DH had surgery today... and has left me an emotional mess! (long...)

cruisermaiden

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Once again I just need someone to talk to. Ever since I moved to Knoxville to get married I don't know anybody here! And with my sister just having the baby last night, the whole family is too busy in new baby fever to talk to me.

Ken (DH) had a tonsillectomy and uvulectomy today. He had bad tonsil stones causing a persistent sore throat for years. And the doctor decided since he was in there he would do the uvulectomy because DH had a history of sleep apnea, though he is no longer being treated for it.

The surgery itself didn't bother me much, I wasn't all that concerned about the procedure and had all faith in the doctor for performing it. The problem came about after the surgery while DH was in the recovery area.

They brought me back to sit with him while he was recovering after he had come out from the anesthesia. I was told he couldn't talk so I brought him a notepad to the hospital with us. As soon as I got to him I noticed he was crying and he got very frustrated when I asked him if he was in pain, motioning he wanted me to give him his notebook. When I did he started frantically writing that he felt like he couldn't swallow his saliva, but he was not in pain, it was like he couldn't make his throat move. He had been trying to get this point across to the recovery nurses and they had kept offering him medicine for pain and wouldn't give him anything to write with.

He was visibly agitated and very very worried because he thought somehow the muscles in his throat were paralyzed, and he was in tears. The nurses kept leaving us alone in this one area (not a room) and going off to do their other duties, so I kept going to get them. They would come and act condescending, telling him that adult tonsillectomy was more painful than in children, and he just needed to force himself to swallow even though it hurt him. All this time he was having to spit out his saliva because he couldn't swallow it, and the nurses were telling him to stop doing that, he needed to swallow despite the pain to help his recovery.

Eventually after I had fetched 4 different nurses I demanded to speak to his doctor. I could tell something just wasn't right. DH is not big on pain but he was on so many pain killers he probably wasn't feeling any pain, and he kept insisting he was not in any pain. He also suffers from anxiety disorder and he was starting to panic because he couldn't make his throat work. I asked if we could get him something for anxiety, and they told us he could have one of his anxiety PILLS, but he would have to swallow it, which of course he could not do. All his post op meds are liquid, as per the doctor's orders.

Finally they told us his doctor had already left to go to another hospital, but they would bring the anesthesiologist who worked on him to talk to us. After hearing our concern, he explained they had used some lidocaine in his throat for the breathing tube, and that is why he couldn't swallow. His muscles were fine, he just couldn't feel anything. But he should expect pain and swelling after this surgery, as the nurses said. After hearing this, DH was fine and we were discharged shortly thereafter. I was pretty upset that someone didn't tell us about this before the surgery so he would know what to expect, or that the nurses didn't mention it while he was panicking.

Still reading? On to the point.

DH is fine and we are home recovering. What has me all upset though is MY reaction today. I was ok seeing him post op, physically I knew he was going to be fine. But when he was so upset, I wanted to help and there was nothing I could do for him and seeing him crying over it and helpless broke my heart. I had a VERY difficult time maintaining the 'game face' with him and telling him everything was going to be ok. I kept telling him I was going to take care of him and I wasn't going to take no for an answer until we found out what was going on, but I almost lost it several times. I was just as scared as he was about the whole thing, but if I had shown that it would have made his fear worse, so I had to conceal it.

In the past when it was ME hurting I was always able to put on the good act to try to keep people from worrying. 'No Mom, I'm fine. Great Really. No big deal. A few screws in my leg and I'll be tapdancing next week, don't worry...', etc. This new reaction worries me, a lot. It actually causes me to question my ability to be a mother at some point in the future. No kids yet, but we hope to have some in a few years. But Moms have to hold it together for everybody. Moms have to tell their kids everything is going to be fine, no matter what. Does this mean I'm incapable? What if my kid gets really sick and I can't hold it together in front of them and it causes them to panic and something worse to happen?

I should probably mention that I have anxiety disorder also, so that is probably playing into this. It has been a long day of sitting in the hospital, the problem in recovery, and begging DH to wake up and drink and take his medicine, so maybe I'm just tired.
 

capt_jordi

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You are very close to me anytime you need someone to talk to feel free to shoot me a message! I live like 2 minutes from Fountain City and would be more than willing to listen!

