frustrating, demanding cat!

How long have you had her? Sometimes the newcomer can take a while to settle in, especially if she came from a situation in which she didn't get a lot of attention.

There are a lot of experienced people on this site; I know there are other members who will have some suggestions for you.

Hi there,

When did you adopt her, and how did you introduce her to the new cat?
also, do you have a cat tree? Shelves? How old is the original cat? What are you feeding her, and how much? Has she been to the vet yet?

Feliway might be able to help you... Also, adding more scratching posts and different scratchers, like cardboard, etc...
SoftClaws can save your furniture and your legs if the scratching doesn't stop...
Laying on your lap... Well, she just might be a lap cat the poor thing just want to be loved ... It saddens me to read this here...

It sounds like she is being a normal cat. They will scratch furniture, they will be pests from time to time. It could also be she truly is hungry and needs more food.

I would welcome a cat who wants to be on my lap. That is why we have cats. My cats knock things off the tables all the time. Like a child, sometimes you have to cat proof your home.

It also makes me sad that you are "fed up" with her. She seems like a normal girl who would sure like to have your love. I have never been fed up with a cat. I work on it and yes it takes time.

I hope if you still consider her a problem, you will find a home where the family has more patience.

Hmmm...sounds to me like she is a tremendously bossy Alpha. Is she bullying/terrorizing your resident cat? If so, that is not good. What drew you to her in the first place?

Were they properly introduced... ??? WRong way is to throw new kitty in with resident w/o a "breaking in" period.

Not sure what to tell you besides Feliway, Bach's Rescue remedy for pets -soft claws, kitty proof your home and use aversives to prevent her from clawing your furniture... double sided sticky tape helped with my situation.. or a no scratch spray... put lots and lots of scratchers in the area where she scratches.. both horizonal and vertical... spice them up with catnip if she likes that and responds to it.

Is she skinny? She may have been starved at some point in her life. My fosters are all tremendously food driven and will pester me for whatever I am eating... and/or more of their food. I occasionally give them some- I know- bad, bad, bad. But I just throw some treats on the floor and they go after those instead. You could get her a treat ball or a slowdown feeder that she uses her paws to get at the food - one or two pieces of kibble at a time. I have seen them at Petco. That will allow her to feed w/o gobbling food and keep her occupied.

She may need to be an only cat. You live in Ypsi. Did you get her from the Humane Society of Huron Valley? They can usually tell you if that was the case. Call there... see what advice they may have. I would hate to see her go back there... tho' HSHV is better than most... that would be a last resort, IMO.

Some cats have had really difficult lives. Starved of food and affection. They have needs like all living things do and will "act out" to get those needs met. ANY including negative attention is better than NO attention when you are starved for companionship right?

Please take pity on this poor kitty and give it time.

I went through it with Fiona and Rocko.

Fiona the first night I brought her home pestered me (meowing, pacing, getting in my face literally) till I wondered if she was unable to find a place to rest because she was new to the place, so I went to my bed and got in. She followed me right to bed and came over to cuddle and fell asleep. She needed this kind of special consideration for MONTHS.

I had to play with her for hours everyday because (as I came to know after some time living with her) it is the only way she knows how to cope with stress is to play hard (she is very highstrung). But she mellowed in time.

Rocko is another needy guy. Everyday since I brought him home he HAD TO do that kneeding thing ON MY LAP several times a day. It was his way of dealing with the stress and finding comfort. So I let him even though sometimes I had better things to do. It took a year and a half, but he doesn't need to do it anymore. He does it maybe a couple times a week vs. couple times a day! He also gets attention from me by using his paws and claws. I just make sure to keep them clipped so I don't get hurt. He is also extremely food centered! Drives me nuts! Every time I go into the kitchen he follows me, doesn't matter if he just ate or not. He will nap on his food bowl also if he waits too long....seriously

If you want to make this work and I think you do since you are here looking for advice, I would give it time. It can take over a year to see what your cat is REALLY like without all the risidual effects of being abandoned and in a shelter environment. I am CONSTANTLY suprised by Rocko! He was very stoic when he first came home and know he is a big clown.

Give your cat lots of love and affection. Over do it! Keep playing! Laser pointers are AWESOME!

In regards to the knocking over of stuff, some cats are just like that. I had Sydney since he was 4 weeks old and he always knocked things over to get attention. I just made sure nothing was around for him to do that too. It was a compromise I didn't mind because I love cats and all of them have their "thing" you have to either live with or not have them at all. I choose to live with it. None of my cats knock stuff over on purpose now but I have a chewer so its always SOMETHING.

All of these posts have been nothing but helpful. None of them said to put down the cat. O__O I think you are being waaaay too sensitive.

Wow. Most of the posts here, including mine, are trying to be helpful. I know I didn't condemn you or suggest you euth her!! I'm sorry if you felt like people jumped on you.

