Im really offended, hurt, and MAD! (long vent)

Sooo basically in my life I have one person I can count on for anything and thats BF. I try not to get him involved in petty crap that goes on with the other females in his family but sometimes I just cant help it.

Last night I was texting with the one will be step SIL and her and I were good friends I thought. Neither of us like the other SIL and would gossip about things she did but were polite when she was around. I atleast was never a hypocrite about how I felt about her, I would speak to her and be polite (like I said I would) but I refused to go out of my way to kiss her butt and be friends. These two step SILs are married to twin brothers and there has been some major past issues between them which I dont know all the details but I have the basic jist of it.

About two months ago we were asked by the step SIL that I was friends with to help them move this past weekend..Fine I didnt mind I just flat out said dont ask for help Monday because its my birthday and I just want to be home with BF and spend the day with him. I did ask her though if either that night of the following weekend if her her husband and baby would all like to get together for dinner. I got a we will see...Hey thats fine with me because not everyone plans stuff ahead of time like I do. So a couple weeks past and shes telling me about them getting ready to move and doesnt say anything about us helping them move....Ok?? I thought we were helping but I didnt want to be rude and be like well what about us we kept our weekend free to help them. Well it turned out they decided that as soon as they signed the papers they were going to move that night. She didnt know if Bf would be up for helping because he worked all day. Well why not just ask and say that instead of avoiding the subject, all it took was asking one question and a yes or no answer. So we go up and help then because I said something to her and said basically if you need help we will help if you dont want our help fine doesnt bother me. (Yes snotty I know but this was also about the time I found out about a FB fight between her and the other SIL about the other SIL basically putting her cat to sleep for no reason)

So we go up on Friday to help Im being polite to the other SIL but not kissing her butt and being like "OMG your so great" I will not back down from my viewpoint on everything that happened. Sorry some lines just get crossed too far to go back. Well I was inside sitting with the baby and NOONE comes to tell me the kids mom left to get food. So I went outside to get the kids mom and have her take care of her kid. As soon as I found out that she was gone I ran back inside, literally took 30 seconds. Never in a million years would I do something to hurt her baby and I wouldnt have walked out of the house if he wasnt in his little walker seat. So she questions me about it and I tell her the truth, I went out looking for you and when I found out you were gone I went right back inside. It took 30 seconds MAX. So then she tells me well I told the other SIL to watch him...Well what the heck...why didnt anyone say anything to me I would have gone outside to help move stuff and she could have stayed inside since she was asked to watch him. Noone said a word to me about it. This is the point where Im sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out because of what she just said. If I would have known that I was in charge of watching the baby and she had left I would have stayed inside. Her knowing my past and stuff in detail she of all people should have had the consideration to come inside and tell me what was going on.

So I told BF about the conversation, let him read it and this is his response....Hunni dont you worry about what happened, its just the other SIL starting drama (again) and you did nothing wrong. If anything the kids mom was in the wrong and should have been more responsible and said something to you directly since you were inside with him in the first place. Also dont forget that they put him in the walker so everyone could help move because everyone was in and out where he was. He knew how upset this all had made me and knew that I while duh you dont leave a baby in a house alone but still someone should have said something.

So now Im supposed to drive the hour to her house today and help her unpack and I dont want to go because I know that Im upset enough and mad enough to get into a huge fight with not only her but also the other SIL. This is just the last straw, I was already mad because there are 4 of us wives/girlfriends, the step brothers wives and then the 'H' girlfriends (us gfs have been with our guys for actually longer than the married couples have been together, we just havent gotten married cuz its no big deal or rush for us). Well the wives decided without having a 'family' consultation or anything that they were going to take over the holidays doing Thanksgiving at ones house and Christmas at the other. The only reason I was told is because I had regularly talked to the other SIL. Well sorry but just because 'M' and I are girlfriends does not mean we arent family, nor does it mean that we wouldnt have wanted to do something or have everyone over for the holidays. So 'M' and I both being upset and highly offended at this have decided that her and I will do our own thing with our guys. We will go see the guys dad for Christmas and go to Grams house but the others..Forget it I am done.


Im still upset and mad and offended by literally 2 jam packed full months of drama and bullcrap. I have enough crap to deal with with my own 'real' family and I dont speak to them unless my mom calls me because she wants something. Seriously Im done, Im done feeling like a second class citizen because I dont feel I have to marry BF to be family, because Im made to feel like crap over my beliefs that I wont bypass for another person. Im sick of feeling disrespected and Im just done. I can live without having real life friends, I have you guys, I have GRF friends I have my furbabies. WHY OH WHY do I need these people who treat me like dog crap. Im just over it all and Im sick of feeling like crap so I needed to get it all out and vent. I cant blast this all at BF because he will just say dont worry about it or heaven forbid force this stupid mediation process where his dad lets everyone have their say and then makes me feel like crap for being upset. I WILL NOT participate in some family counseling crap, Ill be nice in public when I have to be but I will NOT go out of my way anymore to be friends with these people I dont need it. This might make me sound cold and callous but I just dont need them, I am better than that and I dont need dragged down by people who feel they are better than everyone and everything. Im happy with my life, Im happy with who I am and NONE of these people helped me be the person I am today, none of them helped drag me back from rock bottom, I did it so Im just DONE!




Thanks for letting me vent.

I think you need a BIG HUG! No hun, you didn't do anything wrong. Some people just like drama, seriously. I took know what's it like to be involved in family drama. My family is bad enough, but Dana's family is nuts and we've basically cut off all contact with them. Keep your chin up sweetie.

I am so wondering why you'd think any of that makes you sound cold or callous - it sounds like you have a level head and you're not into drama!!!!!! And real families are better than any TV show could ever be when it comes to it.

