Being a mother-in-law

Gosh, my eldest son is getting married. What makes a good mother-in-law? My MIL was very nice and we got along (as long as she did not interfere with my way of raising a family)
Would love to hear what you think!

Develop a friendly relationship to his new wife. Start now before the marriage. Do not interfere in their lives but be there if they ask for advice.

My in-laws are nice enough, but they did not approve of me. They thought their son could do better and because we came from different religious backgrounds. (He was raised catholic, I was raised pentecostal) It has taken 30 yrs but they now accept me for who I am. I think the fact that I stuck by their son through thick and thin, when most women would have left years ago, helped them accept me.

Don't call them at 7am.

Originally Posted by yayi

Gosh, my eldest son is getting married.

What makes a good mother-in-law? My MIL was very nice and we got along (as long as she did not interfere with my way of raising a family)

Would love to hear what you think!

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I wish I had a nice MIL, I could go on for days and days about how horrible mine is!

I just wish my MIL would be supportive of what we do and how we do things. She thinks its her way, or no way

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

Don't call them at 7am.

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My MIL thinks that just because she is up at 6am on a Saturday, that its okay to call here. Riiiiight

First, congrats to you son! Mother of the Groom...basically all you have to do is sit back and enjoy everything!

My MIL and I have basically a great relationship but we do butt heads now and again. I guess that's to be expected regardless of what the relationship is though. She also lives 50 yards away up the road so this could very well have been an "Everybody Loves Raymond" kind of thing, but it's not.

Right now we're in the middle of a "head butting" thing, but this thread is a good reminder for me of why we DO get along most of the time.

She doesn't butt in our business, but is there to listen and to give advice IF we ask. She doesn't take sides. She normally doesn't criticize but does give suggestions. She doesn't say "I told you so" and helps us pick up the pieces when we screw up. She accepted me as part of the family from day one, didn't treat me any different than she did her own children..now if that's good or bad, I'm still trying to figure out.

You'll be a great MIL. How well do you know your new DIL and do you get along?

Don't meddle and don't take sides. Just because it's your son, doesn't mean that he's always in the right. Support both of them, not just one of them.

And call before going over!!

I used to date a guy whose Mom had a key to his house and she would just stop by whenever she wanted and let herself in without knocking! Drove both of us absolutely crazy!

I think the best thing you can do is treat your new daughter-in-law with respect, and don't intrude on them. Don't turn up unexpected, but make it clear you want to be a part of their lives of course

DH and my mum get on really well. She loves doing stuff with us when we're home, but she's not at all pushy. She lets us live our lives, and is there when we need her. DH wants to have her come over when our baby is born rather than his own mother..

But my MIL and I get on fine too - she's very different to my mother - a lot more conservative, and she's a good 15 years older than my mum, so essentially a different generation - especially in her thinking. She treats me with respect and love, and considers me one of the family, which I think is the most important thing.

The very fact that you are concerned about it says a lot (of good) about your character. You'll be a great MIL. Congratulations to you and your son.

My own MIL and I get along very well. She is very gracious about making sure everyone feels welcome and included in things. It is appreciated.

Originally Posted by nurseangel

The very fact that you are concerned about it says a lot (of good) about your character. You'll be a great MIL. Congratulations to you and your son.

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I agree!

My MIL unfortunately passed away a few years ago now. She was a lovely, lovely person and I couldn't have asked for a nicer mother in law.

Helen, that's wonderful that you still have a relationship with your first MIL.

If you're out and about and on a whim, dropping by, give them a call first. I remember my MIL stopping by once and I had a whole sink of dishes from the night before. Not only had I used several pans to make dinner, but I baked a dessert and had flour everywhere! It was very embarassing If she had given me a 20 minute warning I could have cramed it all into the dishwasher!

Originally Posted by Catkiki

Develop a friendly relationship to his new wife. Start now before the marriage. Do not interfere in their lives but be there if they ask for advice.

My in-laws are nice enough, but they did not approve of me. They thought their son could do better and because we came from different religious backgrounds. (He was raised catholic, I was raised pentecostal) It has taken 30 yrs but they now accept me for who I am. I think the fact that I stuck by their son through thick and thin, when most women would have left years ago, helped them accept me.

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This is the best advice!

I had the same deal with my MIL...not the religion part, but the fact that no one was good enough for any of her children. She never told me that, in so many words, heard it through the family grapevine, and can't understand what their motives were relating that info. It only took about 15 yrs for MIL and I to develop a close relationship. Like you,Catiki....I stuck by her son when other women would have left, and she has told me that she is proud of the relationship that we have now and that we have been married for 25 yrs now. He is the only one of her kids that have been married that long, and only married once. I LOVE my MIL and she loves me.
Please just accept her from the start, if she makes your son happy, then she makes you happy. Even if you don't agree with the way she does things. I think you will make a great MIL!

Don't give advice unless you're asked. Don't call 10 times a day. If they are self-sufficient don't comment on how they spend their money. ...And I think you should be good.

Oh, and calling ahead before coming over is always a plus. Mine lives 5 hours away, so clearly we don't expect her to be dropping by, but when she does she's an overnight guest. She will call us the day before, sometimes she'll call from an HOUR away and tell us she's coming.

(What I am hoping my FMIL does....)
Remember they are adults! They have their own lives and will need to live and learn! But be there to help pick up the pieces.
Also remember that they are newly weds. Let them have their own time to enjoy being married! And dont start pushing for Grandkids at the reception! LOL!

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Don't meddle and don't take sides. Just because it's your son, doesn't mean that he's always in the right. Support both of them, not just one of them.

And call before going over!!

I used to date a guy whose Mom had a key to his house and she would just stop by whenever she wanted and let herself in without knocking! Drove both of us absolutely crazy!

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Most of ya'll know about my ex MIL... what a nut!

Brandon and I aren't married ( as good as though ) but his mom is just the sweetest thing in the world!
I just adore her.. Plus, it helps she's 12 hours away I'm sure if we lived closer to her, she'd be over constantly

Be supportive, respect their privacy and decisions, give advise only when asked, and be unbiased. Be a friend to my future DIL. Come only when invited.
I think I got it all. Thank you very much!

The things that make a good mother-in-law are probably the same things that you like about your MIL.

Congrats Yayi!..

I only had a mother-in-law for four years, when I was foolishly married at 19 to a close highschool friend who was a struggling artist. Allow me to share a few highlights:

Upon our engagement, she bought her son an illustrated book on sexual technique, and gave me a copy of "The Total Woman," which counseled wives to behave like convenient in-home prostitutes.

For our first anniversary, she made me a maternity dress. I was not pregnant.

She felt that, at the age of 20, I should be entirely supporting my husband so he could pursue his art without the distraction of a real job. When I quit my job at a TV station for a better one in radio, she spent Thanksgiving Day making subtle comments about it to the assembled family. I remember one in particular: "It might be all right for most women to just flit from one job to another whenever they feel like it, but when your husband has a gift, you have to be more responsible."

When my husband concluded that he was gay and we decided to divorce, he was not yet ready to "come out" to his family, so he was evasive with them about why we were separating. His mother leapt to the conclusion that I must be having an affair, and she wrote a letter to my parents saying so! She took them to task for not raising me right, for helping me "lure" her son into our lowlife family, etc. She urged them to disown me before I brought any further shame upon them, and closed by saying she was pleased that her grandchildren would not "be born to a common ****" like me.

So my dear, you couldn't possibly do as bad as job of mother-in-lawing as SHE did. I'm sure you'll be wonderful!