I think this reaction is completely normal! Seeing someone you care so much about in so much pain or frustrated will make anyone come very close to losing it! Esp. when its over something so scary as post-op! Shame on those nurses and doctors for not letting you BOTH know what to expect during and after the surgery!
And you know how parents tend to say "This hurts me more than it hurts you?" I completely feel like that is true in this case! And I think being a caring person that truly feels other peoples emotions is a great characteristic to have in a mom!

for you! and for a quick recovery for your hubby!
 

mbjerkness

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I had my tonsils out at 45. It was the worse pain I have felt in my life. The only pain medication the would give me was T3's . I couldn't swallow them. Dh crushed them, they felt like I was trying to swallow lemon juice they burned horribly. I was told it was going to be terrible, but it was far worse than I had imagined. I had tonsilitis for 2 1/2 years. I feel for your hubby. I wish him no pain and quick healing
 

frankthetank

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To you and your DH.

I have anxiety...so does my DH. It gets bad....and makes some things harder to deal with (even when everyone thinks it should be easy). I would have felt like you did also. We don't have kids at this point, and I worry about that too. It is a big change, going from only worrying about yourself (mainly) to adding a spouse, and eventually kids. It is a big change but I think the progression happens naturally and it will get easier.
 

laceface

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That is horrible that the nurses wouldn't listen! I can entirely understand getting upset over that- it is hard to see your man cry/upset/scared. Personally, to me, he is the strong one, and seeing him weak..I don't like it either! Especially when you can't fix it. I hope he heals well, and quickly either way!
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by CruiserMaiden

They would come and act condescending
Having been in the hospital four times now I've noticed this is common among a lot of RNs. I don't know why, maybe it's job stress, maybe they just don't care, or they feel self important, but too many of them have their heads up their butts and will not listen because they somehow think they know how you feel (symptom wise). It's the rare few who listen.
Of course, it's doctors who are worse in thinking they don't have to tell you details of anything.

And it's understandable that you're upset. You're always having to be the strong one but this time someone you loved dearly was suffering. I think you should go tell your husband how upset this made you, if you haven't already, and spend some quality time together (watch a movie and snuggle or something).
 
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cruisermaiden

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Originally Posted by mbjerkness

I feel for your hubby. I wish him no pain and quick healing
Thankfully they gave him all of his meds in liquid form. I am keeping him appropriately drugged up on schedule whether he says he needs more or not (Dr's Recommendation). They prescribed Oxycodone liquid for him, with no Tylenol in it. That way he can take more pain medicine if the pain is worse without overdosing on Tylenol. He gets 2tsp every 4 hours, and we can increase that by 1tsp at a time to manage his pain. If he is still not managed at 5tsp I have to call the doctor and take him in, but so far the 2tsp has been effective. He is also getting Tylenol, but we are giving him the Childrens' Meltaways because he can't handle pills (Also Dr's Instruction).

They did mention that he would have difficulty swallowing after the surgery but they didn't mention the Lidocaine. I think maybe it wears off in most patients before they wake up or something. The nurses didn't even know about it to tell us, they seemed to think he was just being a baby. I am frustrated that the doctors didn't tell us in advance, since I questioned both the ENT and the Anesthesiologist before the surgery extensively about the procedure and what to expect afterward.
 

nurseangel

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The problem wasn't with you...oh, this story makes me mad..or with DH. Your reaction was appropriate; you were just being a concerned wife. The nurses should have been more attentive instead of assuming they knew what was wrong. Just because a tonsillectomy hurts doesn't mean pain is the problem! And the doctor or anesthesiologist should have gone over what to expect in post-op period (prior to the post-op period). It would have still been scary, probably, but at least you would have known it was a normal sensation that would go away. Really, I have tears in my eyes just from reading about this. I would honestly sit down and write a letter to the hospital administrator about the experience, but that's just me.

You'll be a wonderful mom. Please tell DH I hope he feels better soon.
 

laureen227

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Originally Posted by capt_jordi

I think this reaction is completely normal!
i agree - it's similar to having a loved one lose one of their loved ones [like my BIL's mom] - you feel so, so bad for them, not yourself, but there's really nothing you can do. it's extremely frustrating!
 

katiemae1277

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I agree also, it's completely normal to feel helpless in these kind of situations, but you did the right thing and kept asking and asking and asking, you knew something was going on and wouldn't take no for an answer, that will make you a wonderful mother!


When I was with my ex he had his wisdom teeth out and they say that you're not supposed to spit blood, well he was and I freaked out
I'm not a freaker-outer
but when it's someone you love in pain, I think a person's natural reaction is to worry and feel anxious
 

calico2222

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for you and your hubby!

