Have to VENT! -- leaving Mom to care for cats, a nightmare

I am going for gallbladder surgery tomorrow and barring any complications, I should be back home tomorrow night. But if any issues, I would have to be admitted to hospital and be there for a few days. As my sister is away, it's my Mom would care for the cats in my absence. She is so NOT an animal-lover and it's never been more evident. I am so angry with her and I will be a nervous wreck if I have to stay in hospital.

She came over last night and I wanted to show her the routine; how much I feed, how often, where I keep the food, where the litterboxes are, always ensure doors closed immediately, don't keep toilet lid up, etc etc.

When I was opening up their canned food and putting it on the plate, I showed her how I do that, add a little water, put it in the microwave for a few seconds. She was so grossed out by the canned food that she backed off, remarked how disgusting it was. OMG, what a wuss.

When I showed her how I scoop the litterboxes (have to show her everything as she knows nothing; I have 5 indoor cats, by the way), she was also grossed out; said this was something my Dad would have to do, it was too gross for her (my litterboxes were all already scooped at the time, area neat and tidy, no odor, she's just not an animal person).

She wasn't careful and Hobee got into the garage (I'd told her to NEVER leave doors open, watch for cats).

I told her not to leave toilet lid up, she did.

I have 9 million freaking notes all over this house and I don't even know if she'll care enough to read them all.

I asked her if I should give her the # to my Vet clinic and tell her where the carrier is, just in case anyone needed to go to the Vet. She made it clear, so did my Dad, that they would not be taking any of them to the Vet. Niiiiiiice.

I am so upset. There is no other alternative. She didn't even show any interest in learning anything. all she did was complain that she had cat hair on her black socks.

I am so terrified she'll accidentally lock one in a closet (I've even left a note for that; don't open any closets).

Have left a note telling her NOT to lower blinds because i don't want to have to worry that someone will strangle themselves with blind cord.

She has no common sense or instinct about animals (hell, she didn't have it as a mother growing up, what should I expect with an animal?).

Please pray that my surgery will go well and that I won't have to stay in the hospital.

THanks
Lisa

I had that same surgery last june if that helps.
Everything was fine with the surgery part but I got so sick from the Anesthesia.
I hope everything goes well for you and that your mom takes care of the cats the right way.
I did have very infected gall bladder with stones and still came home the same day.

Oh, gosh, this isn't going to make your stay at the hospital any better. Is there any way on earth you can get a pet sitter over for the day(s), or maybe beg/pay a vet tech from your vet's office to come over and take care of things?

Many prayers that you get through safely and quickly - heck, I'd tell the nurses about the situation so they can make sure you get home as quickly as possible. At least one of the nurses is bound to be an pet lover.

Originally Posted by mews2much

I had that same surgery last june if that helps.
Everything was fine with the surgery part but I got so sick from the Anesthesia.
I hope everything goes well for you and that your mom takes care of the cats the right way.
I did have very infected gall bladder with stones and still came home the same day.

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I have developed a lot of cysts on my liver, over the course of a year, and the surgeon is going to check out my liver. Not sure if he'll do a biopsy, remove a cyst, etc (will hopefully get to ask him tomorrow)...but because of this I fear I will not be able to come home tomorrow night (if they do anything to my liver, they'll want to keep me in for a couple of days, I figure, to ensure no bleeding). I've had gallstones for years but over the past few months have been having a lot of attacks so time for GB to come out. I am a nervous wreck and the fear of going under a general freaks me right out, always has. My greatest fear is to be there in hospital worrying about my cats; that they got outside, went missing, etc. Would be so nice to have a Mom you could truly count on to take good care of your cats. Sheesh. I normally feed cats twice a day (canned) but if Mom has to come here and feed them, once a day will have to do; don't think she'd come twice anyway, and that just increases the odds of someone getting out. They'll still have dry food out and I put a large bowl of dry plus a large bowl of water upstairs, as back-up, too.

I know wot ur feeling about wanting sum1 to even give half a damn as much as u do about ur cats...but for the sake of a speedy recovery might I suggest you try not to get stressed out (it won't help ur recovery time in hospital if ur immune system is trying to deal with ur stress levels).

Look, re the food and the closets and the blinds etc...so long as the worst doesn't happen (i.e. that they get out of ur house)...will it matter if the food doesn't get microwaved, or the litter doesn't get cleaned right away, or the cats get to rummage around a closet. This is my not so clear way of saying; ultimately don't sweat the small stuff...don't stress over the minor things that won't be done exactly according to the way you want...so long as none of the cats starve, or get dehydrated to death, or strangle themselves.. then trust that they'll be tough enough and resilient enough to endure a few days of minor changes to their routine.

