Should I be annoyed?

We had our Labor Day cookout on Sunday night, and planned to have a decent turnout. Many of our friends replied with "yes" for attendance and we had given over a month's notice. On Friday, I was surfing the local site we all are on, and noticed they were talking about going to the local track (drag strip) Sunday night because they were trying to set up a money race or something. Another friend took a video of them talking like idiots - especially since the one making such a big deal doesn't even have a running car.

I asked one of the girls Sunday afternoon if they were still planning to come, and she said yes. 20 minutes later, she put a facebook status up saying they were headed to the drag strip. So, a good 10+ people never showed up that told us they were coming, and instead of actually telling us they weren't going to come when we asked, they just didn't bother. Later that night a few others bailed out as well and made excuses about it saying they didn't know the date and all that, even though we kept them updated on the boards weekly.

I feel it's right that I am annoyed, and I honestly don't feel the want to go hang out with them anymore. It would have been different if they would be straight with us and say "oh hey sorry we cant make your party, we have other plans" instead of 1. saying they're still coming, that same day!!; 2. allowing us to plan for them to be there by buying enough food and then just never show or say a darn thing about it (and still have not).

I think my brother was right - we learned who our true friends were that night. So glad we didn't buy a keg like they requested, since every single person who asked about one didn't show up.

Of course, one of the people I really didn't want to show was there, (she flirts with my husband like you would not believe ... ), dog, tent for camping in the yard, and all... go figure

Yes you should be annoyed!! I would definitely be. I have had things like that happen, and it bothers me to no end. Especially if they deliberately PLANNED on going to another event. Don't say you will show up, if you don't plan on it. Drives me crazy.

I also think your brother is right. It would have hurt my feelings and who could blame you for being annoyed?

Originally Posted by nurseangel

I also think your brother is right. It would have hurt my feelings and who could blame you for being annoyed?

Click to expand...

Took the words right out of my mouth - er - you know what I mean. Exactly that!

I would be annoyed too. Mad even. It's like they planned to not come on purpose. Or you were just a backup plan. If they didn't want to; they should have just said no in the beginning! Sounds like they showed their true colors!!

I would be very annoyed and angry. I've never understood how people can act that way! Its so dumb!

Wow, you are are alot calmer then I. I would have called, posted or what have you and told em to stuff it. Not quite those words but what I would say is not for posting here. Needless to say It would involve a few choice words and me saying that there not really friend quality and that I don't appreciate being a back up if things don't go right for em.

It just beats me to no end how people can do that. I mean sheesh. Why is everyone so entitled to crud on everyone else just cuse it suits them or they feel like it.

I would be P.OED to the highest degree. Sorry but thats a huge pet peev of mine. If you say you are going to do something or be somewhere you show up or have the decency to cancel respectably...I dont even know if thats a real word but you get my meaning. As for the chick flirting with your husband...Id let her know whats what sorry but noone comes to my house and flirts with my hunni without some serious consequences. I will avoid confrontations if I have to but there are certain lines that dont get crossed without me getting really mad, dont bring up my daughters and dont mess with my hunni cuz Ill get into butt kicking mode.

Yep, I would have been annoyed as well. In fact, I have been, as the same thing has happened to me so much so that I rarely ever even bother anymore.

Your no-show friends are selfish and inconsiderate. If it were my home, they would never be invited back. Even calling to cancel that same day (after all the food and drinks have been bought), there'd better be a REALLY good excuse.

It can take a LOT of effort to throw a good party, sometimes days of preparation, and no small expense to make a fun night for your guests to come enjoy themselves. I agree with your brother, next time invite only your real friends. I'd also leave flirty-woman off the guest list.

I would be rageing , how inconsiderate and hurtfull, they would be struck off my list thats for sure.

I agree with Swampwitch, you took the time and expense to have a great party then they just ditch you.

I would never again invite them for anything.

It never ceases to amaze me how inconsiderate people can be. There are times when it is perfectly fine to break an engagement notably family obligations but for a race?? NO.

Both of us are quite irritated now with them. We'll probably see them all at the track this Sunday, too. Wonder what they'll say, if anything, since they've yet to acknowledge that they didn't bother showing when they said they would. We spent $145+ in food for this party, plus my in-laws bought 100 clams and a 1/2 bushel of oysters + a brand new steamer. Hubby bought a good bit of beer as well and I picked up a bottle of liquor (luckily hubby loves the liquor). I've thought about leaving a message on the site to all of them in our cookout thread. I did leave a sort of snide note towards them when I specificaly thanked one of our friends and his gf for coming.

