How do I know what to do?

I got the news a while ago about my cat Micky possibly having lymphoma about a month ago. I decided not to put him through the trauma of additional vet visits and have been trying to do my best to keep him comfortable. He just turned 15 on Feb 5.

He has stopped eating and drinking, so I've been syringe feeding him baby food for about 2 weeks. I haven't seen him use the litterbox in a while. I talked with the vet the other day and she said I have to start preparing myself for the inevitable.

After I fed him tonight, I put him back in his bed so he could sleep. And I noticed that he kept trying to get up and walk a few steps to a blanket I have on the floor for him. And then he would try walking back to his bed. He seems to have trouble walking, like I can't tell if he's in pain or if he's just having trouble walking in general.

You guys, honestly, I dont know what to do. I knew this moment would come eventually but I'm so NOT ready to bring him in! The problem is that I just don't know when it's time. I knew with my last cat because she was having too much trouble breathing and I couldn't let her suffer anymore. But with Micky I just don't KNOW!!

I'm taking my kitten Midnight into the vet tomorrow morning to be fixed. I was going to ask the vet to pre-pay for the shot and cremation for Micky because when I do bring him in, I really don't want to have to deal with that part of it. It's killing me. I feel like my heart is breaking in a million pieces. I've cried so much and begged him to show me some little part of the kitty I knew but he doesn't even really look at me anymore. He totally ignores me. I haven't heard him meow in over a month! Just growling at me when I try to feed him. feel like he is mad at me or something.

I don't know what to do! I don't know when's the right time! I'm struggling with this so much and I just can't figure out what to do!

I'm absolutely devastated that this is happening. What do I do???

Originally Posted by Ruby35

I got the news a while ago about my cat Micky possibly having lymphoma about a month ago. I decided not to put him through the trauma of additional vet visits and have been trying to do my best to keep him comfortable. He just turned 15 on Feb 5.

He has stopped eating and drinking, so I've been syringe feeding him baby food for about 2 weeks. I haven't seen him use the litterbox in a while. I talked with the vet the other day and she said I have to start preparing myself for the inevitable.

After I fed him tonight, I put him back in his bed so he could sleep. And I noticed that he kept trying to get up and walk a few steps to a blanket I have on the floor for him. And then he would try walking back to his bed. He seems to have trouble walking, like I can't tell if he's in pain or if he's just having trouble walking in general.

You guys, honestly, I dont know what to do. I knew this moment would come eventually but I'm so NOT ready to bring him in! The problem is that I just don't know when it's time. I knew with my last cat because she was having too much trouble breathing and I couldn't let her suffer anymore. But with Micky I just don't KNOW!!

I'm taking my kitten Midnight into the vet tomorrow morning to be fixed. I was going to ask the vet to pre-pay for the shot and cremation for Micky because when I do bring him in, I really don't want to have to deal with that part of it. It's killing me. I feel like my heart is breaking in a million pieces. I've cried so much and begged him to show me some little part of the kitty I knew but he doesn't even really look at me anymore. He totally ignores me. I haven't heard him meow in over a month! Just growling at me when I try to feed him. feel like he is mad at me or something.

I don't know what to do! I don't know when's the right time! I'm struggling with this so much and I just can't figure out what to do!

I'm absolutely devastated that this is happening. What do I do???

Click to expand...

It's a horribly heartbreaking and difficult decision to make, I know. I sadly had to make that decision twice last year, with my first/oldest and dearest cats

With Taco (he had malignant tumors on his back), although he was still eating and walking around, that last 2 days he didn't seem comfortable and he had this sort of distant look in his eyes, the light was gone in his eyes. Cats are notorious for hiding their pain so I felt that he was in a lot of pain. I felt that to prolong it would just be for me, because I didn't want to let him go, but I had to tell myself that letting him go meant no more pain for him.

With Tigger, I had to syringe feed her for the last 2 weeks, and give her daily subQ fluids, plus an appetite stimulant that really was no longer working. She was starting to hide all the time. She was my first cat, she was 17 yrs old. Her and I had been through thick and thin. She and I were very very close, we had a bond like I've had with no other cat (except maybe Taco). She had kidney failure and I suspect something else. Again, I had to tell myself that she must have been having pain and feeling awful, even moreso than what she was showing. I felt that out of love and respect for her, I had to let her go so that she wouldn't feel so rotten. Of course she really perked up at the Vet when I took her in, on the exam table she paced around and acted like her usual self but I knew this wouldn't last. I had to set her free.

If your kitty is no longer wanting to eat or drink, and is having trouble walking, it may be time to set him free. I know how horrible it is to make that decision, believe me, I wouldn't wish it on anybody......but i think you will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders, and a real 'peace' inside once you let her go; a peace that she is free from discomfort and feeling yucky.

I am so sorry you are faced with this.

It's weird you should mention the thing about hiding. Because that's another thing he has been doing more often.