You also just added some very important details that were not in the first post. First - Bless you for taking in an "unadoptable". There were lots of suggestions made too, like Feliway, Bach's Rescue Remedy for cats, etc...

I suggested above you get some professional behavioral help... starting with the HSHV or perhaps your own vet. It sounds way too complicated to sort out in a bunch of internet posts.

But while lots of people on here have lots of experience ... NO ONE is a certfied cat behaviorist, etc...

Time and lots of investment in redirection and positive reinforcement may help. Because of the psych and emotional damage to her, she may always be somewhat incorrigible. She may need "kitty Prozac"... also a last resort, IMO. There are psycho-pharmaceuticals for animals that do have good results. One for anxiety... name escapes me....

How long have you had her? What kind of food does she eat (dry or canned or combo or raw)?

Sounds like she's not had the love and attention prior to coming to your home to teach her the appropriate ways to express herself. (Does that make sense?) In addition to settling into her new home and determining the "pecking order" of the cat family, she's having to learn a new set of expectations and acceptable behavior. She also may need lots of help with socialization.

Are your kitties on a set feeding schedule or do you free feed? I ask this because our cats are on a schedule and they will bug us incessantly if they're hungry, we're late feeding them, or they think they should be fed! They can be real pains in the patootie!

When she's being a pain, you might need to redirect her attention to playing with some toy or batting around a toy. Sometimes distracting them and redirecting them to a toy can help.

I am sorry to say, but IMO your post, was the most judgmental post on this thread... Why so defensive? You came here for opinions, we gave you our opinions, and advices, took our time to write and try to help you... Only to hear you write things rather harsh about your kitty...
Nobody here would ever say that your kitty has - and I quote you own words, - rather disgusting physical issues...

Many, MANY of us have problem kitties... I have 2 of them... 2 out of 3 are problem cats. Actually, 3 of 3, really, one of them doesn't have a problem anymore, but did when she came here... It TOOK a LOT of work, and a LOT of help, today she is "normal"... For Bugsy, my sickly, who takes all of me... Then there is my little Hope, who came in as a feral rescue...
Some people here have them by the dozen. You are not alone.
This is a cat welfare site - we are not here to brag about our perfect kitties... Rarely you will a perfect kitty here, in the dictionary sense of word; but for us, they are all perfect.
This is a wonderful community of cat lovers, who can really help you, if you are ready to listen, and accept ideas and advices that differ from what you want to hear... If you do I guarantee you that what you will find here will be priceless, and will help you tremendously... But you have got to have an open mind, and see that we are not judging you here - we are just trying to help and giving you what you asked for - advice, and opinions.

I would like to know SPECIFICALLY what comments were judgemental. I can't believe I WASTED my time writing my advice to you only to hear you rudely dismiss it. Was there nothing you gained from reading our posts to you? Nothing at all? I thought people gave some good advice.


People here don't have "perfect" cats....if you took the time to figure that out you wouldn't be so "judgemental" yourself about who we are and what we posted to you about. All three of my cats have issues and I gave you some examples and advice and you decide to crap all over it.......thanks.....

I am concerned about the nasal discharge. Is it clear or discolored? If it's clear, that's fine, but if it's discolored, then something else is going on, either a bacterial or viral infection. I have a cat who has herpes and nasal discharge is really disgusting, but it's a fact of life with her at certain times of the year.

Has your cat been tested for Feline Herpes? If not, get her tested using the IDEXX Real Feline PCR URD test. Not only will it test for herpes, but it'll test for several other upper respiratory diseases. Also, have the vet do a culture and sensitivity test on the snot, especially if it's colored. It'll help accurately diagnose what kind of infection you're dealing with and the sensitivity test will tell you exactly which medication will treat the problem best.

If she's diagnosed with herpes, there's lots you can do to help her get healthy and stay healthy. If she's got medical things going on, this might be contributing to her behavior issues.

Do you have Feliway plug-ins? If not, you might want to look into investing in some as that might help de-stress her and calm her down some.

If you'd like to PM me, feel free to do that as well.

Seriously, you need to stop. Can you specifically point out where anyone has judged you? (quote them because no one else but you, sees it.) You are being irrationally defensive and over-sensitive without merit. The posts here have all been trying to help, giving their insights and advice, questions and personal experiences. They have been nothing but patient and friendly.

My advice, start reading and learning how to help your kitty instead of trying to justify your nasty attitude. Yes, that's right, I'm judging you. Deal with it.
We've all had different experiences, you don't know what others here have gone through either, so don't play the martyr. =/

Good luck with your cat and seeking help and advice with that kind of personality.

Your new kitty needs love and understanding.

If she is asking for food all the time, it may be that she was starving at some point in her life, and so she has a food anxiety. She is driven to know that she has food available all the time.