Pls don't get me wrong... I love my cats and would absolutely die if anything happened them...and hate having to leave my dad in charge...but stressing urself while in hospital (and once there, there truly is nothing you can do about it!!) is not going to help speed your return home.

Might I suggest if ur mom's got problems with the wet food...that she just feed them dry food for the few days...my cats are completely on a dry food diet - as per vet's recommendations - so it won't kill em - unless of course they're gonna be fussy and not eat the dry stuff? It might get around at least 1 issue with ur mom.

So, best of luck with ur surgery, hope it all goes smoothly and speedily!!

Keep us posted about ur recovery.

Salsero

You've had GB issues for years and it's affecting your liver seriously now? Don't take this the wrong way, but don't be surprised if you still have almost all of the same issues you have with the GB. I had issues for years - 8 after diagnosis, probably started 3-4 years before that, though, going by symptoms. I have more right sided pain than I used to, though less left (pancreas must be better off now), and have chronic-daily diarrhea because of the bile issues that cholestyramine can't help (a glass of water can trigger it ). Liver tests look near normal, so at least that's not going to kill me anytime soon.
The anesthesia wasn't what made me sick, it was the percocets they sent me home with. If I were to take one right now, I'd be vomiting within 30 minutes. So if you can't tolerate a pain med, let them know! Ask for something to help with nausea because if you vomit after surgery it will really hurt. For that matter, the first couple days you will be rather sore. Do you have someone to help you around the house?


For the blinds, cut those cords as short as you can or tie them up. You won't have to worry about them again.

Are there really no sitters in your area? You'd have to pay but if the person is used to sitting cats they'll know the routine and won't have to be shown how to scoop a litter box or feed a cat.

Crazy question.. if your mother can't handle a litter box, who changed you? Poopy baby butts are far grosser than anything I scoop out of the litter box.

Originally Posted by strange_wings

You've had GB issues for years and it's affecting your liver seriously now? Don't take this the wrong way, but don't be surprised if you still have almost all of the same issues you have with the GB. I had issues for years - 8 after diagnosis, probably started 3-4 years before that, though, going by symptoms. I have more right sided pain than I used to, though less left (pancreas must be better off now), and have chronic-daily diarrhea because of the bile issues that cholestyramine can't help (a glass of water can trigger it

).

Liver tests look near normal, so at least that's not going to kill me anytime soon.
The anesthesia wasn't what made me sick, it was the percocets they sent me home with.

If I were to take one right now, I'd be vomiting within 30 minutes. So if you can't tolerate a pain med, let them know! Ask for something to help with nausea because if you vomit after surgery it will really hurt. For that matter, the first couple days you will be rather sore. Do you have someone to help you around the house?

For the blinds, cut those cords as short as you can or tie them up. You won't have to worry about them again.

Are there really no sitters in your area? You'd have to pay but if the person is used to sitting cats they'll know the routine and won't have to be shown how to scoop a litter box or feed a cat.

Crazy question.. if your mother can't handle a litter box, who changed you? Poopy baby butts are far grosser than anything I scoop out of the litter box.

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I don't think the cysts on the liver are related to the gallbladder. 14 months ago I had an abdominal ultrasound, and 1 cyst on liver was noted. I was told it was nothing, not to worry. In Jan of this year, when I started having gallbladder attacks frequently (only had then 1-2x/year previously), I had another abd ultrasound and it showed I now had "multiple" liver cysts. Again I was told "oh they're nothing" but being an RN, I wasn't satisfied with this pat response. So when I had surgical consult re: gallbladder surgery, I asked surgeon to review my 2 ultrasound reports and perhaps while he's "in there", to look at the cysts on my liver, see what he thought. I'm only 42 and from what I've read, benign liver cysts develop as one is much older. I'm a little surprised by so many developing within a year. From what I've read, docs should never just 'assume' they're benign. Though depending on where they are in my liver, not sure if he'll be able to really see them. I just want them checked out, if possible. Had an aunt (not related by blood) who had a 'shadow' on her liver and they totally blew it off -- until she started having issues and then she was diagnosed w/ cancer (they weren't sure if primary site was liver or if elsewhere and it had spread to liver). I don't want to take any chances and I figure while he's in there......LOL

I had no idea how my Mom can't handle a litterbox, quite frankly, but maybe I am biased because I am a cat lover/owner with 5 cats :-) she just doesn't like animals, even growing up when we had pets, didn't have them for long and any cat we had, was an outside cat because she wouldn't DREAM of having a litterbox in the house. My Mom, and Dad, both grew up on farms so cats to them belonged in the barn. My greatest fear is that if someday something happened to me, they would load them all up and drop them off at a farm somewhere, seriously. They think it's 'no big deal' for indoor cats to live on a farm and they think it's unfair for cats to be kept indoors.