I'm so sorry for ALL the communication problems that led up to this.... but sweetie, sounds to me like you've tried, and you DO need a big hug and you did need to vent!!! And while some people feel that "family is family," the fact of the matter is sometimes for your own mental health you need to just walk away.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do not think your cold or callous i just think you are being human, i would of been really hurt if i had, had to go through that hun i really would faimlies really suck

What a load of crap these people are laying on you! I know how you feel about the wives/girlfriends thing. I have been with dh for 25 years, and even though we are not legally married, we are more committed than most of the married couples I know. I am still "just his girlfriend" and they still say he is "waiting for something better to come along" that is why "he never married me." I don't bother to tell them I am the one that does not feel the need to be married, and it has been left up to me all these years. Unfortunately, families don't change. They will be the same drama queens years from now, and the only thing I have found that can be done is either cut them off, or learn to put up with them. We chose to cut them off, and it has been so peaceful for the past 16 years without them. He was told he had to choose, and he chose me. Now they are trying to get back in his good graces because his mother is going to need someone to take care of her soon, and I took care of her parents and another dil until they passed away.
I hope you have better luck with your family than I did. Sending out vibes and prayers for a solution for you.

Thanks everyone. It felt a lot better to vent it all out. I can talk to BF about this to an extent but after so long he just 1 doesnt understand female ways of thinking about stuff and 2 just is so sick of the drama also he just doesnt want it in our lives.

I have a really hard time letting stuff go. Thats a big reason why Im just done with everything. All of this started last year when I became friends with the 'normal' SIL was on her side thru all the drama, then came her baby shower and SIL's MIL (Bfs step mother) got mad because I was asked by the SIL to help with the baby shower. So I went and helped decorated but I wasnt supposed to help because I wasnt family. That hurt so unbelievably bad you have no idea. Fast forward from Feb to May, I had let that stuff from the baby shower go to an extent and then the step mother decided she didnt want her precious son to go into business with BF (that was when I posted the garage/house buying thread) and she brought up a lot of BFs history with drinking etc. It had been over 2 years and she had to drag that all back up so her son wouldnt go into business with BF. Well we all stopped talking, it wasnt until almost the end of July that I even was willing to be forced to be in the same room as the step mother and spoke to her I was that upset. We still dont speak, and I refuse to let her around Franklin because she is no longer his grammy. And now all this is going on.
Im just sick and tired of feeling like a loser, like Im not good enough and like I have to bend over backwards to feel included and like I have a family.

Ya know with the holidays, I wouldnt have minded if me and the other girlfriend would have been included in discussion about the holidays because then it wouldnt have felt like we were deliberately excluded. The other gf also feels left out and disgusted and hurt by these turn of events so her and I are going to do a holiday thing together for our guys. Also add in the fact that both her and my dogs are in a technical sense discriminated against and arent good enough to be included in the holidays while everyone elses monster dogs are allowed everywhere. Atleast our dogs are house trained and dont pee and poop all over whereever they go. Geez but they are the bad ones!


You know what else seems pathetic on my end but not really pathetic. I was so excited about getting my new car, this was something BF and I had been looking into doing for so long and now its finally happening. I didnt even have anyone to share it with in person. Im still super happy I have my TCS family and my GRF family but it was depressing to realize that theres noone in person I can text a picture to and say omg look at what BF got my for my bday. Geez noone but BF, his brother and gf, said happy bday to me (with the exception of waking up to my TCS email <3). I told my mom about the car and all she said was well can I have your cavalier then. Whattt? Im replacing the cavalier because its unsafe to drive but of course she cant be happy for me, she just thinks about herself. My rule of thumb is if you cant afford to perform maintenance on your car you cant afford to have it (along the same lines of having pets) and she cant afford to have her van pass inspection so why would I be financially responsible for her to drive an unsafe car with my kids around!?!?!?!?!? Not happening!


Ugh I dont even know anymore but I do know that without you guys Id be lost, TCS is my home inside my home and I really do appreciate all of you for everything. Being able to choose my family makes me happy that I can choose all of you to be a part of my life you all are amazing people and really made me feel a lot less like a loser!!!!!!

Sounds like more of a lack of communication on most of the parties then anything else. IMO you didn't do anything wrong and I agree with your BF's comment.

HOWEVER, think long and hard about your relationship. You can choose your friends and your spouse, but the spouse's family comes with them......just keep that in mind!

Yeah I know that his dad comes along with him...LOL I like his dad except when he tries to play mediator and make everyone get along. I already told BF that IF his dad every tries to get him involved in some family intervention lets all hug and be bffs and he tries to get me there not only will I leave him at his dads house alone with no ride home Im going to knock him into next millenium. He needs to respect my choice to not speak to them unless I HAVE to and in those situations I will be polite but I will not kiss anyones butt or pretend to be their best friends when Im not. He gets that and respects my choice even if he doesnt understand that Im not being a crybaby Im just feeling really disrespected and hurt.

This kind of goes hand in hand with him and my mom, they cant stand each other but they are nice and polite in front of me. BF cant stand my mom because she uses me to get what she wants and will lay major guilt trips on me to pay for stuff for her or fix stuff for her etc all for free, if he isnt around when she asks for stuff I cant say no because even if I dont like my mom she is still my mom so I feel obligated. Not to mention how much junk she said about me when I first started getting sober and cleaning up my life. She said some really nasty harsh stuff about me that he hasnt forgiven her for.

Ya know typing that out just made me realize, BF and I will defend each other no matter what. I never realized how much he really went to bat for me against other people. Wow he really is an amazing man, it just literally kicked me in the forehead, hes the only person in my life who knows my whole past and still sees the person I really am and defends me when someone hurts me. I gotta give him a huge monster hug when he gets off work, we have had our harsh rough patches but he still is a great person and a good man (even with his stupid rock hard head lol)