Jealous friends *vent*

So, DH and I are close friends with another couple, and we spend a lot of time together, hanging out, etc. But lately I've noticed that whenever DH and I share good news that we're excited about, one or both of them will reply in some manner such ask, "Well, at least you have ___."

Well, today really just knocked me on my rear. I was sharing my new business logo with her and after 5 minutes of her typing in the chat window, she goes on about how it really hurts her that I rub her face in my success, and that if I had spent 2 seconds thinking about her I would have realized that she could have done it, yadda yadda. I was floored. I mean, I sat at my desk, at work, BAWLING my eyes out, because I hadn't realized I was hurting my friend. I mean, not intentionally, of course.

But now this has me thinking about past situations. When DH and I bought our house, and we complained about not finding one we liked with a basement, their response was, "At least you can afford a house." We got our first-time homebuyer's tax credit and were looking at new dishwashers (ours wasn't working right), and they said, "At least you have a dishwasher." I mean, how are we supposed to take it?

As for talking to them about this, no way! They (specifically she) has no problem bringing up when we've done something, but anytime we've even approached this subject with them, it always gets turned around back on us about how we have so much.

I'm seriously considering slowly distancing myself from them. Just thinking about this whole situation has me nearly throwing up and crying (again).

If I were a heartless person, I'd brush it off, but I'm not so I can't. I just feel like things are a bit one-sided.

Well if it was me I would do the same thing back at this point and somehow get in the fact life's not all roses-stuff happens the good should be celebrated with friends not hidden from them. I could understand it happening every so often but if its on EVERYTHING...NO I couldn't deal with them.

Real friends share in your joy. Envy sucks.

It's time to get some new friends. I would distance myself from them as well.

I would just tell her that I was sorry if I had hurt her. Then back away from the friendship.

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Real friends share in your joy. Envy sucks.

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couldn't agree more

Originally Posted by catsallaround

Well if it was me I would do the same thing back at this point and somehow get in the fact life's not all roses-stuff happens the good should be celebrated with friends not hidden from them. I could understand it happening every so often but if its on EVERYTHING...NO I couldn't deal with them.

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I did respond, but told her I was sorry, explained why I didn't think to ask her for logo work, etc. I also told her that I was extremely upset that I had hurt her.

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Real friends share in your joy. Envy sucks.

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I do agree.

Originally Posted by lauren_miller

It's time to get some new friends. I would distance myself from them as well.

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That's my thought on this too.

Originally Posted by CheshireCat

I would just tell her that I was sorry if I had hurt her. Then back away from the friendship.

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Yeah, I did apologize. The last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt someone, even unintentionally.

Originally Posted by mbjerkness

couldn't agree more

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I think the reason this has me so shaken up is because, even though they say those negative things, she's never really been outwardly negative about other stuff. She said she was excited I had started my business, but I guess me not even thinking to ask her for logo work just really got to her.

I know her background is in art, but when I think of logos, I think of graphic designers. I explained that to her today.

Heck, maybe it's PMS (she's notorious for her mood swings around that time of the month...not even kidding).

For now, I'm going to tread lightly, keep my distance, and revert to a more superficial relationship until things can be worked out, either for the good or bad.

Thank you all so much. I feel SOOOO much better about the situation, now that I've read some excellent advice and calmed down.

I absolutely agree that real friends would be HAPPY for you and your successes. It's unfortunate that she feels that way, but it's an obvious insecurity on her part hun. Don't let people like that bring you down.

It sounds like you and DH are the only true friends in this relationship. It is one-sided. You deserve a friend who is going to treat you with the same kindness you treat them.

Originally Posted by CheshireCat

I would just tell her that I was sorry if I had hurt her. Then back away from the friendship.

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Originally Posted by Bellaandme

It sounds like you and DH are the only true friends in this relationship. It is one-sided. You deserve a friend who is going to treat you with the same kindness you treat them.

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It sounds like they are going through some very hard times financially. Sounds like she hasn't shared that with you. However, even if that is the case, her responses really suck.

As others have said, a real friend would be happy for you despite their own situation.

I've known people like your friend. The kind that just can't be happy for someone else, especially if that someone else happens to have something that they don't have.

