When will it end? Bugsy has a tumour

carolina

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This past week has been very difficult for me...
I was dealing with Lucky who decided to stop eating on me, and then I found a mass on Bugsy's belly. ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Being unemployed, and having $40 on your wallet for food and bills for the next couple of weeks, this is no piece of cake, I tell ya. I do have a credit on Bugsy's Dentist office, which is also an animal hospital, and I had to make a very difficult decision - to cheat on Bugsy's dental treatment (Bugsy won't need this credit for a few months), and decide if these things they are going through right now are indeed an emergency "worthy" of touching that $$$.
They do have insurance, so that money would go towards paying the deductible and some of the bill, and would be replaced ASAP, when the insurance check was received...
Anyways, The vet is only available on Saturday, but the vet tech, who is VERY good, told me to bring them both in to look at them, he would help me to make a decision.
First Lucky - He thinks she is fine, and I agree with him. I slowly have been able to make her eat, and she is back to her old self - she is playing, and acting normal. A few days ago she was strange... He thinks she did have something like all of us have sometimes, but is coming around on her own, and will be just fine. As soon as she came home, she went straight to her plate, and gobbled it down! She ate and ate and ate! I was so relieved! This was the first time she ate on her own in a few days (she had been eating, but I was feeding her).

Anyways... Now the BAD news.

Bugsy has a tumor. It is not an abscess, it is a tumor... He said it needs to come out, as it is attached to the muscle, and it has a very nonuniform shape; it has a lot of edges, and it is under the skin, not on the skin. So, he is schedule to have surgery on the 22nd. I am freaking out to no end.
WHY????? WHY this has to happen to my boy? My poor sweet boy, sooo sweet, the sweetest of the kitties...
He told me to not freak out, that the doctor will make a small incision, and when he takes it out, he will decide by the shape of it if it needs to go to biopsy of not.
I just hope, pray and hope it is not cancer... I don't know what I am going to do...
It is on his belly, close to his chest, about an inch in size.
Please , please send vibes to my boy
 

blueyedgirl5946

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What great news about Lucky. I am sorry for the report you got on Bugsy. Prayers going his way. Try not to worry ahead of time. I know it is hard when it is your sweetheart. Keep us posted what you find out. You are doing the right thing to go ahead and try to determine exactly what needs to be done. I will be praying and believing for a benign tumor report.
 

mews2much

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I am glad Lucky is ok and hope Bugsy does not have cancer.
I am here for you anytime if you need to talk.
My Stripe had a tumor at age 4 and had cancer cells in it but she beat it.
I lost her to CRF at age 11.
Prayers he will be ok.
 
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carolina

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Thank you... Everything is so foggy in my mind right now... I just can't understand... Poor Bugsy... I look at him and I just feel so bad... I pray it is not cancer... I can't be... It just can't...
 

krazy kat2

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When it rains it pours! I am sorry to see that your kitties have been having health issues. I am praying that they will both be ok.
 

pookie-poo

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Oh Carolina, I can't imagine how worried you must be! Of course I will be keeping your sweet Bugsy in my prayers (and you too!) (And Lucky & Hope too!)
 

silva_unt

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I am so SORRY this is happening to your baby! Vibes that his surgery goes well and that there is no cancer
 

addiebee

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Oh crap honey!! Well, at least Lucky is back to normal. Lots of that this is a benign tumor and nothing more needs to be done.

to you!!
 

katkisses

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I am sorry about Bugsy. I just went through a cancer scare with my heart kitty, it is not fun AT ALL. Jut try to remember that right now he is happy, healthy, and ok. That is what is important right now.

You are probably worrying silly for no reason, but I've been there and I know that all you can think about is "what if." Many
for you and Bugsy.
 

kailie

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Oh hun, I am SO sorry that you and Bugsy have to go through this terrible, stressful ordeal right now. Sending a ton of vibes for the little sweetheart! He's hoping it's nothing major at all.
 

alicatjoy

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I was hoping that this wasn't your Bugsy, Carolina. I know you've been through so much recently with Bugsy, then Hope, and now both Lucky and Bugsy. I cannot even imagine how difficult this must be for you. My heart goes out to you during this time
.

