I'm having an anxiety attack...

I'm near tears and shaking like a leaf so I apologize if this comes out without making sense. I've texted friends, called others, and even e-mailed someone, but no one has answered (it's late and I certainly don't blame them). But, I still need to "talk" and to get everything out.

Ever since I had pneumonia back in January, my anxiety has been heightened. I was off my meds for a period of time due to being on antibiotics and other medication and I think that messed things up some, but I also know that being sick had something to do with all of this. For the record, I am back on my meds and things have largely improved. But, still, the anxiety hasn't lessened...

I'm not going to go into details because I am afraid of what you all will think of me, but suffice it to say that things weren't always good. And, because of the fact that I couldn't properly breathe while sick with pneumonia, certain memories have come to the surface. I'm now so petrified that I'll get sick again and not be able to breathe that I find myself short of breath and in the throes of a full-blown anxiety attack. I have a tremendous fear of not being able to breathe and I know that the anxiety is only making the situation worse, but I feel as though I have no control over my body or my mind. It's terribly frustrating and overwhelming at the same time. I'm scared and knowing that I'm safe now (and I am safe) doesn't help calm me. Nothing does.

It's usually not this bad. And, even when it is, I can almost always hold it together. I feel so pathetic writing this here. My roommate tells me I'm just being dramatic and when I tried to explain things to someone else earlier tonight, they just told me that it was all in my head. I know it's a mental and emotional issue, but that doesn't deflect from the fact that the memories I have are very much real. Feeling invalidated only serves to make me feel more shameful. And, maybe I am dramatic. But, even if I were, would it make what I'm feeling any less real?

I know this will pass. And, I am know that I'm strong and capable of getting through this. But, sometimes, I just wish someone would hold me and make it all go away. I have a lot going on this coming weekend and I need to get back in control so that I can do what I need to do. For now, though, I guess I need to take care of myself. And, so, I'm going to go and take a nice, hot bath and try to relax. Then I'll take my meds, eat my snack, and curl up with the furry ones and try to get some sleep.

I'm sorry for laying this all out here. I hope this doesn't ruin your opinion of me (if you even have one). I'm just afraid right now. I know it'll get better, but, for now, I just need to know that I'm not alone.

Thank you all for being here. Just knowing you're somewhere out there means a lot .

Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. If it were just a matter of "will", I'm sure nobody would suffer from anxiety attacks, so I'm sure nobody thinks badly of you.

Hopefully your hot bath and kitty snuggles helped

Hi hun, I know exactly how you feel, I suffer from anxiety and unless you have suffered it you just don't know how it feels. I am due to have thyroid surgery soon and I am so scared and anxious,people tell me I am being silly and dramatic but anxiety is just awful. I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. Ignore your roommate. I have even resorted to buying a relaxation yoga dvd, not that I have much time to do it but when I do it does help. Sometimes meds I think just mask the problem. Just try and stay calm and take deep breaths, keep telling yourself things will be ok. When I had my first panic attack it was the most awful thing I have ever experienced so I can really sympathise with you. You know that you will not get judged on here and if you need to talk let it out. Pm me anytime you want hun.I hope you feel better in the morning. x

Panic and anxiety attacks are nothing to be ashamed of, and neither are memories that you can't help. Have you had any professional counselling? Sometimes you need to talk to a stranger, one who is trained to listen and make sense of things. Whatever you do, I hope it passes soon and you can realise what a wonderful person you are inside and how much life you have to live and enjoy.

We all deal with something....so don't feel alone. Maybe try to get out today and take an energetic walk. Go and do something "fun" for yourself.

I hope you feel better, you are never alone.

I've had anxiety and depression. I've been to a psychologist to help me deal with past issues and that combined with my Celexa, it's all under control. I feel "normal" again.

It sounds to me like you have some unresolved issues from your past that you need to deal with. Pushing them aside and relying on medication and hoping they will go away, isn't the answer.

You need to see psychologist and work through whatever it is in your past that is upsetting you so much. Once you do that and learn that you aren't a victim to whatever it is, but a survivor, you will be in a much better place in life.

I have anxiety attacks too. They are mostly a side affect of my antidepressant, but no less crippling for that. I have to periodically go off my medication, because the anxiety gets uncontrollable after I've been on the meds about three months.

My anxiety runs to worrying about my cats, and all the other cats in the world. I worry something will happen to me and my cats will be without me. I worry my house will burn down while I'm not home and the cats will die, or possibly worse, get out and lost forever. (this is horrific especially for Tolly, my seizure kitty)

I worry about all the cats suffering under the hands of the sickos in this world, and vivid pictures and details come to mind and will not leave, until I am sobbing desperately with pain and without hope.

Anxiety can be crippling. When I start feeling the way I described just now I know it's time to go off the meds for a few weeks.

Check the side affects of your meds, the anxiety could possibly be being made worse.

hugs and headbumps from me and mine.

xo

PS I'm sorry to people you reached out to we not more supportive. How disappointing. At least you have us.

I agree with what everyone else has said. What you are going through IS very real, and no one should be able to make you feel embarrassed or ashamed for it. I also suffer from emotional issues mostly hormonal and have been diagnosed with PMDD which is luckily mostly under control with the proper medication. I hope that this gets better for you sweetie.

Aw Sweetie, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. My sister has been on meds for anxiety and depression since she was a teenager (she's now 44). She didn't find the right combination of meds until just last year; now it's like she's a new woman, but it took her years to get there.

