A "Family" Rant!!!

Ok so I quit my job I know right now its not the best decision but it was relapse or quit! My sobriety is a little more important than being able to blow money at WalMart!!!! So anyways on to the rant..My darling BF works for his dad painting and restoring 60s 70s era cars. He works on them from home and does all this work all day everyday and mostly on weekends too for 400 bucks a month!! We pay 200 in rent (6mths out of the yr but during warm time he works for the landlord to pay off rent) our electric bill is 105 a mth cell phone bill (in his brothers plan) 120 a mth sattelite 60 (going up to 80 in April but already shut off because we couldnt afford it) thats also not including needed cat food litter and dog food once a month. Needless to say we cant live off this amt of money. BFs air compressor also broke down and his dad threw a piss fit because it was on a weekend and he was painting his brothers truck for him because he was going to cut us a break on the cell bill for him painting the truck..Yea now a 1000 bucks later and a new air compressor because his dad (who makes 2000 a wk plus his wifes pay working at nuclear plants) WOULDNT pay for it or even some of it...Can you tell Im getting LIVID about this situation. The last time BF said anything to his dad about this his dad replied is there an f'in problem and BF quickly shut up. Now due to DUIs and PennDot being jerks instead of him being able to get his license back last Feb he got a letter 3 mths later stating he lost it for 5 more yrs....2 down 4 to go so being a mechanic he cant get a job without a license and cant even get a limited license. So I have to run him everywhere that he needs to go for his dads cars. Oh yea car insurance 83 bucks a mth which we are scrambling to pay because if we drive without insurance and probation catches us thats 3 mths in jail!!! NOT HAPPENING!
Im trying to convince BF to say something or do something about this because his dad quit working at the last job BF had working on busses and because his dad quit he had to quit because he had no ride back and forth to get there. So oh so generously his dad is paying him 400 a mth to do his cars. Thats fine I understand his dad puts money into these cars buying them supplies parts etc but that was HIS CHOICE to offer BF this job and to pay him and its his CHOICE to do this work and try and sell these cars...So what in the world do I do we now have to drive an hour away tomorrow to look at a car with just enough money from his dad to buy the car but hey what about gas money or anything like that..Nope nada nil we didnt get crap and I HAVE ONLY A 1/4 TANK OF GAS and the only money we have is enough to pay his brother for our phone bill (btw we cant shut off our cells because its the only phones we have and mine also doubles as our internet) !!! Im so mad about this and I dont know what to do about it. Im not the only person mad about his dad BFs brother, step brother, SIL and his brothers GF and myself are all mad and have said something to him about it. But BF keeps defending his dad!! I dont know what to do anymore but I know that we cant live off 400 a mth and if my unemployment doesnt come thru, its up for review because I quit but hopefully the drug and alcohol abuse and unenforcement of policies is enough that I can collect because that will atleast pay our bills!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHH I just want to scream!

I just dont know what to do anymore...Thanks for listening to me gripe and moan about all this!! Im just feeling stressed and mad all the time with no outlet anymore so Im turning to you guys for some advice or just words to feel better!!!!!!!!!

Is your BF good at painting? It surely sounds like he's got the motivation to keep himself working on them. If he's good talk to him about finding a real body shop to work for -surely there's somewhere local. Use the "oh, your skills are too good for you not to be getting better pay for this" slant. Right now, if he's putting in the hours you say he is, he's not even getting minimum wage.

Do you know anyone who could help you get on somewhere?

I hope the unemployment is approved.

Your BF seriously needs to find another job. I understand his love and loyalty towards his father, but realistically, love and loyalty isn't going to keep a roof over your head or food on your table.

If he isn't willing to seek out lucrative employment that will support you both, then my advice to you is to leave him with his father and move out on your own and support yourself. Let him find someone else who is willing to be his sugar momma!

I wouldn't put up with it.

What would his dad do if he quit the work? Would his dad hire someone else to help? He'd have to pay them minimum wage. BF isn't willing to have that discussion at all?

I really don't know what to recommend! I'm sure there are jobs he can do that do not require a license, even at a body shop! He needs to start spending some time looking for another job, and you need to have that difficult talk with him.

At this point, you need to have a sit down with yourself and take a hard look at the situation. Are you willing to force some sense into your BF by threatening to leave? Definitely not something you should do unless you're willing to carry through with it. And I know it's not something you can afford right now. But do you have family or friends or anyone as an alternative place to stay short term? Because the real question is - in the long run, is this what you want and deserve? Can you afford NOT to say something?

Is this the same BF you were complaining about last Sept. HERE? If so, I think you still need to reassess your situation because it sounds like a co-dependency situation to me. I would say the same now as I did then. Get out on your own. Find a job that suits you, and learn to support yourself and your furbabies without his help or liability.

Im getting the impression that you think your BFs dad should be supporting the two of you better - and if you are not underage children, I dont understand why he should be shouldering your responsibilities at all. Be angry with your BF if you must blame someone and be angry, the issue is with him not his father. You can only be taken advantage of as much as you allow, and if his dad is taking advantage of him, that is because he is allowing it. Man I cant even imagine asking my father to pay for my car repairs, and then being angry when he didnt. Sounds like the advantage-taking might be working both ways? I feel like I must be missing a ton of this story, but what it sounds like to me is that you need to get yourself away from this situation and learn how to take care of and support yourself. And then realize that you are not obligated to support another person (or be supported by that person) and can live your life free of all these expectations and dependencies. You will like yourself better when you give yourself the time and space to take care of YOU without worrying about a BF who clearly has many of his own issues to deal with.

