Hi ladies, consider this a mild rant, vent and plea for advice!
Background info: I'm a 26 years old typical urban (metro!!) guy from the North. The girl in question is a 28 yrs old southern belle. An important fact is that she ended a 1 year relationship with a guy back in January '08. So the girl in question is in my Master's program. Previously, we weren't really good friends, just acquaintances. I asked her to dinner one night, and we just hit it off. We spent almost 4 hours talking. At the time she was looking for a place to live and I was looking for roommate to split my rent. At the time I indicated that I was dating, but not looking for a relationship per se.
Anyways, she moved in, and we hit it off. We became almost inseparable for two months and did everything together. We could talk almost endlessly; she loves my intellect and she stimulates me, too. I've learned through my years of relationships that as I mature, I want to build a foundation/friendship before pursuing a relationship.
We became flirty. She would almost egg me on to hit on her, yet be defensive at the same time; sort of throwing up mixed reactions. Well, apparently this worked on me and I started developing feelings towards her. I never intended to, but it just sort of happened. I'm not infatuated with this girl, but I do care for her.
Come October, I opened up to her and told her I had feelings for her. Now typically, I would either wait for a girl to open up to me, or somehow sneak a kiss or something alike, but I felt as this girl was more mature, she would rather have a guy open up to her.
It all blew up in my face. I think opening up to her scared her away. In a very brief conversation with her regarding my feelings for her, she mentioned that she does not feel the same way. Now normally, this would cue me, "okay this girl doesn't dig me, time to move on". However, moving on has been hard on me based on the mixed reactions she still gives me. Case in point, when I head out at night, she will constantly ask me where I'm going/what I'm up to. She is consistently listening in on my phone conversations, and will even ask "who I was talking to."
We now do nothing together, except for some odd cases. One night we went to a bar together for a mutual friend's bday. A girl started hitting on me, and I just casually talked with her. The roommate started asking me what I was saying, and I poked her legs and taunted that it was none of her business. It ends up girl hitting on me knew the roommate, and the roommate went over and had a conversation with said girl. Said girl walks away, and I ask what's going on with roommate and receive a "I don't play games." Well, the next day, roommate hounds on me to go to lunch with her. This after asking her to do something for the longest time since we stopped hanging out. It almost seems she is playing like she's a hard to get commodity, or sees other women hitting on me and becomes interested....it really does spin my head trying to figure what the heck is going on here.
The red flag. Recently, she started hanging out with her ex-boyfriend of two relationships past. These two have had a long relationship (I believe they've known each other for 10+ years). Oftentimes, when we talked, she would indicate how he was immature and not a good guy. Yet, she is hanging out with this guy quite a lot. The major red flag is what I may be perceiving as not coming home at night. I'm not going to speculate anything, but these are major red flags to me. Yet, consistently she will almost make it known to me that her intentions are to hang out with him when she is going out. I never ask her where she is going, but she'll make it known to me.
I've never had such a hard time with a girl before. Usually, most women are somewhat open with me to their feelings. I'm starting to let go, and move on. This rant is really due to an incidence tonight. I met a really interesting girl at Barnes and Nobles, and we decided to go for coffee and talk this evening. When heading out, I got "the inquisitive eye" from her. I kept noticing her glancing at me while trying to look occupied watching TV.
Sorry for the longest post I've ever made. I do enjoy this girl's company, but the fact that she is either playing hard to get, perhaps playing games is really turning me off to her. If she would be open and just tell me flat out she didn't care for me, I would be able to bare it and move on. My female friends tell me to give her time, as I have only known her for a good 4 months (as acquaintances for about a year), yet something tells me this girl just doesn't know what she wants. She definitely has some insecurity issues, and not to sound haughty or anything, I am the first true gentleman she has had in her life. It's really confusing, and the complexity of it is compounded by the fact that we live together. My male friends tell me to move out and move on!!! On one side, I think they are partially right, but the "nice guy" in me wouldn't allow me to do that in fear of being a real jerk, since she just moved in a few months ago. It does drive me nuts having feelings for this girl and having her act upon her ex. I try not to let it show, and have been pursuing other avenues to see what's out there. Given that I see this girl everyday, it makes it just that much more difficult, though. I definitely don't respect her toying with me should she truly have feelings and is playing some sort of agenda.
Anyways, sorry for a very long rant. If you have opinions, not including "this post is too long," I'd like to hear 'em. I know love is blind, and it seems I'm quite myopic right now and want to hear what others have to say.
