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Just don't feel like I am here

post #1 of 43
Thread Starter 
My throat has a lump in it and my heart is so heavy right now. I have a million things to do and I see a lot of posts on here that I could answer, but I just can't seem to find the energy to do so. Mike is as devastated as I am, and this morning when I looked out the window, I thought I saw Bart lying in the grass. Turned out to be Taz-girl.

I know I have a lot of cats but when you lose one it doesn't matter if you have one or twenty, the grief is suddenly there. I know better, but I second guessed myself all day yesterday wondering if there was something I should have seen earlier, something I missed? He was in perfect health a week ago, running under my feet while I fed the horses and pestering me for a drink when I filled the trough. Either he had heart problems or I don't know. I just know I am missing him so much I can't think.

I am not putting this here to get sympathy. I am putting this here, because in this community of cat-lovers you understand the emptiness and the heartache and I won't get laughed at for feeling so destroyed over "just a cat." We are going to get him today. We talked it over and we want him whole, to bury him near the creek where he loved to play with the minnows and frogs. My polydactyl boy......
post #2 of 43
I completely understand hissy. When something like this happens in your real life, message boards seem to just take the back burner and that is OK! This might not be the same but, as you know I help run a music board.. its the majority of my free time, and when my brother got into a motorcycle accident last year and almost died I lost all interest in the board. I read it yes, but I had no desire to post fun happy and answer people's questions because I was just grieving and worried and upset. No its not the same as losing a cat but I'm just saying I understand the feeling of not 'being here'.

You should just take as much time as you need to heal and mourn. I know Bartee was very special to you, and I cried and cried when I read what happened to him. I dont think you saw it coming. It seemed like it came on pretty quick and I'm very sorry they couldnt do something to save him. He is crossing the bridge .. Sasha and Sugar say hello and meows to him.

*edited because I spelled bartee's name wrong I'm sorry!!
post #3 of 43
I am so sorry MA! My thoughts are with you!
post #4 of 43
Oh I am so sorry to hear that you lost a little one. Tears are in my eyes as I write this. I know what you mean about other people saying, "It's just a cat". They don't understand that these "cats" are our children and loosing one of them is like loosing a family member. Take time to grieve, it is important not to hold that inside of you. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
post #5 of 43
I'm so sorry hissy And you are right, no matter how many cats you have or how long you have had the cat each lose is different and so hard to deal with You know i'm here if you need me. A cat is never just a cat
post #6 of 43

I'm very sorry for your loss, and it deeply saddens me. You are such a great animal lover and caretaker. Your compassion for animals of all kind is something to be looked upon in awe. To lose a child, yes I said child, because our pets are like children (at least to us at TCS they are) is something that tears at the soul. Only time will heal the pain but your precious baby will be waiting for you patiently and watching over you with purrs.

I'm very sorry you lost a child and I'm sending you my thoughts and prayers.
post #7 of 43
Oh MA I am so sorry. I remember when I lost my last cat I cried on and off for days and people I knew thought I was crazy. Even now sometimes I'll see something that reminds me of her and I will get upset. I'm so glad I found this community that understands..

Bartee is in a better place where he can roam free and be happy.. There was nothing you could have done because when God calls his kitties they have to go running to him and nothing on this earth can hold them back..
post #8 of 43
I'm new here, and you don't know me, but my heart goes out to you. I can't understand people who have little sympathy for the loss of a beloved pet. There is no thing as "just a cat". They are our babies, and in many cases our best friends. When I lost my first cat, it hurt me almost as much as it hurt when I lost my father.
post #9 of 43
I'm sorry, but I agree that a cat is never JUST a cat. A cat can be a friend, a child, any type of loved one.

Keeping good thoughts for you.
post #10 of 43
Mary Anne, my heart is breaking for you. I know how devistated you must be right now. I wish I could fly over to you and do something to make things better, but I know there is nothing any one can do to take away the pain in your soul after losing sweet Taz.

You are in my thoughts and in my heart.
post #11 of 43
OMG! I am so sorry! I understand how it feels to loose a loved one like that, and I also agree with you, I'd rather come here for understanding then try and get it among the people I call my friends. They just don't seem to understand how you feel when you tell then, I've lost a cat and I am very upset.
I know that he knows you did the best you could for him and that you always treated him with the care and respect he deserved! He also knows you loved him very much!
My heart goes out to you!
post #12 of 43
Oh hissy, I am so sorry .

Losing someone (yes, cat's count darnnit!) you love is very hard. I am so sorry for your loss.

post #13 of 43
Ohh hissy I am so sorry about your sweet Taz girl....(((hugs))) My heart goes out to you, and knowing he is buried where he once loved to roam, will give you the feeling of relief that he is watching over you too as well....
post #14 of 43
(Just to clear this up, it was not Taz, is was Bart.)

