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Non cat related-just wanna get it off my chest

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
hello ppl, this is really not cat related. Just some personal problems which i felt like sharing.I have been in this forum for only like two days but i can feel the warmth and support u ppl give to one another even if u ppl are just so far away..*i'm in singapore btw*

i recently just broke up with my boy fren of 2 yrs..though it's not a long period but we have dragged this whole relationship thingy for the past 6 yrs. we've been thru a lot of things together and i thought we were stable enough to withstand certain things. he broke up without a reason or rather without a proper reason. the next thing i know is that he has found himself somebody else. i asked if he loved her, he told me she just happens to be there and so she's his gf now. heartbroken. a lot of friends tell me that they are not gonna last, some guy friends tell me that it is just something to distract himself from the failed relationship. i'm not sure.

it's been a mth since we broke up. tears have stopped but once in a while i still feel the loneliness of being single. i can't help but feel useless as a modern woman. i'm not independent and strong as what ppl define modern working woman should be. Strong and undeterred by anything..not even a relationship. i really feel lousy about myself. i love this guy all my life and he just left like this. it's tough licking the wounds all by myself. it gets worse when i get home and i see my two kids. Boy boy who is very close to him suffers the impact of our breakup much more. he's lost somebody he loved too. he sits by the door everyday waiting for his visit and he's not even eating and just wants to be left alone. i know he feels sad...i feel sad looking at him like this too. but i have always felt it was our problem and it shouldn't have impacted him. I've tried telling him abt it but he just walks away and slumps on one side. here i am trying to cope with a breakup which nearly cost my life, and there he is trying to cope with the loss of his daddy. ppl, u get the drift.

i've been feeling a whole lot better nowadays but some times i just get into those moods when i miss him a whole lot. it's tiring bottling up everything and struggling on my own. i just wanted to share this with u ppl. it feels a whole lot better now.
post #2 of 18
I'm so sorry for your sorrow. Just do what I do when in doubt, HUG A KITTY!! and eventually things get better.
post #3 of 18
Thread Starter 
I know what u mean but the kitty has got some problems too..doesn't want me to hug him now...
post #4 of 18
It is always so sad to me when some women feel the only way they are defined is if they have a boyfriend in their life. If you can live by yourself, and enjoy the time you have alone, then the next guy that comes along will have a stronger, more independent woman than the one before.

Work on your self-esteem, attend a class or two of a hobby or interest that you have. Don't think for one minute because one guy has walked away from you that you have no self worth. Because that is so wrong.
post #5 of 18
Kate, I obviously don't know you well since you just joined us here, but just from your few posts I can tell that you are a caring and compassionate woman.

It is very hard being alone for the first time in our lives. It is scary. Take advantage of this time alone to get to know yourself - find out what YOU like doing, be the person that YOU want to be. You may realize you did a lot of things with your boyfriend that YOU didn't really enjoy, and there are things that you put off doing because HE didn't want to. Now is your chance!

Your kitty Boy Boy is grieving the loss in his life, just as you are grieving the loss in yours. You are so right about that. Try to spend time doing what he likes to do....find his favorite toy (even if he doesn't have it yet!) and play, make sure he knows how much you love him. I know you are already doing this. You are a good kitty-mommy. Pretty soon he will realize that his Mommy loves him and stayed, no matter who isn't there.
post #6 of 18
I know how you feel. Sounds like how I felt after my first bf and I broke up. We went out for 5 years and eventually we had problems and 2 months after we broke up he moved to Hawaii with some girl!!! I couldnt eat, sleep, do anything for so long. I was so depressed. But you know what, it will pass. You need to let him go because he is not the one for you. I went through many long failed relationsips and it was so hard everytime, but finally I met the one, my soul mate. And you will know when he is the one. You will know when you have trust and honesty and real love in the relationship. It's like no other feeling in the world.

Stay strong, stand up for yourself and show him that you can do just fine without him.
post #7 of 18
Thread Starter 
hi ppl,

thanks for all the support and all the kind words you have showered me with.
I have been trying to get my life going again and i know in life there is just much more than a boyfriend. there's much more beautiful things in life like my two kitties... i do feel a sense of loss cos i've lost a soulmate and a boyfriend..i'm trying to pick up my pieces and move on..i know it is only through that way that i am able to help boy boy. he's the innocent one. i've been trying to spend more time with him. i know it takes time for him to get over him just the same way i feel abt it, so i'm letting him be for a while. i can see that since he has moved out of our lives, boy boy has grown closer to meow meow and now he speaks to meow meow more. meow meow was never close to my ex boyfriend so she's pretty much ok. she's getting him to move around, to run and chase her kinda thing. sometimes when i'm not able to keep boy boy company, it's good to know that he still has meow meow who is there for him.
post #8 of 18

Go ahead and let yourself greive for the loss of your boyfriend for a little while. Then pick yourself up and move on with your life. Find out who you are before getting into another realationship.

Spend time with family and friends to help take the edge off of being lonely. Sounds like you have two of the best shoulders to cry on right there in your house with you now. The kitties! You can tell them all that is hurting you and they will keep your most private thoughts to themselves.

I do hope that you get things worked out and you will be happy again. You must love yourself first before anyone will love you.

post #9 of 18
Arrgh!!! Send him a nasty e-mail if you want to!! Well, okay, that is being 'reactive' instead of 'proactive'. Ahhhh....those days of dating someone are soooo freaking frusturating, especially when you have spent all that time together for it to end sourly.

