i feel really lost right now

i cant think of a good enough title for thi as im not asking for vibes as i guess the end is near i guess im asking for hugs and support more than anything

well as some are aware my grandparents had a car crash a couple of months back and thank the lord were not hurt but my grandad was suffering from cancer of the rib well there was a shadow on a rib which they had started treating and may add successfully but there has been something about the accident that has kick started everything and there is no chance he can fight this. It has spread from his rib to his lung which has then spread to his brain and the tumor is quickly taking over, my nana is having to get him dressed and make sure he is ok in the shower and it taking its toll on her.

im scared to go see him because i dont want to see him sick. Over the years ive atched him go from being a firefighter coal shoveller on the steam Locos to a man that is about 8stone wet through that has lost his mind not sure who we are, and thats what is hardest about it not the diesease that is eating im away the fact he cant remember his family or what we do for him or is that the saving grace throughout this because i would hate to think he felt embarrased, i just hope he doesnt know and as awful as it sounds he goes as quick and oainless as possible because i dont want such a wonderfull man to suffer

I'm so sorry

I just lost my grandmother last week, and even when it is expected, its still so hard. It is hard to see them so sick and frail I know, but if you can go, you should see him. Even if he doesn't know you, you know him and it will give you a chance to say goodbye.

i know me and Blaine are going to go this weekend

i just dont know how to talk about it andas this site has helped so much you could all help me find my backbone a seem to be missing at the moment (LOL)

i knew this was coming but i didnt realise how much it would affect me untill i was actually writing it

and im so sorry to you i hadnt realised your grandmother had passed so i am truely sorry

I know how difficult it's going to be, but I know you'll be so happy you went.

for your grandpa, your grandma, you - and the whole family.

Well ashley the firts step it was to expose here, now you´re not alone with this at least count with my prayers my friend...

Originally Posted by CoolCat

Well ashley the firts step it was to expose here, now you´re not alone with this at least count with my prayers my friend...

Click to expand...

yeah Rigel i know its just so hard as i cant talk to my mam because of her alcohol problem and my dad is past himself about it with it being his dad and just doesnt know what to say

and to you and your family because you all need them!

I'm so sorry you're going through all that. When my dad was dying from lung cancer, i spent about the last month watching him die and by the end he really didn't know what was going on. My stepmom was taking care of him for months and they had home nurses to bathe him and everything. It is very hard, and even though it really doesn't seem like it's good to be there, it is. 7 months later and I don't even feel like it was good to be there yet, but i guess it's better than not having had gone and not knowing anything.

Here's lots of hugs and vibes to help you get through this awful time..

thing is i dont wat to leave it to long an i miss not getting that one last chance to see him or him to see us even though we may be complete strangers to him and i think its kind of got to the point where we do need to go there to see him

Be strong, Ashley - because when he does pass - and you don't go see him... you will carry that emotional burden for your life. When my dad passed away... he was ill and had fallen, was injured and in the hospital. I went after work to see him. My sister, who lives 45-50 min away didn't want to drive up after work... and he died during the night un expectedly. He had a pulmonary embolism.. a blood clot from his leg to his lung that caused a heart attack. She has never forgiven herself.

This is for you and your family:

I know how difficult it is to go see your grandparent like that. My Gram was the strongest lady I knew till her strokes and the dementia began several years ago now. Last September my aunts threw me a little baby shower at Gram's nursing home when I was in town. My other cousin was also pregnant and poor thing really broke down seeing how Gram had declined in the past year. My cousin said she didn't know how I held it together; and I just told her all we can do is pray and accept her for where she is at at this time. I am not able to visit her on a regular basis; so I just try to make sure that no matter how painful my visit is to me, that I wont have any regrets should it be my last. Right now my prayer is that Gram hangs on to see and hold this baby.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is just be sure you won't have any regrets. We never know how long someone will be with us even when we know their time is short. As absent as my Gram seems to be at times, I think a part of her knows my love is with her no matter what.

