Feeling Guilty and Needing Advice

I'm not sure if this is the right area to post this in, but it was the closest category I could find. I'm basically looking for some opinions. Close to a year ago my father purchased a foreclosed home. My husband and I worked on the house for close to two months prior to my father moving in because the previous owners had done a lot of damage to the place. On top of the damage they appeared to have left their cat behind. This cat hung around the house crying to get in the house. She was very thin, with a broken tooth, clipped whiskers, and worn out paws. The neighbor informed us that the cat belonged to the previous owners and that she had been trying to contact them with no luck for quite some time. My husband and I fed the cat for a few days and kept an eye on her to see if anyone came for her. We also tried to call the number on her collar, but it was disconnected. The house had been vacant for months prior to my father purchasing it, so it appeared that this cat had been roughing it for some time. My heart broke when I realized the cat had been left behind and I decided to take her to the vet and try to find her a new home. I ended up bonding with her very quickly and after a week I decided to keep her. It took a little longer for my other two cats to accept her, but my husband and I worked through the discord until all of our cats reached a happy agreement. She even managed to make friends with one of my other cats and they play together quite often. This afternoon the previous owners decided to knock on my father's door and asked for some misdirected mail. They didn't seem at all concerned about the cat when they had originally spoke to my father they were just very concerned about an invitation to some party. They came back later in the day and asked if my father knew where their cat was because they were told that someone had seen her around the house last July. I'm guessing one of the neighbors must have spoken to them when they were by earlier in the day. Probably the same neighbors that had alerted us to the fact that the cat had been abandoned. My father told me that the wife seemed teary eyed when she asked about the cat the second time she came by. However, he did not tell her what happened to her, but took her number and said he would let her know if he happened to see her.

I am really torn up about this. I love this cat. My husband loves this cat. We have given her a loving home for 11 months. It is very likely that if we had not rescued her that she would have starved to death, or met some other horrible fate. I feel bad that this woman is now upset and seeming to care about her cat, but at the same time I'm very suspicious of her. First it's been 11 months and she never came by looking for the cat previously. Also, If you really loved your cat why would you leave your cat behind at your old house? A friend mentioned that maybe the cat ran away and found her way to her prior home, but then why would she still have a collar with a disconnected phone number on it? Wouldn't a loving owner update her identification information after they moved? I know that the day I brought her home I updated the collar, so that if she got loose she would be found. At that time I was still looking to place her in a new home, but at least even as a stranger I cared enough about her to want to make sure she didn't end up lost on the street. Also, I know some not so nice things about this family. They trashed a house that they had to give up to the bank. I know everybody can fall on hard times, but damaging property speaks volumes to their character. I mean we aren't talking about a little I'm mad at the bank scratch the paint kind of damage, we are talking about thousands of dollars worth of damage. My father's neighbors have all said some not so nice things about how they partied all night long keeping everyone in the neighborhood awake. I also have reason to believe they have been trying to commit some kind of fraud by continuing to use my father's address as their own. Am I obligated to call this woman and tell her that I now own her cat? I'm sorry, but I just can't give my cat away after all this time of loving her. However, at the same time I feel so horribly guilty. I keep wondering if maybe she really loved her and didn't know where to find her all this time and maybe I'm being selfish. Yet, there are just so many red flags that make me not trust this woman. How could I risk letting her have her cat back? What if the next time she left her behind she died? I would never forgive myself. ARGHHHHHHHHH! I'm asking for opinions from all cat lovers out there. What do you think about this situation? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Simple answer is NO. What they did was abandonment and is illegal just about everywhere. They could face misdemeanor animal cruelty charges for leaving this cat behind to fend for herself and face an uncertain future. That makes them more than irresponsible. It makes them criminals.

Smile, and say, sorry about the kitty but no - haven't seen her.

Feel absolutely NO guilt. You and your husband SAVED this animal's life.

ETA - in most places abandonment has a time limit... after that.. well..... in other words the animal is considered abandoned/stray after X number of days. In Michigan it is four days.

This cat is yours plain and simple. Some states don't give a rat's behind about abandoning cats, but others do. I would check your local statues which you can online. Is this cat now strictly indoors? If so, keep the cat indoors and away from prying eyes. If they want a cat so bad, they can go to a shelter and adopt one- heaven's knows there are enough crammed in cages all over the nation.

The cat is yours! Do not give it back. They will just abandon it again. I mean seriously 11 months later they care? No way. Keep the kitty!

We live in a different city then my father and she is 99% an indoor cat. She is a bit of a runner when the door opens and every once in a great while she sneaks through. When she has gotten outside it is only for a few moments before I scoop her up and take her back into the house. There have been some coyote sightings in our city, so there is no way I would feel safe about letting her go outside. She is slowly adjusting to the indoor only policy because her escape attempts are getting less frequent and only if the door is open for an extended period of time while talking to a neighbor. It's pretty safe to say that this woman would never know that I have her cat or find her if I keep quiet, but I was just feeling guilty about not letting her know she was okay. I'm a big animal lover and I know how I would feel if one of my cats went missing. However, I fear that if I let her know she would try to take her back or bother my father. Deep down I know that beyond just wanting to keep her as my own I'm really more concerned about her well-being, but at the same time I was interested in outsider opinions in case I was being selfish in thinking that I could provide a better home. Thanks for your opinion it does make me feel better.

