Need Advice! Friend may put healthy cat "to sleep"!

Hi, I'm brand new on this forum. My name is Tina, and I have 3 cats. I have one 14 year old, and 2 siblings who are 7 years. My problem is this-7 years ago I encountered a skinny stray, so sweet! I took her home and settled her in with my then 7 year old WooBoo. Three weeks later, she gave birth to 3 black kittens (to our surprise). I loved them all, but my husband told me to find homes for them. I gave one to my dear friend, feeling confident this would be a forever loving home for him. When I could not find suitable or good homes for the others, my husband was already bonded with them, and now would do anything for all of these cats. (the momma died last March due to a severe reaction to a rabies vaccination. That is another heartbreaking incident) Well, my friend who took the kitten adopted 2 puppies about a year ago. The cat did not adjust well and pooped/peed on her clothing, etc. She has since banished him to her cold basement where he receives no love or attention. I saw her yesterday, and she casually commented how she wants to put him to sleep! When I told her I'd gladly "take him off her hands", she blew it off. It's like she'd rather he have a bad life, or no life at all! PLEASE HELP! I want him back-how can I do this without causing too much friction?

And why would you care about the friction, or about frankly, about this friendship at all? This woman might as well be a monster - put your foot down before it is too late, go there, get the kitten back without too much explanation. Just say it is evident she does not want a kitten, and you want it back. That is all.
Please do this fast... I can't imagine what this poor kitten is going through with this evil lady!

Adjusting cats to dogs is a serious thing usually. I would just go over there, tell her she and the kitten would be happier if you took it back. I would bring a cage and everything. Then I would take the kitten back.

The friction started when she decided to punish the kitten. Cats do not understand punishment at all. Banishing the kitten only served to confuse it more.

Welcome to TCS. I'm so sorry you had to find us because of such unhappy circumstances.

Please understand that people find this site for many reasons - a cat health problem, a behavior problem... in my case, it was feral kittens in our yard. For some it is just a love of cats and wanting to share that. But most of the people here tend to be VERY passionate about their love of cats (and generally all animals). Abuse is not something anyone should tolerate, and that is what your friend is doing to his poor kitty.

It's easy to say "give up the friendship" and I certainly understand the feeling. One of my friends from college, many years ago, I discovered was sexually abusing her son. I directly confronted her about it. When I was unable to make any progress, I contacted the authorities. In the end, I gave up the friendship. It was because of choices she made.

I see animal abuse no differently. I see what your friend has done - as you obviously do - as completely unacceptable. But I would not worry in the least about feelings, friction, or awkwardness. She is abusing a living being, and that is just not OK. Of course you can be polite and act from a place of love when dealing with the situation. We would have a hard time holding back the harsh words - but since having gotten so involved with cats, we've found we have no tolerance for people that don't respect life, period, and that's a choice we've made.

...but I agree with Lisa. Get a crate and head over there.

Ultimately, it's up to you to save this kitten's life. If your friendship is more important, that is a decision only you can make. But to me, that life would be more important than the friendship.

Thank you, all of you. This cat's life means much more to me than this friendship-honestly, I guess I did not know her as well as I thought. I emailed her about taking him back, and I already put a kennel in my car. I'll be waiting for her reply as to when I can come get him. There is a "what if", though. If she refuses to give him up, is there anything I can do? I want him back with his siblings in our fun, warm, stimulating and loving environment no matter what! Can I legally take him? At this point I do not care about the frienship. Thank you again for replying.

If you want to keep the friendship, you can pay her some and make it as a show off you wanting the kitty and thus willing to paying.... something like that.

But in all probablility, you should succeed with an "action directe". Go there with a carrier, and as soon she lets you in - perhaps from old habit - you go down and fetch that cat.

It is perhaps not 100% firesure. But it is hard to imagine there will be legal consequences, save her being sour...

ps. Did she payed you something when she got the kitten?
If not, it will be a lot easier, both mentally and legally.
In that case you can maintain she is not the owner, but only carekeeper. And as the carekeeping isnt proper and good, you take the cat back to where it belongs.
IF she payed; you must trust on some luck... And be prepared for a refund of the money.


Good luck!



ps. Welcome to the Forums!

Sadly, without adoption papers, there's no legal recourse.

I don't know how well you know this person, but if you have any idea as to when they might be home, if she doesn't reply to the e-mail, I'd try showing up at the door when you know they may be home. If you feel uncomfortable, perhaps have hubby go with you.

Originally Posted by LDG

Sadly, without adoption papers, there's no legal recourse.

I don't know how well you know this person, but if you have any idea as to when they might be home, if she doesn't reply to the e-mail, I'd try showing up at the door when you know they may be home. If you feel uncomfortable, perhaps have hubby go with you.

Click to expand...

................... I would just go in, crate and all, and get the cat back. If she complains, too bad. I would not even wait for a response from her... Do you know for sure if she is feeding him well, and taking care of his basic needs? I would just go there tonight and get him back. Good luck!!

I hope you can get him back. Surely, if she knows you're serious, she'll let you have him back if you keep asking.

At 7 years old he's starting to head in the direction of being a senior kitty and needs to be checked out for some things that start affecting cats at that age. Since he's had some neglect he'll definitely need a good vet visit. Then it will be on to slowly introducing them.

My best advice is to feel your friend out - if she doesn't want to give the kitty to you, see if you can try a different approach.

Any update?

I agree- show up and get that poor cat out of there! Poor baby.
Please give us an update when you can

If this is how the woman wants to behave torwards the cat, then why would you really want a friendship with her anyway?

If it were me, and the fact that she has made those comments AND Keeps him locked in the basement, I would give her an ultimatum. That unless she starts taking better care of the cat or alternativly gives you the cat, that you will report her to Animal Care & Control.

I don't quite think, though, if the cat is healthy, that any self respecting vet would euthanize just because the owner wants them to. I don't think Vets euthanize for "convenience" - only for pain or if they are un-adoptable, but I don't think any vet likes euthanizing at all and definitly not when it can be avoided!

Speak up now before it is too late.

I so appreciate all of the advice on this forum. Thank you!! Well, the news is WONDERFUL! She responded with a resounding "Yes", although she was a bit insulted. Oh well!!! Salem will be coming home in 2 days! He actually did have a fairly recent (2 months ago) vet visit; his shots are up to date...I will be bringing him in for a wellness visit, however. Next step-keep him in my guest bedroom for a few days whilst slowly re-introducing him back to his sister brother and stepbrother. I truly believe that they will have some memory of him, and I also strongly believe my cats will welcome him in. I'm so excited...I'd like to post pics of him and siblings when they were all together as kittens. Can someone inform me as to how it's done?

I LOVE HOMECOMINGS!! I wish I had never given him up, as I saw him being born and have always loved him, but I guess I can only rejoice at his return!!!!! Thanks again for all your wonderful advice...you brought me luck.
My friend truly realizes that hers was not the home for him-friction averted!
(I believe this was because my email to her was kind, mostly focusing on Salem's entitlement to the best life possible, not her shortcomings as a cat-mother.)

Can't wait to see pictures---of all your furbabies.

That's wonderful!!! Oh, I'm so happy for you and Salem!

Congrats on getting your furbaby back!

So, is he coming back today? yey! good job!!! Keep us posted!!

Well handled! So... is he home yet?

You can view this slideshow I made on Youtube, including Salem as a kitten before he left home, and him today, back where he belongs!!!


Enjoy, and thanks again for all the wonderful advice!