She's done it again! (Long rant)

Well, my BIL's ex-wife and husband have struck again--just in time for Christmas. Some background: (all names have been changed) Winnie, BIl's ex, cheated on him openly while married--to make it short, she was ROTTEN to a good man, and their 2 daughters ("Lisa" and "Mary"). She's since re-married--to a wacko as nasty as she. (I've never met, nor even spoken onthe phone, etc. to them, BTW). Lisa and Mary LOVE their biological dad ("Bob"--my BIL), and the rest of his family. They are 19 and 21, but still living with Winnie, etc.--and they are footing Lisa's veterinary school bill--all 8 years--so Lisa's beholden to them. Well, every time Lisa & Mary go to vist Bob, and then plan to come down here to visit, Winnie & hubby always sabotage their plans when they get wind of them. One time, the excuse was that that day "was a family tradition to get their hunting licenses". One problem. They never hunted before that. She's also made BIL leave early from our dinner, to drive them 400 miles back home--"Lisa has a 4H project to get done." Then, one time, Lisa was to visit; Winnie found out, then called her at college, "You have to stay ar college all weekend, Lisa--Dad & I are coming to visit. They never even showed up.Now, they were planning to come down here on 12/12 for our Christmas together. The step-father fouond out the plans, and had a meltdown--he threw things around, went crazy, etc. The girls are so hurt, and so are DH & I. I love seeing them; I only get to see them every 2 years or so, usually due to Winnie and her hubby. I had a wonderful time planned for us, and bought lots of nice gifts for them (originally, they weren't part of the plan, but that changed suddenly--and I was on CLoud 9! I ran out to buy gifts, more dishes, etc.--I was so happy!).

Wiinie and her husband are SICK, nasty, twisted, jealous, rotten people. Part of it seems as if they don't approve of the girls being around me. How sick. I'm a very good aunt; I never even curse around them. They've stayed here for a few days, and I took them shopping, cooked for them, and just loved it. Guess nasty woman is jealous...

The irony is that their nasty behavior is pushing Lisa & Mary away from them, not pulling them closer. Also, the step-father told the girls years ago that they are NOT to call Bob "Dad', only him. What a jerk.

In case you're wondering why nutty woman and the wretch have the 2 girls: when BIl was in the Army, he had to sign custody over to Winnie, in case of a war.

Yikes, they sound like horrible family members

But the girls are adults now... they can go/live where they want... so why are they still with their crazy mom????

Originally Posted by AddieBee

But the girls are adults now... they can go/live where they want... so why are they still with their crazy mom????

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Like I said, Lisa is in vet school, which is 8 years--and the "parents" are footing the bill. Neither young lady can afford to live on their own--Mary just graduated from college last year, but can't find a decent=paying job yet, so both are stuck depending on the "parents". BIL can't afford to pay their tuition, etc. They really want to live with him.

Tell them to look into student loans and pick up part time jobs so that they can supplement their education.

A free ride through school is nice, but if that's the reason she's staying there she has really no right to complain because by the sounds of it she's using them for their money for her education and actually wouldn't be living there at all if it weren't for them paying her schooling.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Tell them to look into student loans and pick up part time jobs so that they can supplement their education.

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Student loans are the way to go if you are careful. I work for a student loan place, and with a little management, they are totally doable. If you have any questions on student loans, PM me and I will do my best to answer your questions.

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

Yikes, they sound like horrible family members

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Tell them to look into student loans and pick up part time jobs so that they can supplement their education.

A free ride through school is nice, but if that's the reason she's staying there she has really no right to complain because by the sounds of it she's using them for their money for her education and actually wouldn't be living there at all if it weren't for them paying her schooling.

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I have to agree. While it may be a little difficult at first it is totally doable and sounds like a good idea! As for the one that just graduated it may be best to just try to find a job and keep passing out that resume and keep a close eye out for a better job!
Just because they are paying doesnt make it any healthier of a relationship or make it less stressful for the rest of the family!

Student loans, grants, and scholarships will get them out of that situation right quick.

Of course there are two sides to every story, but from this perspective it is an unhealthy place for them to be in.

At 19 and 21 years old they are capable of making their own decisions now and they need to know that money is only money, and that if she plans to stay in vetrinary college and go on to be successful in that area, she will be able to pay off her own student loans.

Next time you talk to her give her some encouragement and empower her to realize that she doesn't need a piggy back ride through college and that determined young women have made successes of themselves, sometimes without a penny to their name.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Tell them to look into student loans and pick up part time jobs so that they can supplement their education.

A free ride through school is nice, but if that's the reason she's staying there she has really no right to complain because by the sounds of it she's using them for their money for her education and actually wouldn't be living there at all if it weren't for them paying her schooling.

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Frankly, I think your reply is RUDE. They did work part-time during school; the one in college now DOES work part-time--cleaning out horse poop from the stalls at college--when she's not studying her brains out. The other DOES have a job, but it's rough out there. She can't afford to pay rent. Would you rather have them live on streets, just so they "have a right to complain". Did they not have a right to complain as children? The treatment was the same then.

Since when do the kids have to foot the entire bill for their educations? When I was growing up, Mom & Dad did that. it was called a college fund. Sure, it was great if the kids could help out, but asking your parents to pay for your education is not a "free ride"--and I find these comments about that offensive in this situation. I speak from experience about having controlling, abusive parents. They can be the parental equivalent of keeping the kid barefoot and pregnant. My Mom shamed me into living with her for many many years past the age of 18. Know how many people told me to get out, and live on my own? With all due respect, it isn't that easy, when you're a nice person, like me--you feel obligated to take care of your mother, even though you don't really like her. My father was still threatening to beat me up into my 20's. (Yes, I KNOW that's illegal, but I also knew I couldn't afford to live away from home unless I got married, etc. When the average rent was $900-$1000 per month, and you made $3.35 an hour, you stay at home. And yes, I offered to, and did, pay them "rent". I also paid half on a lot appliances when replaced, bought a lot of my own food, etc.) My niece is not using her parents for the money. She's torn about what she should do for them as a dutiful daughter, but yet knows they don't treat her right. She's quite torn, from what I've seen. I really bothers her. Perhaps you should meet her before making such broad generalizations, Linda.

They're adults, they'll have to figure this one out themselves. All you guys can do is be there to love and support them when they need someone (more sane) to turn to. It sounds like you all do that already, though.

Frankly your BIL is lucky that their mother hasn't turn them against him. Too many parents will do that out of spite. My own father tried (tries) it.

I'm sorry your holiday plans were ruined again. I hope you can still have a nice Christmas.

At 19 and 21, they can choose who they want to visit. I can understand staying with them for help with tuition (I'm a few years into vet school myself) but how could they place restrictions on who they can visit? Lisa and Mary are adults, they can make their own choices. I think they just need some help standing up to their step-dad because they are worried he won't pay for their tuition if they do.