Girl bullied to death

Hm, they're trying those kids as adults. It'll ruin their lives, but considering what they drove that poor girl to.

I don't believe enough is ever done by schools. The one I went to had a kid that was being bullied very badly - some students broke his arm and the school did nothing. Those same kids and a few others were later involved in beating that kid down and wrapping him in plastic spin wrap (like cling wrap, it comes in giant rolls and is used to wrap pallets). Some other students finally got involved and cut the kid out/ran for help when he started suffocating.

And there in lies the other problem. The non bullying students see this happening but never become involved as witnesses to help stop it.

I was moderately bullied in school (from kindergarten until high school), but because of my withdrawn nature and tendency to finally do something if pushed far enough people never did much. Nothing that "accidentally" opening my locker door into someone's face didn't take care of. My school and teachers would witness bullying and sexual harassment/assault (girls getting groped and derogatory language) and would do nothing because those doing it were on the football team.

I heard about this on the news and it was so sad to hear. You really have to have a tough skin in school, if you are weak you just can't take it and this girl showed she couldn't handle it. I feel so bad for her parents. I do believe the kids who made her do this do deserve to be tried as adults. This cost someone a life here, they should get the maximum sentence whatever that is.

Bullies are HORRIBLE. My high school has an absolute zero tolerance policy on bullying. You can be suspended for a week for a second offense. They got like this because 3 kids during my time in high school (I'm a junior in a very small school) have killed themselves from being bullied.

I, luckily, have never been on the receiving end. But I've seen what goes on and it's truly disgusting. I try to step in sometimes. The kids who do stuff like that grow up to be truly, truly miserable people, because no one puts up with crap like that in the working world.

It's so cliche, but bullies really are just trying to make themselves feel superior. Sadly it's sometimes taken too far and leads to things like this. Beyond devestating.

This is a little heavy for the Lounge, so I'll move it to IMO.

I've been wanting to start a thread on this for a few days, actually...

I read the whole thing started over a boy at school?! A football player or something?

I read that link in the first post and saw this wise comment in the comment section:

Maybe I'm too simplistic but isn't it pretty simple to send a letter to a parent and say "Hello Mr./Ms. SoAndSo, we think your child is bringing inappropriate bullying behavior to the school." And then follow up. Nothing gets done if the first few steps aren't taken! (I get the feeling this was exactly the case in this school)

Rest in peace, Phoebe

Bullying is harassment, and if someone was harassing me I'd call the police and get a restraining order- simple as that!! But that's all in the adult world...I don't get how bullying happens in schools right in front of teachers and nothing is done about it I just don't get it.

What about when the bullies are the teachers? I had to deal with a few of those, as did some other students - being called slow, stupid, idiot, etc. Some of the coaches were the worst, they doted on their teams, let them cheat in class (coaches here usually teach math or history at middle and HS level), and would look the other way when those students did anything bad.

DH's second grade teacher used to kick him.

I was bullied relentlessly through my entire public school career. It was horrible, but I didn't contemplate killing myself. It hurt my feelings that people who didn't even know anything about me would do or say this stuff. Sometimes I would cry. I was physically assaulted too, pushed around, knocked down, books knocked out of my arms.... not just the verbal taunting. One guy - a real jerk -taunted me on the bus EVERY DAY on my way home from school. I told my Mom. She gave me permission to strike back and I did. I slugged him ... hard ... in the middle of his back. He said... ooo... that didn't hurt at all. and I said too bad maybe next time It will hurt a whole lot. But he left me alone after that.

I was fat, I was different, I was smart. At least I had a group of friends to hang with. I feel so very sorry for this young lady. I do understand her torment. Kids have intimate relations way too young these days, too.

I had a sister (may she rest in peace) who was sickly .... she would ride her bike outside on the sidewalk.. and this bully kid who lived next door liked to push her off her bike. She came in crying and told my mom... the next time my mom saw this kid she called him over. And said... Bobby... you like me, right? He said yes. And you're not scared of me, right? He said, no. She leaned in and said... well you should be. If you EVER push Barbara off her bike again, I will beat you within an inch of your life. And if you tell you parents I said this, I will deny it. Now - my mom never HIT us!!! She was bluffing!! But he left my sister alone after that.

When my brother was in junior high school, a gang of boys beat him up because they didn't like his curly hair ( racial/deragatory remarks were hurled at him). When my mom tried to talk to one of the other mothers, she hung up on her. The principal suggested Mom drive my bro' to school. She said MY son should ride the bus. Let the parents of the perpetrators be inconvenienced. I don't know what happened... don't remember.

Bullying is everywhere. I have been bullied and harassed in the workplace too. But I always stand up for myself.

I had one bad year, 7th grade. Oddly enough, in an entirely different school, my brother had a really bad year in 7th grade.

