How do you handle it?

Those of you who foster... how do you handle getting very attached to the kitties and letting them go?

I feel like a total meanie stuffing the cats into carriers and dragging them to the pet store to show them. They cry all the way there and back.... they act THRILLED to be back in my house... one cat in particular did a circuit around my livingroom. .... stopped in the middle... let out a couple of heartwrenching meows.. and then rubbed on every other cat in the place... sooo glad to see them.

I know I cannot keep them... I have seven to rehome... but I am so attached and love them all dearly. For instance - Casper desperately needs a real home... he has my spare bedroom and it is just not enough. And he is afraid of Archie in particular who takes delight in torturing him. It is a challenge to manage that situation.

I have that feeling that for the most part --- that I do not trust someone else to take the kind of care of them that Doug and I are providing. I know that is a slippery mental slope... don't worry... I won't become a hoarder.

I just need some advice to deal with my emotions in this situation.

Thanks!!

If you get any advice on this subject, I am going to pay attention too. Fostering is great, it is giving them up that is impossible. I feel exactly as you do, who will care for and love them like they are cared for and loved here?

I was at my limit and I recently took in a feral kitten because she had no where else to go. She would not have done well in a shelter, she had never been around people except her colony caretaker. Her mom is now spayed and in the colony and her four sisters were caught early on and adopted to great homes, my sister actually has one.

I promised I would find her a home and get her socialized in the meantime. She has done so well in socializing and is so sweet. I am so attached to her and she is attached to me too. She is still in a bedroom and needs to be spayed and have a vet check. But she is out of hiding and seems to be very happy indoors.

I would feel terrible if I could not foster anymore but I know I cannot keep every foster that comes here.

This probably isn't going to help. The things you mentioned are exactly why I only do the kind of fostering that I do.

I only take them for a defined period of time. Usually it's underweight kittens that I only keep until they are at least 2 lbs or a cat recovering from a URI and needs meds for a week or two. Once they are in adoptable condition, back to the shelter they go. Keeping them for such a short time helps some with keeping me from becoming too attached but it is still difficult. I hate the thought of them crammed into a tiny cage after they have known the freedom of running around my guest room and sometimes the entire house.

What I tell myself is that if I start adopting my fosters I'm going to quickly get overrun with cats and will have to stop fostering. The fosters I adopt will have a home but there will be cats at the shelter that need a foster and don't have one. So far all my fosters have been adopted. But I'm still new at fostering. I don't know how I will handle it if one of my fosters languishes at the shelter for a long time.

We love them, and then we take them back so someone else can love them. Sometimes we even make them more lovable. We hated to see Jeeves go back, but he was such a great cat, and looked so good by then, that he was adopted in just 4 days.

You can't keep from falling in love with them, but you have to remember they aren't yours to spoil.

And sometimes you find things you can fix to make them even better cats and reduce their chances of being re-surrendered.

I am not fostering for a shelter. It is not like I keep them for a month til they are healthy and properly socialized and then they go back to a physical facility.

When I took these guys in originally... the rescue I was with has two pet store adoption centers.. .and the plan for me anyway was to bring them up to par and then move them into the adoption centers in onesies and twosies.

Well, there was a falling out with the rescue.. and I had all these cats.

I found a rescue to help me show them and screen applicants... but there is no shelter or adoption center. I haul them there once a week for 3-4 hours, and haul them back. To my house. Where I get even more attached. And them to me. I have a purring welcome committee when I come in the door. The brothers- Jake and Prowler... rub all over my legs and feet and flop on the floor for tummy rubs. Jake often gets up on his hind paws and puts his front paws on me. If I pick him up he will kiss my face!

Even shy, retiring Rex is now waiting for me and for some head and cheek scritches. I sat next to him on the sofa today. Normally he runs, but this time, we had quite a good pet and scritch session and I got some tender, gentle little kitty kisses.

We couldn't handle it, really. It was a relief (as regard the fostering situation) when Tuxedo developed an immune disorder and the vet said "no more fostering." When Tuxedo recovered, it was only a short time we continued to live in a house before moving back into the RV - and now it's impossible because we have seven cats in the RV. We are forced to find fosters, and we're not connected anymore. It's a heart wrenching struggle each time, though we can usually talk a vet tech or one of the staff at our vet's into doing it while they and we look for an adopter.

But you simply have to focus on the fact that you are doing one of the most self-less things there is, adopting love wrapped in fur to a home that wouldn't otherwise have taken THAT kitty.

It might not be easy, but thank you for doing it. You guys are saving lives!

I have a lot of cats.

