paranoid skitzophrenia...

When I was 21 (13.5 yrs ago) I dated a guy who had paranoid skitzophrenia. My DH was really close friends with him and helped him in a point in his life where he'd tried to kill himself and by the grace of the creator he lived. That was before I met either of them.

I just talked to him today, and he's out there again. It always breaks my heart when I think about it. I love this guy (NOT Like I love my DH, but if he had been more stable he may have been DH) He and I still have a close connection. He told my DH that if he had been different with me, things would have worked out better between us, and that was one of the biggest mistakes he ever made. IT wasn't a mistake, I just couldn't handle his illness. I'm not the most stable person in the world, and being with him was making me loose it.

I am open and honest about my feelings with DH, and he knows that if he wasn't paranoid skitzophrenia I could very well still be with him. DH Knows I am with him, and that he is the only one for me. Yet I feel slightly guilty. I always figured straight honesty is the best in our relationship. I tell DH every time I talk to him, and how I feel. DH is very understanding, since he was very close to him as well.

I'm slightly sad though. I know there is nothing I can do to help. I can only be positive when I talk to him, and look past the strange things he says. He doesn't push me away like he used to, and he doesn't read into what I say looking for the negative (I think that was what he viewed to be his big mistake).

He was diagnosed very young, and had a vasectomy at 18 I believe, so he wouldn't pass on the genes and make someone else suffer like he does.

Do any of you know anyone who suffers with this? How do you deal with it?

It's hard for me because he is special to me, he always has been since the day I met him, even on the day I broke up with him. It was hard for me, but best for us both. I could see us starting down a bad road and I didn't want to go there.

I just had to kind of vent. It bothers me a lot. I wish there was a cure. I don't ask him about his meds, so I don't know if he is on or off them right now. He's pretty sane for a while, then he goes off the deep end for a while, then he's sane... back and forth. He's one of the most loving people I have ever known in my life, but he pushes people away. His mom had paranoid skitzophrenia and killed herself when he was 12, and he found her. He's had it rough, but he keeps going, and he is very religious, and that helps him.

I was just curious how others deal with it. I don't have to deal with it often, since we don't talk a lot. It just hurts me when he is out there when I talk to him.

Thank you

Be safe.

Do any of you know anyone who suffers with this? How do you deal with it?

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My father's best friend growing up in school (let's call him Chuck - not his real name) ended up being diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic around his late teens if I'm not mistaken. My dad says that he was always a little odd, but that it wasn't until my dad went to medical school that he really started to understand what his friend was dealing with. Chuck and my dad were pretty close when they were young. They both shared a hobby of amateur radio and electronics. Chuck had a gift when it came to electronics. If it wasn't for his disability, he could have easily gone to a school like MIT. I too share the hobby of amateur radio and electronics and just like my dad and Chuck, I've built complete complex circuits from scratch, like digitally synthesized radio transmitters, receivers, electronic audio filters, etc. etc. The difference between my father as well as myself and Chuck, is that unlike us, who need to refer to proper references and instructive materials Chuck from a young age was able to visualize the circuit and how it works. He could put things together from scratch just off the top of his head. He's a genius really. I've met him several times.

Unfortunately, as my father was in medical school, Chuck's condition declined rapidly. He became fairly seriously ill, yet refused to admit he has a problem (and if I'm not mistaken, to this day still does). At the same time, he's entirely dysfunctional, has let his body go along with his mind (the last time I saw him I don't think he had showered in weeks and his teeth were rotting). My father along with other mutual friends (coincidentally also doctors) have tried to intervene. He just won't accept that he has a problem and lives his life in fear. He won't have a telephone because he's convinced it's bugged. He truly seems to believe that the government is somehow plotting against him. He is fortunate in that some nice lady took pity on him and has let him live with her in exchange for him basically doing things like fixing electrical work, fixing her computer, etc. He lives in a small closet sized bedroom in her house. I've never seen it. I've only heard about it through him. We don't know where though.

He stopped his amateur radio hobby because he was convinced the government was listening in (actually, theoretically that is possible as the FCC does monitor the amateur bands occasionally to ensure they aren't being used for illegal purposes and that only licensed individuals are using them). He more or less lives in a self-created pre-electronics age due to his irrational fears. I don't know if he's ever been hospitalized or not. My father wasn't sure. We occasionally see him at ham radio conventions, and sadly, each time we're pleasantly surprised because when we don't see him for a few years, we accept the possibility that he may be dead, either self-inflicted or otherwise. He shows up though sometimes to purchase oddball items like circuit boards and parts to help him further strengthen his security system (which I'm sure must be straight out of a movie at this point). It's very sad when we see him, and we all try to be as polite and friendly as possible and overlook things that he says that are for lack of a better way to say it, "flat out crazy." Everybody has come to accept that until he is willing to conclude himself that he has a disorder, he will never be able to be treated, and he will likely die, kill himself, or be killed or imprisoned as a result of his condition. Every time we see him, my father tells me the stories from when they were younger that I've heard so many times before, but don't mind hearing again as it's nice to think that at some point in his life, he was able to enjoy his life to some degree. I can't say for sure that he isn't happy, but he never seems truly happy.