I think you handled yourself beautifully. It is completely natural to get upset when someone you love is in pain or scared. But, instead of sitting there crying and wringing your hands, you went out and demanded answers and didn't stop until you got them. It's not how you feel, it's how you handle the situation...does that make sense? I'd actually be worried if you DIDN'T get upset yourself.

When I was taking care of my mom when she had cancer, I felt so helpless and angry because there wasn't any way I could "make it better". There were many times I had to leave the room to compose myself go I could continue to be the strong one. Just the way you handled it shows me that you are a lot stronger than you think you are.

Many for a speedy recovery for your husband.
 

catmom2wires

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Sorry for the trauma. It's easy for that to happen in a hospital setting.

There's a great forum at www.healthboards.com . They have an "ear, nose and throat" section that has a lot of adult tonsillectomy stories on it. Also, it's pretty active, so if you run into an issue, there's almost always someone who comes along with an answer within hours.

Good luck--it's a tough surgery!

Cally
 

pookie-poo

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I will try to give you a little information from the nurse's perspective (yes, I'm an Operating Room nurse, and a caring one, I might add!)

After the patient is brought into the operating room, and placed on the operating room table, the nurse anesthetist (CRNA) gives them some relaxing medication through the IV. After they are fully relaxed, the CRNA and Anesthesiologist will fully evaluate the airway, to decide what type of endotrachial tube they will use, and the type of laryngescope that will be needed to place it. Judging by your description of his surgery, a tonsillectomy and uvulectomy, he may have had a difficult airway preoperatively. The decision to use Xylocaine on the endotrachial tube is often made immediately prior to putting the tube in, and dependant upon what the anesthesia provider sees through the laryngescope. It is also used at the discretion of the CRNA or the Anesthesiologist, depending upon their training or intubation experience. If they use Xylocaine or Cetacaine for the intubation, they will document it on their anesthesia record, but many recovery room personnel wouldn't know where to look for it. It is usually a fairly fast acting drug, and should have worn off during the surgery. However, all people react differently to medications, so it is possible that he still had the numb sensation from it.

I have also worked with ENT doctors who inject the uvula with local anesthesia medication which contains epinephrine, to help control the bleeding. This medication also causes numbness (helps with post-op pain control) for a while after the surgery is over. However, if your husband's surgeon had done this, he would have told both the recovery room nurses, and you.

Good luck to you and your husband. I'm so sorry that both of you had such a poor experience in the recovery room.
 

swampwitch

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Your actions at the hospital show that you are capable of love and empathy, so you will be a great mom! Kids quickly figure out that parents aren't perfect, but that's ok because more importantly (and what kids really see) is how you react when you make a mistake... do you take responsibility for your actions, try to correct the mistake, apologize and try to make it better if a person's feelings are involved. With very little kids it's good to always say everything will be fine, but as they get older you have to be real with them. Being strong is never defined as not crying, and you do all the right things in a very scary situation.
 

libby74

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Oh sweetie, I feel so badly for you and your DH. I think you handled everything quite well; it's so hard to see someone you love in pain or that frightened. You acted like a mother bear protecting her cub---just like a mom does where her kid are concerned. Don't you worry about being a good mother, it's very obvious that you've got what it takes.
Sending loads of healing to your DH, and a (((big hug))) to you.
(and right now, I'm glad I had my tonsils out when I was 4!)
 

catsknowme

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Your actions at the hospital show that you are capable of love and empathy, so you will be a great mom! Kids quickly figure out that parents aren't perfect, but that's ok because more importantly (and what kids really see) is how you react when you make a mistake... do you take responsibility for your actions, try to correct the mistake, apologize and try to make it better if a person's feelings are involved. With very little kids it's good to always say everything will be fine, but as they get older you have to be real with them. Being strong is never defined as not crying, and you do all the right things in a very scary situation.
My thoughts exactly

Sending mega prayers and vibes for his speedy recovery - what a scary experience
 

kailie

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My Mom is a nurse, so I too know the other side of the story, but my mom is a FIRM believer that despite how busy they may be, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. A big hug from me too sweetie.
Hopefully your hubby will be feeling better in no time.
 
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cruisermaiden

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Thanks everybody for your responses. I was pretty torn up about the whole thing yesterday. I get upset when I think about it still but I overall feel better.

DH is doing better today than we had hoped. It will be a couple of weeks of recovery but other than giving him meds every 4 hours and feeding him popsicles, there is not too much for me to do.
 
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