I agree, take some time to grieve, a day or two since it's already been awhile since ya broke up, then write a note of hate and then write a note of you're over him and burn them or throw them away. Once you throw them away, move on with your life. This is similar to a Dr.Phil (any fans out there?) scenario that he gave to this woman the other day. Her husband passed away and afterwards, she found out that he had cheated on her (mainly with escort services). Anyway, she was pretty angry at him for it even though he is dead. So Dr. Phil told her to visit his grave and just yell at him and get all her anger and frustruation out and then to visit a few days later where she discusses how she loved him and that she's going to move on. Of course he's dead and can't hear her, but still, the act of it is releasing all the tension and pent up feelings.

Definitely realize as the old saying 'there are many other fish in the sea' girlfriend!!! Once you pick yourself back up and discover who you are and develop yourself further into the better woman you can be, the next guy ain't gonna be able to toy with you like that! ummmhmmm! (image of me snapping my fingers and moving my neck to the side )
post #10 of 18
Anything that I can say to you has already been said by the other members. Take thier advise. I went through a similar situation when my boyfriend from high school and I broke up..We were dating all through high school until my sophmore year in college. I found out he was cheating on me and forgave him...(Number one no no) I kept being pulled into his wacy world becuase I thought I couldn't find anyone else out there who would love me. In truth I was scared to find my true self. It took the comfort of my friends, family, and of course my animals, to get on with my life. I was single for two years dating on and off never fully getting over Drew. Out of nowhere I met Tim and we've been together for three years now. It happens when you're least expecting it. In the meantime, find yourself and take comfort with friends and your kitties. It sounds like you and your Boy Boy need one another very much. Keep posting here and don't be afriad to vent your problems out to us. Also, bubble baths, music, and wine helps

post #11 of 18
Thread Starter 
Hi guys,
thanks for the helpful words and support that I needed. It has really been wonderful knowing that people still care out there.
I know I need the time to pick up pieces of my life and help boy boy too. throughout this one mth. I've learnt to forgive everything that he has done wrong in my eyes. I feel that everyone should be given a second chance and it's better to forgive than to be angry with him and make myself so frustrated over the matter.
U know ppl, I'm kinda stupid I guess. While others would care about themselves when they break up, my main concern is actually him! I know that this is gonna make me feel worse but certain things I have been doing most of the time and he doesn't even know it..even as we have broken up, I want the best for him and his life. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing but this is what my heart tells me to do.Any guys out there who can let me know whether is this right or wrong?
post #12 of 18
I'm so sorry. I know what you mean. Just about the time I joined this list my husband decided he couldn't handle married life anymore and he left. Actually I think he just can't handle life right now. (He's Iraqi and going through a lot of stuff right now.) But we still love each other. He just can't deal with things right now. And I've decided a more simple life is better for my physical and emotional health. I miss him so much sometimes. I'll close my eyes and can see his beautiful dark eyes looking at me and I turn to mush. But it's just not possible for us to live together right now. He needs to figure out his own problems and I can't help. Mostly because they stem from his life in Iraq before he came here. So anyway, I just wanted you to know there are people here that can relate to what you're going through. This site has gotten me through the last month and 1/2!

Take care.
post #13 of 18
You are truley on your way to being over him. You are right to want the best for him since he was one of the great loves of your love. There is nothing wrong with that.

Now you need to think about number one.....that is yourself. You must quite dwelling on what could have been and realize what actually is.

I went through the breakup of an 18 year marriage. It has made me a stronger woman. Look on this as a learning experience to know what not to do or to do in your next relationship and yes there will be another person that will be much more special than the first one.

After being single for five years I have since found the man of my dreams! We have been married for 8 months now. You will find someone else. Try your best not to let the ghost of the ex-boyfriend mess with another relationship.

Good Luck!
and do stop in to chat with all of us we do care!
post #14 of 18
Thread Starter 
u know ppl,I have been to many different cat forums and somehow I feel the most at home here...u ppl are simply the best forummers I could ever find..despite the fact that you guys are so far away from me. thanks for sharing so many stories with me..i hope that it has not pry open any wounds or scars that have healed over the years.
for those who are still licking their wounds, i'll be praying for u to be healed soon..i'll be praying for myself too...i pray for courage to live life to the fullest and peace in our hearts and minds whenever we miss the other party a whole lot.for those who have give me advice and shared stories that happened so many years ago, i thank u so much. your stories have been a source of encouragement to tell me that i am able to move on and i'm not the only one who got into such a situation and not able to get out of it right now. I'll pray for all of u here in the forum and all our kitties, pray that they would grow up beautiful,knowing that love is all around them and they have owners who would take good care of them.
post #15 of 18
Honey, you said you have lost a soul mate and boyfriend? Don't you realize that if he were your soul mate, you would still be together?
Keep your eyes open for your REAL soul mate. He's still out there -- looking for you!
post #16 of 18
Good luck! I am sure that you are stronger then you think and feel. Don't forget that we are here for you so you will have support. This site is a great supporting community.
post #17 of 18
Group HUUUGGG!!!

Mzjazz, I'm sooooo sorry that you are going through your ordeal also. I would say that being married to a foreigner is a bit interesting, but then again I know of some friends that are married to their 'own' and have divorced and re-married so many times, so I can't really say it's a foreign thing but it definitely makes for interesting lifestyle and situations.

We women are usually the ones that carry our feelings inside and sometimes on our shoulders, I honestly think we are much stronger when it comes to handling situations, we get through them somehow and move on and become stronger and better so that the next one is not as tough. I know this from personal experiences. It is good that there are people here that care about one another even though we have never met, I love this forum thus far for the kindness that we show to one another. This is the best that I've seen so far!! Group Huuuuggg!
post #18 of 18
Thread Starter 
i agree..this forum is a big supporting community with lotsa lovely ppl
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