I'm officially afraid! (Gross girly stuff)

I went for my pre-op appointment with my Gynecologist today.

I had a pelvic ultra sound done in November and the results came back less than stellar. It showed that I have a thickening of the lining in my uterus.

I went for a follow up visit to the doctor middle of January and found out that I need to have a D&C and biopsy. Surgery is scheduled for March 26th.

I wasn't worried. I figured it could be pretty much anything, even a result of my Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS).

Today I went for an EKG, chest xray, blood work and urine test, and then to see the doctor.

At my old job I was working with gyne patients on the ward, but I saw them after they had their surgery so I really had no clue about their pre-op diagnosis because as a surgical nurse all you care about is the post op portion.

Today I talked to the doctor. She said that it could not possibly be Endometriosis, and the thickening has nothing to do with my PCOS. She told me that it's either a "Polyp" or pre-cancerous cells. And then added that the likelihood of pre-cancerous cells is significant.

Now from a nursing perspective, I know that means I'm facing a hysterectomy in the near future. Either partial (ovaries left) or total (everything out), and that because of my PCOS it will end up being a total.

Now here comes the good news and bad news.

Good news: A total hysterectomy which shows no spread to the lymph nodes and no cancerous cells seen outside of the lining. No chemo, no radiation. Or maybe a few does of radiation to make sure. Off work for probably 6 weeks.

Bad news: The hysterectomy shows spread beyond the lining and even into the lymp nodes. Which means chemo and radiation.

I've always said that if they ever found something wrong with me that could be terminal, that I don't want to know. But now here I know...or at least I likely know. And now what do I do?

I have worked with cancer patients for a long time. I've seen them at their best and their worse and I've seen them at the beginning and at the end of their disease. The middle and end is not very pretty!

And now I work exclusively in a Cancer Treatment Centre and I see patients undergoing all kinds of Chemo and Radiation for cancer and I see the horrid side effects of both. And because I know all of that.... what do I do?

All I know is that I'm sitting here and suddenly the tears start to fall.

I'm afraid. I'm really, really, really afraid

Have you ever heard the phrase "cross that road when you get there" ?

Your biopsy hasn't been done, so please don't give up, yet!

Is there any way you can get it moved up and done sooner?

I really hope that it's not pre-cancerous. Do you have anyone close to you that you can turn to for support? Someone who can give you a real hug and a shoulder to cry on and make sure you're not alone right now?

I'm so sorry, I know how scary this is. I've been down this road twice, once the diagnosis was cancer (malignant melanoma) and the second time turned out to be nothing more than a cyst.

But both times, all of those thoughts just flood through your mind and there is no stopping them. Still, it is all emotional energy that doesn't do anything to help you. Until you know one way or the other, try to focus on other things. I know that's easier said than done - been there, tried to do that. But it is the only thing that you can do for yourself.

Do enjoyable things, focus on the birds singing outside and the fact that bulbs are just starting to come through in the garden (well, they are here, I take the time to notice these little things all the time now).

Even if it does turn out to be pre-cancerous cells, you don't know that they have spread anywhere.

Many many hugs for you, I know this is a scary time Loads of vibes for good news from your surgery

Linda,

I sent you a pm. Keep your chin up; you haven't had the biospy yet. Keep us posted. You have a lot of people here who care about you!

I hope things aren't quite as bad as they seem. I will be thinking of you

Be safe.

Breathe. The first I knew there was even a problem is when the doctor called and said "You have a malignancy." That was in Sept. 1988, the next month they did a partial, and I am still cancer free. Pre cancerous is an even better time to catch it than malignant, the odds are totally in your favor.

Oh Linda

Don't get too worried and try not to stress yourself out. You don't know what the results will be yet.

Try to think positive although I know its hard.

Hang in there

Linda it's too early to be freaking. I sent you a PM as I have been there.

Linda, bless you. I hope everything is okay. I know it's scary. You will be in my prayers.

I think someone else said "breathe".....in and out, deeply.....gotta love knowing too much sometimes.......on the nasty side, it can lead to panic, on the good side, it does give you a heads up on what to expect if it does come back "bad". Loads of calming vibes coming your way from here, and prayers too for "nothing bad" (btw, I did have to laugh a bit from the title after I read your story....if you want gross female stuff, ask me about before I had my hysto, lol!)

Originally Posted by bookworm

Breathe. The first I knew there was even a problem is when the doctor called and said "You have a malignancy." That was in Sept. 1988, the next month they did a partial, and I am still cancer free. Pre cancerous is an even better time to catch it than malignant, the odds are totally in your favor.

Click to expand...

