I was "assaulted." (Use caution while reading if you're in a vulnerable place.)

This is going to be very difficult for me to post, so please bear with me. And, also, please do not read this or use caution while reading this if you're in a vulnerable place -- I don't want anyone to be caught off guard and potentially triggered by this post.

On Saturday night, I was "ass aulted." I am okay. I am safe. And, aside from a small physical mark left over from the "assault" and the emotional scars that are just beginning to form, I will be alright going forward. It's hard for me to write that I was "assaulted." And, if you notice, I'm using quotes around the word "assault" -- maybe I feel as though the event doesn't deserve to be called that for it wasn't bad enough and maybe I feel as if the event can be minimized if only I choose not to acknowledge how bad it was. I don't know what to call it...the few people I've shared this with have called it a variety of things. But, for now, I can only call it an "assault." It's the best I can do.

I'm not writing this because I want or expect sympathy or empathy or the like. Rather, I'm writing this for two reasons. One, I need to get my story out. It's been eating away at me for two days now and I'm struggling greatly. And, two, I want others to know that events like the one I experienced are real and possible. And, instead of sympathy or empathy, I ask that you all become more aware of your surroundings and possibly learn how to handle situations such as the one I experienced so as to be able to protect yourself -- from both an emotional and physical standpoint. I don't mean to be hypervigilant (though I now am), but I think it's sometimes easier to safeguard one's self after hearing about the potentially close call another individual has had.

On Saturday night, my roommate and I went out to run some errands. There was a new craft store we wanted to check out and there some things we wanted to pick up from the store. Well, all was normal. We had a wonderful dinner out and then had fun (and found some great bargains!) at the craft store. But, when we went into the other store, things turned ugly for me. I won't name the store (and you may not know it anyway, but suffice it to say that it is a store similar to Walmart, Target, and the like -- a superstore, if you will) My roommate and I split off and I was just wandering around the aisles browsing when a man approached me. He was around my age (I'm 27) but may have been older or younger. His skin color and other characteristics are unimportant. But, before I even became aware of anything, I felt him grab me and grope me. And, as he was doing so, he spouted off a number of lewd, demeaning comments. I will not repeat them. We were in the back of the store and there was no one around. And, instead of doing anything, I froze. I know my response was not out of the ordinary, but I feel a lot of shame about it nonetheless. I wouldn't even be able to tell you how long it lasted, but it was quick. Almost as quickly as he came up to me, he, along with at least one other guy, walked off...laughing...

I found my roommate and I was visibly shaken and uncomfortable, but she was still shopping and I was, well, I guess I was in shock. I didn't tell her. I didn't tell an employee. I didn't tell a store manager. I just walked off again -- all the while shaking and feeling as though I were ready to break down and cry. I know I walked through the store for a while before meeting up with my roommate again, but I don't know what I did or what I saw. I do remember crying in the pet section while I drowned my emotions by looking at the labels of the kind of cat food I'd never feed my cats. I remember this because the guys approached me again. They were laughing at me, mocking me. A lady said "Boys will be boys, huh?" and then walked away. Then, the one guy, not the one who groped and grabbed, said "I'm coming to get you, I'm coming to get you." in a teasing, threatening way. I don't know why I reacted the way I did, but I watched them walk away and then continued to read labels again. Well, until I stopped...after that, I just don't remember. I must've been walking around for a while because my roommate came and found me. While she said I seemed upset, she said no true red flags went up for her. In fact, she asked me if I wanted to look for the shampoo and conditioner I said I had needed. But, as we walked down to that aisle, I just started to shake and cry. We wound up leaving with nothing. She didn't know what had gotten into me. I didn't say much. Well, I did. But, not until we were nearly home.

Since then, I've not been able to sleep well. I went to church yesterday morning and even went to the pet store, but I was anxious and uncomfortable. I couldn't focus. My roommate had to go into the drug store as I couldn't force myself to go in. I'm overly anxious. And, admittedly, full of guilt and shame. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but the feelings persist regardless of that knowledge. It doesn't help that this event has brought back feelings of past abuses. I'm scared and I'm sad. I'm frustrated and I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired and I'm resentful. I'm angry and I'm shamed. I'm so many feelings -- so many at once that I can't even decipher what they are anymore. I've shared my story with my roommate and with two close friends. I'm sharing my experience here. While I am still struggling and, in some ways, still suffering, I'm doing better and getting better every day. It's not easy, but I'm honest.

