Mothers (rant) - long im sorry

Im sick and tired of her mood swings now, she is now speaking to everyone in the house but not me for what reason i do not know which has really p'd me off because ive done nothing (this time at least)

background

she is an alcoholic i guess you could say in recovery now as she hasnt drank for about a month and a half, she went to the doctors about three months ago because she was having pains inside of her, he then sent her for an ultrasound on her liver and her spleen.....she had the scan wouldnt have the blood tests to go with it because she wouldnt stay off the drink, then she got really poorly so stopped drinking then decided to have her bloods done, because she was so bloated (fluid build up) she decided to go to the doctors and get the results of her ultra sound, she went last monday to be told she has fatty liver diesease and they might have caught it in time so that damage may be repairable and that she has something growing inside of her gall bladder so it needs removing. On saturday she was in so much pain so my dad took her to hospital it was because of this fluid build up.....

for the best bit i had to move back home 7 months ago because myself and my partner got into financial trouble.....she doesnt want me living here at all she makes it perfectly clear that she doesnt, i pay her board to live here, i have no say in what happens in the house, im not allowed any sort of life and if i do this is what happens she spends days ignoring me and will not speak, if she does she snaps answers at me like i shouldnt even be talking to her. I told her i was going out on sunday through last week, i told her on saturday when she got back from hospital that i wouldnt go id stay home make sure she was ok.....she told me no go out have fun theres nothing you can really do......so i went out, she had seemed upbeat on the saturday even with everything that had happened i guess thats what my mistake was - actually believeing her, by the time i got back yesterday afternoon she was being standoffish with me didnt want to hear about my day then come the night time she just wouldnt speak to me but would speak to others in the house and this morning has been a nightmare.

im sick of tredding on eggshells everyday to see if she is speaking to me or not, she knows exactly how i feel because she went through the same with her mother and always used to say to me i dont want us to have a relationship like that, so i threw it in her face the last argument we had, how she was exactly the same as her mother which she didnt like but my dad backed me up and said it was true. Now i understand shes having a hard time at the moment but this has been going on for years, only time we were "friends" was when i lived with Blaine. She cant even be nice when we have good news - like me getting more hours at work and blaine getting a new job because she blames Blaine for mine and his money trouble, so i play piggy in the middle listening to her having digs about blaine and blaine just completly baffelled to what her problem is

if you made it this far thanks for reading

I'm sorry you are having so much trouble. Sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Now that you and Blaine both have an income can you move out soon? I hope so, for your own sanity.

hugs

hopefully we can but he will not move back out untill i get a full time job, something more than 30hours a week which is very difficult as i now dont have a car to travel further a field to work - im not great with public transport i dont feel safe around people i dont know so sends me into panic attacks

I can relate to your pain, and I am sorry for you having to go through this.

if you don't mind I can share a bit of my experience with you if nothing else to let you know you aren't alone.

I just lost my sister in law in february. up until 2 months before her passing she was drinking a gallon or more of vodka a day...she was only 22. it was obvious her liver was failing, her body was shutting down, and on top of the alcohol, she was semi actively using drugs too. What ultimately killed her was a psychiatrist who spent 5 minutes with her, and without checking medical records or history prescribed her xanax. It's illegal to prescribe such a drug to someone with a history of alcohol/drug abuse.

I've been around my husbands family for 5 years now, I saw her in and out of rehab 3-4 times, in and out of 2 halfway houses, in and out of every living situation bad relationship and town possible, and in and out of the parents home promising to follow their rules so many times I can't count, and I was there through 3 suicide attempts.

I loved her, when she was actually herself, she was one of the most amazing wonderful people I've ever met. She treated me like her sister from day one, I have two little brothers so to have a bond like that a real "sister" so to speak, was amazing, as sparce as it might have been.

The walking on eggshells was the hardest part for all of us. She ruined most of the family dinners we had, thanksgiving, christmas, easter, it always turned into someone not saying the right thing and the whole world exploded, it'd turn into her and my husband yelling at each other, her mom leaving the room, grandma sitting there angrily, and her dad trying to keep the peace. Someone always said the wrong thing, either asking her to go to detox, telling her to find god, calling her on her shenanigans, or not 100% humoring her. She always told us all how we hated her and she was the black sheep of the family and we never understood, or how she's an adult and if she wants a drink she can have one.

it was heartbreaking, and hard, because it was so angering. There's no logical reason for it, it doesn't make sense, and watching someone you love slowly die and dealing with their anger and denial towards you for caring or even existing at times its completely intolerable.

The last time we saw her was on christmas, and she was dying. Her father asked her to come home and give it another shot at cleaning up, and she chose not to. She could barely open her gifts, couldn't function, hadn't been eating, and got into a yelling match with my husband about her condition.

I can't tell you how many times I've thought I hated her, sworn her from my house, tried to avoid her, and yet I still couldn't stick to it.

I am sorry to hear your going through this with your mother, I can't imagine it, it was hard enough with it being my sister. The only thing that kept me somewhat sane is remembering that what she had was a disease. I reminded myself more times than I can count that I need to love the person, and hate the disease destroying them. I know what you're going through, and its tough.

try to keep your head up and love your mom for who you know she is, not the person she's showing herself to be. My sister was so on again and off again I never knew how to act around her, seems funny that we had the bond we did having said that, but its the truth.

so if nothing else, at least you know you're not alone, I've gone through it too, at least for now your moms situation looks relatively optomistic, and perhaps may turn out better than things did for my sister.