And, for sweet Bugsy, here are all the vibes I could possibly muster .

Carolina, you've always been so kind and supportive of me. Please know that I, and I imagine many, many people, are here for you during this difficult time. My PM box is always open.
 

kscatlady

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Oh no! I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. that everything is ok.
 
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carolina

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Thank you all...
Thank you so much... I have been so depressed these last few days, I can't even begin to tell you... Before I went to the vet today, I was very close to snap... Very close... I haven't slept more than a couple of hours straight in days, feeding Lucky around the clock, but also worrying... Worrying so much that even though I haven't slept, I didn't want to get off my bed, I didn't want to get up.
All I thought was why was God punishing my babies, making them sick? How was that fair? Why them? Why not me? Why wasn't I sick? Why was Lucky sick, Bugsy sick, Hope had just gotten better... Bugsy in treatment for life... Yes, I am unemployed... Does he want to prove a point? Is he trying to play a joke on me?
People have cats for 20 years, and they never go sick... Yet, here I am... My world is crumbling, and my babies are suffering??
Why don't I break my foot? Sorry guys that I am pouring my heart here... I just feel like crying so much, and you guys are the only ones to whom I can cry about this... Yes, I am actually bawling
here, so forgive me if I write weird things, but I feel so lost right now...
It was so strange... in one of these prayers, the three of them jumped onto my bed within minutes, and laid by me... That calmed me down so much... It put my thoughts in order enough to realize that I actually had a credit at the vets office where Bugsy had his dental treatment... I sent an urgent email to them, it was night, and they responded immediately.
Today I brought them in, and I know now that Bugsy will be taken care of... Jim told me that even if the credit is not enough to cover the insurance deductible and upfront costs... He said, don't worry, "you know how we are about the billing".
But still, I am SO LOST.
My life is falling apart, and ALL I have are my babies... Everything is so uncertain... I don't pay one bill in one month to pay another... I eat dollar TV dinners... I am hanging from a thread...
All I have at night is Bugsy's purrs to comfort me... He sleeps by my pillow every night... By my neck... He has the loudest purrs...
Oh my God, what if I lose that? What if that is cancer, and I lose my baby? I seriously can not do it... I am going to break... I can not deal with it...
What if it is a big tumor, and he is in pain for a long time?
When he had his dental he was so clingy... Looking for his momma 24x7...Today when we got back from the vet he was calling me all the time too... he wanted me close by, all the time...
I can't even explain to him that it will hurt...
I am sorry guys, I will stop here...
I am not one to pour my heart out in public like this... but today I just need some vibes... Bugsy's and my way...
My heart is so broken right now, and I feel really lonely... I am in a very dark place... In a way, all I have are my kitties, and I can't really say these things to anybody else but you all...
Thank you for listening, and sorry if I bored you...
 

at129

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Oh my...

and a million more for you and Bugsy!

I understand completely how you feel; being unemployed leaves you feeling uncertain, and adrift, just in general life - and somehow, the bad things always seem to pile on when you're already down. While I'm not a particularly religious person, I do believe that you're never dealt more than you can truly handle...although Lord knows, sometimes it comes pretty close!

Most importantly, take care of yourself...definitely try to get some rest! Bugsy has a good vet and a wonderful "mama"...he's in good hands! I'm pulling for both of you.
 

jennyr

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Oh you had me in tears for you over this. I can only hope that all will turn out right. You are lucky to have such a sympathetic vet, and I think you are right to delay the dentals for hte moment. All the very best for Bugsy, and for Lucky too that she stays well. And of course for you, that you keep calm and are there to support your kitties.
 

farleyv

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Me and my kitties are sending mega vibes for your Bugsy. Please take care of yourself so you are able to care for them.

I pray you get good news.
 
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