My Mom doesn't know how to interact with cats. She's very awkward, makes stupid noises that scare them, loudly shoes them away if they're in her path.

My greatest, greatest fear is for there to be some major complications from this surgery and I'm in a coma but aware I'm in a coma, and worrying about what's happening to my cats. That would be a nightmare to me. I guess I shouldn't worry about that, got to be positive.

When I come home, my Mom will be staying overnight at my place or for however long I need her.

I'll be sure to ask for something for nausea before i leave the hospital; my Dad was very nauseated when he left the hospital after his gallbladder surgery. I have an hour drive from hospital to my house so don't want to end up sick.

As for pain, I already periodically take Percocet for interstitial cystitis pain (take 1/4 tab plus 600mg Ibuprofen) and that's as much as I can take without feeling so sick (half a tab makes me feel awful). Tyl3 doesn't do much except the codeine makes me feel ultra loopy and not in a good way LOL.

I never thought about quartering a percocet. They don't touch any pain I've had so I just didn't bother after figuring out they were inducing vomiting. But at least you have pain meds already that work for you if needed.

Take a pillow, use it to brace your abdomen in the car. You will likely feel every bump.

As for the GB taking a toll on your liver. Any time your bile is slowed/blocked off from draining out of your liver properly it's going to back up in there and cause damage. It might not be the main cause of those cysts, but it sure isn't helping and could be a reason why you have them at a younger age.

Be glad you made it to 42 with your gallbladder. I had 4 stones already at age 17 - so I think mine started messing up around age 12.

Do you have life insurance and/or a will made up? You can add the stipulation in there that they can't touch your money, or all of it, unless the cats are cared for (or surrendered to your choice of rescues if necessary). It's a depressing thing to think about, but even 50+ k of life insurance money can motivate people.

I hope your surgery goes well. With luck you'll be posting that evening telling us you feel terrible (sore), but you're home. And as I keep repeating to everyone, watch the fat! Eat low-no fat for a couple weeks then be careful what you try. Good fats are easier to tolerate than bad fats. (ie I can eat butter but not margarine). If you push your body it can hurt and you'll get some pretty disturbing diarrhea.

I hope your surgery goes well

Is it too late to arrange a cat sitter? It will cost more money, but what's the cost of peace of mind?

Boy I am with Rahma.. there is NO ONE in my family I would trust with my cats. It would be worth the cost to hire someone for a couple of days. Maybe one of the vet techs at the clinic would be interested in a few extra bucks.

I went away overnight recently .... on a couple of different occasions .... simply because I worry with my cats being left with anyone.

I left out extra litter boxes, extra water glasses and extra food (no wet food) and just had my Mom come by and check on them. She didnt have to do anything, unless she saw something.
I am always worried about them tripping her and her falling. So all I had her to do is make sure everyone was ok, no feeding or scooping.

But it worked out great, she checked on them, they had plenty of food, water and the litter was fine.

And good luck with your surgery....

vibes for the maximum best

Originally Posted by Pami

I left out extra litter boxes, extra water glasses and extra food (no wet food) and just had my Mom come by and check on them. She didnt have to do anything, unless she saw something.
I am always worried about them tripping her and her falling. So all I had her to do is make sure everyone was ok, no feeding or scooping.

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That is what I do with mine if I am not going to be away for too long, my neighbour gives them wet in the day if I am not home anyway, so she does that but not the litter boxes, I just put a few extra out and remind myself that lots of people dont scoop 2-3+ times a day and leave them 2-3 days without scooping

I hope your surgery goes well. Your mother seems terrible ;[
I hope your surgery is better than your mother ;]

Originally Posted by JazzyTheCat

I hope your surgery goes well. Your mother seems terrible ;[
I hope your surgery is better than your mother ;]

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Her mother isn't that bad, and I'm sure she loves her mother very much.

Some people are just more... sensitive about things. My husband whines when he has to clean the litter box despite the fact that his hands wash as well as mine do.

It's too bad none of my cat loving neighbors are friendly with me - though I chatted with the one who lives down the street before. I'd be the perfect neighbor for pet watching... yep, I'd pick up poop/scoop/wash up vomit, etc.

If I were in your situation, my biggest worry would be that she will let them out.

Honestly, I think you, and they, would be better off if you left them with a couple big bowls of dry food, lots of water bowls, as many clean litter boxes as you can, and hope for the best. They will survive a night or two on their own. they may not survive your mother.