I would feed her smaller meals more often to help reduce her anxiety. Carry a baggie of healthy kibbles with you and when she is acting hungry, toss a few for her to chase down. This will go a long way toward easing her anxiety.

Harassing your other cat is a problem. Keep them separated except under supervision as they learn to live together. Get some feliway plug ins. Make sure you have enough vertical space for two cats. Cats need heights and hide away cubby-holes in their environment, and they need enough for two.

This cat needs calm, not stress. When she scratches the furniture calmly redirect her to the cats' own furniture. If you do not have a cat tree, get or build one. Cats need something to scratch on, if you don't want her scratching your furniture, you have to give her her own.

Add some l-lysine to her daily diet. This helps boost the immune system and may help with the discharges.

You said you took this cat in because no one else would, but your resentful (from your posts here) attitude toward her is not doing her any favors. Perhaps you are not as resentful of her to her face, and you are just blowing off steam here. I can understand that.

Cats are extremely sensitive though, and your posts make it sound like you really dislike her. I assure you, that if you don't like her, she knows it, and that is only causing her more anxiety and stress.

You knowingly took on a high maintenance special needs cat. Surely you did not expect it to be easy. We are a good place to vent, but understand you are new, and we know nothing about you or how you view animals.

Many of us here have been where you are. We can help you. You cared enough to come here for help, but you for some reason are viewing the well meaning help as judgmental.

I understand you are under other stresses, too, losing your job and all. But if you genuinely want to help this kitty, you must learn to control your emotions a bit, accept the fact that those of us who have worked with cats with special needs can help you, and let us in.

Please, for the sake of this kitty, let go of your anger and let us help you help her.

If you just looked around here you would know what others have dealt with (including financial issues) and not judge us so unfairly. Several of us deal with cats with mucous discharge (myself included) and all sorts of other unpleasant issues like going outside the litter box(incontinence)....you think mucous is bad....try waking up to poo in your face and than we can talk!

Now having a clearer picture of what your cat is dealing with it seems like the only thing you can do is get her vet care. Her issues are not behavioral they are physical. If you can't work out a deal with your vet on how to pay for it or get something called " care credit " which most vet offices have in place you will either have to deal with the mucous probelm while your cat may be in pain or rehome the cat where it can get the care it needs.

Sometimes we cannot give our cats the care it needs. But need to find somewhere where it can get the help it needs. There is no shame in this!

You lost your job which is a horrible thing to have to deal with. But your cat still needs the care it needs. It is a heart wrenching decision but it must be made in the best interest of both your cats. I think the older cat will appreciate having peace in the home again without the sick cat around. You also run the risk of your older cat getting sick also because of the stress it is under. So thats something to consider also when making a decision.

I urge you to investigate Care Credit. It has saved me many times. YOu can apply over the phone, on the net or at the vet's office if he participates.

If approved, it kicks in immediately.

www.carecredit.com

hi, welcome to the site! dont feel judged. people here love their cats so much and sometimes they come across very aggresive, they dont mean it, its just that they love their cats alot and they are worried about your cat. they are trying to give you advice so just look through all the the stuff you think is judgemental and take their advice because they only want to help, but i know sometimes it can come across in the wrong way.xx

I continue to see no one judging you... Please... Let us help you here...
Unemployed??? So am I! My cat is under surgery right now... Stressed out? FREAKING OUT. Guess what, you are not the only unemployed person with problem cat on this board either...
But listen... Really - NO ONE here is judging you. NO ONE. you need to get over this and let these people help you...
I feel that this place might be your kitty's last hope... because I can see that you are just about done with her, and you need to turn that corner - for your sake, and for her sake.
Please, go back on the thread, and read the advices that were given to you... as advices... They were good advices... Give yourself that chance...

my cat is an alpha (not as bad as yours it seems) and this is what I do to deal with her:

1. pet herwhen she wants but when she flicks her tail I stop and ignore. If she bits I yell out and ignore her.
2. Feed her a snack right before bed and set the auto feeder to go off in 6 hours. She likes to eat many small meals a day and if she does she usually won't bug me for food.
3. if she wakes me up put ear plugs in.
4. learn to deal with her brattiness.

Yes very well said and so very true! We only want to help!! That being said, I think you are incredibly kind hearted to have taken in this poor cat.


The shelter you adopted her from did you a great disservice. They had an obligation to inform you of her health issues and they also had an obligation to make certain she was healthy before handing her over to you. What they did was very irresponsible. I believe you have the legal right to return the cat to them for appropriate treatment. This happened to me once, I adopted a kitten who had Coccidia. When I brought the kitten to the vet he was very upset and said that he was going to report them. I just wish I remembered the name of the governmental agency he mentioned. So I brought the kitten back to the shelter and told them what the vet said. Well guess what? They treated him! That kitten is still with me by the way, he's now almost 3 years old.


