Divorced

He told me today on my lunch break that he just doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for a long time.

I'm moving out today, won't have internet for I just don't know how long.

He's keeping Ginger, but I have to figure out what to do with my other 3.

God, I never saw this coming.

Oh no

For the life of me, I just don't get how people can give up on their vows just like that.

I am so sorry

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this.

Sorry to hear this happened.

This happened to me - pretty much the same way...
Go and don't look back... It will hurt, but if he doesn't love you, you are better off without him.
A word of advise, take your babies with you, no matter what you do, take them with you... They will be a huge comfort to you... They will be your family - you will need them more than ever. Do not let him take your ability to have your babies.
When the storm is over, you will be fine, you will be much better than while with him - I promise you. Be strong

I am so sorry to hear this. We are all here to talk to when you can. As Carolina mentioned, do everything you can to keep your animals through this. Not only for their sake, but for yours. I have not been divorced but I have been through a major split up from a long term relationship and had to give up all of my animals but Libbi. In the long run losing them was worse than the end of the relationship. They will help you through this and be a reason to keep going on some days when you wish you didn't have to!

What a shock to get on your lunch break. I'm so sorry.

Sending to give you strength to get through this.

I can honestly say I've been there. I went through a really tough divorce a while back(he was exceptionally abusive and also cheated on me. The last straw was the night he threatened to kill me. I moved out on Christmas and never looked back. I've since found the love of my life when I wasn't even looking and couldn't be happier. My life has changed and the divorce was tough, but it's made me a thousand times stronger and happier now that I've seen what it's like to leave an abusive, loveless situation and find true love and happiness. Chin up love, it may seem hopeless right now, but I promise there is always a light at the end of the tunnel! TCS vibes are magical too...sounds like you could use some

My biggest advice right off the bat is to get a GOOD lawyer and make the ex pay the lawyer fees if he wants a divorce (you can sue for the fees too). I don't know your situation, but if you feel endangered at any point, please contact a local church or womens shelter- they can offer housing, financial assistance, and many even have lawyers that take on cases through them. Try to stay civil if possible and write out things that you want to take with you or keep if he is leaving. Also, start keeping a journal and write down everything he says to you. Store it in a place that he can't find it (tampon box,etc). Document everything.

As far as coping with things go- nobody warned me how upset I would be when I took off my wedding ring. I hated my ex, I hated the abuse and the feeling of constantly walking on eggshells- for some reason though, taking my ring off brought up a lot of emotions in me. That was a tough day. I wanted to warn you if you haven't already taken yours off to maybe do that when you have friends with you and you can go for a nice dinner/etc.

Take your furbabies, trust me. They will be your motivation to get out of the rut soo many of us find ourselves in post divorce. They will be there to comfort, love, and for you to talk to when you feel like you can't trust anyone else.

I know you're probably blindsighted and thinking with your emotions right now, but please, please, please get your finances in order if you haven't already. Take out some money (enough to live on for several months if you have it...put it somewhere he can't touch it- switch banks and set the account to private- do whatever you need to so that you have some money to live off of. I tried to be nice to my ex at first out of fear, and I got royally screwed over and left with nothing. He told me that he would take care of some of the things financially (car insurance, health insurance, phone,etc and because I didn't get those "tiny" little things specifically in writing in my divorce papers- guess who backed out of things?! Those costs add up, especially during a divorce. Trust me sweetie, if they back out of their wedding vows, you can't trust them to keep any other promises. Make sure to cover all of your bases and have everything in writing, even the little things- you won't regret it! Don't sign ANYTHING until you've had your attorney look over things. (I live in Tennessee too and the divorce process takes about 3-4 months once the papers have been signed. If it's a mutual agreement, only one person will have to go to court. If you have any questions, feel free to drop me a pm).

Get a lawyers advice and see what you should do as far as joint bank/credit card accounts go if you have them so he can't take you for a ride and leave you without anything. Also, if you have private bank accounts in only your name that he has access to, protect yourself and take him off of the access list (the same goes for pharmacy prescriptions- put him on a list so that they won't give out your information to him- my ex stalked me at one point through Walgreens when he tried to find out information- it was a royal mess. After that point, I had a note added to my chart so that he couldn't recieve any info about me. I did the same with the doctors offices I had been to as well.) From this point foward, get EVERYTHING in writing sweetie, you never know - I pray things work out for you and you don't have any compications from your divorce proceedings, but if you do- it is invaluable to have things in writing and notarized if possible. Cover all of your bases.