I wish I had some happy ending to this story. Maybe there's one out there yet. For now, though, I'm happy to just be here and able to share my story. Like I said, I don't even know what to call what happened to me. Maybe it's an overreaction or maybe I am punishing myself by continuing to minimize something that affected me greatly. Either way, I appreciate your reading this. Thank you for helping me feel not as alone...

* I should also mention that, as of now, this has been reported to authorities. My roommate and I took care of informing the appropriate agencies (including the store) about what happened the same night. I can't discuss anything else about that at this point, however. I hope you understand.

Wow, I am sorry that happened. You DO know it wasn't your fault? A freak just was out of his cage for a bit and you crossed paths with him. I am glad you are physically OK. Don't hesitate to get professional help for the psychological wounds if you need. You don't need to go through this alone!

Take care,

Cally

I am SO sorry that this has happened to you. It's not your fault, at all. Those boys are the scum of the Earth and deserve to be severely punished. Don't feel guilty or make it smaller than it is, because clearly it has affected you greatly. I know if it had been me, I'd be severely affected as well. I hope you can get past this swiftly and with minimal emotional scarring. I agree with catmom2wires, don't feel ashamed to seek professional help.

I'm so sorry that you went through this. I wish I could find the words to express to you how I feel. It may not be your choice to notify the authorities, but it is possible they have this crime recorded on the store's security cameras. To me, it's extremely shocking that this happened right inside a well lit store. My prayers are with you.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I want you to know you will be in my prayers. I think you have already taken a positive step in talking about it with your room mate friend and with us here. Please seek counseling from a professional or a pastor and his wife that you trust. You did nothing wrong. Don't accept any guilt or responsibility for what happened to you. I am just shocked something like this could happen in a public super store. I have always been very careful when I decided to leave the store and go to the parking lot. Never have I felt need to worry in a big store. Thank you for sharing with us, as painful as it has to be for you. I promise you I will be more watchful in the future. Again, you take care of yourself. We are here for you.

I am so sorry this happened to you! I have to tell you that I completely understand how you feel- I was in a similar situation when I was about 14 years old...I was at a school dance when a middle aged guy came up to me and groped me when I went outside with a friend to get some air- and then made comments about how I look/how I made him feel, all said in disgusting language...
Well, I screamed and ran but it was late and I was outside of the school so no one heard anything...I was soo scared, but most of all angry. I had never been more angry in my life, and my blood still boils at the thought of someone touching me without my permission.


ETA: I read your post a second time, and I really have to agree with those saying you should seek professional help...
This quote is what really worries me:

Originally Posted by Alison Joy

I'm overly anxious. And, admittedly, full of guilt and shame. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but the feelings persist regardless of that knowledge. It doesn't help that this event has brought back feelings of past abuses. I'm scared and I'm sad. I'm frustrated and I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired and I'm resentful. I'm angry and I'm shamed. I'm so many feelings -- so many at once that I can't even decipher what they are anymore. I've shared my story with my roommate and with two close friends. I'm sharing my experience here. While I am still struggling and, in some ways, still suffering, I'm doing better and getting better every day. It's not easy, but I'm honest.

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You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or guilty of. How can you possibly think that?? If someone was so evil as to treat you in a way that no human being should EVER be treated, how in the world are you finding something that YOU should be ashamed of??? Well, it doesn't make sense, but that doesn't make your feelings any less valid- you feel what you feel regardless of what's logical...which is why I think you should talk to a professional.

I'm glad you notified the authorities and the store. Creeps like that have probably done this before and will do it again. I hope they get caught because what they did was not funny. I know you'll be ok. hang in there.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I agree with everyone else. YOU did nothing wrong and am glad that nothing more serious happened. What a scary situation!

WHen things quiet down a bit...prehaps you would consider taking a personal defense class of some sort? I took one in college at the instantance of my twin brother and it acutally save me in a bad situation. plus...After the class I joined a few martial arts. I am hyper viligant (the marital arts acutally helped me be MORE so) but I have the peice of mind knowing that I can defend myself in any situation.

YOu will be in my prayers.

Oh Honey! I'm so sorry about what happened to you!

It wasn't your fault! You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about!

You did the right thing in reporting it to the police and to the store. It sounds like you got a good look at the guy(s) so hopefully the police will be able to catch them before they do the same thing again to someone else, or escalate to something more heinous.

You were in what should have been a safe place, a well lighted store with people around. The last thing you expected was to be preyed upon and assaulted (Yes! You were physically assaulted!) by a group of thugs.