You mentioned an $800 surgery. Who told you this? If it was your vet, what kind of tests or treatment did he offer for her condition in the meantime?


Your cat does need to get treated for that mucus problem. Especially because if, as has Stephanietx mentioned, the mucus is not clear, it's possible that your first cat will get infected from it also and you really don't want that.


Concerning the food issue. Free feeding her might be a good idea. I also liked Otto's suggestion of feeding her smaller, but more frequent meals. Keep in mind, however, that she may always have that fear of lack of food. Yes it can be very annoying when a cat is constantly harassing you for food. But at the same time, they are helpless and completely dependent on you to feed them. Just think about it, you can eat whenever you want, but your cat can't. She is at your mercy. Please try to put yourself in your cat's shoes.


Also remember that because you don't know what happened to her in the past, it might take a long time to get to the point where she trusts you enough to let you hold her and let you clean her up some. Bringing in that kind of cat into your home is much more complex than an average cat. The one thing you can do is just try to be extra gentle, patient and loving with her. She needs that reassurance that she is loved and wanted. Playing with her is wonderful but she needs more than that, she really needs that extra attention. Talk to her a lot, especially when you're trying to clean her up. Please believe me when I say that I am NOT being judgmental. I honestly don't think anyone here was trying to be. We just all want to help.



Without a doubt cats can and do sense not only our moods but our intent. So how you are feeling around her and when you are trying to clean her up is important. A vet I used to go to declawed his own cat, the one he kept at his clinic. He said the cat was too aggressive. I was so upset that he did that to his own cat, I never went back to him. But, I did spend some time with his cat. Turns out all the poor thing wanted was some love and attention.


Honestly, I would go back to the shelter and see what can be worked out, as far as treating her goes. If they don't want to help I think there is a governmental health agency they can be reported to. It was definitely not right of them to not let you know of her health issues. And if you feel that it is too much for you to handle and don't want to keep her, that is for you alone to decide and no one should judge you for it.


At the same time, something in your heart moved you to adopt that baby. And although you are definitely going through a rough patch right now, maybe once she is healed of her mucus infection and has had a chance to bond with you, down the road, you might be surprised to find you will have fallen in love with a most loving, caring and grateful cat.


Hope this helps.

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I had a cat that sneezed thick gunky snot everywhere, all the time. I had to clean the window she sat in front of daily, and yup sometimes had to wash my hair as soon as I woke up. Within a day of starting a new round of antibiotics she would clear up, a day after she finished them it would start again. When I began to add L lysine to their drinking water daily it took about six weeks before her immune system built up to the point that the antibiotics were able to actually knock out the infection, but eventually it did go away. The Lyline pills made for humans can be used and don't cost too much, just mix them in something really strong smelling to cover the taste.

It sucks not having enough money for the vet, just adds to your frustration and makes you feel as if you are letting the animal down. I don't know how I'll pay my other bills after this weeks vet bill, to be honest, but somehow I'll borrow from Peter to pay Paul, and hope Mary doesn't sneak up with her hand held out too.

Maybe if you try to just stash back a little every week eventually it will add up, and you'll feel better too knowing that you're working towards getting her fixed up.

Some of that may just be her personality, but some may be from her feeling bad. I know the headache that comes with a sinus infection turns me into an ill tempered sharp tongued witch. We had Angel for a year with an infection that wouldn't heal despite surgery and antibiotics, and she was a most unpleasant room mate. When the vet gave up and said we either needed to amputate or euthanize I sold my truck to pay for the amputation, wondering if it was a cruel thing to do to her. I guess not, becuse after wards she became a sweet and affectionate (but still alpha) cat.

OK --- reading everything here and reposting just in case you haven't stomped off in an irrational funk and plan to come back.

I am going to take a guess here and say -as others have - that kitty's bad behavior could very well be driven by her physical issues. Those need to be addressed as best as you can. Lysine is a great tool for the immune system. My heart goes out to her. She sounds like an animal in terrible distress.

I would also agree that you should go back to the shelter and demand some help, since they apparently misrepresented her condition.

I also agree that your distaste for this cat and her "disgusting" physical problems is working its way into the relationship and helping to impede any forward progress. It is also impeding your ability to JUDGE what is being said here, IMHO.

I haven't had snotty cats, but I have had bitey cats.... one I just didn't know WHAT I was going to do (foster cat). Lots of hard work, patience and advice from HERE .. he is now a huge love bug and ready to find his furever home.

And yes -I am in depression-racked Michigan, just like you are, and work has been slooooooowwwwww. You just find ways to manage.

ETA - Try Dr. Bill MacArthur at Affordable Vet in AA. On Ashley just south and west of downtown. Get HIM - not one of his young and not so great associates - to look at your cat. He is a terrific vet. And very reasonably priced.