That's Chuck.

There is also John (again, not his real name). John isn't paranoid schizophrenic, but suffers from severe phobias and OCD. He too is an amateur radio operator, and a really nice guy actually. I like him a lot. He owns a pet store and is very dedicated to his work and to trying to empower troubled youths and get them back on the right path through employing them and trying to help them at the same time. He's really a nice guy. Unfortunately though, he does have some issues that need to be addressed. He is severely germophobic and keeps pretty much everything of his in a clear plastic bag, even while holding or using it. He also has severe claustrophobia that goes beyond what I normally would expect. He can't use elevators or stairwells, so whenever we all meet for a convention, he stays on the first floor of the hotel. He has to, otherwise he finds another hotel where he can. I asked him at one point, trying to pinpoint whether it was claustrophobia or something else, "If you were in the middle of an open air large stadium, with plenty of open spaces looking around, but you knew that the gates to get out were locked, would that set off a panic attack?" He answered yes to that. I'm not sure what that diagnostically is. I'm not a doctor, so that isn't surprising. His problems have caused some rough spots in his marriage, but his wife is very nice as well and supports him. His children I've actually never met, but would like to. He seems to be pretty functional, and these phobias, along with a long list of others, primarily effect his ability to enjoy his life. He isn't a danger to himself or others though.

On the other hand, I suspect Chuck is a danger to himself. Probably not others, but I'm not comfortable saying that he isn't definitively.

I know it's rough. I'm sure that it's much harder for my dad than it is for me given how close they were. Maybe it isn't quite as close as you were to this gentleman, but they were close.

All I can really say is, life is unfair. In this case to both him and you. How to deal with it? I guess my father, his friends, and myself in the case of Chuck just kind of roll with the punches now and don't expect anything, therefore there won't be any let down for anybody. My father, and his friends have an open offer to get him help should he want it. The ball is in his court now. There isn't much that we can do about that. As for John, he's functional enough, and even has a bit of a sense of humor about his issues. I convinced him recently to see a psychiatrist and my father even found him a good doctor. Whether he followed through - I won't know until I see him again.

I debated sharing this and talked to DH for his permission to share our experience with paranoid schizophrenia. DH was diagnosed with schizophrenia in the 80's. He began hearing voices and was extremely paranoid. He would yell at the "people" on our roof. My in-laws and I had an intervention and took him to a mental hospital where he voluntarily admitted himself. He spent a few years on medication, but he decided he did not need the pills nor the doctor.

He got worse and would accuse me of the most horrendous things. I finally got him in to see a new doctor who put him on different meds. He was the one who suggested DH apply for disability. That was 3 years ago. We go before the judge as he has been denied twice already. The meds do not control everything but it does help the paranoia and visual hallucinations. But heaven help us if he forgets his pills which he takes every evening. If that happens, he cannot sleep at all. He forgot Friday night and did not sleep at all. He took his pills Saturday afternoon and was finally able to get some sleep.

It has been very difficult living with him over the years but I stuck by him. Many women would have left but I am one of those who took my marriage vows seriously. In SICKNESS and in health. Things are getting better as long as he takes his meds and sees his doctor. I go with him to his appointments since he cannot remember things. His memory is shot.

People can live with paranoid schizophrenia. It just takes the right medication and the right doctor. People with this illness should not drink as it makes it worse, much worse. I thank God everyday that DH quit drinking. It has made it so much more manageable. Prayer is the best medication though. We pray daily about this. I pray that someday God will heal him of this affliction.

Well, that is my story.. Long but maybe our story will help someone else that has a family member or loved one with this illness. It is not the end of the world. With love and patience, you can help someone come to grips with it. But this has to be THEIR choice to get the help they so desperately need. No amount of badgering will accomplish this.

My friends husband has it and he was suppose to be a grooms man at our wedding.
He ended up in a mental hospital right before the wedding adn we were short one person
He even had ect electric shock treatment and still he would get real bad.
The voices would tell him to do bad things like try to kill himself.
He was on so many meds and sometimes would be ok.
I have not seen them since they moved to Nevada.