HOWEVER, let me say up front that the young lady in question had a lot of issues going on, not the least of those being that she actually had had sex with a very popular boy. I know that's no big shock these days, but why can't we tell young women that this is a really bad decision? She was an Irish immigrant, and had a number of social problems.

On the other hand, if any teachers or administrators knew about this and didn't do what they could, they deserve all the trouble they get. But stop and think; if they, oh, say, expelled the bullies, how would that help the girl's problems away from school?

I've been harassed (verbally) by teachers too, my kindergarden teacher threatened to sell me to the homeless people, because I cried too much, and that was her way of trying to get me to shut up. How stupid can she be, it only made things 100 times worse, I cried even more, and then told my parents who investigated this though didn't believe me 100%, and then they found out that one of the janitors had heard her say this...and so they got her fired...That's probably an extreme case though.

School seemed a whole lot different when I was a kid. The nuns and priests (yep, private Catholic school) would have had our butts for lunch if we got caught picking on someone like that. That doesn't mean there wasn't all the cliquish stuff going on. I only remember one girl attempting suicide, which was more like a temper tantrum thing because her boyfriend dumped her for another girl. Another committed suicide after we got out of school, from what I was told it had to do with drug abuse and being caught stealing.

A woman I worked with told me she was bullied. She was a big girl. One time she went all postal on the person that used to pick on her. Teachers had to pull her off...call her mom to come and get her. She said it never happened again.

Poor kid. I always wonder how many things have to break down (in addition to the bulliers) for that to happen. Could she not talk to her parents. Did her teachers see it and ignore it. The story was a bit vague. It will be interesting, if actually prosecuted, to see what kind of sentences these kids are handed down.

I agree with these..
I think the schools are trying to do too much disciplining that should really be done at home. When I was at a private school until grade 6, the biggest punishment we ever got was the teacher calling our parents. There was no such thing as getting any kind of punishment at school, no suspention, detention, etc, though I'm sure if anyone did anything really serious there probably would be- it never happened though..And it worked on me, because if the school had to call my parents about me misbehaving, I'd get in so much trouble at home that I'd never want to do it again. Then I got to middle school, and it was heaven because the school never, ever called my parents....
I always wondered why it is this way, but then when I thought about it, it's likely because just getting call from the teacher would do nothing to the typical public school kid, if the parent won't do the disciplining, which they likely already aren't doing

PS: Prayer is not allowed at public school??? Are you sure about that...As far I know it's allowed, it's just not done as a group, there is just a "moment of silence" where everyone can pray if they wish to.

I'm sure she only means #4 if they're Christian.

As for #1. I know my grandparents misdeeds pretty well. My grandfather on my mother's side cheated on his wife several times till she divorced him. She moved away after that and he had a gf a year older than my mother at that time. The only reason he doesn't cheat on wife number four is because she'd probably kill him for it.
My grandmother on my father's side used to beat her kids, throw knives at them (stabbed one of my uncles that way), lock them in closets, etc. She later married a guy that sexually abused three of kids - my oldest aunt probably would have been on that list if it weren't for the fact that she married at age 15 to get out of the household. Better parents? No, hardly.

I don't think parents were ever better, but I do think there has been a different ethic in the past, where most parents have felt like they are responsible for their kids' behavior...While now fewer parents feel that way and a lot more think it's the school's job to discipline their children, and they don't have to do a thing about it.
I think this is fairly recent when the schools have pretty much taken over the parents' rights while the child is in school- I don't think it was that way in the past, but it has been changed to protect the schools from potential lawsuits..And I think this enables bad parents to just leave it up to the school to deal with their child..
I know my grandfather's misdeeds also, my dad has told me all about them because he really doesn't like him. But he never let any of his children misbehave regardless, and he did spank them which is a terrible way to discipline children, but there is no question about the fact that it works...and as much as I hate corporal punishment it's better than no discipline at all.

Do you know what's honestly changed? People work more - some families have one parent out 40 hours a week minimum and the other out closer to 90.
When I was growing up my own father worked anywhere from 85-100 hours a week - constantly doing double shifts.

Oh wow that makes a lot of sense I never thought about it that way..
I think it's sad that people have to work so much in order to survive as to not have enough time to raise their children....

It is really. It won't be long before the US catches up with Japan. Why come home when you can sleep in your cubical at work?

I was lucky enough that I did have some other family members there when I was younger (uncle and grandmother) because my mother worked full time on and off. We weren't doing that well financially because a lot of that had to go to paying off medical bills from my father's major accidents.
Single or two parents homes, it doesn't matter if the parents are not there and can you really blame the parents? They have to keep a roof over their childrens' heads and food on the table. What's the other solution - staying home and living on welfare? So things fall to others to deal with or the children keep it to themselves because they simply don't want to bother a busy parent.

But to turn it back around to the schools. They're responsible for the children while they're there. These people need to pay attention - they see it and often ignore the signs. Instead teachers and officials need to swiftly step in and deal with this when it happens on their premises.