Originally Posted by AddieBee

Simple answer is NO. What they did was abandonment and is illegal just about everywhere. They could face misdemeanor animal cruelty charges for leaving this cat behind to fend for herself and face an uncertain future. That makes them more than irresponsible. It makes them criminals.

Smile, and say, sorry about the kitty but no - haven't seen her.

Feel absolutely NO guilt. You and your husband SAVED this animal's life.

ETA - in most places abandonment has a time limit... after that.. well..... in other words the animal is considered abandoned/stray after X number of days. In Michigan it is four days.

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Thanks. That's basically what my father told her. He is a cat owner himself so he was very upset when we first found her. I will try to work on the guilt. I just wish there was an easy way to let this woman know her cat was safe and loved without it tracing back to my family. However, if she was so cruel to leave her cat for that long maybe she deserves to worry a little now that she suddenly wants her back.

Was this kitty fixed when you found her? She obviously was not in great shape otherwise when you took her in.

One thing your father can consider doing, is telling the people that he found a very skinny/sickly cat when he arrived at the house, and unable to keep her himself adopted her out to a loving home where she is well cared for. He can tell them it doesn't seem right after almost a year to take their beloved pet away.

*If* she did indeed run away & head back home after the people moved - they should've had the common sense to put up posters/flyers/etc around their old home - as it seems the most logical place for a cat to run to.

In MN, I believe after 5 business days the pet becomes your "property". Have you taken her to the vet at all, to have some record of how long you've had her or anything?

If I were in your shoes, while yes I would feel guilty - I would not give her back.

I have taken her to the vet on two occasions when I first took her in to get her checked over. They vaccinated her, tested her for diseases, and dewormed her prior to me letting her interact with my other cats. They shaved her belly and found a scar, so they are pretty sure she was spayed. She is do for her annual check up soon and I keep records of everything. If she comes back for more mail maybe my father can say something about the cat being given to another home. I guess maybe I will leave it up to him since he's irritated with her already since she is showing up on his car insurance with several recent accidents. Like I said before I think they are trying to commit fraud by keeping the old address because the insurance rates are cheaper in my father's city and she lives in a neighboring city with pretty high rates. He mentioned this to her when she was there, but she had some crazy story about how everyone seems to be confused about her new address. I think 11 months is a long time to not get your address straightened out with your insurer, the dmv, public school system and every other place that is still sending her mail to my father's address. She didn't care about all the other rather important looking mail and only cared about some party invitation. Someone above mentioned it is four days in our state before a pet is considered abandoned, so I think we will be safe in keeping her legally with our vet records from last year.

Also, as to the idea of her possibly running away that does make me feel the most guilty. However, the house was vacant for a month before my father purchased it. To me it looked like she had been there for quite some time. The neighbor had been looking for a way to get in touch with the owners and had sort of kept an eye on the cat. She clearly knows her name and comes running anytime you say it. We kept the same name for her specifically because she knows that this is her name. If they had lost her you are right in the idea that they could have easily come back to look for her and ask neighbors. Heck they could have probably stood in front of their old house and yelled her name and she would have come running. I could be in the basement and she will be on the 2nd floor of our house and she will come running at the sound of her name. It really doesn't make sense that they actually came to look for her because she was basically attaching herself to the house when we found her. When cars drove up she would great them in the driveway. She sat on the porch looking sad. She was right there for them to find her and she had obviously been there for some time with the state she was in. I'm starting to feel less guilty as I type this and think about it all...

Heck with her! She abandoned this poor baby and left it to starve. She has no right to even ask about the cat. I hope she feels guilty for the rest of her life.

Re: Animal laws in Michigan. Four days is the mandated hold period for strays. After that, they are officially property of the community facility holding them. In this case, if you have been feeding her, looking after her for more than 4 days, well, most Animal Control facilities would consider her "owned" by you.

Don't you feel guilty one tiny little bit. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You saved that kitty's life and she is now yours.

Honestly, the nerve of some people. Had she really cared about her cat and had it just been a situation of the kitty ran away during the move, then neighbors would have been notified, up to date contact information would have been given out, vets all over the area would have known, shelters, flyers... well you get the picture.

I say you hug and love on YOUR kitty with a clean conscience

My guess is that the prior so-called owners could be charged with abuse...please don't feel guilty - you and your family were angels to this kitty. If for any reason she presses you, be ready to call your local police and animal care, and do not give her the kitty.

Heck, I'm vindictive - I'd probably be calling the insurance company and asking them for a forwarding address, telling them that I'm getting the prior owners' mail and she no longer resides there. You know, just being 'helpful'.

What? give some (word not allowed) this happy adjusted cared for loved cat so they can abandon her again when it suits them?

I have a name for people like them, but it wouldn't be allowed in this forum.