Another bit of advice- if you have a shared phone plan...switch plans immediately. During my divorce, my cell phone was the last thing I thought about and one day my ex husband had my phone cut off right after he threatend to hurt me. I was terrified. Please don't leave yourself without a way to contact family/help if need be. I'm not trying to scare you, just want to warn you.

I'll keep you in my prayers as you go through this difficult time. Please remember to be kind to yourself

I am so sorry he just made a declaration with no prior communication, no attempt at counseling or to work things out.

I hope you're taking your babies with you.



We're here when you can find an Internet connection!

Nikki posted while I was just posting vibes. Of course her advice is excellent, but reading it made me think of one thing. If you have a joint account, GO TAKE OUT WHAT MONEY YOU'LL NEED. Sort out the details of who gets what later.

Gary and his ex divorced. The day she announced she wanted the divorce, she took six figures out of their joint bank accounts and left him $5,000.00. It was darn hard to get back, and he also got stuck with the credit card bills.

I know you're not used to thinking about ANY of this, but even though you're completely in shock, please please please do try to just move into "survival mode" for now.

I am so sorry to hear that I cannot imagine how heartbreaking that must be.

My BIL is going through a divorce, after 4 months of marriage. Some of the advice we gave him was the same as posted previously, separate/remove yourself from cell phone plans, remove any type of access to your own personal bank account if you have it, or if you have a joint account, take what you will need and remove it, then yourself, etc.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. The very first thing I did was go get my cats. I was lucky I had someone to take me in, cats and all. Do you? Is Ginger bonded to the others? Do they have to be separated, can't you take them all?

Why do YOU have to leave. Make him leave. Don't leave at least until you talk to a lawyer.

Megh-I'd make HIM leave. He wants out, make him find his own place.

Sending well wishes your way

Originally Posted by trimph1

Megh-I'd make HIM leave. He wants out, make him find his own place.

Sending well wishes your way

Click to expand...

That's what the lawyer said when my sister was going through a separation and divorce. He also said, make HIM (stb-ex at the time) file the divorce paperwork. Don't know what the laws are there, tho'.

Oh and I agree. Go out and find the meanest, nastiest, toughest bull dog of an attorney that you can.

Oh no! After all you've recently been through moving and all that?!? I think you'll come out stronger and better in the long run, but it will hurt like the dickens now. Will be praying for you and your kitties during this time of shock and transition.

Even though I don't know you ....I saw the post and thought ...Aww I am so sorry to hear such awful news for you! He sounds like a complete douche to bring up such a delicate and personal topic on a lunch break

Now that you know how he feels, grrr this makes me mad for you because what he said and how he said it to you really what nerve, you should start looking out for your best interest now.

My mom let my dad have everything because he convinced a mother of 3 she didn't work enough and the children were her idea and since he made more money than she did while working that he paid for basically everything and she let him have everything! PLEASE PLEASE (I don't know if you are anything like my mom but) at the very least divide everything even Stevens ( I say get everything you can unless you are personally in a position to be generous) even if you are too devastated to worry about the division of things now... later down the road if you do not divide your fair share of accounts and property properly it could hurt bad later on down the road (my mom eventually had an accident at work after the divorce and was unable to work anymore[who would ever see that coming]).

DO NOT listen to a word he says about the division of anything and worry strictly about you and your lion's (or kitty's) share. Stay in the house because if you move out and establish that you can pay for yourself well that may be used against you later......

BTW my dad went on to marry a Russian internet uh bride who later divorced him and ended up with more than half and never had any children with him or was married for any long period of time! So....I wish you the very best and you will make it through all of his bs and be much happier in the end, believe it!!

Im so sorry your going thru this right now

I hope this all works out in the end for you and you know we will always be here tossing vibes and hugs your way when you do get your internet back and even while your without it!!!

I am so sorry sweetie

I am so sorry. Men can be such jerks sometimes.
I agree, don't give him anything, if he wants out, tell him, there's the door, take your clothes and get the out...This way you'll be able to keep the cats, and you'll be on somewhat stable ground with a roof over your head and one less thing to worry about..

so sorry my friend....
Don´t give up...