If it is at all.... Because there is the possibility of being only a polyp...
I have a couple of friends who had pre-cancerous cells found, and had it taken care of with surgery and cauterization.... No hysterectomy, no chemo, no radiation....
My friends are both fine, leading completely normal lives...
IF they find something on you, it will be pre-cancerous as well, not full on cancerous... I think the fact that you worked for so long as a nurse in the cancer ward makes your mind automatically wonder towards the worse case scenario.
I know it is scary, but I think a lot of it has to do with what you have seen, and not necessarily with your case...
I think you are going to be just fine... We will be praying for you here

Prayers for everything to be ok.
My friend had pre cancer cells and she is fine now.
Another friend did have the cancer and it has been over 20 years,
She had where they freeze it out.
My husband has leukkemia and has been in remision since Nov 2005.

Originally Posted by carolinalima

If it is at all.... Because there is the possibility of being only a polyp...
I have a couple of friends who had pre-cancerous cells found, and had it taken care of with surgery and cauterization

Click to expand...

I can't be so optimistic.

She told me that the lining of my uterus is thickened by 10 millimeters: That's 1 centimeter or nearly 1/2 an inch (2.5 cm / 1 inch). She spoke to me very candidly and told me that with that amount of thickening, that it's very likely to be pre-cancerous, because a polyp is simply a skin tag, and wouldn't cause that degree of lining thickening.

And yes.... having a medical background can seriously suck at times.

I was telling someone in PM that my silver lining with this is that I have between now and the day of surgery, and then 6 to 8 weeks after surgery while waiting for the biopsy results to think about outcomes and decisions.

Also, I can pretty much predict that a hysterectomy is in my near future regardless of the biopsy results because there are only 2 treatments for the thickening. One is to put me on Progesterone, a hormone to force a period monthly, but because I have a history of a blood clot in my lung, that isn't really recommended. The other treatment is a hysterectomy.

When it comes to making that decision, I already know what I'm going to ask for. I want it done vaginally. That means I can have surgery on a Friday and be home Saturday or Sunday and back to work in a week. I tend to do pretty well pain wise because I have a high pain threshold. Plus because I'm large, I don't want to have an abdominal incision because even if they did it in the bikini line, the risk of it opening up and/or getting infected from moisture due to my tummy fold, is too high. I also wouldn't be able to monitor the incision because I can't see there.

:h ugs:

I know this is a very scary time....been their myself.Stop and take a deep breath and try not to be so anylitical.Pre cancerous cells do not necessarily mean cancer in the worst way you can think about such a diagnosis.It means really that you're in a good situation now to get it taken care of very soon before it has a chance to turn into something worse.Back in '86,I was diagnosed with pre cancerous cells during a routine pap.I had no insurance,and by the time I went thru the channels available at the time that would pay for my treatment,I never made it to a surgeon for 4 months,and it had spread up into the uterus,and it was no longer just pre,it was cancer...boom.I had a vaginal,was in the hospital for a week and have never looked back.No chemo,no radiation...he said he got it all,and he was right.The only thing I wish was that he had taken my ovaries as well.Less to have to worry about...food for thought.Try and stay calm...know that He is with you,and you will be fine.Hugs to you.....

I also had a precancerous issue, back in my twenties. Long story short, total hysterectomy, still kicking 32 years later.

Lots of vibes for you, it is a scary thing you are going through. Remember to breathe!

I have lived through what you have (not personally) my best friends mom had this done a long time ago right after she had my bff actually.


She said that it is really nerve racking to deal with but she said the best thing to do is hold you breath and take the plunge. You only live once, so suck it up and do it. LIVE YOUR LIFE, LAUGH HARD, PLAY HARDER =)

God Bless You!

had a full H last year, at this time.. I was out of the hospital in 24 hourswith much bi--tchin ,and loved life MORE than when I went in after about 2 MINUTES after recovery.
Long story short...I am booked again for surgery...I am so thankful for my life and all it entails;
I wish you luck...you are NOT alone

I had a precancerous tumor in my right ovary. I had so much trouble with it since I was 18. The Dr's would never do anything about it because at that time they didn't want to mess with girls who were in there child bearing years. I had a good Dr and had to constantly go back and tell him I really hurt. When they finally went in for exploratory operation they found the tumor. It was called a brenner tumor. I don't know how common they are but they can turn into ovarian cancer. Had I not been so persistant in my 20's I very well could have ovarian cancer now. They found endometriosis also and that was a hystectomy 6 months after they took my right ovary. I was left with my left ovary and it shut down early for menapause. I'm glad that tumor was removed because It was setting itself up to be a killer. Ovarian cancer is a silent killer because pap tests do not detect it. I believe there is a blood test that does I can't remember the name of it. Once a woman has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer it has got it's foot hold and has spread to other places.

Sending you lots of and support

A hysterectomy is unpleasant at the time, but so nice to have behind you. I carry Ibuprfin with me for arthritis, and can't count the times the "intact" women at work have come asking for some for monthly cramps. And in my younger years it was so nice to not panic if things were a few days late wondering if my tubal was the one in four hundred that had failed!

I know how scary the waiting is, literally when the doctor told me that everything I had never done in my life flashed before my eyes. And the first few years after are scary too, every bump on my skin, amy litle change in anything had me thinking it was cancer, but now I feel that it's just one type of cancer less that I can get.