Thanks for sharing thats exactly how it is here even though shes sober she has these god awful mood swings like she is drinking again we know shes not becasue there is nothing in and she hasnt got the strength

over the years we have all had to tell each other and ourselves its the drink talking not her she used to be such a wonderfull person and we have watched her destroy herself, but shes just picking on me and me alone for expample i just went downstairs for my lunch i asked if i could open something or whether it was for a meal for through the week she just turned away from me completly ignored me and my dad looked at her as if to say well answer her its so pathetic.

I have mother issues, too, and sometimes it gets really hard to deal with her. I hope things will get better for you. I'm sorry you're dealing with this stuff. And I hope you'll be able to get out of there soon.

Originally Posted by -_aj_-

Thanks for sharing thats exactly how it is here even though shes sober she has these god awful mood swings like she is drinking again we know shes not becasue there is nothing in and she hasnt got the strength

over the years we have all had to tell each other and ourselves its the drink talking not her she used to be such a wonderfull person and we have watched her destroy herself, but shes just picking on me and me alone for expample i just went downstairs for my lunch i asked if i could open something or whether it was for a meal for through the week she just turned away from me completly ignored me and my dad looked at her as if to say well answer her its so pathetic.

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Maybe she's picking on you because she (subconciously or not) knows you can take it?

My sister always targeted the strongest members of the family the most, her father and her brother, this is not to say she left anyone out, but the majority of the time it was them who had to deal with her bad side. I watched her tear them apart so many times it hurt me to see her do it, but it would have destroyed one of the other family members. and while it kills them both still, I can't see it having been anyone else to recieve those "beatings" and I still admire them for being able to love her through all of it.

The only unfortunate part is that now, my husband lacks the good memories he needs to have of her, and I'm left to bring him as many as I can.

While I can't empathise with an alcoholic mother, I can share similar struggles with a depressed mother (or paranoid-schizophrenic as the shrinks would label her).

As guilty and all as I felt, there came a time when I had to get on and live my own life and not allow myself to be constantly dragged down by her. It's easier said than done, to define ones boundaries and try putting some level of self-protection in place. I know the task is even harder when you're sharing space with that person...so my advice would be to GET OUT ASAP.
I know that's definitely hard to do without funds and full-time work (I'm currently in the same situation - living at home, hating it, but know it's gonna take a year b4 I can get outta here). I've turned it into a kinda mantra to myself though...to remind myself every time I'm infuriated at something at home..."it's not forever, I'm getting out someday" and putting all my energy into making my goal happen as fast as humanly possible.

Hang in there...and use your supports (friends, chatrooms, partners, puddy tats) to feed your soul with positive stuff as a way to combat the emotional drain you're experiencing.

I cant really empathize with having an alcoholic mother, but my grandmother told me that last year my mom went to her and admitted that she'd resented me for many years while growing up. We never had a great mother-daughter relationship, and she finally came to terms after I moved out and got married that she truly resented me for a long time, mainly because my grandmother lost respect for her when she married my dad, and when I came along my grandparents raised me for 2 years and I became #1 with my grandmother, and still am today. Now we get along a little better, but she always makes stuff up to tell my grandma, like if I call the house that I never want to talk to her (which is the other way around - I call to talk to her, and she tells my dad to tell me she's watching TV or cooking dinner, or some other excuse Or she just doesn't answer at all if she's the only one there. ) The only time we'd really get along is going to theme/adventure parks and riding the thrill rides together. She tried to talk bad about my hubby before we even got engaged and make my family in NJ dislike him by spreading abuse rumors.

So I've had tough times with my mom, and I really wish we'd get along better, though I live 3 hours away now and learned to just deal with the fact we don't have that great talk-all-the-time relationship I know a lot of my friends have with their moms. Hopefully your mom will get better with her attitude towards you, realize that she should enjoy time with her daughter and hope she gets over her health issues quickly.

well now just to add a bit more fuel to the fire i have 1 week to sort my room out to her standards and find somewhere for the last of my stuff or i have to find somewhere else to live.

for the last 4 years she has found ways to spoil each holiday, run up to each birthday

i have well and truely had enough of her i cant stand to be in the same room as her, i do not want to speak to her or see her

shes just picking on me and me alone

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My sister has battled depression for years and I was usually the one she picked on, even tho I'm 10 years older than she is. I came to the conclusion that she used me as her target because she knew I'd forgive her. Your Mom could be targeting you for the same reason.

Unfortunately, I really have no advice but I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Hopefully, you and Blaine can find your own place soon. You shouldn't have to put up with this emotional abuse. (((hugs)))

well she is sorely mistaken if she thinks im ever going to forgive her after this, she knows there is nowhere for me to go yet she has offered this ultamatum, if there was nothing in my room that i pay to live in it would still be to untidy for her, and if she is oin to start with this, my fridge and freezer is in her back cupboard filled with food that her and the rest of my family will eat they can start thinking about where they are goin to put all of that as it is stuffed full

two can play at her game