Mary Anne, I cry more over pets than over people. They put their entire lives into our trust, and we are their caretakers and guardians. We always feel that we have let them down, or there may have been something else we could have done. The poor little beasts depend on us for everything.

You knew something was wrong, did everything you could, and Bart did not suffer long. You did your best, and that's better than a lot of people!

If we all cry a little bit too, will that help take the pain of your tears away?
post #15 of 43
and this morning when I looked out the window, I thought I saw Bart lying in the grass. Turned out to be Taz-girl.
This is the impression I got that it was Taz Girl..sorry.I must have misunderstood...
post #16 of 43
I totally understand how you feel about cats! Cats are like our human babies for sure.
My heart goes out to you for sure.

ALL cats are still important to us..

Last weekend, I almost lost Tavish due to moving to a new home. My mil says, "it's a good thing that it is not Jana" It really pissed me off because Tavish is the same as Jana as my babies. Jana is my daughter. but i dont like how she said it that Tavish is less important than human. No way..

Again, i am very sorry about your loss.
post #17 of 43
Thread Starter 
Thank you Sammie, yes it was Bartee, my polydactyl boy 5 years old. His brother Bailey is grieving today quite openly. They usually hang together under the walnut tree. His name is/was Bartee, not Bastee, Bartee.
post #18 of 43
Oh Hissy, let me say again, I'm so very sorry!
post #19 of 43
(((HUGS))) Sending comforting and healing energy to you, Mike & Bailey.
post #20 of 43
I am so sorry for your loss, my dear. And it is wonderful we all have a place like this to come to and know we are understood. My thoughts are with you.

post #21 of 43
ack sorry hissy, in my head I said Bartee but somehow I typed Bastee..
post #22 of 43
Hissy I am so sorry! We are all here for you.
post #23 of 43
Oh Hissy, I understand your pain and you know that this is the last place that will say "oh he was just a cat" - this is the perfect place to share your feelings, especially when it comes to something like this. I have tears in my eyes because I can feel your pain over losing your sweetheart.
Bless you for taking care of these magnificent creatures and they know love because of you.

post #24 of 43
Oh Hissy, You poor thing. I know how much you love your babies and I can just see the rainbow bridge with all the kitties and puppies sharing stories of their lives and the people who care for them. I know your babies have the best "people" stories to share and are envied by all the other cats and dogs there. Close your eyes and "see" them playing and free from pain, sneaking up on each other and basking in the dapple sunlight. Every tree is draped in content kitties sleeping over those poor dogs that don't have the wonderful vantage point in the trees.
Lots of hugs from me and mine.
post #25 of 43
Over the years, I have lost many cats and as much as people say it NEVER gets harder , I'm so sorry about Bartee my friend , I know how you are feeling and I know you didn't post here to get sympathy but everyone loves you here .......

Give Bartee a nice burial with maybe your fave flower on his grave, it might make you feel better when he is R.I.P.

We are always here to talk Mary Anne, especially me I'm always here ( ), Pm, E-mail, who knows we might even get the chance to talk on the phone one day.

Don't stay here because you feel obliged to post, take some time out for you and Mike, have a bath, take a walk , drink your fave drink.

You are definitly in my thoughts.
You have my blessings
With Love.


*edited done smiley wrong*
post #26 of 43
Thread Starter 
Thanks you guys. I know you all understand, and some more than others. I talked to the vet and this is her educated guess. Bartee was in the early stages of CRF and the anesthesia they gave him to do the procedure somehow interfered with his system and shut him down. They were only going to do a local at first but he was in such a state (being feral and stressed) that they opted to put him completely under so that after they scoped him they could also x-ray him and look for problems.

I don't know if I buy the explanation, but we went and got him earlier and he is buried now near the creek. There is little anyone can do at this point since he is gone. I just know I miss him so much and I ache inside. He was very special to us.
post #27 of 43
It's the saddest part - The Burial, but it's also a 'good' part because it means you are giving the cat a 2nd life in heavon and giving him a easier way on to the bridge.

Again, I'm Sorry!
post #28 of 43
If it isn't too painful can you share some pictures and stories about your baby. Sometimes it helps to talk about how special your kitty was to you.
post #29 of 43

You may not feel like you are here, but be assured that WE are here for you!

post #30 of 43
MA, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your boy. Losing a pet is losing a family member as far as I'm concerned. When I had to have my cat Tara put down, I felt like my heart was ripped out. You, Mike, and Bailey are in my thoughts.
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