Thanks for all those kind words!
Things have gotten good for them. we settled into a routine, there's probably 90% less stress, and they relax a lot more. Wilbur has started wanting to be held 9 or 10 times a day. now he climbs up me and lays on my chest when i'm watching tv. he'll sleep there until i can't stand it anymore and have to move him. Due to the way he lays, i have to support his weight with one arm under him, and it gets tired after a half hour or so.
Tinker still doesn't like to be held, but boy oh boy did she find something she likes! i got a cat brush, and tinker LOVES it when i run it on the side of her face to the back of her neck. she drools and gets all silly. it's great!