TheCatSite.com › Forums › Our Feline Companions › Behavior › Cats still afraid after three years!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Cats still afraid after three years!

post #1 of 5
6/9/10 at 8:33am
Thread Starter 
My two Himmies (in my photo) have been with us since they were 12 weeks old. They have been timid and shy since the beginning. I suspect it's because the so-called breeder we rescued them from kept them in cages from the time they were born. I cannot imagine anyone not wanting to love kittens but it seems they were just money making products to her. They are quite loving and receptive to me but even I occasionally have a problem getting them to let me pick them up. They will rub on my legs and purr and I do brush and groom them and they will sit in my lap and purr for limited lengths of time. The real problem is that they are still afraid of my husband. When he's out of the house they run and play and are completely comfortable in their surroundings. The minute he comes to the backdoor or they hear the garage door opening they run and hide. If he's home all day they will spend most of the day in another room. If they are eating in the kitchen and hear him walking through the house they will abandon their food and run into another room. At night if I'm in the living room watching TV with husband one of our cats will come to the edge of the doorway and stare at me. If I get up and go with him into the bedroom he's completely happy. Wants me to be in there with him but he won't come into the room with us. Drives me nuts! And I can imagine what you might be thinking - that the husband has been abusive or yells at them or something. Nothing could be further from the truth. He actually speaks to them with baby talk and has tried everything to get them to warm up to him, including treats, but NOTHING works. We had a cat for 22 years before we got these boys and she absolutely adored my husband. He walked around with her in his arms all the time. I wasted money on Feliway and Bach's Rescue Remedy and other essences - did absolutely no good. I feel bad because it's just my husband and me and the cats. I know he has to feel left out sometimes. The breeder was a single woman living alone but I wonder if she had men over who might have done stupid things to scare the kittens. I just have NO IDEA!! We have accepted them as they are and deal with it but it would be so nice to have a happy family. Anybody else ever experienced anything similar?
Reply
post #2 of 5
6/9/10 at 1:21pm
Kittens (and puppies) taken away from their mom too soon (before 12 weeks) tend to be more emotionally needy and clingy. From what I have seen (I adopted a puppy mill dog a few years back ), they are not self-confident and do not have good coping skills. They are not to be blamed and it is sad for them. Cats born in the wild sometimes get separated from their moms and have to fend for themselves. My sweet Casey was very young when I brought him home; a friend found the litter wandering in the woods. He was exceptionally sweet and totally wonderful, but fearful of things that my Buddy now takes very much for granted. He was with me for 15 years and I loved every moment of them (and miss him greatly still). You just feel sad that they feel such fear sometimes.

My dog was wary of men, but she would not run from them. My brothers were always very gentle with her and she learned she could trust them. But she ran if she heard someone coughing (I assume whomever "tended" to her coughed a lot). She was a very sweet baby, but had known many hardships - she lost an eye somewhere along the way. She also had several health issues, but she was a joy to me in many ways and I mourned the loss of a "normal" life that she missed for so many years.

Also, lack of socialization can lead to many issues as well. Being caged is just awful for them. They do not learn early enough the many skills they will need to be happy adults.

I am sorry your babies are so fearful. But it surely does not sound like anything you did or are doing. The early weeks are so critical for development and socialization and experienced breeders know this. Continue loving them for who they are; I know that that love can help them through a lot and makes them feel very secure.
Reply
post #3 of 5
6/9/10 at 1:48pm
A lot of people keep their kittens put up when they're little - before 12wks it's really not that safe to let a kitten have the full run of a home.
When I brought my ~7wk old ferals home they stayed in their cage (with some time out and handling) until they were close to 15wks old.

The important thing is handling and socialization when they're young, not necessarily where you keep them.

That it's been 3 years isn't good. I'm sure he's tried a lot of things by now. Have you two thought about adopting another cat? Maybe a little girl that your husband picks out? Just for her to be his cat.
As strange as it sounds, a lot of times female dogs and cats will pick a guy over a woman in a household to bond more closely with.
Maybe that would make your husband feel better and if there's another cat interacting with him and showing no fear maybe it could help your two.
Reply
post #4 of 5
6/9/10 at 3:07pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by strange_wings View Post
As strange as it sounds, a lot of times female dogs and cats will pick a guy over a woman in a household to bond more closely with.
You may have a point. Our other cat was female and I used to joke that she loved my husband more than me even though she was technically "my cat". Maybe it's the alpha male thing and my two boys think the husband is a big male cat that rules the roost! I also think it could be an attribute of the breed. I have read that Himmies bond to one person. And they are without doubt bonded to me. Even though they're not extremely clingy cats they do like to be in the same room with me and will follow me around the house. They are very sweet natured cats and I just wish they could be a little more relaxed about their environment.
Reply
post #5 of 5
6/9/10 at 3:12pm
It's certainly sounds like you tried. It's just how they are. But don't forget that 3 years is still young, they can still change as they get older.

The only other thing I can think of trying is you going on a trip and leaving your husband as care giver. If they have to rely on him for everything, maybe they'll get more comfortable with him. Of course that could backfire and they could hide the whole time.

To start with, make sure he's giving them at least one of their meals every day. Wet food is usually a good food bribe. Even if they stand back and don't approach him, they'll at least know he provides some of the food they get. Make it a routine and find other ways to include him in a daily routine with them.

Does he wear shoes in the house or walk heavy? What sort of colognes does he wear - any stronger scented ones?

Do they have cat furniture to give them high perches?

If the two of you ever think you could bring a new kitty in, again, let your husband pick it out. Maybe that would work.
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Behavior
TheCatSite.com › Forums › Our Feline Companions › Behavior › Cats still afraid after three years!