Life here in dysfuntction junction.

Some may remember my post over the summer about a neighbor I called the cops on because he was being a drunk agressive mess.
I have goten to know them a bit more, well, his mom, I don't care to deal with him for obvious reasons.
I was chatting with his mom today, she was telling me she sent him out to do the grocery shopping. He has never, I repeat, NEVER gone food shopping before. He is 30 years old.
Considering his mom is disabled and can't walk far without trouble, (also a drinker but that is a whole 'nother story) that is just messed up all over the place!
They still fight like demons, but I don't know what to do about it anymore. Last week he got smashed and trashed her china cabnet, we share a wall and I thought it was going to come crashing down on me!
I asked her the next day if she was OK, she insisted she was.
She loves him and says she can deal with his moods. I am very concerned, the whole been there done that thing with my ex. He would not have killed me outright, but alcohol + agression can lead to very bad things. You learn this after "accidental" broken bones and head injuries.
I dont want to be preachy with her, he is all she has, but at what price?
I just am at a loss as what to do, if anything.

Do you have an Adult Protective Services, or an agency for elder abuse? I'd make that call and put them on alert that she may be in danger.

Originally Posted by Dusty's Mom

Do you have an Adult Protective Services, or an agency for elder abuse? I'd make that call and put them on alert that she may be in danger.

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She does not want any intervention. That is the problem, she sees no problem. I have told her of my past dealing with abuse, and while sympathec to what happened to me, she insists it's not the same. Well, no, it's not, it was not my child hurting me so I can't understand the bond there. I don't want to call protective services on them and take her away from her home.
I know I get way too involved in the lives of other people, but it is hard not to when you see a train wreck about to happen.

Honestly...calling APS May seem like the best thing to do, but they will ultimately put her in a place where the abuse has the potential to be far worse.

Would you take away the last little bit of happiness that this woman has? If APS intercedes he may or may not be punished for his actions, and if he IS that is good. But at the same time, if mom cannot care for herself, seeing her son get put into jail and having to move on to a nursing home could kill the last little bit of light in her.

I have seen far too many people waste away in homes because their family has abandoned them and their light and joy is put out.


It's really a no-win situation and a tough call all around. No matter which way you go, each will ultimately lead to her death/serious injury.

What an awful situation. Someone that once lived near my mom had a son who sounds a lot like the son you described. Once he got drunk or high or both, and shot his mom in the foot. The foot had to be amputated, and he built her a ramp so that she could get in and out of their trailer. I didn't know her, but I felt sad for her.

Originally Posted by Trillcat

She does not want any intervention. That is the problem, she sees no problem.

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I have heard of mothers being killed by their sons, so this woman needs to be removed from this abusive situation before it's too late and she's beyond any help at all. If she can't care for herself, one alternative to a nursing home is an assisted living apartment, but whether or not that's an option for her needs to be determined by qualified individual.

Does this woman have any other support system like a church she attends? Maybe if she belongs to a church or club or something, they could be alerted to look in on her from time to time.

Putting myself in your place, I know that if she was seriously injured or worse, I would carry around a load of guilt if I didn't try to intervene in some way.

ETA This sounds like a situation in which she spoiled him and enabled him from birth. Parents need to understand that they do their children no favors by failing to guide and dicipline them.