Nagging

How do you stop naggers? It is so irritating to hear their non-stop, redundant speeches. My mom is one. She nags my dad, me, my sons, just about anybody who meets her path. Telling her to shut up stops her for a while but I do not want to keep shouting at her all the time. I do not remember the last time I had a decent conversation with her. I also wonder if nagging is an exclusive female thing...

I wish my mother were still here. I would be glad to let her nag me some

I don't have any advice for you. All I know is that the more I'm nagged about something, the less inclined I am to do it.

Originally Posted by blueyedgirl5946

I wish my mother were still here. I would be glad to let her nag me some

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Maria never suggested that she'd rather not have her mother...she's asking for advice. What if in your termite thread someone had said, "My house burned down, I would gladly put up with termites if I only had it back". Sort of the same thing, see?

Maria, it sounds like your mother may possibly be suffering from depression? I think that nagging like that is a sign of unhappiness.

Have you asked her if theres anything on her mind Maria?.

One of our brothers is a nagger and a moaner, and that's one of the reasons why we have nothing to do with him because he always comes across as if the whole world owes him something.

Theres a lot to be said about being able to pick your family like you can your friends

Yayi, I apologize if you thought I meant you would rather not have your mother. I never said that. I was talking about my mother, not yours. I thought your post a bit strong when you said telling her to shut up doesn't help, that is all. Telling people to shut up never helps, no matter what they are doing. I hope you can work things out somehow with her. Unfortunately, people are how they are and most of the time, there is very little we can do to change them. They have to do the changing. It is up to us to decide if we want to be around them or not.

I know it's tough when it's your mother, but there's nothing wrong with not seeing her as much as she wants if she wears you down. It's okay to tell her that you are glad she cares, and that you appreciate her advice, but you are an adult and have to live your life your way.

Bottom line, though, you have to accept her the way she is (or not). I'd treat her with kindness and respect, because every mom deserves that from her child. We don't have to like our moms or even love them... but someday we will be glad if we look back and know we always honored our mom and have no regrets.

Hope you work it out, it's tough distancing yourself from you mom even if she gives you millions of reasons to do so... I know that for a fact.

Rather than just telling her to shut up at the time she's nagging somebody, you might set aside a time to sit down and talk seriously with her. Take her out to lunch or at least go somewhere where you won't be interrupted. Tell her in a calm manner how much her nagging bothers you and the rest of the family. Give specific examples. She may not even realize what she's doing, thinks she's being helpful or giving advice.

If she's open to making a change in her behavior there are ways you can help her. Set up a cue word or hand gesture with her. It doesn't have to be anything obvious, just enough to remind her to cool it without making a huge production of it.

Also let her know that if she doesn't let up with the nagging you will be spending less time with her.

I hope you can work things out with her. It's sad when you can't have a good relationship with your family.

Men can be a nag, too!!

I am not one who is very patient with someone nagging me. I will say something like, "Ok I got what you are saying" .... or "maybe if you tell me that one more time, I will understand it better" (sarcasm) or I will say "OK lets move onto the next subject now" ... I always think someone who nags, feels like they are not being heard.
So I 'try' to acknowledge they are being heard, but at the same time know that it's time to move on.

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Bottom line, though, you have to accept her the way she is (or not). I'd treat her with kindness and respect, because every mom deserves that from her child. We don't have to like our moms or even love them... but someday we will be glad if we look back and know we always honored our mom and have no regrets.

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I also agree with this ..... Mother's get extra privileges and no matter what, you always want to know within yourself that you treated her well.

Originally Posted by Essayons89

All I know is that the more I'm nagged about something, the less inclined I am to do it.

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That's me too!

Originally Posted by blueyedgirl9546

I thought your post a bit strong when you said telling her to shut up doesn't help, that is all

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Well, it helps for a while . I think it is a normal reaction to any constant and irritating noise.

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

We don't have to like our moms or even love them... but someday we will be glad if we look back and know we always honored our mom and have no regrets.

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What I want to avoid when "looking back" is the guilt from not being a daughter who has not done her duty. What I will never regret is standing up to my mother (or any other person) for not stopping to listen to what I have to say.

Originally Posted by GoldyCat

Rather than just telling her to shut up at the time she's nagging somebody, you might set aside a time to sit down and talk seriously with her. Take her out to lunch or at least go somewhere where you won't be interrupted. Tell her in a calm manner how much her nagging bothers you and the rest of the family. Give specific examples. She may not even realize what she's doing, thinks she's being helpful or giving advice

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Unfortunately, I tried this approach already. She ended up nagging (very loudly) in public. She went further and told her friends for several days in a row how much her family was rude to her.

Originally Posted by Rosiemac

Have you asked her if there's anything on her mind Maria?.

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Yes I did. She said she wanted me to listen to her "nagging".

Originally Posted by yayi

I also wonder if nagging is an exclusive female thing...

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My father is terrible at it, though more in the sense that he's a complete control freak over things and wants them done his way. But, I strongly suspect he has OCPD which is a whole different thing than just being a nagging person.

what has helped with my mom, and my mom doesn't so much nag as tell us what to do, oh wait, I guess that really is nagging is I just nod my head and say ok. after I do that I tune her out I've told her many times that nagging about something just makes us (me, my dad and sister) less inclined to do something.

My mom can be a bit bossy, but that's how she has always been and I guess I'm just used to it now

Originally Posted by yayi

She said she wanted me to listen to her "nagging".

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No!! Theres no answer to that then Maria. I can always send you some foam earplugs?

I wonder if nagging is the same as lecturing, if so, I am a nagger

You just need to talk to your mom. Let her know that if she has an opinion than to let you know about it JUST ONCE and you will get the picture. She does not have to go on and on about things, because it just makes it draining to be around her.

I'm sure my husband considers any reminder of something he said he would do, nagging. In fact, I'm certain there are times when he'll say he'll do something, then a week goes by without progress and I remind him, he puts it off just because I did remind him.

So I don't remind him. I don't even mention it. If it doesn't get done in a time-frame that we agreed on, I'll do it.

Then he feels guilty. But I can't help that.

^That happens around here, too. Most recently with the remainder of the trench for our new water line we put in. There was still part of it up to the house that needed burying, he didn't want to do it (would rather play WoW ) so I got out there and did it - and set off my back which is still a bit more sensitive than usual now.
..I'm not sure if he actually felt any guilt, though.

Originally Posted by strange_wings

^That happens around here, too. Most recently with the remainder of the trench for our new water line we put in. There was still part of it up to the house that needed burying, he didn't want to do it (would rather play WoW

) so I got out there and did it - and set off my back which is still a bit more sensitive than usual now.
..I'm not sure if he actually felt any guilt, though.

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Yeah, my DH plays WoW as well (but I do too, just not nearly as much as he does).

We've been very communicative about this issue. We've decided to try and trust the other person to do what they say they're going to do. This involves setting deadlines, tasks, etc. Sounds like telling the kids what chores they need to do, but it works for us.

And when a deadline passes, I have every right to do it myself. And I know he feels guilty...he gets that, "OMG, I totally screwed up!" look on his face, and I don't have the heart to kick him again.

Sit down and talk! Try to break through the nag barrier.