Am I Being Too Unreasonable?

Okay so Metro hasn't been feeling well off and on for months now. My mom is convinced that he is just eating too fast, and is trying to implement means in order to get him to not eat so fast. Seeing as he's not my cat, and is hers, there's not much I can go but urge her to take the kitty to the vet sometime soon (she lives on disability) or take Metro in myself (which I probably would have already done but he seems to have turned the corner and is putting on some weight, though he's still occasionally sick).

Well last night my pregnant sister Aimee came over with her four kids. Cecilia is a HUGE cat fan, but doesn't quite know all the rules yet about kitties. Well Madine (the oldest girl) and her were actually being pretty good with Metro and taking turns holding him nice (They're both 5 right now, they're 9 months apart). Of course Ceci would get a little excited some times and squeeze a little bit tighter than Metro was comfortable with, but she was easy to talk down. Or Madine would try and ruffle Metro's ears like a dog, and Metro didn't really like that. They took turns trying to feed him, etc.,. They were really nice and enthusiastic. But after a while, I could just tell Metro was getting uncomfortable, so I took him upstairs, and was taking him to my brother's room to relax for a little (which is on the second story of the house) and Aimee starts lecturing me that it's unfair for me to take the cat away since Ceci came all this way to spend time with the kitty. I explained very rationally that Metro hasn't been feeling well and needs a few minutes to himself, and then I was going to bring the girls to see him again. She said, "I can't believe you would put that cat in front of my daughter."

:grumpy:

Are you kidding me? I can't believe you would put your daughter before someone who's a part of the family who is sick? I wasn't being rude. I didn't say, "Nope. Kids can't see the cat anymore." I just wanted him to have a few minutes by himself.

I told Aimee that Metro wasn't feeling well, and that it was gastrointestinal - I should have just been blunt and said, "hey if you shake the cat too much he's going to puke and poop all over your kids" which I think would be a bad impression on pet advocacy but probably Aimee shouldn't have a pet seeing as she already gave up a dog this year to Natalie because she couldn't handle being pregnant, having four kids and taking care of the dog but that may be too easy to judge on the matter - and that since he wasn't feeling well he might scratch the kids. (And I'm not meaning swatting or popping them in the face because he's not that kind of cat, but bowing up his back legs, trying to ask them gently to stop, he might accidentally scratch them. The kids understood after a few minutes this idea that when the "kitty was uncomfortable" that he would let them know with his back leg, so they were being quite intelligent and responsive to instruction, and we'd readjust.) Aimee repeated the statement about me depriving her kids of this experience. If she wants her kids to be around a cat, they should have come over to my apartment and spent time with Majel. I had a little girl over a few weeks ago, and she so didn't care about the little girl. She even let her take a nap with her head on her belly. Or she should take her kids to the animal shelter and let them play with the kitties.

I of course started crying. Then Natalie - my other sister - got mad at me for crying. Then I got mad. I pointed my finger at my sister Aimee and said, "I know YOU don't get it, but he's been sick for months and this is too much for him. The kids can come see him in a little bit but he needs to be alone for a while." Aimee's acting like I'm depriving her kids, when actually I'm trying to make everyone happy. I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate it if her kids were sick and barfy and my brother William and I just kept picking them up over and over and over again, taking turns "holding" the baby. The kid might need a few minutes to himself.

When I let Metro go up on the stairs, as it was, and I checked on him like 2 minutes later, he was laying at the top of the stairs and howling. Probably all the "getting picked up" and the stress of the kids being so enthusiastic and so loud was a bit much for him in his current condition. His tolerance level is probably lower because he's still not quite himself.

Or am I just being overprotective of Metro? I really don't think so. I thought I was being fair.

I can't believe her, being a PA would not understand ethical standards. You don't overtax someone who's sick. Regardless of species.

Later I brought the two girls up to see Metro who was still laying by the stairwell, stretched out, trying to nap. I told them to be nice and quiet and gentle since Metro wasn't feeling well, but that we could pet him nice and gentle since Metro was probably going to take a nap. So they did, and they were, and he actually purred for them which was super exciting to see Ceci's face that she actually made Metro purr. Then we followed Metro to William's room - since now he really WAS ready for a nap - and we put him on the bed and started petting him gently.