I wish things were so easy. We have had a lot of problems this past year and slowly we are both trying to make things better. And they have gotten better. Its just he works so hard and puts so much of his own money into his dads stuff. And his own car parts into his dads stuff and depends on his dad saying "oh Ill reimburse you." Im still waiting on the 280 bucks that I put into his Camaro because he was gone and needed a new drive shaft put in it..so I bought it for him. I just wish BF would stop letting his dad take advantage of him and I needed to vent it all out.
He wants to open his own business and is amazing at working on cars with everything from basic engine repair to body work and restoring classic cars. Its amazing! He repainted the whole front end of my car in the rain and mud in less than one day and it looks great even if not all the work we want done on it is done but was finished in less than a day and looks GREAT! I just wish that his dad would realize what he is doing and that BF would realize that he needs to grow a pair and stand up for himself! Im hoping that the slow poking and prodding Ive been doing with the help of his brother is gooing to motivate him into opening his own place or atleast buying his dads garage, or he will realize that he needs to get a real job and stop depending on his dad.
I dont expect his dad to keep up stocked up with tv and all those goodies. We can live with out them but I would atleast hope that he would realize that if he is going to treat his son like he is an employee than he should pay him like an employee. He knows what he is doing and just chooses to look the other way and not care. *But his wife sure was happy when he bought her a 1500 stove when the one she had worked great* *Or when she NEEDED to have the island in her kitchen 3000 and got rid of their kitchen table so now for holidays we cant fit the family at their house but shes not willing to go anywhere else that would be more comfortable for all of us*
Right now it just feels like all this little stuff that has been going on since his dad made him quit his good paying job is boiling over and it has taken its toll on our relationship. I love him and I want to try and make this work but its hard when I feel like I cant say anything against his dad. I guess Im just going to hope that our gentle prodding of him to branch out on his own and either buy his dads place or the other garage that he wants to start a business out of....*he already has an investor into the business and work lined up if he would do it* Honestly I think hes scared to go that far because he is 28 and feels he is too old to start new like that.

Originally Posted by 3CatsN1Dog

Ok so I quit my job I know right now its not the best decision but it was relapse or quit! My sobriety is a little more important than being able to blow money at WalMart!!!!

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Here you make it sound like your income was only for extras. In the rest of your post it sounds like you don't have the money to support yourselves.

I don't know your situation, but quitting a job is usually a huge mistake without having another lined up. Years ago, I worked for months at a job where I was mistreated on a daily basis because I couldn't do without the money.

I am not trying to sound harsh, just realistic. I'm sorry if I missed something as well, but your posts are not split into paragraphs, so I skimmed them because they are difficult for me to read.

Initially my job was just for extras. His job was paying bills...And then it became me working 12 hr days almost 7 days a week trying to play catch up and paying for his stuff that his dad wasnt paying for.
Due to stress being my number one relapse trigger I was not supposed to be working until after we got off probation. However one thing led to another and I got a job in a high stress enviorment and ended up quitting. I would like to go back to school and Im trying to get all the balls lined up for me to do that.
BF was supposed to be working this job for his dad with the understanding that it was supposed to pay ALL our bills. And there are only 3 major ones that need paid. Rent, Electric, and phone. But its just not covering it. I went the best way I knew how to get groceries and stuff paid for, went to probation and explained why we couldnt pay fines which we got a pass on them for a while. But this whole situation is just a calamity.
BFs brother is here now and is trying to talk some sense into him about what is going on. So hopefully his brother can get thru his thick skull because I know I cant. I guess BF being mad at his dad right now might help the situation...Must be nice to be able to go to Atlantic City for the weekend and go gambling and see a show.....But he cant afford to pay his son atleast minimum wage for the work he does........

Ya know what...Im just over the whole thing. Im tired of it so Im going to take care of the stuff I need to take care of that I need and the pets. If he doesnt like it tough my bank account has paid for the house and bills and Ive got proof of that so he can leave. Im not leaving my home if he doesnt like it. Tough Cookies!!!!

My 2¢.

Two or three times you said you didn't know what to do.

I think You already know what to do, what YOU need to do - You just don't like Your options - so, congratulations - if You know what to do, and decide to remain in the "status quo" - then prepare Yourself for a life of unhappiness.

Fear is a dominating thing - but, once one identifies and honestly faces that fear a person can find solutions.

Solving Your issues usually comes down to choices, some easy, some hard.

I really don't want to come across like a meany, but - really, You are stronger than You let yourself believe - You are the only one that can "save" Yourself.

I'm really sorry that I can't give you words to help you "feel better" as in the last sentence of your first post. ...
"Im just feeling stressed and mad all the time with no outlet anymore
so Im turning to you guys for some advice or just words to feel better!!!!!!!!!"

Maybe your rant here will help you get a better view of the choices you have.

You can't blame others for Your choices. (That includes your BF, and your BF's dad.)

The choice is Yours - You know what You need to do for Yourself.

Originally Posted by 3CatsN1Dog

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Ya know what...Im just over the whole thing. Im tired of it so Im going to take care of the stuff I need to take care of that I need and the pets. If he doesnt like it tough my bank account has paid for the house and bills and Ive got proof of that so he can leave. Im not leaving my home if he doesnt like it. Tough Cookies!!!!

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