Losing my baby

Mods, I apologize - I don't know if this should go in the rainbow bridge forum or not.

Hi folks, I haven't been around for a long time... but find I have to come back to people who will understand exactly what I'm going through.

My cat, Captain, has colon cancer again. We first found it two years ago and did surgery to remove the tumor. He bounced back and was happy for about a year and a half. Then in May we took him back to the vet because I noticed he wasn't quite "right." Nothing was detectable at that time... of course things never got "better" and on Monday we took him in to find that he has a tumor that has nearly closed part of his colon off. Worse - one end of the tumor is edging into the pelvic area. Our vet here says he isn't comfortable operating because of that.

We could go to Spokane for the operation - the doctor there is supposed to call us once he receives the xrays to tell us if the operation is advisable.

My heart is aching. Captain has been with me for 15 years - he's an 18 or 19 year old cat - and is... he's my baby, there's no other way to say it. He's my first real pet, and the first that I've had to make a decision like this. (I suppose I'm lucky in that I got to my late 20s before having to face this.)

If we go ahead and operate I have no idea how long he'll have before it comes back again (and it will - the vet says 3 months to 2 years - this last cancer free stint was about a year and a half) and it will definitely be inoperable the next time around. This tumor went from undetectable at the end of May to an inch and a half long... in three months.

At this point, I think it is kinder to let him go... he's doing "ok" at the moment. He's uncomfortable but not in pain, and we've been letting him stay outside most of the time during the day. He doesn't go anywhere, just lies in the garden and watches the birds and soaks in the sun. Once he gets to the point where he's not doing well... we're finding a vet who is willing to come to our home.

I feel like either decision I make - letting him go or taking him for surgery - is the wrong one. I feel like a murderer if I choose to not go ahead with the surgery, and I feel like I'm probably being selfish if I do.

Any advice, solace, or words of wisdom that you can offer?

I can only say, follow your heart, but temper it with your head. In other words, we might want our loved ones to live forever...but there are plenty of stories in fiction about how that might not really work out. And you don't want to be beating yourself up, a year from now, about how what you did really ended up hurting your baby.

No one can tell you what's right, but we can support you in what you decide to do.

I have been in your situation several times and I truly know how difficult and painful this decision is.

Captain has enjoyed a very long life and has had a good home with you, but he also has cancer.

The only advice I can really give you is to completely forget about your own needs and desires and only think about Captain's quality of life and what is in his best interests...and then make your decision.

I went through that horrible decision at the beginning of the summer. Much had a tumor discovered in December that was along the spine. It would have been a difficult surgery if she was younger. At 17, it would have been too stressful for her. We monitored it for the next six months, but in June, the tumor was pressing on her lungs and she had problems breathing. I was struggling to keep her eating. On July 3, we let her go to the bridge.

As hard as it is to let them go, you have to also take into account that the surgery and recovery are going to be very, very difficult for Captain given his age. Ultimately, it is what you know in your heart to be true, but look into his eyes and he will let you know that it is time. That is what happened with Much and myself.

I am sorry for what you are going through and for Captain. You have already received good advice, so I won't give you any more. Just know you are in our thoughts and prayers.

I'm so sorry what you're going through.

Our 17 year old cat had kidney disease. I didn't realize that it was that until it was too late. I did nothing for him b/c he was 17 years old.

He spent his final weeks laying in the backyard under the bird feeders. We called Mistoflees "The big black rug" because that's all he'd do. Birds would land by him and he'd just watch. He'd lay there, you'd come up to him, and he'd let you pet him and purr.

He was happy (at least I think so). I don't regret for one minute not treating him. He'd had a good life

Cheryl

Oh I can't imagine that decision

No advice for you, but many

I had to do that decision last May. Casper was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which had spread all over his abdomen. I was given the choice to either not wake him up anymore (he was on a surgery) or wake him and have him around for few months at most and fluid building up in his stomach which would have to be removed often.. He was few weeks away from his 3rd birthday. The symptoms had appeared very quickly so he wasn't really sick, and I decided to keep it that way, I didn't want him to end up suffering, so he went to eternal sleep. Not a day goes by without me wondering if he would still be with us if I had chosen differently, but deep down I know it would just have gotten more difficult and sad to see him get sicker. I don't know if it was the 'right' decision, but I sure hope so.

Originally Posted by Sneakymom

I'm so sorry what you're going through.

Our 17 year old cat had kidney disease. I didn't realize that it was that until it was too late. I did nothing for him b/c he was 17 years old.

He spent his final weeks laying in the backyard under the bird feeders. We called Mistoflees "The big black rug" because that's all he'd do. Birds would land by him and he'd just watch. He'd lay there, you'd come up to him, and he'd let you pet him and purr.

He was happy (at least I think so). I don't regret for one minute not treating him. He'd had a good life

Cheryl

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That's pretty much what I'm doing with Dusty. And she is only 8, but was diagnosed with CRF 2 yrs. ago. I'm not forcing medicine down her or poking her with needles just to get a few extra months. She will let me know when it's time. She used to be an exceptional hunter, bagging a bird a day! Kept the cat food bill low. And when she got sick her hunting days were over. She's much weaker than she used to be, but she still cuddles and purrs, and that's the important thing. I don't want her to fear me, and I want what time she has to be quality.

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're faced with this decision. I've been thru this several times myself, and it is never, never easy. You've received some very good advice; in the end you'll do what's best for Captain because you love him. You and Captain will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice to offer everyone else pretty much said everything. ~Hugs~

I am so sorry....been where you are. We all know when we love, there is a price. Those prices are so painful.

God bless you and your Captain. Remember, the bonds between us and our pets reach further than we realize.

I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Originally Posted by Kaleetha

Any advice, solace, or words of wisdom that you can offer?

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Just know that we'll be beside you, but as someone said, think of Captains quality of life

I so know what you are feeling, absolutely, and he's been there for you and your companion... I echo everything you say, I am glad I was in my late 20's when I had to make the decision about Boo. He was like a child to me, and it does hurt greatly when that decision comes up.

Everyone's given you great advice. You enjoy your time with him, tell him you love him as much as you can and it is ultimately your decision. We will be here for you either way Thinking of you and your precious sweetheart

Thank you everyone for your sympathy and support. It makes it a little easier knowing that there are people out there who feel the same way and would make the same decision.

I realize that I didn't say decisively enough that we're not planning to do the surgery in my original post... We're not going to. I don't think it's fair to Captain to make him go through surgery to "fix" everything only to be right back where we started in another 3 months to a year. He'd just have to go through it all again and it might be worse. His symptoms now are already bad enough.

It's just so hard to sit back and make a decision to let him die... stated baldly. Of course, that's not the way it will be either. We'll bring in a vet when it's time to go so he doesn't have to suffer. And I do believe that the soul goes on and we'll meet again... but the short term loss is overwhelming.

We'll bring in a vet when it's time to go so he doesn't have to suffer. And I do believe that the soul goes on and we'll meet again... but the short term loss is overwhelming.

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It is, indeed, overwhelming, but to live our lives without the companionship of our fur-babies is unthinkable. This final act of love is the price we humans pay for having them in our lives. As difficult as it's going to be, I know you're going to do what's best for Captain, and in his own way, he knows it, too.