Once again I just need someone to talk to. Ever since I moved to Knoxville to get married I don't know anybody here! And with my sister just having the baby last night, the whole family is too busy in new baby fever to talk to me.
Ken (DH) had a tonsillectomy and uvulectomy today. He had bad tonsil stones causing a persistent sore throat for years. And the doctor decided since he was in there he would do the uvulectomy because DH had a history of sleep apnea, though he is no longer being treated for it.
The surgery itself didn't bother me much, I wasn't all that concerned about the procedure and had all faith in the doctor for performing it. The problem came about after the surgery while DH was in the recovery area.
They brought me back to sit with him while he was recovering after he had come out from the anesthesia. I was told he couldn't talk so I brought him a notepad to the hospital with us. As soon as I got to him I noticed he was crying and he got very frustrated when I asked him if he was in pain, motioning he wanted me to give him his notebook. When I did he started frantically writing that he felt like he couldn't swallow his saliva, but he was not in pain, it was like he couldn't make his throat move. He had been trying to get this point across to the recovery nurses and they had kept offering him medicine for pain and wouldn't give him anything to write with.
He was visibly agitated and very very worried because he thought somehow the muscles in his throat were paralyzed, and he was in tears. The nurses kept leaving us alone in this one area (not a room) and going off to do their other duties, so I kept going to get them. They would come and act condescending, telling him that adult tonsillectomy was more painful than in children, and he just needed to force himself to swallow even though it hurt him. All this time he was having to spit out his saliva because he couldn't swallow it, and the nurses were telling him to stop doing that, he needed to swallow despite the pain to help his recovery.
Eventually after I had fetched 4 different nurses I demanded to speak to his doctor. I could tell something just wasn't right. DH is not big on pain but he was on so many pain killers he probably wasn't feeling any pain, and he kept insisting he was not in any pain. He also suffers from anxiety disorder and he was starting to panic because he couldn't make his throat work. I asked if we could get him something for anxiety, and they told us he could have one of his anxiety PILLS, but he would have to swallow it, which of course he could not do. All his post op meds are liquid, as per the doctor's orders.
Finally they told us his doctor had already left to go to another hospital, but they would bring the anesthesiologist who worked on him to talk to us. After hearing our concern, he explained they had used some lidocaine in his throat for the breathing tube, and that is why he couldn't swallow. His muscles were fine, he just couldn't feel anything. But he should expect pain and swelling after this surgery, as the nurses said. After hearing this, DH was fine and we were discharged shortly thereafter. I was pretty upset that someone didn't tell us about this before the surgery so he would know what to expect, or that the nurses didn't mention it while he was panicking.
Still reading? On to the point.
DH is fine and we are home recovering. What has me all upset though is MY reaction today. I was ok seeing him post op, physically I knew he was going to be fine. But when he was so upset, I wanted to help and there was nothing I could do for him and seeing him crying over it and helpless broke my heart. I had a VERY difficult time maintaining the 'game face' with him and telling him everything was going to be ok. I kept telling him I was going to take care of him and I wasn't going to take no for an answer until we found out what was going on, but I almost lost it several times. I was just as scared as he was about the whole thing, but if I had shown that it would have made his fear worse, so I had to conceal it.
In the past when it was ME hurting I was always able to put on the good act to try to keep people from worrying. 'No Mom, I'm fine. Great Really. No big deal. A few screws in my leg and I'll be tapdancing next week, don't worry...', etc. This new reaction worries me, a lot. It actually causes me to question my ability to be a mother at some point in the future. No kids yet, but we hope to have some in a few years. But Moms have to hold it together for everybody. Moms have to tell their kids everything is going to be fine, no matter what. Does this mean I'm incapable? What if my kid gets really sick and I can't hold it together in front of them and it causes them to panic and something worse to happen?
I should probably mention that I have anxiety disorder also, so that is probably playing into this. It has been a long day of sitting in the hospital, the problem in recovery, and begging DH to wake up and drink and take his medicine, so maybe I'm just tired.