Madine started getting a little rough again with petting. And I told her, "You have to be nice and gentle. Pet him like this." And I showed her.
She asked, "Why?"
I said, "Well Metro's not feeling the greatest. He has a stomach bug," simplest way I could think of to explain to a five year old, "and he won't like it if you shake him like that." I grabbed her shoulder and rubbed it in the hard circle like she had been doing to Metro. "You wouldn't like that if you didn't feel good would you?"
She smiled and shook her head.
"Well see, nice and gentle."
She petted him for a little bit but then Madine was getting bored. Ceci and I could probably have stayed for hours just petting the kitty, nice and gentle and she would have been fine with it. I feel kind of bad since Ceci probably would have taken a nap with him, but I was set to watch Madine and Ceci. I don't know why I'm always the one set to watch them. Maybe I should just start saying, "Nope. I'm responsible for the animals. You people can watch the kids." But I actually had fun with them. Later we played "horsies" outside and made pretend bonfires and ate "stick sandwiches" and drew with chalk on the sidewalk. Spent absolutely no time with my sister Aimee other than being lectured by her. Whenever I would tell the kids "No" they might push it for a second, but really they just wanted to know why. When I gave them a reasonable explanation - for example: "no don't go in the garage." "Why?" "Because there's nothing fun in there." - then they were fine. Or if I gave them a consequence - "well if you go back in the garage then we have to go inside" - they would start behaving themselves again. They were very easily distracted to being good.

Was I being unreasonable in how I handled all this? I know this is really long, but I wanted the perspective from someone who was NOT family, and how to handle future endeavours. With my sister, not the kids. I think the kids have it down now, with some coaching on how to treat the kitty. They already knew not to pull on kitty's tails. My sister is so reactionary and always thinks that she knows best. Is there even any try? I just want to be able for us to have some kind of relationship with my sister, but she's always so insulting. I don't know if she means to be, but I can't imagine being her patient. And it's infinitely difficult being her sister when she never respects anything I have to say.

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing hun! Your sister sounds incredibly insensitive. Poor Metro is sick and does not need to be mauled. I'm sure her daughter will be just fine if "deprived from the experience". She needs to TEACH her girls boundries and the proper way to handle animals. Good for you for educating them and helping them see that they need to be gentle with kitties. I fail to see how that should be YOUR responsibility however.

P.S. Oh I also meant to add that I think Metro is doing fine. As soon as the kids left and his nap was over he was back to his normal self. So I don't think he was injured. I just think he was howling because the percolation was a bit much for his tummy - like I knew it would be - of being picked up and put back down and transferred from me to a kid sitting on the couch, the whole time telling what to do and not to do.

What a champion of a man though! He was so patient and at no point did I think he would do anything negative to the kids.. well except maybe have an accident on them.

Originally Posted by Kailie

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing hun!

Your sister sounds incredibly insensitive. Poor Metro is sick and does not need to be mauled. I'm sure her daughter will be just fine if "deprived from the experience".

She needs to TEACH her girls boundries and the proper way to handle animals. Good for you for educating them and helping them see that they need to be gentle with kitties.

I fail to see how that should be YOUR responsibility however.

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It's everyone's responsibility if they see an animal being mistreated, regardless of who the kids belong to. Five is plenty old enough to understand that a cat is a living feeling being, not a toy.

You did the right thing LadyHitchhiker and I hope you will continue to educate your nieces and nephews on how to treat animals, since you seem to the the only one in their lives who is capable of it. We can hope, with your intervention, they will grow up to understand and respect animals the same way you do.

You handled it well. Children have to learn the proper way to touch pets and they should know that sometimes a kitty will become ill, just like they themselves get sick once in awhile. The last thing a sick kitty needs is to be constantly picked up, especially by children. I'm glad you're teaching your nieces how to care for animals. Thank you for doing that. And good job!

I obviously don't speak "Aimee" but hopefully I can teach her kids to speak my language and eventually they can maybe translate to my sister and we can all get along! LOL

I just can't stand how since cats require less maintenance and supervision - on average - than a dog does, that they think that cats are less important. Since they're more self-sufficient, they don't require as much respect to their boundaries?

