Anyone else have a troubled teen?

First thing's first,

Take a deep breath, you will get through this!

As far as your daughter goes, I think that sometimes the absolute best thing a person can do is realize the kind of help their loved one needs. It sounds like you have done that and you have got the ball rolling to get her a diagnosis and to get her help. Although it may be heartbreaking for you to watch your child act out like that and go into a residential facility, you have to look at it a new way. Yes, your child that you love dearly has some issues and needs help. Can you provide her the professional help that she requires in a home setting? Most likely not. But, you have acted as any loving mother would and taken steps to get her help and into a program that will give her what she needs. You have made the most selfless and loving decision possible during such a tough time. (That makes you a great mom in my book!)

The outcome of your daughter not getting help and continuing down a spiral of destruction is not good. If she goes away for 9 months however and is in a specialized place with the care and help that she needs (and a loving mom and family supporting her every step of the way) the likelyhood of her having a brighter future and improving seems like a really good possibility. You and your family will be in my prayers; try to keep your chin up and stay positive!

I just want to give you a :hug: and let you know that I am sorry you are going through this. She is going to get help, which is obviously the best thing for her. My Mom had a REALLY hard time with my 22 year old brother growing up when he was a younger teen, but his problems were due to getting in with the wrong crowd, drugs, etc. He was very much a follower. There was trouble with the law, destroying Mom's house... It was a miserable time for us all but luckily he seems to have grown up a lot since then. I hope it all works out hun, for both you AND your daughter.

My mum had the same kind of trouble with my younger sister, we all grew up with pretty much the same values (we moved from the countryside to the city when I was young so they were a little stricter with me but other than that). Maybe its fate, maybe people are born with different wiring that parenting can't change, maybe something that seems small and insignificant changes lives more than we realise - I don't know.

There is nothing in our past that could explain how differently we turned out in our teens - the three of us could not be any more different. I was really into my studies, went to university, always had a job etc, one of my sisters dropped out at 14 due to bullying because of her health issues but refused to be homeschooled or go to another school, got pregnant at 18 etc and then my little sister was a terror, she stole from my mum, hung around with a really bad crowd, had a much older boyfriend when she was in her teens. When things got really bad she was sent to a residential school for behavioural issues. She actually seemed to like it there, but then ran away the day before her final exams after spending 2 years there. But as adults things changed, their kids are both great and they have jobs / are going back to school to get their high school diplomas etc - sometimes they just need a little help to get back on track but even with help there will be bumps in the road

I have a troubled teen.Mine is a 16 year old boy.He is not violent,but is VERY lazy when it comes to school.He failed 9th grade last year,and has failed it AGAIN this year.
He has the "**** everything" attitude.He is mouthy with me,and likes to TRY and bully his brothers.Don't get me wrong, he is a GOOD kid.But, he is going through that stage,that NOTHING matters to him.
We've tried everything from grounding to adding more chores.We're at a loss with him.I even looked up Boot Camps on-line.And unfortunatly,they cost $6000.00 a month.Other wise, he'd be going to one--to get the "right" attitude.
Good luck hon.(I'm also in West Virginia) Being a parent is the HARDEST job in the World.

I've heard that some of them offer financial aid or really reasonable payment plans. Or, if your son has a diagnosable condition, insurance and/or your state may have something to help you out with the cost of "treatment." If you think that's what he needs, it couldn't hurt to ask.

I haven't experience that some boot camps accepts some financial aid. It is true that most of some boot camps are expensive but you would really see the result of it. I've got a daughter that I can't handle her attitude and really gets into my nerve so I"ve taken an option to let my daughter be in a boot camp. It was great and totally wonderful transformation in the part of my daughter. The outcome and the progress is great. She is in the institution for more than 3 months.

Charm Stevenson
Boot Camps

Hi Tammy, I don't have any advice or experience to share, just want to tell you I care. {{hugs}}

My daughter was a troubled teen. She ran away, failed in school, attempted suicide several times. When I talked to her, she said she did not know what made her do those things and I really think she did not. Several years of a good therapist and not judging her when she did wrong turned her around completely. She is now 26, beautiful, happy with a beautiful well adjusted, happy daughter of her own.
I was a hellion when I was a teen, so I kind of understood how she felt a lot of the time. Fortunately, she was never one day as awful as I was. I am lucky no body strangled me, I was such a pain in the a$$.
I hope you can find the right thing to help your daughter. She should be glad she has someone that cares enough to want to help her, and I bet as she grows older she will appreciate your efforts for her good.

