Am I making more out of this?

Ok, so. I've been put in a position that I don't like.

A friend of mine, who's married, told me he loves me. Not in a friend sort of way either and also asked if we, hypothetically, were alone together and he tried to kiss me, what would I do. I told him it'd be weird and I couldn't do that to our partners.

Now his wife knows something was said but she doesn't know what. She's super insecure and if I told her she'd be hurt but then she'd blame me. I did tell my hubby all of the conversation and he said seeing them is going to be uncomfortable.

Should I tell her or just let it be? Most of me says to let it be as I hardly have anything to do with him. Advice?

Hmm that's a tough one...I'm sitting here trying to think of what I would do in your situation. I know I would have definitely told my husband as you did. I guess the friend's wife is insecure due to incidents that may have occurred before. Are you good friends with the wife as well? Maybe the question you should ask yourself is, if it were the other way around, would you want to know? I would definitely want to know. Although it will be hurtful for her, at least she will be the one to make the choice whether she stays or goes.

So many factors to consider.

I was friends with him first then became great friends with her. Yes she's insecure because of a lot of things and it's all due to him.

She won't leave him although I believe he would leave her in a heartbeat. She's not a strong woman kwim?

I really don't want to lose her friendship over something I didn't do. DH did ask if the guy tried to kiss me what would I do, I said first I'd be in shock that he was trying that then I'd knock the crap outta him.

Tell him he needs to tell his wife what he told you, and if he doesn't, you will.
Sounds like the end of the friendship, though.

You know, I've been in a similar situation, only reversed.

A guy I was seriously involved with and had plans on marrying once his divorce was finalized (he had been separated for 3 years and his ex lived in another Province), hit on a friend of mine.

She agonized for 2 days about what to do, going back and forth between keeping it a secret or telling me.

In the end she told me.

I was taken aback by the news, and while I didn't want to believe her, I knew in my heart...and head....that she was telling me the truth.

I talked to him about it, told him what my friend had told me. Of course he denied it, but I knew he was lying.

He and I broke up. She kept telling me that she was sorry. I told her that she had nothing to be sorry for. She was a good friend and told me the truth and saved me from wasting any more of my time with him than I had already. Who knows how many other women he had hit on either successfully or unsuccessfully. I didn't want to be in a relationship with a guy that couldn't stay faithful to me.

That being said. You have to decide how you would want someone to handle this if it were your husband making advances and telling some other woman that he was in love with her. Would you want to know or would you prefer to be completely naive about if and not know that you only have 1/2 of his heart?

Sorry you are in this situation.... but IMO it is not your place to tell her - it is their marriage and his responsibility to do so. You told your husband, and that is your deal as it is your marriage - the other marriage is not your problem IMHO.

I vote for "do nothing"

That man sounds like a drama king

Ughhh...Tough situation... I know that when there were rumors floating around from about 6yrs ago before BF and I were together before his brother and gf were together supposidly my BF slept with her. I was up front with both of them and told them "look I dont care what happened then but I gotta know now" I got the same story from them both and I believe BF that he didnt sleep with her. I still wont let him be alone with her but thats because I dont trust her any further than I could throw her butt!

If I were in your situation I would probably feel that either one of two things needs to be done. Either tell her what is going on because you are that good of a friend that you shouldnt keep a secret like that. OR you just need to stay away from both of them and dissolve the friendship. Plus your husband already knows, so its already going to be weird and uncomfortable no matter what you do. I would probably tell her but thats just me.

I would say nothing.....she probably already knows about other things. I doubt you are the only one he has tried this with. If I were her, I'd be insecure too.

Be there for her if the marriage comes to an end. But like I said, you probably wouldn't be telling her anything new.

It really IS a tough situation. I know personally that I would want to be told, however everyone is different and it is hard to say how she would react.

I think it depends on how close you are to her or how much you value her friendship. If you're really close and you really care for her, then yes, I'd try to talk to her. If not, if it's a casual friendship, then I would say nothing. She probably knows that he's tried it before and it could be why she feels so insecure anyway. You did the right thing by talking it out with your DH. But I think I'd let it go no further, unless you really care for your relationship with the wife.

Just my two cents.

I think no matter whether or not you tell her, the friendship needs to end. Putting yourself in situations with them from now on simply is not worth the risk to your own marriage. You did the right thing to tell your husband. and the friend needs to be made aware that your husband knows all about it so he will leave you alone.

This is a toughie. But I truly believe in being honest. Somehow it will come back to bite you in the butt later on if you don't. I think like someone said earlier.........you should tell the guy to tell his wife and if he doesn't you will....and follow through. She has every right to know. Also, no matter what I think the friendships will probably come to an end anyway..........there will be awkwardness no matter what (if you tell or not). +

Good Luck with whatever you decide to do!

Originally Posted by ChrissyR

A friend of mine, who's married, told me he loves me. Not in a friend sort of way either and also asked if we, hypothetically, were alone together and he tried to kiss me, what would I do.
Should I tell her or just let it be?

Click to expand...

Friend territory has been breached and I would not socialize with him anymore. I would definitely tell my husband as you did. If you were on the other side, the situation was reversed, wouldn't you want to know about this behavior?

Don't tell her and I think it is time to find other friends.

Time to dissolve that relationship with them, it will be VERY awkward for you and your husband to be around them now it seems. As for telling her, sounds like she already knows he does these things, hence the insecurity, and she's going to stick around anyway so telling her will do probably ultimately do nothing.

We've been friends for about 10 years or so. I pretty much know all there is to know about their relationship. Yes, he's verbally "cheated" on her before. He pressured her into a 3-way situation that left her very depressed for several months. She was really scared he was going to leave her for the other woman.

I know how she'll react and that would be to say it was me. I did "something" to make him feel that way, etc. I did tell him I'm considering telling her what he said. He told me to go ahead because he was drunk and talking crap to me and I'm insane to belive him.

They live in South Carolina and we're in Maryland. Hubs and I planned a trip with our ds for the end of september for a visit. Hubs wants to cancel the trip and see how things go from there.

Her and I talk all the time on the phone or on the net. The conversation he and I had was on FB and there's no proof of what he said to me and he never metioned being drunk either.

I'd want to be told if the roles were reversed.

I guess, ultimately, I just don't want to hurt her anymore then he has. They've been married for around 16 years and have a son with autism.

Can you tell I'm all over the place on this? lol Thanks everyone.

Originally Posted by ChrissyR

They've been married for around 16 years and have a son with autism.

Click to expand...

Please (please) do not tell her! Let them have their marriage... it is not your deal, not your marriage... You are risking divorcing the parents of a kid with Autism - let them figure it out.

Yes, the guy is a jerk, yes, he made a mistake... But it is HIS and HER marriage, and still not your place to go...

Originally Posted by Carolina

Please (please) do not tell her! Let them have their marriage... it is not your deal, not your marriage... You are risking divorcing the parents of a kid with Autism - let them figure it out.

Yes, the guy is a jerk, yes, he made a mistake... But it is HIS and HER marriage, and still not your place to go...

Click to expand...

That's what I was considering. Their son is 17 and he's just adorable. Calls us aunt and uncle.

Maybe what would be better is to let it go and if it happens again call him to the carpet over it?

ETA: I do not think they'd get divorced. In fact I'm 100% sure they wouldn't no matter what happens.

If this whole conversation was on FB, I wouldn't put any value in it at all.
Yeah, he sounds like a jerk who gets a back bone when he has a little 'liquid courage'.
There is no way I'd tell his wife unless you really want to end the friendship. Since you live in different states, I'd keep up the phone/email contact with her and ignore him completely.
Just my opinion.