As long as I've had him, he has never hid, with the exception of when we first moved into my new townhouse where I live now. He hid under the daybed for about 3 days. Then he was fine after that. But now? The last 5 days, he has hidden in the farthest corner under my bed several times, which is very uncharacteristic of him.

This is so awful! Although I understand what you mean about a weight being lifted. I can certainly understand that. But at the same time this tremendous guilt like maybe there's something left to do that I haven't done, like maybe I should have done something else at some point to prevent this from happening? Like there's something I haven't tried that might help him feel just a little better?

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel so totally numb right now, I just don't know what to think.

I do know how you feel.
Have you tried fluids?
My cats hid when they got bad also before they died.
Only you can decide what to do.
I asked for advice when I had Yoshi pts right after I joined this list.
Prayers for you and your family.

Oh, Ruby, I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

I know it can be so hard, but you have to consider Micky's quality of life at this point. If he's not enjoying living and there is no cure for him, the best and most loving thing you can do is say goodbye. I know that is SO much easier said than done, and my heart is truly breaking for you right now.

If it helps, just tell yourself that you gave Micky a loving home and all the care he has deserved. You don't have anything to feel guilty about; at 15 years old, he's led a long, good kitty life.

Originally Posted by Ruby35

It's weird you should mention the thing about hiding. Because that's another thing he has been doing more often.

As long as I've had him, he has never hid, with the exception of when we first moved into my new townhouse where I live now. He hid under the daybed for about 3 days. Then he was fine after that. But now? The last 5 days, he has hidden in the farthest corner under my bed several times, which is very uncharacteristic of him.

Click to expand...

With my oldest girl Tigger, the only times in her life she ever hid (so rare) was a couple of times when she was constipated, and that was my clue that something was amiss. But then, during her final week, she was constantly hiding under the bed, behind the couch, down in the basement. This was just not like her. She was my cuddlebug and had been all her life. Wherever I was, she was always there. Her favorite spot was snuggled up against me as I'd lie on the couch in the evening. And she was always walking on top of me, in bed, each morning - waking me up. But that final week, she just wanted to be left alone and that to me was enough for me to know she felt really rotten. Cats will hide when they're feeling poorly

I know how hard it is when you feel the need to second guess yourself, "was there something I could have done sooner?" ..or "did I do everything I could do?" or "is there something else I should be doing?"

With my Taco, who had Sarcoma, he had 2 surgeries (3 months apart) to remove the evil tumors and I had resigned myself, due to the aggressive and terminal nature of his type of tumor, that if the 2nd surgery didn't work, I couldn't put him through another surgery. So 3 months, to the day, after his 2nd surgery and I felt a new lump, my heart broke because I knew there was nothing more I could do and I felt so damn helpless. It was the worst feeling inside, each day, each week, to see and feel the new tumors grow/develop. It was like a painful slap in my face each day, to see this but not be able to do anything. To me, it was like torture. I cherished each day with him but at the end, I knew that even one more day with him on this earth would have been selfish on my part (those last few days, the one large tumor had erupted through the skin). I knew, sadly, there was nothing more I could do, I had done all I could. I had done my very best. I didn't want it to get to the point where he became so miserable that he stopped eating/drinking/walking.

It's a personal decision, I know. But in the came of a pet with a terminal illness, I feel it's best to set them free before they're so incapacitated that they don't even know what's going on.

I wish you peace and strength.

Sweetheart I am SO sorry that you are going through this right now... It must be incredibly tough, but it does sound like it is time to let your baby go. I think when we can make that decision that it is the most unselfish thing you can do for your beloved kitty. No doubt he knows he is loved and had a long and happy life with you. Ultimately though the decision IS your's, and it will never be easy. We are here for you.

I've been through this recently, so please pardon me for writing a very straightforward response — I think I understand what you are going through now, and I also made the hard decision you are struggling with and saw it through. So I've experienced it from both sides.

I know you are going through terrible anguish — I did — but it is VERY important to stop focusing on your own feelings and focus on those of your cat. He's the one who matters here. Later on, you can take time to be kind to yourself. And to grieve.

I tried chemo for my cat with lymphoma and kept listening to my vet to "give it more time" when my cat was exhibiting clear signs that she didn't want to be here any more. (While the chemo was helping, my cat also had a bad herpses flare-up that made breathing difficult and heart disease). The signs I was seeing were the same signs you are seeing now. I should have listened to my cat and eased her, gently and finally, from her pain. My heart knew this, but my head said, "Listen to the doctor."

The kindest, most unselfish, humane thing to do if Micky:
• has lymphoma, which is fatal
• has stopped eating
• has trouble walking (a sign of pain)
• isn't enjoying life (has stopped doing most of his favorite activities)
• is hiding (a very clear sign of pain)

is to put him to sleep. If you are really seeing all of these signs, my experience tells me that there isn't anything you can do that will make him feel better — except perhaps for a brief time before he goes back to being in pain. For example, painkillers or fluids can't cure his illness, they will only prolong it.