Your reaction is perfectly normal. Don't ever doubt that and don't beat yourself up for not yelling/screaming, kicking etc. You were in shock. You did the only thing your body and mind would allow you to do under the circumstances. Don't be mad at yourself for that.

And you are doing the right thing about posting here. You need to talk it out! Only by talking it out will you be able to come to terms with what happened. Talk! Talk! Talk! And don't be ashamed or embarrassed about talking about it. Do you have access to a Psychologist? Most universities have a Psychology Department and their grad students often offer sessions to people as part of their practicum prior to graduation. These sessions are free. I've taken advantage of this several times in the past to deal with situations that were affecting my life in a negative way.

It's normal to feel afraid and wanting to hold up in your home. And it's ok to do that for a very short time, but you need to get back out into society. Don't let those thugs take away your life and happiness. You don't now them, they don't know you, and the chances of you seeing them again unless they are caught by the police are remote. So don't let their threats of "getting you" eat away at you.

I know it's only been 2 days, but you are falling into a vortex that you need to start climbing out of today. By being afraid to go outside or into a store and beating yourself up for not having reacted differently, you are giving them power over you! Don't do that! The only one who has power over you is you, no one else.

And you know what? You may not see it yet, but there is a silver lining in all of this. Our life experiences add to our growth and strength. Once you have worked your way through all of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) you will be able to move on and perhaps use this experience and your healing in a positive way to help others. And even if you don't, take comfort in knowing that you are a strong woman who survived and went on to thrive.

I also am so sorry this happened to you. I am also very supportive of you reporting this to the police and store, you did the right thing. These guys are obvious predators and will keep sexually assaulting people and worse, if they haven't already. Hopefully they have video of these guys and can follow through with a sexual assault charge against them. I am hoping this is why you can't talk more about it, whatever the reason I support you and send and . You should never doubt yourself when you feel physically violated by anyone, friend or stranger!
I don't mean to come down on you, I live in NYC and here we have to trust certain situations before we can assess them. I have to get on a train every morning that is literally back to back people I don't know. However I do know that if I saw something or someone else needed help, I would be there.
You have to speak up and protect yourself, no one else can do it better!

I'm so sorry this happened to you and none of us know exactly how to react, even if we are told "this is what you should do". I'm sure you were scared and ashamed all at once.

I do remember that its better to yell FIRE and keep screaming rather then yelling for HELP. Most people will react to FIRE before they react to HELP.

Even if this happened to me I think I would have not walked out of the store without reporting it because your memory of what the guy looked like could fade a bit.

I hope everything well turn out ok for you, but you also may want a little counseling to talk about it too so you are better prepared. Thank God that nothing more happened to you in the store!

This may be a bit controversial - and I realize that I'm not in a position to relate to your situation, being a man - but perhaps it will ease your anxiety a bit if you hold a position of, "People are garbage until they prove themselves otherwise". It does a couple of things; it puts the burden of guilt in its entirety on that scumbag, and it will heighten your awareness for that sort of situation, God forbid it ever arise again.

These are troubling times; kids are growing up too fast, there's a general lack of respect everywhere you look, and people will, simply because they can. You have to carry yourself with an almost "defensive arrogance" anymore, aware of the possibility of anything, and with a notion of how to combat it. Will that always be true? Of course not. But it's a mind game you'll have to play with yourself. Sort of a karma-like approach; if you think like a victim, then you'll become one. And vice-versa. Be bigger than the situation.

Self-defense classes are a great idea, even if just for the psychological aspect.

Good luck to you.

I am so angry for you. No one has the right to do that to you, or anyone else.

That... ugh! I can't even put into words what I think of that man! I being a man myself would have no idea how traumatic this must be, good luck getting through this. As said before, it's not your fault, it's that scumbag. You should get some pyshcological help. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Once again, good luck getting through this. TCS is a great place to unload.

Jackz, Jazzy & Ginga.

Freezing up is normal.

I had an older guy(in his 40's+) at work(I was 21 tops) flirt with me. I thought it was innocent until he reached up my overalls into my boxers and touched me you-know-where and yes he actually touched me when he reached up he got inside my boxers which I was wearing as underwear. I froze but I also didn't scream because I was on the phone with a customer(I was doing tech support) and couldn't reach my mute button.

