UPDATE...On My Daughter!

This is an update for those who know what is going on with my daughter. Here is the original link for this
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...threadid=21787


My Daughter is coming to my house tonight with the kids I think I have finally gotten through to her that she and the children do Not have to live like this. I am so happy that she and the kids will be safe here with me and my hubby.

She called me from her job this morning and asked if she and the kids could stay with us for a couple of months until she can find her a place to live....of course I said yes and that they are most welcome to come here.

Blondie-

Please do not think that you and the daughter are safe from him. Protect yourself as fully as possible with a restraining order. Call the police and ask to speak to someone about domestic spousal abuse and clue them in as to what is happening. He WILL show up at your door demanding to speak to her and see the kids. Please be very careful. I wish all of you could move so far away from him. Enroll in self defense courses for the both of you. I am so serious about this. He is dangerous, do not let your guard down one minute.

That's great news! (That your daughter is coming with her kids). I agree with M.A. though. Don't assume that they (and you) are safe and get a restraining order and hold tight to it. Meaning don't give him ANY slack in the rope. That's why safe houses for abused women are great. They don't let the abuser have any slack and won't let them get anywhere near the abused. PLEASE keep us udated! I can only imagine how happy you are about this important step!

Thank goodness your daughter has come to her senses and made a decision to leave that abusive relationship! I agree completely with the advice Hissy has given you. This is a very dangerous situation, please make sure EVERYONE living in your home is included in the restraining order. Also, request that the police drive by your home more frequently. Good luck, and please continue to update us about this!

I don't know how old the kids are but, if they will be going to school, make sure that school officials know that NOONE, except your daughter, you or your husband are to pick up the children.

Too many times, unstable exes use the kids, to get back at the other parent.

The restraining order is a good idea but, remember that it is just a piece of paper. If this guy shows up, call police immediately and inform them that this person is violent and an order is in place. Changing your phone number and getting your daughter a cell phone is a good idea, too.

With small children around, I'd hesitate advising arming yourselves but, a baseball bat makes a wonderful attitude adjuster.

Good luck, to your daughter and grandkids. Stay safe.

In Minnesota where I live, forbidding all telephone and mail contact can be included as part of the restraining order. A viololation of this will lead to the abusive person's arrest. I don't know if you have this option in Georgia.

I agree - you must be extremely careful. Get a restraining order (not that it helps much), and definitely talk to the local police. My sister's ex was not stopped by a restraining order. He broke down the front door and attacked her. Luckily the next-door neighbor called the police and came rushing over. Her ex burgled her house. He crept around in her backyard for weeks on end. The only thing that finally put a stop to it was her getting a Great Dane from the pound. The dog is a terrific watchdog and very protective of her and the kids. Her ex now stays away from the house.

I am glad she left a bad situation, too. Everyone is right, you need to protect yourselves. In PA, you can even prevent someone from being on the same side of the street as your house.

Thank you everyone. I have talked to the Sherriff's office and now have a case number about this complaint so that there is a paper trail. I will be taking steps in the AM for a restaining order after I contact my lawyer to see what we need to do next.

You all are the best!!! thanks for letting me vent here.

I know I'm just echoing everyone else, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be safe! I'm so happy that she has taken the first step to get away from this slimball. Please keep us informed on what's happening and I wish you all the best!

Might I also suggest as has been mentioned, a guard dog. A German Shepherd or a larger breed that will protect you, her and the children.

I do have a Husky in the backyard, I am not sure how much of a guard dog he is but I do know that he blocked me from stepping onto a snake and would not let me pass. He is avery vocal dog so I will know if anyone is messing around the house. Thanks for all of the advice I need it

Blondiecat,

I am so pleased that your daughter is leaving her abusive husband. However, I want you and her to know that this is the most dangerous time for her! When the wife finally musters up enough courage to escape the batterer, this proves to infuriate the man even more than he has ever been in the past. He views this as an extreme blow to his manhood and, because being in power is the most important thing in his life, he is extra infuriated because her leaving takes away his power. He is willing to do anything to get that power back, including murder. I almost wrote that I don't mean to frighten you with this...but, I really do mean to frighten you, because it is only by being aware that your daughter (and you) are now at extreme risk that you can both better protect yourselves.

I am glad that your daughter is getting a restraining order. But realize that a piece of paper will not hold back an infuriated man. Also realize that because he has been brainwashing her for a long time, he knows how to best manipulate her into coming back to him. If she does return, his abuse will escalate because she has tried to take his power away by leaving and he will hurt her more to prove to her that she has no power over him.

Please, please be careful. Always be aware of who is around and make sure every door and window of your house is secure at all times. And, never ever allow anyone to open the door unless they know 100% for sure that it is not him. And, no matter how sweet or apologetic he is do not let him in the house!

My thoughts are with you and your daughter during this very frightening and stressful time.

Like Hydroaxe said in your other thread; she won't leave for good until she's "ready". When something -to her- is the last straw, she will leave, and you need to be ready to take her in with fort knox protecting her. She needs counselling - someone professional to say the same thing you're saying and she needs new hobbies and interests.

The abuse thing is an addiction and like any other addiction, the person needs to hit "rock bottom" before they make any definite life changes. This explains why she keeps going back.

Good luck to you and her. I hope she gets out of there soon.

It sounds like there's been a lot of good advice so far. It's just unfortunate that so many women have had to go through the absolute hell of parting with an abuser. I wish you, your daughter and her kids the best. Make sure you let your daughter be as active as possible in drawing boundaries and cutting all the necessary ties. If she wants to do these things more than you do, then it's a good sign. She's lucky to have a mom that will support her through these tough times though. If she still has to hit "rock bottom", I can only hope she reaches for you and her children this time instead of him.

thats wonderful news, im glad she is comming to be with you, but i agree with hissy becareful, he still might want to act up.

hey blondie,
whatever i could say it's on the board..but pls be careful and take care. will be praying for u.

Hey Cathi-

I'm sorry I missed the first thread - My love and Sympathy for what happened to your daughter(name?)

I'm glad you are taking care of your daughter and the kids - and I wont repeat what the others have said because I'm sure you know what to do by now

You have my love honey, stay strong , stay safe and keep those kitties close

Love Always