Too bad my hubby was the one who "invited" flirty girl Sort of indirectly, as he made the event public on facebook (whereas I sent out specific invites because I have people I didn't want showing up), but I was still . I think she knew I wasn't thrilled with her being there though, since I wasn't a pleasant person towards here when she approached me - whether she had brought a guy with her or not, she gave me a bad vibe when she started hanging around my hubby at his shop and its hard for that to be erased, especially when I saw her continue to be flirty at the party. My MIL says it seems thats just kind of the person she is, and that she also seemed too dumb to interest hubby She sort of said it at normal tone less than 5 feet away from her, too.

My brother put that comment right on FB so all of them could see it as well. A few people have given me the "oh a friend came into town unexpectedly" .. that sure is a lot of people dropping in randomly lately then, since 3 or 4 have said that now, but none of the ones who went to the track have admitted a thing to us or spoken to us. We did have a good time with those that mattered though, and we will remember this for our next get together.

I would be sooooo angry! I don't handle it well when people lie to me, that shows a total lack of respect. I wouldn't be inviting any of those "friends" anywhere again.

It just reminds me why I stopped hanging out with some people before, too. I could tell they were just using my hubby when they needed something, like an engine hoist, or his assistance working on a car. Other than that, we never heard from them, weren't even invited to weddings or birthday parties. I dropped those friends finally, and one day he realized it too and stopped bothering me about why I didn't like them anymore.

It seems to be going the same way now, more people who aren't worth our time and are inconsiderate. I actually think they'll act like nothing wrong happened if/when we see them.

It made me appreciate those who showed even more.

I guess hubby is over it for the most part. He says he wont go out of his way to help them anymore, but is chatting with one of them like it was nothing. The guy hasn't mentioned a thing about it.

I came back to my laptop to see a message from the girl who told me the day of that she was still coming. I figured it might have been an apology ... but it was her asking me for resume tips so I could help her boyfriend (one of the other bailers, the one messaging hubby now) get a job with me 'Hate' to break it to them, but that offer is off the table now from me. Yes, I'd get $500 ... IF he stayed for 3 months in good standing, but his track record at work isnt great - quit his last job after FOUR HOURS. Not putting my neck out on that, especially now.

Those were some inconsiderate people. I'm thinking they have no manners or conscience!
Better to remember those that were good enough to show.
I agree with no extra favors for the no shows either that is what I would do.

You have every right to be angry! What rude, socially-graceless idiots those people are. However, from what I've seen, they're not unique. There seems to be this idea nowadays that, despite r.s.v.p.-ing "yes" to an invitation, you can just change your mind at the last minute if something more fun comes up. I really, really hate that idea. Another pet peeve: even though proper ettiquette states that you respond (r.s.v.p.) to an invitation, either "yes" or "no" by a certain date, the in thing now is to not reply at all if you're not going to attend. As a hostess, I hate this rude custom. I'm sick of making enough food and drink (and sometimes party favors) for people, assuming they may show up. I'm so tempted to just make enough for the guests who reply, and, if the other do show up, stand at the front door, and tell them where the local McDonald's is... People who do this to me are never invited to my house ever again. Come on, people--if someone is kind enough to request your company, do the decent thing, and REPLY to the host/hostess! With land phones, cell phones, email, and snail mail, there's really no excuse. Of course, the host/hostess could just spend the day before the party calling everyone who didn't reply...but, why should they? Act like adults, and r.s.v.p. by the cut-off date!

There. Miss Manners feels better now. Thank you.

You get to a certain age and you see who your true friends are. I have alot of friends but there are only 2 that I would trust to be honest with me. Your brother is right, you know who your true friends are now. Those are the ones you concentrate on and don't bother with the others. Be cordial, but don't do anything for them.

Burning bridges shouldn't be to light your way to the next. Disconnect from this situation, it was just a party in the huge scheme of things. Forgive but when someone shows you who they are - believe them. I feel this is really getting to you, if you can don't let them take any more of your happiness or another minute of your life thinking about them and this.