Ken (DH) had a tonsillectomy and uvulectomy today. He had bad tonsil stones causing a persistent sore throat for years. And the doctor decided since he was in there he would do the uvulectomy because DH had a history of sleep apnea, though he is no longer being treated for it.
The surgery itself didn't bother me much, I wasn't all that concerned about the procedure and had all faith in the doctor for performing it. The problem came about after the surgery while DH was in the recovery area.
They brought me back to sit with him while he was recovering after he had come out from the anesthesia. I was told he couldn't talk so I brought him a notepad to the hospital with us. As soon as I got to him I noticed he was crying and he got very frustrated when I asked him if he was in pain, motioning he wanted me to give him his notebook. When I did he started frantically writing that he felt like he couldn't swallow his saliva, but he was not in pain, it was like he couldn't make his throat move. He had been trying to get this point across to the recovery nurses and they had kept offering him medicine for pain and wouldn't give him anything to write with.
He was visibly agitated and very very worried because he thought somehow the muscles in his throat were paralyzed, and he was in tears. The nurses kept leaving us alone in this one area (not a room) and going off to do their other duties, so I kept going to get them. They would come and act condescending, telling him that adult tonsillectomy was more painful than in children, and he just needed to force himself to swallow even though it hurt him. All this time he was having to spit out his saliva because he couldn't swallow it, and the nurses were telling him to stop doing that, he needed to swallow despite the pain to help his recovery.
Eventually after I had fetched 4 different nurses I demanded to speak to his doctor. I could tell something just wasn't right. DH is not big on pain but he was on so many pain killers he probably wasn't feeling any pain, and he kept insisting he was not in any pain. He also suffers from anxiety disorder and he was starting to panic because he couldn't make his throat work. I asked if we could get him something for anxiety, and they told us he could have one of his anxiety PILLS, but he would have to swallow it, which of course he could not do. All his post op meds are liquid, as per the doctor's orders.
Finally they told us his doctor had already left to go to another hospital, but they would bring the anesthesiologist who worked on him to talk to us. After hearing our concern, he explained they had used some lidocaine in his throat for the breathing tube, and that is why he couldn't swallow. His muscles were fine, he just couldn't feel anything. But he should expect pain and swelling after this surgery, as the nurses said. After hearing this, DH was fine and we were discharged shortly thereafter. I was pretty upset that someone didn't tell us about this before the surgery so he would know what to expect, or that the nurses didn't mention it while he was panicking.
Still reading? On to the point.
DH is fine and we are home recovering. What has me all upset though is MY reaction today. I was ok seeing him post op, physically I knew he was going to be fine. But when he was so upset, I wanted to help and there was nothing I could do for him and seeing him crying over it and helpless broke my heart. I had a VERY difficult time maintaining the 'game face' with him and telling him everything was going to be ok. I kept telling him I was going to take care of him and I wasn't going to take no for an answer until we found out what was going on, but I almost lost it several times. I was just as scared as he was about the whole thing, but if I had shown that it would have made his fear worse, so I had to conceal it.
In the past when it was ME hurting I was always able to put on the good act to try to keep people from worrying. 'No Mom, I'm fine. Great Really. No big deal. A few screws in my leg and I'll be tapdancing next week, don't worry...', etc. This new reaction worries me, a lot. It actually causes me to question my ability to be a mother at some point in the future. No kids yet, but we hope to have some in a few years. But Moms have to hold it together for everybody. Moms have to tell their kids everything is going to be fine, no matter what. Does this mean I'm incapable? What if my kid gets really sick and I can't hold it together in front of them and it causes them to panic and something worse to happen?
I should probably mention that I have anxiety disorder also, so that is probably playing into this. It has been a long day of sitting in the hospital, the problem in recovery, and begging DH to wake up and drink and take his medicine, so maybe I'm just tired.