if dad's abuse emotionally and mentally and by the simply her being 14 and him being 38 and the fact that she had been sexually abused by her father is why she left me, well I know it is. And my dad has always made it plain that he loves my sister more and I have tried to deal with it and I don't know how. I know once I can get out of here it will help but even then how do I put it behind me? Right now the whole thing of finding out he is putting the house he promised to me in her kid's names, and the fact that he gave her all of the money from the sale of the farm that he didn't use on the farm, is like salt in a wound it began from the time she was born. When he had me he never bought me toys, car seats, or even a crib I slept in a dresser drawer. But when she was born he bought her all of these things and he bought her first three cars and I paid for my own. He also got mad when I talked of going to school but he said she could do anything.
And I just don't get it.
 
K

kimkats000

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I SO understand where you are coming from.

I grew up hearing "We don't need you. We have our own kids."

My dad died when I was 6 weeks old. My mom remarried when I was 3 yrs. old. They had my sister when I was 4 yrs they my brother 13 months later.

As soon as I was able to work as a babysitter I had to buy my own clothes/stuff.

There was NOTHING I could do. I tried everything. I got all A in school. My sister and brother got c, d and f . THEY got "rewards" for trying. I got NOTHING-no hugs, no smiles, nothing.

Once I realized that I could not count on them I started living MY life for ME! Everything I did I did to get me out of there. Got good grades so I could go to a good school. Worked my butt off so I could afford to move out ASAP. It worked. I had the money when I was 17. I worked two jobs and went to school full time. I never looked back.

I am now 48 yrs old with a wonderful husband and great home. I am a Kindergarten teacher (26yrs). I LOVE the life I have made for myself. It was a LOT of work and I did without BUT it was so worth it!

I have not talked to my mom since I moved out. It was HER choice (hung up phones, returned mail, etc.) I tried for a long time then realized I was better off without her. She was not at my wedding (again her choice) that I paid for myself. It is her loss.

Live for YOURSELF! Do what YOU need to do to take care of YOU! Don't count on or depend on ANYONE else. Make every day matter and make good choices for the future!

HUGS to you!!

Kim
 
snake_lady

snake_lady

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Originally Posted by Tavia'smom

And my dad has always made it plain that he loves my sister more and I have tried to deal with it and I don't know how. I know once I can get out of here it will help but even then how do I put it behind me? Right now the whole thing of finding out he is putting the house he promised to me in her kid's names, and the fact that he gave her all of the money from the sale of the farm that he didn't use on the farm, is like salt in a wound it began from the time she was born.
Click to expand...
Some things I do not know that we ever heal from


I've gone through years of therapies, different ones, and there are still some wounds that are wide open even 20yrs past.

I don't think its so much as dealing with it, as it is getting past it. I have issues I have not dealt with (with my father) nor do I want to do so...BUT, I have gotten past those, it does not impact me, and I don't think about it. I've been able to work past it hurting me. Sure I would love to be able to vent, to yell and scream and also question him, but that is not going to happen. In my case, I have pushed my biological father from my life, thats how I dealt with it. Avoidance some might say, but its not. One would have to know me and my father to understand.

As for how does one deal with anger or depression.

That varies with the person I'm afraid. Some ppl need meds to help depression, some can handle it on their own, but a lot of ppl need to be taught coping skills for both anger and depression.

I hope you can find something that works for you
 
tara g

tara g

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I don't really have any advice for you because that is a tough situation I don't have much experience in, just
and for you that you can find your way out of this mess and work on healing. No one deserves to be told the things you're told or treated the way you are living there. Just please don't let your dad and sister make you feel like you aren't worth anything - KNOW that you are a person who is worth so much more than what you get there.
 
lauren_miller

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Originally Posted by kimkats000

I SO understand where you are coming from.

I grew up hearing "We don't need you. We have our own kids."

My dad died when I was 6 weeks old. My mom remarried when I was 3 yrs. old. They had my sister when I was 4 yrs they my brother 13 months later.

As soon as I was able to work as a babysitter I had to buy my own clothes/stuff.

There was NOTHING I could do. I tried everything. I got all A in school. My sister and brother got c, d and f . THEY got "rewards" for trying. I got NOTHING-no hugs, no smiles, nothing.

Once I realized that I could not count on them I started living MY life for ME! Everything I did I did to get me out of there. Got good grades so I could go to a good school. Worked my butt off so I could afford to move out ASAP. It worked. I had the money when I was 17. I worked two jobs and went to school full time. I never looked back.

I am now 48 yrs old with a wonderful husband and great home. I am a Kindergarten teacher (26yrs). I LOVE the life I have made for myself. It was a LOT of work and I did without BUT it was so worth it!

I have not talked to my mom since I moved out. It was HER choice (hung up phones, returned mail, etc.) I tried for a long time then realized I was better off without her. She was not at my wedding (again her choice) that I paid for myself. It is her loss.

Live for YOURSELF! Do what YOU need to do to take care of YOU! Don't count on or depend on ANYONE else. Make every day matter and make good choices for the future!

HUGS to you!!

Kim
Click to expand...
Great advice, Kim. I totally agree. I haven't spoken to my dad since I was 19 and I've never looked back. I'm so much better off without him. It was hard at first but as time went on it got easier.

Right now I'm trying to get over the betrayal of several close friends that ended up losing me my job. I'm very angry and depressed and jobless and having a hard time finding another job... I just take things day by day. Sometimes I am so angry I could scream, sometimes I'm so depressed all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. Life goes on, though and in time I'll be all better.
 
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tavia'smom

tavia'smom

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Thank you all for the thoughts and advice, I have noticed that this anger seems to be making me so cranky and I don't want to be lik that. My aunt was fussing at me about how she thinks I should spend my money and I got so mad because she just kept on, this was today, that I slung the phone across my room and it broke and she left me a voice mail telling me she didn't know why the satalite was in my name and I had been trying to tell her we turned that on several years ago but when she started yelling at me I got so mad I slung the phone.
 
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