I can't say that I wasn't the little girl that wanted to pick up every cat that came my way, and that picking up cats and deciding who wants to be picked up and learning cat etiquette was taught by my mom for the most part, but a lot of it was learned what they would tolerate and what they enjoyed. Since I'm such a helper, of course I wanted to make the kitty happy, so I learned fast. I wanted to make them purr as much as possible. I think Ceci will be that girl too, but you know, needs a few kinks worked out.

Oh and I agree that it should be EVERYONE's responsibility not just mine to make sure the animals are safe and happy and comfortable! Like for example, Metro. It's HIS home too!

I think by the sound of it the 5 year olds, with gidence from you, are learning that a cat is not a toy, I am not sure your sister thinks the same. Well done you for taking him away for a rest.

Originally Posted by otto

It's everyone's responsibility if they see an animal being mistreated, regardless of who the kids belong to.

Five is plenty old enough to understand that a cat is a living feeling being, not a toy.

You did the right thing LadyHitchhiker and I hope you will continue to educate your nieces and nephews on how to treat animals, since you seem to the the only one in their lives who is capable of it. We can hope, with your intervention, they will grow up to understand and respect animals the same way you do.

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Oh I absolutely agree! I guess I just meant that it shouldn't be SOLELY her responsibility and that her sister should step up.

I'm really glad that Metro is ok too!

Originally Posted by Kailie

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing hun!

Your sister sounds incredibly insensitive. Poor Metro is sick and does not need to be mauled. I'm sure her daughter will be just fine if "deprived from the experience".

She needs to TEACH her girls boundries and the proper way to handle animals. Good for you for educating them and helping them see that they need to be gentle with kitties.

I fail to see how that should be YOUR responsibility however.

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Exactly! They need to be taught the proper way to handle animals. They need to understand that it's not appropriate to manhandle an animal or to forcibly constrain it because it could cause the animal undue stress/anxiety/terror, along with the possibility of the child getting hurt from either being bitten or scratched....which would be a shame because that would put a negative spin on the animal, as well as cause fear in the child.

You absolutely did the right thing. One thing I would encourage is to continue to reinforce the need for gentleness, not just because kitty is sick, but because kitty is also smaller than they are but also because he is not used to children.

You are not being unreasonable! Metro has a right to feel comfortable in his own home and be treated with respect.

I had a similar situation a couple of weeks ago with a guest who upset my cat.

In my case the person was an adult and should know better and understand when I explain my views.

You handled this very well. I find it is easier with younger children than with adults. You many never get the point across with your sister. But you are making a difference with the kids and helping them to grow up to be responsible and caring pet owners.

Let's see. Cats with children. Does anyone else remember growing up with a cat and how their attitude changed around you? I do. My Aunt's cat, Pussy Girl (her real name) did not want much to do with me when I was a kid. Pussy Girl lived to be 23 so we "grew up" together. Let me tell you, her attitude towards me changed the summer I lived there when I was 18 and had to get up at 5:30 to go to work and I could feed her and let her out. Purr, purr, purr, pet me! I love you now.

So, from Metro's perspective, being sick and maybe not used to kids, you did the right thing. Some cats can stand kids affection but a sick one? I just wouldn't want to have anything bad happen to the girls that would make them not like cats again.

Bottom line, you did the right thing for Metro.

Originally Posted by LadyHitchhiker

I just can't stand how since cats require less maintenance and supervision - on average - than a dog does, that they think that cats are less important. Since they're more self-sufficient, they don't require as much respect to their boundaries?

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I hear ya! I'm living with my mom at the moment, and my sister, my BIL and their three kids. The kids want SO badly to be Holland's friends, but she is a scaredy-cat. My 5YO niece asked me yesterday, why can't you just pick her up and hold her so we can pet her? I told her because I didn't feel like being scratched today...

While my living situation is not ideal, I am loving the opportunity to teach my nieces and nephew about cats. They have a dog, and they are learning how different cats and dogs are. They are doing wonderfully - they have learned to be quiet and not make sudden movements when Holland comes out of hiding to watch them. They get excited just to see her, and watching her eat is like heaven to them. I love it!!

