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Maybe it's time to stop crying

post #1 of 7
4/6/10 at 4:07pm
Thread Starter 
Today is one of those anniversaries. The kind of day we all have where you remember hour for hour what you were doing and when it ended. I'm sitting here all teary eyed, but thinking how inappropriate my feelings really are. Most TCS members give their pets every chance for a full and comfortable life. Sometimes the luck of the draw ends it early, and sometimes old age merely catches up with them.

Every year millions of dogs and cats die without ever knowing a warm bed or a decent meal. My Rusty was so fortunate. He had a home, food, veterinary care and all the attention he ever wanted. And while I do miss him, I realize that he had it all. I cry for every one of my lost friends, but this is the first time I've actually considered that maybe I'm only feeling sorry for myself. There are so many neglected animals deserving of my tears. I think I need to start celebrating those lives that meant so much to me, instead of marking dates on the calendar to mourn them.

Perhaps some of you have had these same thoughts. I almost feel guilty if I don't mourn on the day I lost them. I feel like I have relive it and if I don't, I'm slighting their memory in some way. Letting go is not one of my strong suits, but I need to. Maybe I'm not the only one?
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post #2 of 7
4/6/10 at 5:44pm
We have all been there and done that. I agree that it is so hard to let them go. I think we all have to go through a certain amount of mourning before we are able to turn them loose. But those anniversaraies always come and as long as we have minds we will remember. No way around it. I will say it is a blessed bunch of cats that belong to the people here on this site. They want for nothing.
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post #3 of 7
4/6/10 at 5:55pm
Well I'll tell you. I allow myself to grieve the loss of a loved one, because I am entitled to my feelings. It takes time to be able to think about one I've had to say goodbye to without crying, but I get there, mostly. It doesn't mean I don't celebrate the lives they had with me. But loss hurts.

There is another hurt I feel that never heals though. All those ones unloved and abused, I cry about them every day. Every single day. Usually more than once.

Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me, because I do this.

I'll be driving along in my car, and an image will come to my mind and I start to wail. I'll be drifting off to sleep and I remember all those poor souls....and sob until I have to get up to stop myself from becoming hysterical, it upsets my cats when I do that.

So yeah, those animals who are not lucky enough to be with a loving home are thought of and mourned and prayed for every day, and I bet I'm not the only one.
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post #4 of 7
4/6/10 at 7:34pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by otto View Post
Well I'll tell you. I allow myself to grieve the loss of a loved one, because I am entitled to my feelings. It takes time to be able to think about one I've had to say goodbye to without crying, but I get there, mostly. It doesn't mean I don't celebrate the lives they had with me. But loss hurts.
For myself, I seem to be turning the grief into a ritual. For a week ahead of time I start to think about it. I look at the calendar, know what day it's going to fall on. From the moment I wake up that morning I start to dwell on it. Then if I actually forget for a while, I feel bad about that. I need to let go of THAT day and remember all the other days instead.

The tragedy is those who are abused and die needlessly. Like blueyedgirl said, our pets are blessed with the lives they've been given. Possibly it's because with the exception of one, I've been with them and have had to make the decision. I'm not sure. Truthfully, I'm not sticken with these same issues on the anniversaries of family members who have passed away.
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post #5 of 7
4/6/10 at 11:05pm
Everyone grieves differently. We all miss our pets that have gone to the Rainbow Bridge. I have 4 cats there. They've passed away at ages 17, 8.5, 5, and nearly 14 years old. One of old age, and three of illness, probably cancer (Vets couldn't confirm). They were loved, cared for, enjoyed, spoiled, and loved some more.

It hurts to know that they aren't here....they all left behind wonderful, happy memories....they were all special and so sweet and cute in their own ways. After I've grieved for them initially, I try to remember them with smiles, knowing that they wouldn't want to see me crying when I think of them. I didn't cry when they were here with me.

I have their pictures on the walls and I look at them and talk to them and remember the multitude of good times that we had together. I tell my two current 'fellows' all about their siblings that came before them.

I also think about all those unfortunate animals who won't know the love that our pets have known. I can't do anything about it...but collectively give them my kind thoughts that they somehow experience goodness in their lives.....even if it's the comfort of another poor soul who is also 'out there' cold and hungry.

I do feed strays...that's my effort to at least keep their tummies happy.
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post #6 of 7
4/7/10 at 5:03am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinder View Post
For myself, I seem to be turning the grief into a ritual. For a week ahead of time I start to think about it. I look at the calendar, know what day it's going to fall on. From the moment I wake up that morning I start to dwell on it. Then if I actually forget for a while, I feel bad about that. I need to let go of THAT day and remember all the other days instead.

.
I can see why you might want to break out of that habit, if it disturbs you.

I've never focused on RB anniversary dates in that way. I think about all my cats all the time, (pictures all over) and I can tell you the dates they left me and the circumstances, but I don't dwell on that particular date, when it comes round.

I do celebrate the joy and love and knowledge Squeaky Sissy Baby Bibbs Ootay and Nikki the beagle dog each brought into my life.
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post #7 of 7
4/7/10 at 8:37am
I don't dwell on specific days, but sometimes I see things that make me remember and the hurt seems very fresh. Spring can be particularly hard that way, because my soul mate kitty, and constant companion for 18 years loved flowers. He would play with daffodils, and nap under a big azalea with huge blossoms. He would play hide and seek with me and peek out from under clumps of pink flowers. It was adorable. One of my fondest memories of him can also be the hardest. I don't think I will ever be able to let that go without missing him.
Like another poster said, you are entitled to your feelings, but it is too bad that they hurt so much.
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