I once had an auditory hallucination. It wasn't a voice, but it was something that I knew wasn't there. It was due to a smoking cessation medication I had just started a few days earlier (I smoked for years, but haven't in almost a year now). Anyways, I stopped taking the medication, but it was a real eye opener for me. I can't imagine people living with that constantly, and worse, not realizing that they're hearing something that isn't there. I don't remember if my father's friend has heard voices. I think he has, but I can't remember my father ever mentioning it or not. The times I've seen him he's said some bizarre things, but I don't recall any of them involving talking to people who weren't there. It has to be difficult for you guys to see your SO suffer from such an awful disease (or is it technically a disorder?).

Originally Posted by LawGuy

It has to be difficult for you guys to see your SO suffer from such an awful disease (or is it technically a disorder?).

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It IS very difficult and most women would have left years ago. There are many times I was tempted to leave but I didn't. We think DH's was caused by a chemical imbalance in his brain by a combination of pot, drinking and crash dieting. The Doctors never did come out and SAY it was schizophrenia but I have his file from his disability case and the diagnosis is in that file. I mistyped the year though. DH was diagnosed around 1995, just after we bought the house we lost.

Originally Posted by Catkiki

I debated sharing this and talked to DH for his permission to share our experience with paranoid schizophrenia. DH was diagnosed with schizophrenia in the 80's. He began hearing voices and was extremely paranoid. He would yell at the "people" on our roof. My in-laws and I had an intervention and took him to a mental hospital where he voluntarily admitted himself. He spent a few years on medication, but he decided he did not need the pills nor the doctor.

He got worse and would accuse me of the most horrendous things. I finally got him in to see a new doctor who put him on different meds. He was the one who suggested DH apply for disability. That was 3 years ago. We go before the judge as he has been denied twice already. The meds do not control everything but it does help the paranoia and visual hallucinations. But heaven help us if he forgets his pills which he takes every evening. If that happens, he cannot sleep at all. He forgot Friday night and did not sleep at all. He took his pills Saturday afternoon and was finally able to get some sleep.

It has been very difficult living with him over the years but I stuck by him. Many women would have left but I am one of those who took my marriage vows seriously. In SICKNESS and in health. Things are getting better as long as he takes his meds and sees his doctor. I go with him to his appointments since he cannot remember things. His memory is shot.

People can live with paranoid schizophrenia. It just takes the right medication and the right doctor. People with this illness should not drink as it makes it worse, much worse. I thank God everyday that DH quit drinking. It has made it so much more manageable. Prayer is the best medication though. We pray daily about this. I pray that someday God will heal him of this affliction.

Well, that is my story.. Long but maybe our story will help someone else that has a family member or loved one with this illness. It is not the end of the world. With love and patience, you can help someone come to grips with it. But this has to be THEIR choice to get the help they so desperately need. No amount of badgering will accomplish this.

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Thankyou for sharing your story. I didn't date him for very long, a few months. As he went on one of his downward spirals, I was going down with him. My mom and my family noticed changes in me that they didn't care for.

I feel guilty for not being the ONE for him, but I know where our relationship was going to go. I do hope there is someone out there who can and will love him unconditionally (I do, but not in THAT way), and be able to be with him.

YOu are very strong, and i admire you

Be safe.

It definately helps to talk with others who know what it is like. My sister is bipolar and it has its challenges.

She "remembers" conversations we never had but can't remember real conversations we have had. She says alot of things like "oh, I think I remember such and such" when you know she doesn't. Makes it hard to trust anything she says which is difficult.

I know she doesn't mean to be like this though and I give her space to just be who she is. I used to be bad at pointing it out when she did this but it would frustrate both of us so I stopped.

It wasn't helping anyway, she would deny she didn't really know what she was talking about. But later on could admit she has this probelm, but can only see it abstractly (if thats the right word), when it is actually happening she doesn't see it...totally frustrating...

It is a good thing your contact is limited, for your sake. Just listen when he calls, lots of uh-huhs and "I hear ya" will make him feel heard but not make you feel like you are being fake with him or feeding his paranoia. You are not alone in feeling really sad. When I feel sad I just make sure I remember that she is well enough to still be living....I feel really grateful for that.

He is lucky to have a good friend like you who he can call and you don't shy away from him. Your DH sounds like a really great guy also.

I once had a patient tell me that she saw a rat climb out of the toilet in her jail cell. "I know it's not real, because everyone tells me it's not," she said. "But it looked real to me and it sure was scary." That gave me a whole new prespective of the disease. Imagine thinking you see something like that...or something worse. (And BTW, we didn't have rats in our jail.) I have a special place in my heart for paranoid schizophrenics. My friend's mom is one, and she can be violent. But most of the time, they aren't.