This happened on a Fri, my supervisor had already gone home for the day. It was also ironically his last day. So I got to go to my brand new supervisor on Mon to tell him what happened. My old supervisor actually moved to human resources and the new one had worked on our floor at the service desk so I already knew who he was and he knew who I was. DOM(dirty old man) was on vacation that week so I knew I wouldn't be seeing him. I worked for at least 2-4 hours after this happened and didn't report it until Mon, so i know how it feels to wait. I didn't know who to tell or what to tell or anything like that and it hadn't really sunk in yet, I'm sure you were in the same situation.

I got to go to human resources to repeat it to my now old supervisor. The woman told me I could have kicked him and I wouldn't have got in trouble. I just froze, I didn't think to attack and I was wanting to scream but not being able to(frozen in shock) and at the same time knowing I couldn't because I had a customer on the phone and couldn't get to my mute button. My professionalism and the shock that he had done that saved his butt that night or everyone would have known about it that night. I know I should have screamed like a crazy woman but I just couldn't I was shocked and knew that if I screamed I would be screaming directly into the headset mic and would kill the customers ear, not to mention I wasn't going to keep my language clean if I was going to scream.

Needless to say DOM got fired.

Don't feel guilty I have been in the same spot and it is so shocking that you do freeze because that is the last thing on earth you expect. You were inside a superstore, I was at work on the phone with a customer providing technical support. Both are not places where this should happen ever. Human resources was absolutely floored that DOM even thought about that, much less actually did it. I'm sure the superstore feels the same way, just shocked that anyone would do that. Heck, I'm shocked anyone would do that. Some people are just sick. BTW- I still have the overalls and I have got physical with both my now ex-husband and Paul for trying to reach up them, brings back too many bad memories.

I had to go back to the scene of the crime not even 3 days later. I never actually connected the job with what happened, I knew they weren't at fault DOM was.

DOM did IM me a death threat the next week for getting him fired, I didn't screw around I called the cops and filed a report on the death threat but never did for the assault at work and I don't know why, I don't think it really crossed anyone's mind. I also thought it was 'too late' to report it on Mon, after all it had happened on Fri.

It will take time to get back to 'normal' but it does happen. If this is really getting to you and bothering you and making you afraid to leave the house(after some time has passed) then you need to get professional help.

It will take time but it will happen. If they catch the guy you might even feel better. I am so sorry this happened to you. You got even further than me, you went to the cops. I really wish I had but hindsight is 20/20. Don't feel guilty, it wasn't your fault, it was his. You are not at fault for him being a sick

Once again I am so sorry. I can't say I know how you feel but I know how I felt.

Taryn

I'm so sorry.....no woman should ever have to go through that. Never. It's not your fault; the guy is a scumbag.

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you've had this experience. This is something I wouldn't wish on anyone; I can say that because I was the victim of an "assault" years ago. Like you I was in a public place (a laundromat), the difference being the only people there at the time were the assailant and myself. And like you I froze-momentarily. When he ripped the zipper on my jeans I grabbed for his neck with my fingernails; that didn't slow him down a bit. If 2 older women hadn't pulled up outside the laundromat at that time I have no doubt he would have raped me.
I didn't report it to the police until the next day (I don't know why I waited; maybe because I knew there wasn't anything they could do about it). I was repeatedly asked what I had been wearing. Hello---this wasn't my fault.
And like you, dear, I was shaken to my core. I do understand your response---you were in shock and a state of disbelief. Reporting this to the store and the authorities was absolutely the right thing to do. I would bet anything that this wasn't the first time a woman has been assaulted by these creeps. It will take time to get over this; you just have to give yourself that time to heal. If you don't want to go anywhere alone, that's understandable. Don't blame yourself for this---you did nothing wrong! There's nothing wrong with being paranoid for awhile, you've experienced a trauma.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, sweetie. Be good to yourself, and realize that by reporting this you may have saved other women from being victimized by those scumbags.

Originally Posted by Alison Joy

This whole situation makes me sick. I just want to cry. Or scream. Or throw up. I want to pretend as though nothing happened. And, maybe I am overreacting. I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know…

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You are NOT overreacting! You WERE assaulted. I'm really glad that you have a counselor and psychiatrist, because I know, if this had happened to me I would have a very hard time dealing with it on my own. I really hope they have some footage of this happening to you and those scumbags are punished.

Originally Posted by libby74

I was repeatedly asked what I had been wearing.

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OMG, Libby, that just makes me so angry for you! Sometimes the good guys aren't good either, I guess.

Sweetheart I am thinking of you and can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be going through. NO ONE deserves that, and you are not over reacting by any means. We are here for you.