It sounds like his cancer is progressing and making his life very difficult. Please don't blame yourself for deciding against chemo. I now believe I made a mistake in putting my cat through it, once I saw how it affected her. There is no easy solution for lymphoma. Chemo can work for a time, but more often it doesn't, according to my vet. So we took a gamble with our Bunnelina and lost. I think you were very brave to spare your cat the chemo. Now you have to be brave again.

I believe that you are writing here because you know in your heart that it's time. But your head is telling you, "No, no, I can't do this!" So I am asking you to think about what your cat is going through and take your feelings out of the equation. This is the kindest thing we can do for our cats. It's the ultimate kindness.

If you trust and like your vet, he or she should be able to give you support right now.

I know, I really KNOW, that you are going through all kinds painful emotions right now. But I found that can be powerful comfort in knowing that you bravely did the best thing for Micky. I wish I had more of that comfort and we hadn't waited an extra 10 days to see if my cat's virus would resolve. I wish I could go back in time and spare her 10 days of what I know now were difficult and sad for her.

I'm almost in tears for what you are going through and I wish there were a way that words and good wishes could give you some peace. There is just no easy path in these situations. As everyone has said here, the decision is yours. I wish you peace, strength and clarity.

Thank you everyone for your support. It really helps a lot to get perspective from others who know exactly what I'm going through. Thank you so much everyone, it really means a lot to me.

I just got home from the vet. I made an appointment for tomorrow to bring him in. I told them I wanted to pre-pay because I know I won't be in any shape to deal with that tomorrow. I took the day off work today so I could spend just one more day with him.

I tried to pick him up and hold him in my lap but he doesn't want to be held anymore and that hurts me so much! He and I used to cuddle for hours watching tv and just chilling out. He loved being held and cuddled but in these last 2 weeks he has just iggnored me. When I call out to him and say hey buddy what's up? He totally ignores me and doesn't even twitch his ears when I say his name.

I've been texting with a friend of mine this morning and he said, You've been asking for him to give you a sign that he is ready and I think he is giving it to you.

I have had to put 3 cats to sleep in my 35 years. But this is by far the hardest because the bond I've had with him is greater than anything I could have ever imagined. I've never felt such joy from another living being as I have when I've held him in my arms and had him by my side these 15 years. I'm so grateful to have had this kind of wonderful and loving being in my life. And that's why this is tearing my heart out so much. I feel like a part of me is dying that I will never get back again.

You said he can't walk much and growls when you try to feed him. It sounds to me like he is in a lot of pain. Can you have the vet check him to get her opinion?

Only you know your cat and only you can make the decision, but honestly just from what you've described, it sounds to me like it is time to let him go. Cats hide their suffering very well. If he shows a little pain, you can bet he is feeling a lot more than that.

I'm so sorry

Ruby, I sent you a PM last night. I think you did the right thing to go ahead and make the appt. I am so sorry, having just been through this three weeks ago. I wish I could give you a hug. It hurts so much, when it is such a special cat. I pray you will find peace in your heart. You did everything you could for Mickey because you love him so much. We both have to focus on the wonderful homes they had for so long. Hugs to you. We will all be thinking of you. It is a terrible thing to have to go through, but most of us understand. We are here for you. Prayers.

Ruby!

That is such a hard decision to make. Just know that Micky loves you and he has been your loving pal as much as you've been his. You gave him a good home and a long life.

I have been through this myself recently. It is a horrible thing to have to make this decision, one of the hardest ones I've had to make in recent history.

I don't want to go into my kitty's medical problems, but the vet did tell me one thing that was very helpful to me in making that decision. He told me that kitty will let me know when it is his time. Vet said when the cat stops eating and drinking this would be the sign. He was on a diet of kero syrup, chicken broth, and canned tuna juice for about a week as that's all he would eat. One day he just stopped eating and drinking altogether and I knew I had to make that horrible decision. But I knew it was the right one. I didn't want my kitty to suffer by starving to death and being so miserable in his last few days. I know this is a hard decision that none of us wants to make, but I did it in the best interest of my kitty. So that last day I took the day off of work and spent as much time with him as I could, and said my goodbyes in the morning. I know its hard to do, but I was just looking out and doing whats right for my kitty.

Ruby, remember that there is never any down-side to loving an animal the way you love Micky. It's one of the best things about living, and giving an animal a great life, and a peaceful end, is one of the best things you can do on earth.

What goes around comes around, and that special ability you have to love and be loved doesn't end when a cat's life does. I am going to try not to get all mystical here, but I felt exactly the same way about losing Bunnelina, among all my many cats. I thought I'd always mourn her and never recover. But I was wrong. My advice to you is to keep your mind, heart, and eyes wide open in the weeks and months ahead. Follow your instincts, continue to be brave, and there will be another cat (or two) "looking" for you, to share the same kind of love you gave Micky. And you will be able to remember him with joy as you start loving the cat (or cats) he'll guide to you.

That love between you and Micky is going to protect you, if you allow it to, and not cause you further pain. I'll be thinking of you today.

Has anyone heard from Ruby?