I agree with the other suggestions of just apologizing and distancing yourself from that friendship. You said it was "online". Do you know this person in real life or is it an online friend? If it's online, it will be much easier to distance yourself.

Yes, it hurts when you find out that your friends really aren't your friends. But true friendships are mutual, not one sided like this one sounds like.

at least you know she's jealous. some people try to hide it (but i can still tell)

the worst is the type who will ask tons of questions but hardly everrrr reveal anything significant about themselves. those types try to pick your brain and you can tell they're thinking

what does he/she have that i lack!?!

what makes him/her so special?

what am i doing wrong?

well to answer the last question, comparison/competing and not focusing on oneself are the beginning stages of "what's wrong" ~ lol. i'm mean sometimes.

I'm sorry! I have a friend like that, it sucks. I would distance yourselves from them slowly, as they cannot seem to be happy for you and your hubby. Like stated before, if they were really your good friends, they would be HAPPY for you, even if they cannot manage the same things as you and your hubby. You should be proud of what you can accomplish, and not have to worry about "friends" (note the " "'s!) trying to bring you down.

Originally Posted by Kailie

I absolutely agree that real friends would be HAPPY for you and your successes. It's unfortunate that she feels that way, but it's an obvious insecurity on her part hun. Don't let people like that bring you down.

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I'm really trying not to let it.

Originally Posted by Bellaandme

It sounds like you and DH are the only true friends in this relationship. It is one-sided. You deserve a friend who is going to treat you with the same kindness you treat them.

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I agree.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

It sounds like they are going through some very hard times financially. Sounds like she hasn't shared that with you. However, even if that is the case, her responses really suck.

As others have said, a real friend would be happy for you despite their own situation.

I've known people like your friend. The kind that just can't be happy for someone else, especially if that someone else happens to have something that they don't have.

I agree with the other suggestions of just apologizing and distancing yourself from that friendship. You said it was "online". Do you know this person in real life or is it an online friend? If it's online, it will be much easier to distance yourself.

Yes, it hurts when you find out that your friends really aren't your friends. But true friendships are mutual, not one sided like this one sounds like.

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We're friends in real life. In fact, they're really the only people we regularly go out and spend time with.

I just wish she would talk to me, but she's the kind of person you have to DRAG things out of. Instead of telling me how she felt the first time something came up, she let it build to the point where she dumped on me.

I would be more than willing to listen to her, help her with anything, but they don't talk. Heck, it took them three months to tell us that they're wedding was postponed.

Originally Posted by c1atsite

at least you know she's jealous. some people try to hide it (but i can still tell)

the worst is the type who will ask tons of questions but hardly everrrr reveal anything significant about themselves. those types try to pick your brain and you can tell they're thinking

what does he/she have that i lack!?!

what makes him/her so special?

what am i doing wrong?

well to answer the last question, comparison/competing and not focusing on oneself are the beginning stages of "what's wrong" ~ lol. i'm mean sometimes.

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I always felt a bit uncomfortable sharing any good news with them, especially when it's related to money in some way. I guess I've always tried to be conscious of what I'm saying, focusing on something other than money.

Originally Posted by Tara & Rob

I'm sorry! I have a friend like that, it sucks. I would distance yourselves from them slowly, as they cannot seem to be happy for you and your hubby. Like stated before, if they were really your good friends, they would be HAPPY for you, even if they cannot manage the same things as you and your hubby. You should be proud of what you can accomplish, and not have to worry about "friends" (note the " "'s!) trying to bring you down.

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Thank you. I just wish DH would see this in the same way I am. He KNOWS this is killing me, that I've been upset all day, but he doesn't know what to do.

Im sorry.."Friends" like that suck big time. The only people BF and I regularly spend time with is his brother and his brothers gf. They arent bad people but his brother expects my BF to drop everything and run over to his house and help him with his garage building. Thats fine and all till his gf is running her mouth to me about how shes mad that her bf gave my bf his oil heater. I tried explaining it to her that it was given to bf because even when her bf got his garage built he stated he wanted coal heat not oil because they have coal for the house. It makes sense right??? Not to her. She also made it a huge point of bragging to me about how they got a side by side stainless steel fridge...I was genuinely happy for her I knew how bad she needed a new fridge let alone wanted one, but to brag about it to me I didnt get it. I cant have a fridge like that in my house, they are too big and we dont have the space so why would I get upset because I dont have one.
Honestly I swear its just a female thing that girls act like that. I get jealous but not in a way that it would make me lash out to hurt someone I consider a friend. I think that if you are really friends with someone no matter what they should feel happy for you not try and drag you down or make you feel bad because you can have something they cant. Its dumb, I dont get mad at people because they have cable, I dont get mad because someones living in a real house and not a trailer. If that were my situation I would distance myself far far away from her, unfortunately in my situation I cant because hey its bfs brothers gf and Im stuck dealing with her miserable butt...Atleast the step siblings arent around because they are a million times worse and more irritating....