I shouldn't laugh - as the reality is the shelter here is far too small & far too full. I adopt out almost all of my fosters, but there are some who have 2 options - stay here or die.

Take Lola for example, she is highly unadoptable. Gumby was going to be euthanized, we do not have the resources to socialize a feral kitten. Now that she is social, we don't have anyone who wants to adopt a "big black kitten", esp when we have 10 black kittens who are under 12 weeks old that are friendly.

Gumby has some hope come spring, if kitten season is late again, maybe we'll adopt out quite a few of the "half grown" kittens who are nearing a year old. Lola by then will be over a year old, but maybe she'll get adopted.

When you find out let me know!

I've only fostered 4 times: The first was a puppy, who someone became interested in when I was walking her. The shelter did a check and okayed the adoption. I cried like I baby when I gave her up.

The second was a kitten who had an adoptive home but couldn't be taken home until after New Year's. So I housed him for a week and then cried like a baby the night before he went to his new home. BUT I got to accompany him to his new home and when I saw the place, I was like, Adopt me! So I felt good about where he was going. It was fun to have a kitten for a bit as I always adopt adults.

Then I fostered a cat who was freaking out in the shelter I volunteered at and whom no one would adopt. He's still here six years later and is a sweetie-pie.

Now I'm fostering a cat while my friend fosters her sister. They're four, and have always been together, and we were hoping to find a home together for them. I'm of course very attached to her at this point, and the only way I won't worry is if she's adopted by someone I know or someone known by a friend of mine. And if no one will take her and her sister together, I'll probably keep her as this would be something like her 6th upheaval. Also, the shelter I volunteered for no longer exists and on my own I don't really have the resources to get her seen. I wouldn't want strangers coming here and I don't want to upset her by taking her places to be seen.

I think the advantage the larger no-kill shelters have is contracts with the adopters. If you write up your own contracts it may give you some peace of mind. The shelter I got two of my cats from has actually taken people to court for violating the contract. So my friend and I are going to draw up a contract if we do find a home for the two girls, which will prohibit declawing and require returning them to us if they're given up.

Another reassurance is if you're able to microchip them. Maybe your vet would give you a discount since you're helping strays?


It is very hard, though. It feels like you're tossing them into oblivion and you won't be there to protect them.

I've fostered a number of kittens/cats in the past several years and have been tempted to keep each one. It's been hard letting them go, but I know I have to. What helps me is setting limits and sticking to them. I know that due to time, space and finances I can only have four permanent cats. When I start getting tempted to keep a foster kitty, I remind myself that it would be a selfish and irresponsible thing to do. I've seen too many rescuers get in over their heads because they don't know how to say "no" or set limits for themselves. It's extremely difficult to do when there are so many kitties in need, but I also know I wouldn't be doing the cats (or myself) any good but letting things get out of control.

Saying good-bye is hard. I've shed tears over each cat that's gone out the door. Fortunately, I've been able to keep in touch with many of the folks I've adopted to, so that helps. With the others, since I've done my best to screen carefully, including checking vet references and doing home visits, I just have to trust that I've done my part and it's time to let go.

That's what works for me.

I've only fostered twice now, both times they were special medical needs fosters. The first Tiger, did not make it because her liver was completely shot. I gave her the best shot possible and let her go over the bridge knowing she was out of pain. Nera, she's a different story. She is back at the shelter awaiting news from the eye specialist. She needs more surgery and I am not sure if I will take her after that. If I do it will be for a very short time. I was sick to my stomache taking her back. It was made somewhat easier because I was bringing home another cat. I still felt terrible, and that first night I had a hard time sleeping. I kept thinking of her in that cage while I was comfortable in bed. Now it's easier, but I still miss her a little. I will be very happy when she is in a good home.

I can't foster for that very reason. I did it once and it was just too much for me to go through, even though I knew it was the right thing to do.

So I try to help out in other ways, by donating money or items organizations may need such as food, blankets or toys.

I applaud all who do foster though. You are all very special people!

As a kid growing up in the 1960's, we had a mama cat who had a few good litters before she died. (We weren't progressive folks, never heard of spaying, or it was too expensive, maybe)

The happiest days in my life were when Sandy had kittens, and we had them for several weeks.

The darkest, saddest days were when we gave them to homes - good homes, yes, but I dreaded those days something fierce.

I know in my heart I could never foster, because we'd have a houseful of kitties. Bless all of you who do it, though - where would kitties be without you? Unfortunately, so many people are as "un-progressive" as we were back in the day, and can't figure out the value of spaying and neutering.