I would not want someone like your mother in my house with my cats, without me there to supervise. I do not mean this to be offensive to your mother, but someone who has that little compassion or sensitivity over what is necessary and important for your cats is worse than nobody at all.

Stock up, lock up and keep her out of it, I say.

I found out this morning what time my surgery is tomorrow; 10:25am MST, have to be at the hospital 2 hrs prior (8:30am), which means my Mom has to be at my house no later than 7:30am (which means she has to leave HER house no later than 6:45am). I asked her to just stay overnight, that way I can go over a lot of little things about the cats. She said to me, "I thought we went over everything last night?" I nearly lost it with her but this isn't the time for a fight so I let it go. I told her that there were a lot of other things; which lights to keep on, keep the blinds up, what to do if Hobee gets into the garage, etc. She said, "well I'll sleep a lot better in my own bed tonight; you can just tell me these things during the drive to the hospital." She obviously doesn't "get" that I feel the need to "SHOW HER" the things I'm talking about so that I can feel somewhat confident that she understands. Ugh.

The blinds are already all right up to the top with the cords tucked up inside them; just had to leave her a note to NOT ever lower them.

In the event that Hobee does get into the garage, I've unplugged my garage door opener so that nobody accidentally opens the big door and then he's really gone. I've parked my SUV on the street in front of my house so that if he did get into the garage, it would be easier to find him in there. I also left her instructions that if he DID get in there and she couldn't get him back into the house, to leave the light on in the garage, put a dish of food, some water and a cat bed and litterbox out there for him.

I pray that I will be able to come home tomorrow evening, that's all I can say.

I stocked up on cat litter and canned food, and dry food. Have left everything sitting out for her with a million notes taped everywhere.

I've told her not to close any doors to the rooms so that if a cat's in there, it won't be locked in there. Usually w/ cat sitters I'll ask them to do a 'head count' but I doubt my Mom would do that.

As for getting a cat sitter, the one I have is kind of a pain in the butt because she wants definite dates and times and given this situation, I don't know if I'll need her or not and I'm not sure I feel comfortable relying on my Mom to be the one, if I'm unable, to reach her and tell her to come by. Then I'd be terrified Mom forgot to call her and the cats aren't getting fed.

I'm putting out extra bowls of dry food and big extra water bowls. I'm not so concerned about the litter because I have 8 boxes (LOL) and if worse came to worse, they could go 3 days without being scooped (I uses the extra large clear rubbermaid storage containers, quite deep, and lots of litter in them).

I even bought her a nice pair of rubber gloves she can use. Should have bought her a hazmat suit, too. LOL

Yes, my greatest fear is that Hobee will get out. People that don't own pets (and even worse, people that don't own them and don't have any use for pets in general) just aren't careful and cognizant of closing doors and such............whereas for us, it's just instinct to be very diligent and careful.

I'm thankful that at least my Mom is willing to take me and bring me home. Back when I was about 21 or 22, I had my first surgery, an exploratory laparoscopy (for endometriosis). I had to be at the hospital at 6:30am. I had asked her to drive me; obviously because I wasn't going to be able to drive myself home following (day surgery). She told me that was "too early" for her and that I should just take a taxi. Being hurt and stubborn, I ended up driving myself................and following surgery I drove myself home (a 10 min drive). A hugely hugely stupid stupid stupid thing to do, and highly illegal to be driving within 24 hrs of being under a general but I was stupid and stubborn back then and felt too embarassed to have to take a taxi home from the hospital (I worked at that hospital and felt like I'd die if any of my nurse friends saw a taxi picking me up).

Please keep me in your prayers, and please pray that my cats are safe and nobody gets out.

Many thanks
Lisa

Good luck, hun.

I'm sending you and your little ones lots of for a smooth surgery and a quick recovery for you!!

Originally Posted by the_food_lady

People that don't own pets (and even worse, people that don't own them and don't have any use for pets in general) just aren't careful and cognizant of closing doors and such............whereas for us, it's just instinct to be very diligent and careful.

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Every single time Sho has darted outside in the past has been because of my in-laws leaving a door hanging wide open for several minutes. It drives me absolutely bonkers when people do this - not just because my cats can get out but because it lets millions of flies in the house. In the winter is lets the warm air out and cold air in, and in the summer the cool air out and the hot air in - the utilities cost enough without me heating/cooling the outdoors.
You weren't raised in a barn, shut the dang door behind you!

You should only be gone a few hours. I guess I should have mentioned you'd have to be there early for admission, IV, and for them to start the IV fluids on you - but I thought they'd have told you all of that sooner.
They may or may not expect a urine sample out of you in the morning, too.