Im not jealous that you got a dishwasher and a logo made!!! WOOHOO FOR YOU!!

Thanks!! I'm glad you're not jealous.

Anyway...I wanted to just give an update on the situation.

I would love to just not deal with them anymore, really, but it seems DH isnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t on board, and it would be nearly impossible to cut myself out of the equation. However, Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m not going to lie down and let myself be walked all over like a doormat. I gave that up in high school, and Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m not reverting now.

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m going to try and handle this in a mature, adult way, and just chalk up her overwhelming outburst yesterday as PMS. Overall, her major complaint was that sheâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s out of work, I didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t think about her when considering who to get to do my logo, and how I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t bring up art with her so she can talk about her artwork.

In keeping with that, I sent an email, expressing how her outburst made ME feel, and how Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m seeing our friendship because of it. Essentially telling her that it hurt she would think I would rub my “artsy†success in her face, that it broke my heart to think that I wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t be allowed to share good news with her, pissed that she took a moment of excitement and joy and turned it into something ugly, and disappointed that thereâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s an “off limits†sign on our relationship. I also explained that when I bring up a cake project, itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s my roundabout way of bringing up the subject of art, in which she could be an active participant. I truly donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know enough about art to strike up a conversation on it, so I invited her to open up to me about it, to talk about it, show me what sheâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s working on.

Weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll see how she responds, because really, thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll determine my next steps. (In other words, if sheâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s unreasonable, DH will be hanging out with them alone.)

I also didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t address their past comments, but will keep those in mind in future conversations. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m hoping that it WAS a hormonal response when she was already feeling down on herself.

I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t think sheâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s an unreasonable person, but there are times when sheâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s difficult.

I hope your email and explanation will be accepted by her and hopefully it will open some honest dialogue between the two of you. Talking it out is always a good thing.

But you don't need to be a doormat; if you honestly think you do to keep her friendship, then it's not worth keeping.

She made you cry and no friend should do that! It sounds to me as though she's overall a very negative person and you don't need such negativity in your life. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and who will enjoy your good news (as well as the bad things that happen from time to time) and you'll be much better off. It's difficult to end relationships, but there are times in a friendship when your buddy may just drag you down....and you don't need it. Life is too short.

It took me a long time to realize that.

Sending you

I think that a friend is supposed to be there thru the thick and thin, share in your failures and successes, be there when you just need to get something off your chest and be a shoulder to cry on when you need it. Not someone who would try and bring you down. Especially be the one who ends up making you feel like a litter box.

I hope that your email strikes a cord with her and helps her see that how she acted wasnt totally right. And if it was PMS well then she needs some of those PMDD pills or something, I get looney while PMSing but geez I wouldnt turn into a looney towards my friends....just bf lol!!!

I hope that things can get better between you two and she is open to atleast talking to you to try and clear the air.

Well, I'm not sure she's even checked her email. Now I'm stuck wondering if I should just say to her, "Check your email" and go from there, or wait until she gets to it herself.

It just really sucks cuz we have plans with them tonight (granted, in a casual setting, so we don't have to stay long or anything), and things are not resolved.

Originally Posted by emrldsky

Well, I'm not sure she's even checked her email. Now I'm stuck wondering if I should just say to her, "Check your email" and go from there, or wait until she gets to it herself.

It just really sucks cuz we have plans with them tonight (granted, in a casual setting, so we don't have to stay long or anything), and things are not resolved.

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No, don't tell her to check her email.

Just go and act like nothing is wrong. It might be that she did read the email and doesn't know what to say to you and is equally uncomfortable. Just go and have fun and see what pans out.