I have so many mixed feelings about this situation.

I feel so horribly for Phoebe that she felt that the world would be better without her in it. I'm quite sure that she was wrong, even though it is likely I would have never heard of her except for this. I feel horribly for her family. I'm sure there is a lot of guilt happening there...

I'm glad the little hooligans who bullied this poor girl mercilessly for 3 months with even more intensity in the last few weeks of her life have been charged with crimes. They should be. Whether or not she had killed herself, they should be. Frankly I'm not sure why there haven't been more cases like this one to make the news with criminal charges. I guess because there is still this idea that "kids will be kids".

I read AddieBee's post where she took care of the bully on the bus with a punch in the back (after her father told her it was OK to strike back), her mother threatened the kid next door if he bullied her daughter, and thought that's the way this stuff should be handled! But the problem is that if that happened now, AddieBee would have been suspended or expelled for hitting the boy, and her mother would be in jail for what she said to the brat from next door.

Kids will be kids, but at some point someone has to stop it. Whether it's the kid who is bullied, other kids, parents or teachers - at some point someone has to stand up to the bullies. Therein lies the problem - kids won't stand up for themselves because they will get in as much or more trouble than the bully. Parents are too busy, want to be friends instead of parents with/to their kid, lost control of their kid a long time ago and can't stand up and discipline the kid now, or will be thrown in jail if they do swat their kid to even get their attention that they are out of control. And teachers? They've been given the responsibility of disciplining and raising too many of the kids with none of the tools. They absolutely should stand up against the bullies if/when they see it, though.

Kids who are bullies are really little sociopaths. Most little kids have it in them - just watch 2 year olds play. HOWEVER! If they are TAUGHT right from wrong, empathy, and shown that words hurt and fists hurt too they aren't doomed to be sociopaths forever. Some kids take longer to learn these vital lessons than others; but let them continue on that path unchecked and in groups especially and you end up with a situation like this. One example of a group of sociopathic kids who can make someone so miserable that they kill themselves or really go psycho like Eric and Dylan at Columbine.

What stuff? I'm talking about bills - mortgage, utilities, medical bills, etc. We never had a lot of stuff - I grew up lower class despite all the hours they put in.
Living is expensive, raising kids is expensive. But it's easier to blame it on material things than accept that it's cause of living costs in some areas.

I don't think you have to stand up for yourself by beating someone up- there have been a few times that some kids have tried to bully me, but I've managed to keep them away by not letting them have the enjoyment of seeing me upset, and saying something back to them/embarassing them...Although sometimes it can get completely out of hand where there is nothing that can be done to stand up for yourself, not physically nor verbally..
Another thing that comes to my mind is that it doesn't even take 4 or 5 cruel sociopaths to bully someone, since kids get led on so easily..So really if only one of them lacks complete empathy and happens to be the most popular one, that's enough ...
I remember a few times in school that I've said a few hurtful things to kids who are targeted by bullies, and then felt so bad about what I said when I went home that I just cried myself to sleep...It was because at the time I said the hurtful comment, I was completely led on by what other kids were also saying and not even thinking about what the kid feels, but only how I will look more popular and cool for saying that...and then when I was removed from the social situation of the school, it hit me how horrible it was..
This was like in first grade...I think after that I knew better...And I still remember it, and I remember crying about it and it still makes me a little sad that I said that in first grade, lol
(I think the thing I had said was that her mom is ugly)

Sorry if this sounds crude, but a lot of kids are accidents. If mom and dad are lazy and won't spend 20 seconds to unwrap a condom, then out of those, I bet we'll find plenty who also won't spend months & years teaching values. IMO

But with today's laws, teachers are the ones who can easily fall into the most trouble/red tape. And I imagine most teachers think "I didn't sign up for this poop! I became a teacher to teach!"

My mother was a single parent. She worked over 60 hours each week and we still were living month to month until near the end of my highschool. We never had much stuff... I got to get clothes once a year before school. Even then I had a budget. I had to figure out how to get enough shirts and pants so people couldn't figure out I didn't have many clothes. Having to work a lot has nothing to do with STUFF.

Unless the STUFF you are talking about is the rent, lights, phone and food on the table. Quite honestly it is hard to make ends meat in a lot of places.

Case update:
Bullies who tormented Phoebe living in fear of death threats
Source: irishcentral.com

Proposed legislation in memory of Carl J. Walker-Hoover. Phoebe Prince also mentioned. A step in the right direction.
The Safe Schools Improvement Act, a House bill aiming to combat bullying
Source: masslive.com

I too was bullied in high school because I was a fat gal. I was suicidal back then all so. Miserable and fearful. I went to the student counceler and asked to be put in another class grouping. It was a huge school, (600 students) easy to do but he said no. "It will happen there too". Turned their backs on me when I even informed them. Worst time of my life. But, hey, I lived. I still know the names of all the bullies, do they know mine?