Your father did the right thing not telling them. GAWD people make me sick.

Thank heavens for you. You are a hero for taking her in, and she belongs to you.

Why would you feel guilty? They abandoned the cat, they obviously weren't caring for her. You saved this kitty and she is yours. If they cared at all about the cat they would have been looking for her 11 months ago. Put an smile on your face, give your kitty a snuggle and let the rest go

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice! Last night I pretty much made up my mind when my kitty hopped into bed with me and stuck her paw on my face and purred away as I fell asleep. I will not even jeopardize her safety by speaking with these people, or having my father speak with her. There are strange people in this world that do strange things and I don't know how these particular people would respond if I told them that I have their cat. For the safety of both my cat and my father I'm going to keep my mouth shut and continue to love my Kitty

Originally Posted by celiablue

since she is showing up on his car insurance with several recent accidents. Like I said before I think they are trying to commit fraud by keeping the old address because the insurance rates are cheaper in my father's city and she lives in a neighboring city with pretty high rates.

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Holy crap! Enough said. If she can't be trusted with someone else's insurance she can't be trusted with a life. I hope she didn't procreate.

I adopted a cat from our animal shelter last September. She had been in the shelter since July. The shelter had paid for her to be fixed, and for some ungodly reason she was declawed; (what's wrong with people, I mean why would you declaw your cat but not spay them? Got their priorities messed up right there). Her picture was all over the advertising for the animal shelter to come adopt her, so it's not like anybody could see that she wasn't there. Well fast forward to three months after I adopted her, I went down one of the streets to go to work in my car, and I see pictures of her posted everywhere. People are looking for their cat.

I briefly felt guilty, but this is how I look at it: I'm sorry, but it's been 6 months! You couldn't try to find your cat in six months? You couldn't see all the advertisement everywhere? You couldn't stop at the animal shelter? And to be completely honest, I went down that street every day for 6 months and didn't see any signs, then all of a sudden they're going to put her picture up? I didn't even bother to see what they called her. She is my cat. She is part of my family. It would be cruel and asinine to return her to a family who can't bother to try and keep her inside, and let her break her tail, get her ear cut up - which is finally healing - and perhaps get knocked up and have babies?

And your story, 11 months? She's been your cat for a ridiculously long time now. Possession is 9/10ths of the law and unless she's microchipped and they can prove that that's their cat via that procedure, you don't/didn't have to say a thing, and if they try to prove it in court, well they can just try, can't they?

Originally Posted by LadyHitchhiker

I adopted a cat from our animal shelter last September. She had been in the shelter since July. The shelter had paid for her to be fixed, and for some ungodly reason she was declawed; (what's wrong with people, I mean why would you declaw your cat but not spay them? Got their priorities messed up right there). Her picture was all over the advertising for the animal shelter to come adopt her, so it's not like anybody could see that she wasn't there. Well fast forward to three months after I adopted her, I went down one of the streets to go to work in my car, and I see pictures of her posted everywhere. People are looking for their cat.

I briefly felt guilty, but this is how I look at it: I'm sorry, but it's been 6 months! You couldn't try to find your cat in six months? You couldn't see all the advertisement everywhere? You couldn't stop at the animal shelter? And to be completely honest, I went down that street every day for 6 months and didn't see any signs, then all of a sudden they're going to put her picture up? I didn't even bother to see what they called her. She is my cat. She is part of my family. It would be cruel and asinine to return her to a family who can't bother to try and keep her inside, and let her break her tail, get her ear cut up - which is finally healing - and perhaps get knocked up and have babies?

And your story, 11 months? She's been your cat for a ridiculously long time now. Possession is 9/10ths of the law and unless she's microchipped and they can prove that that's their cat via that procedure, you don't/didn't have to say a thing, and if they try to prove it in court, well they can just try, can't they?

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Wow, I can't believe they declawed her without spaying her. That is crazy. I'm glad you kept her. Also, my cat was not microchipped we checked that when we first got her. My first instinct when we found her was she was abandoned and I was really angry at the owners, but I even did try to locate them to see what they had to say. I tried to call the number on the collar, but it was disconnected. If I had seen a sign anywhere I would have talked to them to make sure that I had their side of the story before I kept her. One thing that makes my blood boil is it's not like I went out of my way to kidnap a cat. I honestly had serious reservations at first about keeping her myself because I was still recovering from the financial and emotional stress of dealing with my other cat Lola who got dangerously sick from an allergic reaction to tresaderm. Thank god Lola survived and is perfectly healthy now, but it was a very long road for us to get to that point. I'm not perfect, but I do try my hardest to be a responsible pet owner. I didn't want to take a third cat if I wasn't going to be able to care for her properly. However, I kept her (I'm still a little scared to post her name in case these people do an internet search) at first with the intention of finding her the best owner that I could find because I didn't want her to ever go through anymore trauma. I even had two different people interested in adopting her, but it didn't work out for various reasons. During the time that I looked for a new owner I quickly fell in love with her and got over my fears about not being able to handle a third cat. If they had come to my father's house at all during the first month things possibly could have been different.