Sometimes meds I think just mask the problem

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Have you talked to a professional about your anxieties? Being afraid of not being able to breathe isn't silly or over-dramatic. Do you have any asthma issues that may be coming into play?

I so wish I had some constructive advice for you. I know that just being able to talk about what's bothering you can be a huge help. You know we're all here for you; wish I could give you a (((BIG HUG))).

Please don't think that anyone here will judge you. TCS members are an incredibly supportive group.

Thank you everyone .

I so appreciate all of your kindness. I was actually fearful to come back to this site and to this post today, but I'm thankful that I walked through that discomfort and was able to read the responses and, now, post a reply. I felt so much shame and I'm grateful that everyone was so understanding and kind. It really means a lot.

Since I'm feeling better this morning, I figure I can explain a bit more. I am on medications for the anxiety I have as well as for my OCD. While I'm not someone who typically deals with depression, I do take an antidepressant (Celexa). I also take a medication to help with my anxiety at night (Trazodone) and another that I take both at night and any time I'm struggling with uncontrollable anxiety (Valium). I usually only need to take the latter medicine at night, but I do occasionally need it during the day. Since it has a tendency to be addictive, I'm very careful and often wait too long to take it, but I do have it if absolutely necessary. With medication, I can function. Without it, my anxiety becomes so severe that I'm nearly paralyzed by it. But, even with meds, it doesn't fix the issues at hand and it's still a day-to-day struggle.

As far as professional counseling goes, I have been in therapy and have worked with professionals for many years. My childhood and adolescence was not always a happy time. Without going into detail, things were not as they should have been for a child. And, as I grew up, things only became worse. It's hard to explain here and I don't expect anyone to truly understand, but my situation was similar to domestic violence -- only I wasn't the one in the relationship. I was the daughter that took the abuse instead of the mother. There's more, but I'm not comfortable sharing anything more than that at this time. I only got out just a couple of years ago and I'm still dealing with everything that occurred. The scars run deep and it's something I expect to deal with for some time to come, but I do have help professionally.

That was a lot to share and I still feel so much shame. But, today has been a good day so far and I have a lot to do at home to keep me busy -- including lots of cuddling of kitties and dogs. I'm leaving for a "business trip" tomorrow morning and I have loads to do before then, but I'll pop in from time to time. I just hope no one thinks less of me now (I know I'm being redundant, but it truly is hard for me to open up like this)...

I do not have anxiety, but I do have PTSD related to abuse as a child. I found working with a counselor specifically trained in PTSD/trauma was the most helpful for me. I know they are not easy to find. Having an anxiety disorder or OCD is nothing to be ashamed of- these are organic diseases. Trauma changes the wiring in our brains quite literally and it takes a lot of time to repair that damage. My heart goes out to you.

I first want to say that I have been where you are. Sounds like quite a few of us here have...

I feel so much of my old emotions coming up right now. I feel the need to share with you some things that have gotten me through. First of all, try not to open up to people who are not going to validate how you feel. It causes more harm than any good it could. If your supportive friends are not available or it is just gonna make you feel worse because you feel like you are "bothering" them "again" , journal. You can get it all out without fear of what people think of you. Things we have in our heads can be so "bad" that voiceing them to another human just doesn't feel right sometimes. You also don't have to explain how you are feeling or justify how you are feeling. It has been a lifesaver many times for me.

Look at the internet and the phonebook and see if there are hotlines you can call for mental crises. They are 24hr and people are trained to just listen without judgement. It has helped me a few times when I was really truly at my end point.

Make sure you have a good supportive mental health team. I think it is a good idea to look for someone with specific expertise in what you have lived through. Some searching on the internet may lead you to a mental health organization in your area that has resources to help you locate someone like that and also help you find a support group for survivors of childhood abuse. You need to make sure you are not feeling like you are alone. That is very dangerous.

You may be in too much of an overwhelmed state to even think of any of this right now but when you are feeling more stable I think it is very important you seek out the special care you need.

There is no shame, you are trying to do all you can to be better. You have no control over what has happened, no control over the past, but you can have control of how you handle the aftermath and you can feel in control of your life. Keep persevering and doing what you need to do and time will take care of the rest. I wish you well.

Silly question. But have you been back in to thoroughly have your lungs and airways checked out to see how everything is? You're likely better, but hearing that from your doctor may help you put your mind at ease a bit.

Have someone carefully go over your medication from the last couple months to now to make sure that's not instigating this any and see about getting in to see your therapist soon.

Alison, sweetie, I am always here if you need to PM me.

Make sure you take care of yourself medically. I know it can be difficult with your current situation, but you HAVE to take care of yourself.

There are a few of us here who are survivors of childhood abuse, and understand what you are going through. The wounds run so deep that the scars will never completely go away. My mother started the abuse while I was still in utero and it seems to me the pain starts in my cells and there's no way I can separate myself from it. My heart goes out to other kindred spirits like you who know just how deep this hurt can go.

I get anxiety attacks too, but have a very low tolerance for most drugs. My anxiety can come on at any time, even when I am relaxed and, say, watching a funny movie at home. I just have to act like everything is fine and try to ignore my racing heart and my rising fears. Eventually, it goes away.

I guess I don't have much help for you, but want you to know that you are not alone, and that I hope you find peace.

I hope you are doing much better.

Are you feeling better today?