Background info: I'm a 26 years old typical urban (metro!!) guy from the North. The girl in question is a 28 yrs old southern belle. An important fact is that she ended a 1 year relationship with a guy back in January '08. So the girl in question is in my Master's program. Previously, we weren't really good friends, just acquaintances. I asked her to dinner one night, and we just hit it off. We spent almost 4 hours talking. At the time she was looking for a place to live and I was looking for roommate to split my rent. At the time I indicated that I was dating, but not looking for a relationship per se.
Anyways, she moved in, and we hit it off. We became almost inseparable for two months and did everything together. We could talk almost endlessly; she loves my intellect and she stimulates me, too. I've learned through my years of relationships that as I mature, I want to build a foundation/friendship before pursuing a relationship.
We became flirty. She would almost egg me on to hit on her, yet be defensive at the same time; sort of throwing up mixed reactions. Well, apparently this worked on me and I started developing feelings towards her. I never intended to, but it just sort of happened. I'm not infatuated with this girl, but I do care for her.
Come October, I opened up to her and told her I had feelings for her. Now typically, I would either wait for a girl to open up to me, or somehow sneak a kiss or something alike, but I felt as this girl was more mature, she would rather have a guy open up to her.
It all blew up in my face. I think opening up to her scared her away. In a very brief conversation with her regarding my feelings for her, she mentioned that she does not feel the same way. Now normally, this would cue me, "okay this girl doesn't dig me, time to move on". However, moving on has been hard on me based on the mixed reactions she still gives me. Case in point, when I head out at night, she will constantly ask me where I'm going/what I'm up to. She is consistently listening in on my phone conversations, and will even ask "who I was talking to."
We now do nothing together, except for some odd cases. One night we went to a bar together for a mutual friend's bday. A girl started hitting on me, and I just casually talked with her. The roommate started asking me what I was saying, and I poked her legs and taunted that it was none of her business. It ends up girl hitting on me knew the roommate, and the roommate went over and had a conversation with said girl. Said girl walks away, and I ask what's going on with roommate and receive a "I don't play games." Well, the next day, roommate hounds on me to go to lunch with her. This after asking her to do something for the longest time since we stopped hanging out. It almost seems she is playing like she's a hard to get commodity, or sees other women hitting on me and becomes interested....it really does spin my head trying to figure what the heck is going on here.
The red flag. Recently, she started hanging out with her ex-boyfriend of two relationships past. These two have had a long relationship (I believe they've known each other for 10+ years). Oftentimes, when we talked, she would indicate how he was immature and not a good guy. Yet, she is hanging out with this guy quite a lot. The major red flag is what I may be perceiving as not coming home at night. I'm not going to speculate anything, but these are major red flags to me. Yet, consistently she will almost make it known to me that her intentions are to hang out with him when she is going out. I never ask her where she is going, but she'll make it known to me.
I've never had such a hard time with a girl before. Usually, most women are somewhat open with me to their feelings. I'm starting to let go, and move on. This rant is really due to an incidence tonight. I met a really interesting girl at Barnes and Nobles, and we decided to go for coffee and talk this evening. When heading out, I got "the inquisitive eye" from her. I kept noticing her glancing at me while trying to look occupied watching TV.
Sorry for the longest post I've ever made. I do enjoy this girl's company, but the fact that she is either playing hard to get, perhaps playing games is really turning me off to her. If she would be open and just tell me flat out she didn't care for me, I would be able to bare it and move on. My female friends tell me to give her time, as I have only known her for a good 4 months (as acquaintances for about a year), yet something tells me this girl just doesn't know what she wants. She definitely has some insecurity issues, and not to sound haughty or anything, I am the first true gentleman she has had in her life. It's really confusing, and the complexity of it is compounded by the fact that we live together. My male friends tell me to move out and move on!!! On one side, I think they are partially right, but the "nice guy" in me wouldn't allow me to do that in fear of being a real jerk, since she just moved in a few months ago. It does drive me nuts having feelings for this girl and having her act upon her ex. I try not to let it show, and have been pursuing other avenues to see what's out there. Given that I see this girl everyday, it makes it just that much more difficult, though. I definitely don't respect her toying with me should she truly have feelings and is playing some sort of agenda.
Anyways, sorry for a very long rant. If you have opinions, not including "this post is too long," I'd like to hear 'em. I know love is blind, and it seems I'm quite myopic right now and want to hear what others have to say.