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, and your sister's kids are lucky they have you to help them learn how to respect animals.

This is how I would have handled it:

I would have explained when they all came over that the cat had been sick and was not feeling well. So the time limit for petting the cat is only 5 or 10 minutes then he would have to be put in a room where it was quiet and no more excitment as you didn't want him being stressed out.

Then no matter what was said or done after that, the cat would remain upstairs in quiet and the kids would have to play with something else. I would have chewed your sister out on her insistance about her kids and the cat.

I hope that one day one of her kids is sick and someone insists on the child playing even tho they were not feeling well!

Personally, my pets come first in my house. I'm not letting them get stressed no matter who is visiting.

You did a great job with Metro. I can't believe your sister would be so narrow minded about it, thinking you're depriving her kids of kitty time. I bet she would have been more angry if he pooped on her children.

I had kids come in my house and drag Nero around while their mom just said "oh okay whatever, have fun: ... after I told her to control her kids in my home and make sure they don't mistreat my cats. Poor Nero was mewing when I finally got him away from the 5 yr old (who is so strangely tiny that Nero was almost the same size as her and half her weight and she was trying to carry him which was more or less dragging and squishing!) He's such a wonderful cat that he didn't even try to scratch or bite (though if I did that the little butt head would have scratched me )

Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

I hope that one day one of her kids is sick and someone insists on the child playing even tho they were not feeling well!

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I find it absolutely disgusting that someone would wish illness on an innocent child because to teach the parent a lesson. You cant blame and punish a 5YO in this situation. I hope her children DO NOT fall ill just to spite the mother. What a terrible thing to wish on someone

Next we'll work on walking quietly around the kitty, and sitting still, and seeing if the kitty will come to US. I'm thinking of buying Ceci some dvds on kitties so she can learn more in between visits. I KNOW she would watch them, and I'm sure whatever she would watch would rub off on the other kids, at least a LITTLE bit. If nothing else they'll know that bad behavior is NOT tolerated around cats, at the very least when Auntie Lizz is there. And since Ceci really wants so badly to interact with them, then she will work hard to be a good girl, and listen to someone who has TWO cats. Ceci gasped when she heard I have two kitties. LOL She was soooo excited. I told her if she was nice to Metro, and she listened to me, she could come see my kitties sometime. She was trying to hold herself down from bouncing, trying to be good at the idea.

Nice and gentle... and soft and quiet... cuz kitties have big ears that hear everything. Sensitive hearing... don't want to hurt their ears... and they're small so you need to be gentle because otherwise you hurt kitty...

I'm just trying to make it into as positive a situation as possible. My control freak insulting sister may not see it that way, but I am bound to have SOME effect on the kids..

Thanks for all the support everyone! I'm glad to see I've not over-reacting...

Originally Posted by Tara & Rob

You did a great job with Metro. I can't believe your sister would be so narrow minded about it, thinking you're depriving her kids of kitty time. I bet she would have been more angry if he pooped on her children.

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That's what I was thinking. She lives an hour away. Does she really want her kids covered in cat puke and poop because they upset the kitty too much? At the very least, if she doesn't care about the cat, I would think she'd care about the kids having to be covered in waste.

Of course me, I take care of everyone. If one of the kids had been sick, I would have been taking care of that child - still making sure the animals were safe first because they can't or won't defend themselves and shouldn't have to - and making sure the kids and the animals weren't jumping all over them.

I just don't understand why she makes me out to be stupid and insensitive.

Originally Posted by Februa

I find it absolutely disgusting that someone would wish illness on an innocent child because to teach the parent a lesson. You cant blame and punish a 5YO in this situation. I hope her children DO NOT fall ill just to spite the mother. What a terrible thing to wish on someone

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I doubt very much that she was seriously wishing that her child would get sick. I took it as a figure of speech, nothing more than that.

I think she meant what I think I said earlier. Aimee wouldn't appreciate if I sat and shook her nauseated stomach flu-kid and picked them up and down and up and down and up and down until they were in danger of eliminating and puking everywhere. That's just ridiculous! What kind of person would do that to someone else? Regardless of species!