You and your family will be in my prayers.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I am glad you are going to see your beloved grandfather, can you go sooner than this weekend? Or is it definite that he will still be here by then?

It's heartbreaking to watch a beloved relative die, I know, having been there not too long ago myself. Don't worry about how he looks now. You have a million memories of him whole and healthy. See what's deep in his heart and soul, not what the disease has done to his body and mind.

My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

You might not like this answer....but....


Try to muster up the fortitude to visit your Grandfather. My parents didn't want us to see my Gramps sick in the hospital, with bad cancer....so we didn't go. I regret that decision more than you will ever know. I loved my Gampa very, very much, and I really feel like I didn't get closure, because I never saw him ill. One day he was my dear old Gramps, with his wonderful sense of humor and fun....the next day he was a pale corpse in a white satin lined casket. He died in 1981, two months before my wedding. I miss him like it was yesterday.

Visit him, and make memories (it doesn't matter how small they are) but your love and memories will soon be all you have left. Don't live with regrets, as I do. If nothing else, tell him you love him. Tell him more than once. Tell him until you both get tired of saying/hearing it. Then tell him again.

Good luck. I hope your grandfather has more quality time with the family. You are all in my prayers.

When I was in high school I worked part time at a nursing home and a few years later my grandmother was moved to one. I refused to go see her just because I didn't want to see her in that environment. My parents made me go and I'm so glad they did. My grandma didn't know who I was, but I realized soon after I would have regretted not seeing her one last time, as she died a few days later.

I will keep your grandfather, you and your family in my prayers.

Oh Ashley my heart aches for you and your family. It is devistating to watch a loved one waste away like that, I know. I'm glad you made the decision to go see him. I know it will be hard, but I honestly do believe with all my heart that even if they aren't reponsive to you somewhere in their subconscious they know you are there and feel the love and that will bring them peace.

There is nothing wrong with praying or hoping for a easy and painless death. About a year and 1/2 ago I asked for vibes on here for that for my grandmother. She had been in a nursing home for almost 5 years with extreme alzheimers. I had found every excuse in the book to not visit her very much the last year because it just broke my heart, but I'm SO glad I went and sat with her for a few hours when my aunt called to let me know she didn't have much time left. Even though she didn't seem to know I was there, it helped me just by sitting there with her, talking to her and holding her hand. And, I think it helped her too.

Many , and prayers going out to you and your family. If you need to talk, I'm only a PM away. .

no we cant get there before the weekend but we will be going down there

thank you all for your support and sharing experiences

When my grandfather was sick I was in denial about it.

I had the same feelieng of not wanting to see him "that way" and guess what happened?

He died and I never got the chance to see him again.

The guilt eats me alive every year around the time that it happened, so please go see your grandpa.

I know it sucks and I wish that we could all just live healthy and forever long lives but that's just not possible right now. I am sure it would lift your grandpa and grandma's spirits to see you right now.

Ashley, I am so sorry for the hard time you and your family are going through. I have the same thing with my father right now, he does not know anyone, or where he is, and it is horrible for us all, especially my mother. But I know that he seems better when we go to see him, even if he does not show it, and the family are reassured too, in a funny sort of way. So good hugs for your visit and may all pass as peacefully as possible. Your grandma will also appreciate others sharing the burden - it must be very hard for her, as it is for my mom.

Oh Ashley I am sorry to hear about your Grandfather but do go and see him, yes it isnt nice to see someone that was once strong, wasted away but I feel you wont regret going to see him. In this past year I have lost my mother and a very close friend, both wasted away by cancer, I was with my mother when she died and was so pleased that I made the trip over to the UK to say my good by's and tell her that I loved her, my friend died 2 months later and I saw her off in the ambulence both of us knowing we would not see each other again so we said our fairwells then, she died the next day she was only 53. 5 years ago I lost my first husband, he went to work had a heart attack and I never saw him again, I so much wish that I had had a few presious moments with him to say good by but it was not to be.

In a round about way I am saying that saying good by to someone you love is such an important thing and even if it seems they dont know you I am sure deep down they know that you are there.
Bee strong