My daughter has given us trouble in a different form; I used to tell anyone that would listen that we couldn't ask for a better child--if only she would stop lying 90% of the time. The last 18 months or so were really tough, to the point that I eventually began to avoid her just to keep some level of peace in the house.

When she turned 21 last July she moved out without telling us that she was leaving or where she was going. (kind of like your daughter running away) To make a long story short, having her gone has made a huge difference in our home because the tension and drama are gone. She broke our hearts and turned her back on us. I've barely spoken 2 dozen words to her since she left, and she makes no attempt to stay in contact with us. I believe she has some narcissistic traits, as you mentioned your daughter has.

I guess what I'm trying to get to is this: your daughter is getting help and, while you'll miss her terribly, your life will be much calmer and have less drama while she's away. Hopefully, when she's finished with her treatment she'll come back to you with a new attitude and respect for her family. I know how hard this is going to be for you; as much as our daughter has hurt us, there are times I miss her terribly. In my heart, I keep hoping that being away from us will eventually make her realize how much we mean to her. I hope the same is true for your daughter.

Just know you're not alone in this; you'll always find someone here to listen and offer advice and hopefully help you feel a little better.
Sending you and your family mega that all works out for the best.

Having a troubled teen is but you can try one on one talks; giving them plenty of time to open up to you. Look at therapy, troubled teenagers camps or community service as an opportunity this could be a good option for faster recovery of a troubled kids.

I have a very challenging 11 year old son. He has ADHD and anxiety and he can be a real pill at time...but nothing like what you are describing. My heart goes out to you and your dd. I am glad you are getting her the help she needs NOW rather than waiting into adulthood when it may be too late. *HUGS*

I was a bad kid in the worst way. It took years for me to deal with personal issues that happened to me. I never talked about it with anyone not even my best friend. I'll never forget when I was in my forties, I met a guy who I spent more time at his home then mine when I was in high school. I had been through therapy and other journies and was able to finally talk about what happened to me. I told him all- when I was finished, he came over to where I was seating, gave me a big hug and said "WHY didn't you tell me before?" Bottom-line, I couldn't. I was bullied a lot in school- being 6 feet tall since Jr High I was picked on all the time. Many things happened along the way that I didn't share with anyone. I suppose today, I would be conveniently "diagnosed" as having bi-polar, ADD or even distemper! LOL I guess what I am saying is perhaps your daughter is harboring a secret that she believes is to terrible to tell. Perhaps something has happened to her when she was away from the nest and it has played a number on her head. That kind of a secret can eat you up alive when you have been given the tools of survival but don't know how to use them.

I wouldn't want to be a teenager right now-it was bad enough when I was growing up, I imagine today, it would be a nightmare.

Best of luck-

I knew someone who was a pretty troubled kid, but I don't have really close experience with it. All I can say is stay supportive, make sure she doesn't feel like she was dumped off as someone else's problem. Make sure she knows she is more than all of these labels being stamped on her right now, she may have problems but it doesn't mean she's defective.
Overall make sure that YOU also get the help and support you need. This is stressful, and difficult for you, and to be there for her you have to take care of yourself. Don't neglect that!
Good luck with all of this!

I know a girl who was mess as a teenager. The best thing that happened to her was being sent to a juvenile detention center after getting physical with her mother and her having to call the cops (not sure if that was the only reason she was sent there). It wasn't till then that she was diagnosed with ADD. After getting on meds for that and getting help for her other problems she got a lot better!

I won't say her life is ideal by any stretch of the imagination now. She has made a lot of bad choices and had to live with the consequences; but she really is like a different person. I admire her for learning to stand up and face things head on. I've always wondered if she'd gotten help sooner; what would it have done for her? I don't think things like this were as recognized in young teens as they are now. I dunno; but there is hope!!

And please do take care of yourself. While she is getting the help she needs; take the time to heal and regroup for yourself and the rest of your family! *hugs*

I am so proud of you for getting the help for your daughter that she needs. I hope that while she's gone that you and your family will get some counseling to help you learn to handle your daughter and to help you understand what's going on with her.

Crittermom - is that place in Preston County (whose name escapes me right now) $6000 a month? I've heard really good things about them.

How in the world can anyone afford that?

I think you mean the Challenge Acadamy. I think there is financial help for it but I am not sure.

Yes - it is the Challenge Academy. I've heard they're great...